elastica Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 Hello again Loveshack, I guess the title says it all. My fairly new boyfriend (let`s call him Alex) has a female colleague/friend who is 47 years old and a grandmother to a little boy. Alex and I are both in our mid-thirties (no kids). We meet with the friend (let`s call her Tracy) fairly regularly, for example, if we decide to see each other after work or before work for lunch or dinner, sometimes she arrives with Alex and hangs out. Now from the very start I tried to like her but she is so different, we have nothing in common at all, she is very loud, brags about how she beats men and women, looks very scruffy (bad hygiene habits), swears a lot, talks about her many exes who are all in prison, you get the idea, right? Now, saying all this I am being very, very objective. I simply do not enjoy her company, don`t understand her sense of humor, there is nothing I can talk to her about, learn from her or exchange ideas in any way. Of course I do my best to be friendly, I always greet her before she greets me (sometimes I feel like she is being arrogant and unfriendly towards everyone including me - for no reason at all), I listen to her stories about her grandson, try to be interested and such, but in reality I feel like crying when I see her and I do not understand the bond she has with my boyfriend. Just so you get the idea, Alex is a very smart guy with good education, gentle, polite, well-spoken, comes from a nice, loving family, he is the nerd-type, a bit shy and in my opinion very good-looking, not the athletic type but very tall, which we all know is attractive to women (again I am trying to be objective here). I feel ignored when Tracy is around. She constantly talks, I mean non-stop, teasing Alex and bantering. I am naturally shy and reserved and to be honest feel embarrassed sometimes by her behavior. I tried to make friends with her but it seems like I am forcing myself to be someone I am not. My mind is saying that she is "one of the boys" in his mind - and he likes it because he is surrounded mainly by females at work (there are approximately twenty women and four men in his office), and this is the basis of their relationship - from the many women around him, he developed a friendship with the loud one who acts like a man. Oh did I mention, she texts him several times a day and there were a couple of times when she directly asked him to pay for her coffee/lunch. I feel anxiety every time I see them together, with her constant attention-seeking behavior, non-stop talking so that his attention is always on her. I try not to show my emotions and wait politely and patiently with poker face, sometimes feeling invisible when she is around, not wanting to cause any drama. I`d like to say that I am not jealous or anything like that but there is a little devil sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ear that she is trying to seduce him. What should I do? And do I have a reason to be worried?? Thanks.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 She sounds annoying but I think she is just one of the boys / a colleague not a threat to your relationship. You are worried because she is boisterous while you are quiet. Try to hang on to the fact that your BF is dating you not her. If he liked her, he would have been off the market before he met you. You don't have to like her but you are probably stuck tolerating her. Do try to keep encounters with her brief
Author elastica Posted November 13, 2019 Author Posted November 13, 2019 She sounds annoying but I think she is just one of the boys / a colleague not a threat to your relationship. You are worried because she is boisterous while you are quiet. Try to hang on to the fact that your BF is dating you not her. If he liked her, he would have been off the market before he met you. You don't have to like her but you are probably stuck tolerating her. Do try to keep encounters with her brief Thanks. I am so confused by male behavior.
preraph Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 She sounds trashy, but doesn't sound like any temptation to your bf. I mean, she's older and she's rough.
kendahke Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 (edited) Now, saying all this I am being very, very objective.except the following doesn't sound objective: she is very loud, brags about how she beats men and women, looks very scruffy (bad hygiene habits), swears a lot, talks about her many exes who are all in prison, you get the idea, right?That sounds judgmental. As to this: sometimes I feel like she is being arrogant and unfriendly towards everyone including me - for no reason at allNo, there is a reason and you spelled it out quite clearly: I simply do not enjoy her company, don`t understand her sense of humor, there is nothing I can talk to her about, learn from her or exchange ideas in any way. you don't think she hasn't picked up on you looking down your nose at her? I seriously doubt you're a subtle as you think you are. The fact of the matter is Alex and Tracy have been friends for way longer than you've been on the scene and that intimidates you. Alex has probably discussed your attitude with her and that's why she's onto you. Best thing to do is to quit putting yourself in the vicinity when they're going to be hanging out, since you can't stand her. Edited November 14, 2019 by kendahke
Timshel Posted November 14, 2019 Posted November 14, 2019 Elastica, there is absolutely nothing wrong with your feelings. Nothing. Does your bf actually bring this woman on dates with the two of you? I am sorry to say that unless 'Alex' is able to have one on one dates with you and prioritize your relationship over this obtrusive, rude woman... There are other men in the world and this is completely unnecessary. Speak up sweetie.
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