Lovezen_30 Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 I am still in my probationary period at work and hit it off with one particular colleague immediately. I've felt as though he likes me for a while, but you can never be completely sure. He always talks to me and maintains a conversation at work. Then today we had a team activities day and over the course of 8 hours we never let the other's side. He stayed close to me and bought me drinks. We have a lot in common and laugh together lots etc. At the theatre we sat with our arms touching most of the time. We were basically together for those 8 hours and when I finally went to chat to other colleagues he left! We don't work together directly but do work in the same open space. But I noticed my line manager glare at me when she walked past at one point. The company directors (who are married!) on the other hand weren't at all bothered. Is it a complete no go. Should I filter him as a friend in my head? If we weren't working together I would 100% like to date him. But I do need this job and he pay is good!
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Of course it's a no-go. You need and want your job, right? Dating coworkers can turn ugly fast for a number of reasons.
preraph Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Well, you've already blown it with your manager. I don't what you're thinking. Do you need a boyfriend worse than you need a job? 1
Author Lovezen_30 Posted November 15, 2019 Author Posted November 15, 2019 I don't think I've blown it, but it did seem to be a warning look. In reality we were only talking, there was no touchy feely-ness in front of people. Of course the job is important to me.
SJ1975 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Co-workers date all the time, all over the world! Some work out and some don't. Why not setup some drinks with colleagues after work one night and invite him to join you?
elaine567 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 You were not participating in team building activities, if you were joined at the hip with this guy. Your line manager will not have been impressed, neither will your bosses. For all you know this guy may have a thing for probationers and so all the others are just rolling their eyes. The local office Lothario preying on the newbie. Also politics need considered, he may be in fact sabotaging you, by making it look like you are more interested in getting a bf than doing the job. He may be saying "I tried but I couldn't get rid of her all day..." Take a step back, you are still on probation, try not to let men get in between you and your job. 2
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 A new person flirting in the office is the quickest way I know to get all the office gossiping and against you. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Look this all depends on your confidence level. If you are confident of the energy between you ... then proceed. If not, then be cautious. There are lots of folks who think of dating a colleague as a major danger, and I can get that. It just so happens that I've worked at a number of jobs where people dated coworkers all the time with drama or chaos in the workplace. I have to say: the places I've worked at where dating was OK ... were places that weren't competitive. And the people were generally quite kind and good. For now, to split the difference ... just chill ... wait til you get off probation and explore what's up between you and this guy. Just because the manager gave you a weird look doesn't mean anything. That manager might have recently had a bad worker who got involved with someone else. Assuming you are not destructive and are mature and level-headed, that manager won't worry about you. Two pieces of advice. One, go out of your way to fraternize and chat with and help other employees beyond your romantic interest. Build up cred as a person people like ... and do your job well! You might also want to just chill and let things emerge. Sometimes we get a quick but misleading impression of someone ... so if there is good energy between you and this guy, it'll be there even if you go slow for a bit. But basically go out of your way to be friendly to others and helpful to others--and then people are much less likely to think of dating as a workplace problem. 1
Author Lovezen_30 Posted November 17, 2019 Author Posted November 17, 2019 Look this all depends on your confidence level. If you are confident of the energy between you ... then proceed. If not, then be cautious. There are lots of folks who think of dating a colleague as a major danger, and I can get that. It just so happens that I've worked at a number of jobs where people dated coworkers all the time with drama or chaos in the workplace. I have to say: the places I've worked at where dating was OK ... were places that weren't competitive. And the people were generally quite kind and good. For now, to split the difference ... just chill ... wait til you get off probation and explore what's up between you and this guy. Just because the manager gave you a weird look doesn't mean anything. That manager might have recently had a bad worker who got involved with someone else. Assuming you are not destructive and are mature and level-headed, that manager won't worry about you. Two pieces of advice. One, go out of your way to fraternize and chat with and help other employees beyond your romantic interest. Build up cred as a person people like ... and do your job well! You might also want to just chill and let things emerge. Sometimes we get a quick but misleading impression of someone ... so if there is good energy between you and this guy, it'll be there even if you go slow for a bit. But basically go out of your way to be friendly to others and helpful to others--and then people are much less likely to think of dating as a workplace problem. Thanks Lotsgoingon. I will do as you say. I am confident in the energy between us - I think it is fairly obvious we would date if we weren't at work. I thought about this again - and realise I was mixing with a range of people - and he followed me everywhere. Regardless of the group I was talking to, he came with me. But I was definitely the one that was given the warning look, not him. Next week I am representing a client at an important event and want it to go well. I also know I am doing well as my line manager says she no longer feels she needs to oversee my projects as closely anymore. Don't think he's a lothario, he's a shy guy and joined shortly before I did. Regardless of the attraction, I don't want gossip to start flying so I'll keep a friendly distance for now. I am certain we like each other so if things are going to move in that direction maybe there will be a chance further down the line. Job has to come first for now.
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