iguessthisismyname Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 So I'm writing because I have this recurring issue when approaching women. I'm from the States but recently moved to the UK. One thing I keep noticing about dating or attempting to date in the UK is that whenever I approach a woman or am approached by a woman here as soon as I begin to engage in conversation another man always ends up hovering over and butting into the conversation and then basically takes over the entire conversation. I've noticed this happen almost every time I speak with a woman here. It's actually become predictable. Just this evening I was at an event and a woman I found attractive came right up to me and started a conversation with me. Strong eye contact, wanted to know my name and more about me. We only just began talking and I was about to ask more about her and then this other guy hovers over and butts in and starts talking to her as well. I'm trying to be civil and polite and engage in the new conversation dynamic but this other guy won't leave any room for me to join back in the conversation. After maybe 15 minutes of this she has to leave and I literally got nowhere other than her name. This exact same scenario has happened when women approach me and when I approach women. Is there some kind of term for this sort of thing? I never had to deal with this in the States. When two people in the States approach or engage one another it's not seen as an open invitation for anyone else to dive into two people trying to get to know one another. How do you get these guys to butt out in a civil way without making it uncomfortable? It seems like these guys don't have enough confidence to approach women themselves so they just butt in once someone else has broken the ice. It's happened enough times where I am now asking total strangers for their advice.
kendahke Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 You're going to have to lead the woman away from the man butting in if you want to continue your conversation with her. Even if you have to come off as rude--rude only respects rude and you're going to have to crush his ego for him.
elaine567 Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 I think these guys have oodles of confidence and see little confidence in you so they know they can get away with it. NO guy is going to butt into a conversation with a guy he sees as better, or at least equal. He does it as he perceives you are no threat to him. He bulldozes over you and gets the girl.
schlumpy Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 It seems like these guys don't have enough confidence to approach women themselves so they just butt in once someone else has broken the ice. I think you got that right. Are you at a disadvantage because you aren't up on all the cultural clues and signals that people use when engaging in conversations? I can readily see how that could happen. Quit saying, "they don't do this back in the states." Instead, get immersed in the culture. Learn the idioms and how to use them. You may not get as good but I think you can learn enough to hold your own. Adapt or go home alone. Those are your choices.
Author iguessthisismyname Posted November 13, 2019 Author Posted November 13, 2019 So I'm going to assume that it's mostly guys here responding based off the lingo. I can't seem to wrap my head around this situation from a woman's perspective. If I were chatting some guy in a public space (pub, whatever) who approached me and we're making great conversation then some other dude I didn't know just barged in and started chatting me up as well I'd be weirded out by the second rando for sure. Unless I didn't care who talked to me so long as someone was then I guess I wouldn't care. If the first dude told the second guy to scram or acted overtly aggressive I would feel a little unsafe in the first guys company. I'd be asking myself "how aggressive is this guy? Like is it the end up on the news level of aggressive??" I mean who knows nowaday? Which is why I hesitate to be overtly aggressive. It might make me feel macho but I imagine it wouldn't make a woman feel safe. And in all honesty whenever this scenario plays out no one goes home with anyone. I've never seen the second dude ever get anywhere further than a maybe five to fifteen minute conversation with the girl at best.
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