notyouraveragebabe Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 (edited) Hi, I’m really hurt. Just needing advice on what you think. I dated a guy for 2 months, really fell for him. We met at a local bar near our apt. He took me on a date the next day after and we hit it off, we texted every day and saw each other once or twice a week. We spoke a lot about what we want which is a relationship and he said he wants to get to know me before jumping in so fast. Some red flags I noticed was he was out of town every weekend. He would still call and communicate and sent pictures that matched up to his whereabouts. After a month of dating I asked him to be my wedding date to a wedding. He said he couldn’t as he is leaving the country for work. The week of the wedding he texted me saying he was packing and getting ready for trip. He hung out with me night before his trip and had a duffle bag packed and showed it to me. The day he was leaving he texted me saying he was getting ready for his flight. So I went to the bar with my gfs and he was sitting there with his guy friends. He looked shocked to see me and then texted me saying his flight was changed to next am. He didn’t approach me to tell me he texted. I never replied and never acknowledged him. He lied, and there was no trip. He got caught. I had fun with my gfs and ran into a good male friend who I told him to stay with me and we flirted a bit to make him jealous. He stared at us. 3 hours of doing that I left the bar and just told him I was done and he said “ok” we never spoke since. I’m hurt. Why did he mislead me, lie to me? Did he even like me? Edited November 14, 2019 by notyouraveragebabe
PRW Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 I dated a guy for 2 months, really fell for him. We met at a local bar near our apt. He took me on a date the next day after and we hit it off, we texted every day and saw each other once or twice a week. We spoke a lot about what we want which is a relationship and he said he wants to get to know me before jumping in so fast. The trouble started right at the beginning. really fell for him (not good from your side,...you need to always have self-control)we texted every day(way too much. the phone is for setting dates, not visiting or "getting to know" someone)We spoke a lot about what we want which is a relationship and he said he wants to get to know me before jumping in so fast. (There should be no relationship talk that soon. He said he didn't want to jump in too fast,...yet that is exactly what he did) I see two possibilities here: He is a needy desperate type that wants to immediately glom onto any woman he can as fast as he can,...in spite if saying he doesn't. Then he burns out fast and loses interest.The other option is that he knew exactly what he was doing and sensed your hunger (you "really fell for him" as you said) and capitalized on it. He probably wanted to get laid and didn't care about much else. He may even have emotional issues,...he certainly has integrity issues.
chillii Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 Ha , Jesuz he's not too bright going to that same bar on that day . Sorry it turned into such bs , he was stringing you along for some reason , probably for a bit of fun on the side. 1
Foxhall Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 Some guys just love the chase the bit of adventure I had a circle of friends in my early 20s who were like that Looking back we probably should have been more considerate of girls feelings back then You handled it pretty well though! I'm sure you will meet a more committed guy along the way 2
Lisa_Lisa Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 I'm sorry you're hurting. This reminds of the movie, "Singles". A girl meets a French guy, I think, and they hit it off and hang out and then he tells her he's going to France or something like that so she gave him something to remember her by and also had sex with him. Not long after that, she goes to the bar with her girlfriends and she sees him there. He knew he got caught, he looked awkward and she looked sad, and of course, she felt like an idiot for believing his lies. This could happen to anybody so I feel your pain. He was a jerk to lie to you this way, ignoring him is the best thing you could do. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 Only he knows if he ever liked you. Don't dwell on it. I would assume he liked you well enough to spend some time with you but that he was never inclined to settle down & he preferred hanging out with his boys to the commitment of a relationship / GF. Be happy you found out that he was a liar & a user relatively early on so you only wasted 2 months not 2 years.
divegrl Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Hi I am so sorry you are hurting. This must be really painful with all the lies and stories he told you. I don’t think you did anything wrong. You just ran into the wrong man. Based on my experience, and reading hundreds of other threads there are many of these types of men out there. You are not alone. The silver lining is that you found out so soon. This deception could have gone on for much longer. Sending hugs.
MsJayne Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Up until about the mid 1800's if a guy behaved like this towards a woman it was OK for her male relatives to call him out and shoot him. There was a good reason for that. The guy you describe is a liar, a coward, a user, a sleaze, and generally a complete prick. I commend you for keeping your dignity despite him deserving a stiletto toe in the groin. The only advice I would offer to young women is don't give out, keep your clothes on and your legs closed until a guy has proven he cares for you. If they disappear in the interim you haven't lost anything. 2
kendahke Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Why did he mislead me, lie to me? Did he even like me? Only he can answer that, but I would guess that he wasn't as invested in this as you were. He probably did like you, but not enough to invest in you like you were investing in him. 1
stillafool Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Hi, I’m really hurt. Just needing advice on what you think. I dated a guy for 2 months, really fell for him. We met at a local bar near our apt. He took me on a date the next day after and we hit it off, we texted every day and saw each other once or twice a week. We spoke a lot about what we want which is a relationship and he said he wants to get to know me before jumping in so fast. 8 weeks is usually the time it takes to know whether or not you want a relationship when you start dating someone. He decided that he did not want to have a relationship with you which is his right. That doesn't make him a jerk. I’m hurt. Why did he mislead me, lie to me? Did he even like me? This is where he is a jerk. He is a coward and couldn't face you to tell you he was no longer interested. I agree he was stupid to go to a bar you might be at or he just didn't give a dang. Still a jerk and coward. You dodged a bullet. I want to tell all the women on here that; I notice a lot of you are dating men who all of a sudden have a trip out of town planned. When they tell you this tell them you will be happy to go on a first date with them when they return. I think a lot of them are lying about their trips and use that excuse as a reason to disappear on you after sex. Be careful. 1
preraph Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Ugh. Better to find out now than waste six more months on him. He wasn't serious. He didn't want to be "your boyfriend" or do anything to get in any deeper. He was still catting around. I mean, it was only two months, but it just wasn't heading the right direction or this wouldn't have happened. I'm just glad it happened sooner rather than later. Pamper yourself for a couple of days and then try to just accept he wasn't straight up and not worth the pain. 1
kendahke Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 I want to tell all the women on here that; I notice a lot of you are dating men who all of a sudden have a trip out of town planned. When they tell you this tell them you will be happy to go on a first date with them when they return. I think a lot of them are lying about their trips and use that excuse as a reason to disappear on you after sex. Be careful. Exactly!!! I immediately lose interest in guys who are going out of town for any reason within the first 3 months of getting to know them. 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted November 15, 2019 Author Posted November 15, 2019 I believed him and feel so dumb for falling for him. He would communicate with me every day, i am definitely going to be more cautious next time.
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted November 15, 2019 Author Posted November 15, 2019 I am glad I didn't blow up on him or yell at him at the bar, we both were drinking and it wouldn't have looked good. I put my poker face on and pretended to have the best time of my life. 2
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Don't feel dumb. He said all the right things. Just be a tad more skeptical in your next relationship. Recognize that somebody who never has a weekend for you as a yellow caution flag 1
Author notyouraveragebabe Posted November 15, 2019 Author Posted November 15, 2019 Every weekend he had other plans, but week days he was with me 2 nights a week, doing dinner movies, and spending the night. 1
preraph Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Glad you kept your composure. That's something you will look back and be proud of yourself for. When a man is intentionally trying to pull the wool over your eyes so that things go his way for as long as he's interested in it, something like this where you invited him to a family or wedding theme or something like illness or misfortune is the only way you get to see their actions when things are not convenient for them. You really need to try to hold your emotions back until you have been through some sort of adversity and seeing how they are when everything is not the way they want it to be. He was going to just bluff his way through this and you got lucky and caught him. Literally anyone can sweet-talk someone and fake it. It seems like men learn that right away. So you have to not take all that seriously in just carefully watch what their actions are. If things are going well, people will support each other instead of avoid or make excuses or be hard to wrangle. 1
Kitty Tantrum Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Every weekend he had other plans, but week days he was with me 2 nights a week, doing dinner movies, and spending the night. You were part of his "rotation." Couple nights a week with you, couple nights a week with another girl who also thinks they're "dating," and still time to go out hunting for fresh meat (likely what's taking up his weekends). Better you found out now than later. 2
mortensorchid Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Wow, that's horrible. The guy lied and he got caught doing it. Think of it as a sign - the universe was telling you not to get involved with him. People sure are s****y when they want to be. But move on. You'll be okay and don't give this loser a second thought. It may make you feel somewhat better if and when you (as a woman) use a man and hang him out to dry. I did that once, it changed me for the better. 1
Kitty Tantrum Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 It may make you feel somewhat better if and when you (as a woman) use a man and hang him out to dry. I did that once, it changed me for the better. WHAAAAAT? No! Goodness gracious. Perpetuating the very same cycle of behavior that hurt her? What in the everloving heck? Deliberately hurting another human being for some kind of personal gain is despicable. Don't do that. Jeez. I literally can't even right now. Wtf. 4
SumGuy Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Wow, that's pretty elaborate on his part just avoid weekends with you. Sending pics, showing you the duffel. Really odd. This is me, but out of curiosity were you able to confirm his flight was not delayed? Heck if it was me and the flight delay was the truth, would have talked to you and shown you the text/e-mail from the airline and ticket. Flights do get delayed all the time, in fact I'm suspicious when my flight is on time Nonetheless, does sound like he was putting on a show.
d0nnivain Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 Every weekend he had other plans, but week days he was with me 2 nights a week, doing dinner movies, and spending the night. Understood but never a weekend for you was at least a yellow caution flag if not an outright red flag. That is the piece you seem to have overlooked. Still doesn't make you dumb but in the future with your next relationship, look at things with a more critical suspicious eye. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted November 15, 2019 Posted November 15, 2019 When you meet your Mr. Right at some point in the future, you will look back and be GRATEFUL this loser did what he did and showed you his true colors. 1
mortensorchid Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 If it makes you feel any better, something similar happened to me years ago. I met this guy on MySpace, we had a few dates then a few weeks later we had sex. The day after he wrote me an email through MySpace saying he was going to see his ex gf that day and he was confused and unsure. I was hurt, but I realized what he was all about and I cut off all contact with him. I did a bit of research and found out he was living with a woman. I don't even remember his name anymore and life went on. And it will for you as well.
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