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Should I ask out leader of Meetup Group and how?

Physx

By Physx
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Physx Established Member

Physx

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So, I'm fairly new to the Meetup group (3 weeks now at once a week meetings). It's a group for people into spirituality. I am VERY attracted to the woman who runs the group. Spiritually, we have very similar beliefs, and we have the same values as far as helping others. My problem is that I'm extremely nervous about asking her out. I'm concerned that if she is not interested in me that way, it could make the meetups awkward.

 

 

When I first started the group, I knew she was single, but she had videos on her FB talking about how she wasn't ready to date yet. Since then, she had added a profile on POF. I didn't contact her on there, as I knew that would be WAY too cowardly and would definitely be awkward. However, we did briefly talk about dating in our last meeting. In the conversation, she stated she wasn't sure exactly what she was looking for. That made me even more wary that if I did ask her out, things may not work out since she doesn't know what she wants yet.

 

Last weekend, I was going to go to a street fair near me. I wrote a message on FB seeing who else was going, and she dropped me a line and said she was there. She left before I got there, which I thought may have been my "in." It did also show me that she is open to seeing me outside the meetings. Then again, she is a very social person, so I don't see that as any clear sign she is interested.

 

So, trying to figure out if I should do this and if so, how? I don't want to wait too long and possibly miss my opportunity. At the same time, I haven't seen any solid cues that she is interested in me. I'm not good with asking people out. I can give a speech in front of thousands (and have in the past on numerous occasions), but asking someone out has never been my strong suit.

 

I am tempted to make a slightly flirtatious comment to something she wrote me on FB, but not sure if that is too indirect. It's like I want to find a way to "test the waters," without making something awkward or having her think I am cowardly by beating around the bush. I am open to any suggestions here?

 

Oh, and as far as the comment, it was about an event I was going to help her out with for Christmas. Her response was "flowmasters unite" (which is the name of our group. My response I am tempted to write back: "Unite? Like marriage? I mean you seem awesome and all, but shouldn't we at least go out on a few dates first? :P" Too cheesy? I suck at this, please help, LOL

Cersei Established Member

Cersei

Posted
Posted

No don't post / say that.

 

I think at the end of a meeting just say "Hey do you have plans now? Got time to grab a coffee?"

 

If I were her I would prefer the direct invite to something casual like coffee or a drink.

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Physx Established Member

Physx

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No don't post / say that.

 

I think at the end of a meeting just say "Hey do you have plans now? Got time to grab a coffee?"

 

If I were her I would prefer the direct invite to something casual like coffee or a drink.

 

 

Thanks for the feedback.

 

 

 

The meetings are at her house and late on Monday nights. I don't think coffee would be appropriate with how late they are, and I'd feel awkward inviting myself to hang out with her after a meeting at her own house.

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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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dude she's not into you, move on

fromheart Established Member

fromheart

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Didn't read all of that, but it sounds like you've been doing some research on her online. Try and avoid this, its a bit creepy.

 

Well, she's on POF which is usually a casual hook up zone. Has she given you any signs that she's interested?

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Has she given you any signs that she's interested?

 

per the OP she has not

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Physx Established Member

Physx

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dude she's not into you, move on

 

 

Curious... what makes you assume that? I have not shown her any signs that I am interested either, yet I am.

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Physx Established Member

Physx

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Didn't read all of that, but it sounds like you've been doing some research on her online. Try and avoid this, its a bit creepy.

 

Well, she's on POF which is usually a casual hook up zone. Has she given you any signs that she's interested?

 

 

Haven't been doing any research about her online at all. She is friends with me on FB. She was the one who added me a while back shortly after I first joined the group.

 

 

 

And not everyone on POF is on there for a hook up. In fact, she brought up how irritating it was for men to be sending her unsolicited d*ck pics on there. That of course doesn't rule out her intentions couldn't have been sexual on there, but she did express frustration about that and I haven't been seeing her on the searches on there not too long after that.

 

 

 

I have not gotten any signs either way. But then again, neither have I. Online, I can flirt no problem. In person, I am horrible at it. Could be the case with her too, or she could have the same concerns I have that it might cause awkwardness in the group if I were to shoot her down

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

Posted
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Make sure you are the last one out the door at the next meet up. Try talking to her one on one.

 

If you can find some other event related to spiritualty. Let her know about it & that you will be there. If she shows up that may be your segue into asking her if she wants to get a coffee/ drink afterwards.

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alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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Curious... what makes you assume that? I have not shown her any signs that I am interested either, yet I am.

 

women know EXACTLY what they are looking for

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Physx Established Member

Physx

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women know EXACTLY what they are looking for

 

 

Lol, ok...

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Physx Established Member

Physx

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Make sure you are the last one out the door at the next meet up. Try talking to her one on one.

 

If you can find some other event related to spiritualty. Let her know about it & that you will be there. If she shows up that may be your segue into asking her if she wants to get a coffee/ drink afterwards.

 

 

Thanks for the advice. That sounds great. I'll definitely be trying that soon.

mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

If you like her, then ask her out. Even for a casual get together for coffee or lunch or something. Feel her out and see of she feels somewhat the same way as you.

 

Anxiety is alright to have but remember you will miss 100% of the shots you don't take in life. And you may be hurt of she says no, but that is a lesser pain than regret.

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schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

Posted
Posted

I get the problem. You'd like to ask her out but don't want to risk the meetup group where if she rejects you it will awkward. Even everyone else doesn't know - you will feel as if they do.

 

Talk to her in a way that indicates your interest. Invade her personal space and note her reaction. If she takes a step back, that's probably not so good. Sit next to or near her. Note if she willing share personal details of her life with you.

 

There are hundreds of different ways to let someone know that you have an interest and just as many ways for them to let you know they don't share that interest without ruining the dynamics of your group meetup.

 

Once you determine the level of interest you can take the plunge and ask her out or you can stifle your feelings and turn your attentions elsewhere.

 

Her lack of interest now does not mean there will be a lack of interest in the future. Sometimes a seed is planted and takes some time to grow but then it's on her to make the first move.

Interstellar Established Member

Interstellar

Posted
Posted (edited)
Oh, and as far as the comment, it was about an event I was going to help her out with for Christmas. Her response was "flowmasters unite" (which is the name of our group. My response I am tempted to write back: "Unite? Like marriage? I mean you seem awesome and all, but shouldn't we at least go out on a few dates first? :P" Too cheesy? I suck at this, please help, LOL

 

Oh man, I actually laughed out loud at that quote. It’s great that you’re thinking on your feet with a funny, this is very good. Guys should be doing this. You can use that or say, “Unite? I think you’re moving too fast for me dear I mean you seem awesome and all, but shouldn’t we at least go on a few dates first?.”

then a wink emoji.

 

Throw it right back at her face and see how she responds. It’s also a good way to know if she’s uptight and has no sense of humor. I’ll throw caution to the wind man. It’s okay to be brave and ballsy. If she rejects you then simply act like nothing happened, cool like James Bond; nothing bothers you and talk to the other women on the meetup group. This is exactly what I would do.

Edited by Interstellar
alphamale Established Member

alphamale

Posted
Posted
Her lack of interest now does not mean there will be a lack of interest in the future. Sometimes a seed is planted and takes some time to grow but then it's on her to make the first move.

 

that is possible but rare

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