SumGuy Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 (edited) I agree with much of what you said, but the last sentence contradicts the opening. Why would I be in a library if not for the purpose of researching something? To hit on a lady would be inappropriate and rude, in addition to distracting from my original objective for being there in the first place. Not really you can have a dual purpose. Anyhow, it's all moot since my local library is mostly Danielle Steele and James Patterson paperbacks. I know because I have been there many times and failed to find anything I'm looking for. Perhaps you missed my earlier hints that I live in the mouth-breathing Deep South, where anti-intellectualism is a spectator sport. Did miss those. Well that is a real problem then. Sounds like you need to move to a college town at least in the south or a larger city. Especially as I don't see how OLD changes that much. Yes OLD expands you geographic area but how far are you (and whoever you meet) willing to drive to date or maintain a relationship? 1 hour, 2? You basically increases your geographic radius to 100 miles, which if you are "deep" in the south doesn't really change your situation. Frankly I'd still go with a photo in OLD, look as hot as you want. Then in your profile make it very, very clear the importance of intellectual things to you. Mentions subject of particular interest. I suspect there is a woman out there, maybe not as many as other locals, who dreams of a hot guy like you who is so rare in their local. Actually met many who moved from such locals because they could not meet a guy like you there. Then screen, screen, screen. In messaging start an intellectual conversation. In meeting do the same. Be fair, make it about something you mention, be fair if she brings up something go with that. Just learn how to discern genuine input from mirroring, which should be easy enough to do if you put your mind to it. Genuine input takes your starting point, and even if agrees on it, expands on it and brings in new information that shows they know something and are not just BSing you. Even better if she disagrees with you then gives you cogent reasons why. Or you can ask about what she thinks about two "camps" on some topic in your area of interest. Geek example, Picard or Kirk, a more intellectual one Relativity or Quantum Mechanics as closer to the "truth." Or drop a reference only someone into your things will grok. I could give sports and pop culture examples as well, but don't think that is what you are looking for. I could go on and on about this, as your dilemma in many ways has been and is very much my own. Now if it is a privacy thing photo wise, well if you have a drivers license the NSA has your photo. Edited November 16, 2019 by SumGuy
preraph Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 You referenced "girls." I don't even think you'll get a date if you don't have a smart phone if it's girls you're after. Maybe the over 65 crowd. Everyone is going to pass if there's no photo except prostitutes. No photo is very fishy. Makes you wonder if the guy is married and just doesn't want his wife to find out he's on a dating site. Makes you wonder if the guy is really bad looking and has something wrong with him. Any sensible woman would not bite. Stick to meetup groups and even they want to put a photo online. 3
Trail Blazer Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 This is just bizarre. Dude, if women think you're hot, it's awesome. You'll get a lot of attention. It's up to you to filter out the good from the bad. If you aren't feeling engaged, then move on. It all comes down to posting a pic, though. Here's an analogy for you; it's possible to turn up to a skate park with a board that has no wheel. However, will anyone take you seriously? No, they'll just think you're strange. 2
Author Billiam Posted November 17, 2019 Author Posted November 17, 2019 Yes OLD expands you geographic area but how far are you (and whoever you meet) willing to drive to date or maintain a relationship? 1 hour, 2? You basically increases your geographic radius to 100 miles, which if you are "deep" in the south doesn't really change your situation I grok your fullness, sir, but I am not concerned about connecting with someone near me. I am willing to conduct an online interaction for a year or more (and have done so in the past before meeting in person). My life plans involve building a home in a remote and large acreage (let's just say "farm" for simplicity), so my mate must be cool with that. I am doing this regardless of whether I am alone or with another. If a person is willing to move to such a place with me, then she will be willing to move from any place on the planet. Therefore, locality is totally unimportant right now. You referenced "girls." I don't even think you'll get a date if you don't have a smart phone if it's girls you're after. Maybe the over 65 crowd. Everyone is going to pass if there's no photo except prostitutes. No photo is very fishy. Makes you wonder if the guy is married and just doesn't want his wife to find out he's on a dating site. Makes you wonder if the guy is really bad looking and has something wrong with him. Any sensible woman would not bite. 1. I use the term "girls" for "single ladies" or "dames" or whatever people say these days. Age is relatively unimportant. 2. Online dating used to be perfectly functional without pictures. I spent about 8 years away from it and all of a sudden it is a completely different thing. It's much more shallow and sexual now. This is just bizarre. Dude, if women think you're hot, it's awesome. You'll get a lot of attention. It's up to you to filter out the good from the bad. If you aren't feeling engaged, then move on. It all comes down to posting a pic, though. Here's an analogy for you; it's possible to turn up to a skate park with a board that has no wheel. However, will anyone take you seriously? No, they'll just think you're strange. The fact that you used the words "dude" and "skate...board" in the same post indicate that you are a million miles away from understanding my situation. Isn't there a hashtag you should be retweeting right now?
Trail Blazer Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 The fact that you used the words "dude" and "skate...board" in the same post indicate that you are a million miles away from understanding my situation. Isn't there a hashtag you should be retweeting right now? Lol. Man, you've got to lighten up. I dare say I'm not without peer trying to understand your situation. #lightenupdude 1
preraph Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 (edited) I grok your fullness, sir .... The fact that you used the words "dude" and "skate...board" in the same post indicate that you are a million miles away from understanding my situation. Isn't there a hashtag you should be retweeting right now? And you used the word "grok," so I would be so quick to criticize someone else's language who's voluntarily trying to help you. I think we're all a million miles away from understanding your situation. You're looking for someone who's never seen what you look like to leave their life and move to the country. Good luck! If you're going to use online dating, you have to use a photo. #getwiththeprogram #soundsmorelikeapaidposition #farmstaffing Edited November 17, 2019 by preraph 3
smackie9 Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 So you are looking for a particular type. Well there are intellectual discussion forums for particular subjects that you could inject yourself into...and on there meet your match that way. Find a lady that shares your attitude and sense of humour etc. 1
kendahke Posted November 17, 2019 Posted November 17, 2019 Online dating used to be perfectly functional without pictures. I spent about 8 years away from it and all of a sudden it is a completely different thing. It's much more shallow and sexual now. operative word(s): used to be Yep. Good catch. Welcome to the "Roarin' 20's" 1
SJ1975 Posted November 18, 2019 Posted November 18, 2019 Match doesn't seem to require photos as I sometimes get matched with women who have no photos and even got messages from women without photos from time to time I will say I never respond if there is no photo. Well, I matched with a woman on Tinder who's profile pic was a tin of baked beans lol. There was no other women left in my city and I thought what the hell. We chatted for an hour or so before I asked her if she was a) a man b) married or c) overweight. She sent me some pics...and she was lovely. We've since met up several times so never judge a person with a tins of beans as their pic, or without a pic
nospam99 Posted November 22, 2019 Posted November 22, 2019 I have news for you--the world is not private anymore. If you pictures saved in your phone, people have access to it. Really? Reference please. FWIW I have a BlackBerry. There ARE pictures saved on my phone. However the only connectivity I allow on my phone is via cell signals for phone calls and text. WiFi and BlueTooth ARE TURNED OFF! If there are ANY reports or rumors about files on a BlackBerry being accessed via cell signals, I sure haven't seen them. BTW, it's also possible to disable every IP port on any computer and then selectively enable the ones you want to use but with arbitrarily selective packet filters. (Speaking of Linux and other Unixes here. It's the 'world according to Windows and Google' that's not private anymore. Someone who knows iOS can chime in on privacy there.) I get real bent out of shape when someone makes a generalization like the bolded statement above without a citation of some sort.
normal person Posted November 22, 2019 Posted November 22, 2019 You're a beggar who wants to be a chooser. You're the one who will likely have to compromise, not someone else who has more accessible options. Back to my original post, in re: online dating, I strongly feel this is the most efficient--if not the only--way for me to meet someone compatible because it takes geography out of the picture. Unfortunately for you, most people require pictures these days because it takes a degree of uncertainty out of the picture. I grok your fullness, sir, but I am not concerned about connecting with someone near me. But most other people are, and unfortunately for you, your success depends on getting them on board with your idea. I am willing to conduct an online interaction for a year or more (and have done so in the past before meeting in person). But are they? Therefore, locality is totally unimportant right now. ...to you. As usual, no one takes me seriously. This thread has degenerated into the tyranny of the masses attempting to drive the standing nail. I have unsubscribed my own thread and will no longer view any further responses. "As usual" Join Date: Nov 2019 Posts: 13 3
chillii Posted November 22, 2019 Posted November 22, 2019 Haven't read the rest but l know exactly what it'll all be saying, saw a few though saying they have too many options which l think is also bs. Mind you, l'm not in the US , maybe there they have , but if your really serious then that one person that could be right for you won't be in the too many options, he or she will be a one off, or two or 3 at best, and if they're serious it'll be the same for them. So hell yeah of course you can , l did back when, my friend does now. l just had on my page , private pics for contact.lot of reasons, but some were that l'm a very private person, l also didn't want my daughter or ex w finding my stuff. Besides, if a women was so shallow that she couldn't be bothered reading my profile and seeing that we could well be very suited, then to hell with her was my view. And there was my description anyway to go on too. My women didn't have a public photo either but l could see in her profile ld doubt she'd need to advertise and l was right , she was gorgeous. Same reasons, she's private and also wanted a guy to read about her first and choose her for the right reasons. My site had private or public pics. Private pics only show to someone you contact, so if they care enough they;ll answer and see your pic then. Then if you didn't like that's that. Simple. My mate's on pof atm , been trying to help him a bit, he didn't wanna a public pic either. But they have private pics too so what he does with pof is use the paid version so that when he contacts someone he can include a pic too. Works fine, he's met some nice women.
Tristian Posted November 23, 2019 Posted November 23, 2019 Folks, since it is of general interest please feel free to continue discussion on this topic but the OP will not be joining you.
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