Toni_no12002 Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Hi well ive been going out with my boyfriend nearly 2 years.About 1 and a half years ago me my boyfriend and some of my mates where in a pub.Some people came in and started fighting with us becase they thought some off my mates where someone else.One of my mates boyfriends got his ear bit off and my boyfriend got his tooth knocked out.He didnt even do ought he was coming back from the toilet!A couple of weeks ago these people went to court and got send down.They had the wrong people.Just are luck!All that for nothing! Well by boyfriend doesnt like going to pubs anymore.I totally understand why though!I feel so sorry for him becasue he doesnt like going out now muh and i feel its all my fault because if he hadnt of ome that wouldnt of happened!Well in two weeks its my 21st birthday.I would love for my boyfriend to come,but i totally understand if he didnt want to!Hes told me hes coming even though he will spend most of his time scared to death.There will be loads of my mates there that he knows and one of his friends are going.He alway tells me it makes him feel really nervous going out but he insists on coming out to my birthday!What should i do I dont want him to feel scared all night!He wouldnt enjoy himself and i would feel so guilty!Should i tell him that i dont mind that he doesnt come or what?He knows that i would be a bit dissapointed if he didnt come but i dont want to make him feel pressurised.What should i do?
hooghie Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 what happened to him is horrible, but he isn't doing himself any favors by being afraid. Maybe him coming to your bday is good for him- it may encourage him to come out more. I understand where he is coming from though. I was held up in March and I still don't feel the same when I walk the streets. I'm always looking over my shoulder and am much more aware of my surroundings. When someone who even slightly resembles the jack*** who held me up I feel scared/nervous. HOWEVER, I've decided that I'm not going to let that stop me from walking around town by myself or changing my lifestyle. I'm much more careful, but I refuse to let that jerk permanently change my life. Your boyfriend may need some help to get over this- perhaps counseling?
Mr.B Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 yo. i suggest when you are in his company, if acknowledging his state of fear, address it as difficulty being comfortable in public social gatherings, rather than simple fear or him being scared- it might be the same thing, but dealing with it more abstractly may be very beneficial. And he should come... he needs to get over this previous event and fully enjoy life- **** happens. so get him to go out, and on the way to the party, stop by a lingerie shop and buy something sexy or go to a sex shop and pick up a novelty or go get it on in a private phone booth (not a big red one with glass walls)- find something to connect with him, to bring him an unexpected surprise, and hopefully follow it up with a killer time at your party. the goal is to show him he can still have fun with you out running around town. or just tell him lots of hot lesbians will be there groping each other!
elijahBailey Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 One of my mates boyfriends got his ear bit off Freakin' shyt. Do any of the thugs go by the last name of Tyson? What should i do? You should stick with your guy. You're lucky to have him. So what if you miss a little partyin'. Cuddle up and enjoy his warmth.... It's priceless.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 I dont think he would go.But maybe if he did come out he might realise theres nothing to be afraid of.He might think that the only reason that nothing happened is because he took precautions though. I read about this in a book.It said that people take precautions and if nothing happens then they think its because of these precautions that nothing happened.When really it isnt.That may sound weird sorry. I mean like if he sat out of everybodies way and didnt say anything that way he would think that that was the reason nothing happened therefore he will do it all the time.
Devildog Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Hmm, tough situation. Personally I have the philosophy of "getting back up on the horse that threw you". You have to face your fears to lead a normal healthy life. But on the other hand, does not going out to pubs or bars all the time really make you less of a person? If he still has an active social life, hangs out with friends and what not in situations other than at the pub, I'm not so sure this is that big of a deal. If this has had a negative impact on his social life overall, however, he should do something to try to resolve his feelings of fear and apprehension.
Author Toni_no12002 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 Hes told me before hes scared going out the front door.The only reason that he goes out is because he has to.I go out quite abit.It would be nice for him to come with m but if he doesnt like it im not going to force him to come.But thats just the thing i know he doesnt lik going out.But i do.If it makes him uncomfortable going why has he said he would come?I feel nasty because he knows i would love it if he came out for my birthday but on the other hand i dont want him to feel scared when he does come out.
Recommended Posts