HopefullyLove Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 I want to be an affectionate girlfriend/wife one day..what can I do to be more affectionate. I am always scared even though I was with people I was attracted to. It wasn't them, it was me. How can I conquer this? My family did not hug or say I love you.
preraph Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 Oh, boy, that is a tough one. I would have hoped that even though you didn't get it from the parents, maybe you got it from siblings or friends. My mom wasn't affectionate either, though she couldn't be faulted as far as taking care of the family. My dad was more affectionate, thank goodness. My sibling and I never hug, so we're kind of the same way as you, but I am affectionate with my friends and even other relatives -- and of course, most of all, my animals. I always had the love of animals when young, and it may be what salvaged me in many ways. I guess it might help to sort out WHY your parents weren't affectionate and maybe forgive them because it was likely a continuing family cycle thing. But then it's really just up to you to try to get comfortable with being affectionate with friends or whoever. I was always affectionate in a flirty way with certain guys, so that wasn't really a problem. I am full stop affectionate with my dogs, though, so I get it all out of my system! You should have a dog or two if you haven't tried them. They will teach you all you need to know about it! Maybe start with just shoulder-type hugs with the friends or other relatives and see how they respond. Those are nearly always acceptable, rather than a big full frontal body hug, which some do and some don't. Hope you figure it all out.
d0nnivain Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 (edited) My family didn't hug or say I love you either. I was actually in college when I 1st learned people did this. I wanted it so I started doing it. I told my family I loved them & I started hugging them. Guess what? They hugged me back & told me they loved me too. Doing that helped me to be more tactile & open with romantic partners. Try it. Edited November 13, 2019 by d0nnivain
smackie9 Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 I agree with the pet thing. Animals are unconditional, which is why they are so important to our mental health. My family was unaffectionate too, and I snuggle with it to this day. I rather hug my cat or my husband. What you can do is follow your date's lead and work your way from there.
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