Angelina1433 Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 So I went out on a lovely date on Friday with a man who've I've been interested in for a long time. It was made very clear that we would continue to see each other in the future. I told him that I was going out on Sat. and where I would be. Lo and behold he shows up there - with a girl that he is dating. We talk for a while and she comes over to us and plainly marks her territory. I compliment her and am perfectly friendly (to not make her suspicious), tell them to have a good night, and walk away. WTF?!?! I'm so confused. Why in the hell did he show up there and rub in my face the fact that he's dating her? I told him on Friday that I was dating around too, is this why? To make me jealous? Or is he just not interested and wants to make a blatant statement?
Craig Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Thats a new one! Maybe he wanted his gf to check you out as a group activity candidate?
d'Arthez Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Why in the hell did he show up there and rub in my face the fact that he's dating her? Perhaps. And perhaps he had not even chosen this particular club but she had. Who knows. Don't think more of it than that. I told him on Friday that I was dating around too, is this why? Could be. I don't see any problem with dating around, if the both of you had agreed on dating around. The fact that you are jealous indicates that you are not too happy with the idea of him having someone else to spend time with. Whether it is a serious date, or simply spending the night with a girl, with absolutely no future expectations (at least in his mind), is something only he knows. And perhaps he does not like the idea of you dating around either. But you can make guesses all the time, but they won't result in an answer. The only way for you to determine his motivations, is to talk to him about the whole dating exclusive thing, after this. Or is he just not interested and wants to make a blatant statement? Impossible to determine. You should look at other behaviors too. His manners, the way he is treating you, how emotional close he has grown, et cetera. And then you may have a good estimate what his motivation is. But the easiest way, is simply openly talking about it.
whichwayisup Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I told him on Friday that I was dating around too, is this why? To make me jealous? Or is he just not interested and wants to make a blatant statement? I'm abit confused here. You like this guy and he likes you but neither of you are exclusive to one another, for now. I don't think that was a coincidence, though I doubt he had some "plan" of evil....probably wanted to check out who you were with and yeah, to show you the woman he was with. Stupid all together. Obviously the woman he's with now too is into him as she showed you the "back off, he's mine" dance...So, is this guy worth it?
slubberdegullion Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I want to make sure I understand this correctly. Both of you talked about dating other people, and agreed that doing so was ok. But now you're upset because he actually did it? Do I get this right? That hardly makes him a psycho. If you want exclusivity, then just be open with it. If you want to continue to date others, then you'll have to accept the fact that he may do the same. As to why he showed up at the same club, well, there could be a number of reasons, some of which might have to do with you and some that have nothing whatsoever to do with you. You won't know for sure unless you ask. d'Arthez nailed it when he wrote: You should look at other behaviors too. His manners' date=' the way he is treating you, how emotional close he has grown, et cetera. And then you may have a good estimate what his motivation is. But the easiest way, is [b']simply openly talking about it[/b].(emphasis added) Does anybody else see a real communication impasse here?
lindya Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I wouldn't take kindly to that either. He knew you were going to be there, so he should have found a reason to go elsewhere if he was on a date with someone else. Unless you want similar stuff sprung on you in the future then it could be wise to just give this guy a body-swerve. I appreciate that there was an open agreement that the two of you were still dating around, and I don't doubt that he's still interested in you....I just wouldn't have much confidence in a guy who introduces you to "Saturday's date" 24 hours after the two of you have enjoyed a date together.
Author Angelina1433 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 But now you're upset because he actually did it? Do I get this right? That hardly makes him a psycho. I don't care that he's dating other people. We've only been out once. I'm confused about why he brought her there. Maybe psycho was too harsh a descriptor. I don't think that was a coincidence, though I doubt he had some "plan" of evil....probably wanted to check out who you were with and yeah, to show you the woman he was with. I agree that it was no coincidence. He did meet my friends, and they all definately checked him out too. I think I'm just going to take your advice and ask if they're exclusive So, is this guy worth it? I don't know, but I want to find out. He gives me butterflies and I haven't felt that in a long time.
d'Arthez Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I just wouldn't have much confidence in a guy who introduces you to "Saturday's date" 24 hours after the two of you have enjoyed a date together. Perhaps the guy had not much confidence in OP either, that she was just going to be alone? Either he suffers from fear of losing out on OP, or he is insensitive to customs. But that still does not explain OP's reaction. What does she care if her date of Friday is having a date with a different girl on Saturday, as she had professed to be okay with dating around? Would she rather be told that her guy was out on a date with a girl, by some of her friends, and with that start confusing her as to the depth and significance of that date? Perhaps he is playing a game, and perhaps he wants you to make a decision - men are not mind readers, and women are not so either. Talk about the whole issue, and sort things out. Wondering endlessly on the net, is not going to sort this between the two of you.
Author Angelina1433 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 Wondering endlessly on the net, is not going to sort this between the two of you. You're right, it's not. But I come here for thoughtful, insightful advice and appreciate all of it. I just wouldn't have much confidence in a guy who introduces you to "Saturday's date" 24 hours after the two of you have enjoyed a date together. Yeah, he could have just come there with his buddies. It left a foul taste in my mouth. BTW - What's a "body-swerve"?
lindya Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 BTW - What's a "body-swerve"? Oh, just means when you see him you give him a wide berth. Don't take it too literally though - I mean if you like the guy and want to see him again, seems no harm in having another date. The thing is, I'm from the UK and the dating thing is slightly different from the way things are in the US. I think we're just not into formalised dating in the same way. If you like someone, but want to make it clear that you're keeping your options open, then it would be more usual to invite them along to a group event or have a very informal rendez-vous with them.
Author Angelina1433 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 How old is he? 12?[ Hahaha - triple that number. I mean if you like the guy and want to see him again, seems no harm in having another date. I do like him. We'll see if he asks me out again...
Art_Critic Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I do like him. We'll see if he asks me out again... boundaries ... you are going to have issues with him alwway's crossing your boundaries.. Walk away from him or lay down the rules and tell him showing up where you are at is crossing your boundary and made you feel uncomfortable.. I smell a red flag ........
Lishy Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Dont date him he is a schmuck. If he did that to you now imagine what he is capable of when you have been together a while? Sounds a bit immature to me hon
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