Online Dating sites where people take you seriously without photos?

[Billiam]

I live in an area where it is virtually impossible to meet anyone compatible with me. Years ago, I had a few promising relationships (one of which turned into a lifelong best-friendship) from online dating.

 

Unfortunately, all the major sites require photos and effectively make your account invisible/incommunicado if you don't post photos. I categorically refuse to post a picture of myself on the web. Privacy is extremely important to me. I don't own a camera or a smartphone, so taking a picture is a real fiasco in the first place.

 

Does anyone know of an online dating site where people judge others by their prose and their answers to questions (Like OkCupid was 15 years ago), and where the lack of a photo does not marginalize you? My personality is much more of a briar patch than my looks. I am sick of girls lying to me because they think I'm hot, while they give lip service to the things that are most important to me; this is such a waste of time.

[vv3469802]

It is so difficult to find social media like that. The sharing of photos is one of the main function and usually people haven't refused this service.

 

I would recommend meetville

Of course, there is no heading like "No photos dating" on it, but you can find people of different interests, nationalities, ages and so on. It's the main benefit of this web-site - an enormous number of headings.

Edited November 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
remove commercial URL

[PegNosePete]

I categorically refuse to post a picture of myself on the web.

Then frankly you should give up on OLD. Nobody wants to meet someone they haven't even seen a photo of. This is not the 1980's where personal ads were placed in newspapers or bricks-and-mortar dating agencies. Someone without a photo sets off a whole host of red flags which will get you overlooked immediately.

[beentheredonethat77]

They have millions of options with people who post pics.. why would they go for someone who doesn't? -- It feels creepy/unsafe, i think unless a woman is really desperate she doesn't need to swipe on a potentially risky person.

[Mrin]

No.

 

Try real life. Sorry.

 

Edit: actually, the only thing I can think of that might work would be affair sites like Ashley Madison. Lol. Sorry.

Edited November 12, 2019 by Mrin

[elaine567]

I am sick of girls lying to me because they think I'm hot, while they give lip service to the things that are most important to me; this is such a waste of time.

 

Surely since you are "hot" then your job is to filter out the insincere.

I guess it is not too difficult to hide your "hotness" for the sake of a profile pic or two though.

Much more difficult to try to look hot, when you are not, which is where most men are.

[SumGuy]

Match doesn't seem to require photos as I sometimes get matched with women who have no photos and even got messages from women without photos from time to time

 

I will say I never respond if there is no photo.

[SumGuy]

... I am sick of girls lying to me because they think I'm hot, while they give lip service to the things that are most important to me; this is such a waste of time.

 

It is hard to detect mirroring, saying back what you basically just said or simply agreeing. You can often tell though if the person can add to the conversation not just repeat.

[Michelle ma Belle]

Technically, no one HAS to upload a photo of themselves. Apps may require A photo but that doesn't mean it has to be of you. Lord knows there are loads of profiles of people online posting pics of nature, their dog, or just stupid memes instead of a selfie.

 

As much as I appreciate the desire for privacy, unfortunately, when it comes to OLD, no photo just won't cut it. At least not these days.

 

I tend to read profiles as well as look at photos so there have been a handful of times where a faceless profile seemed intriguing enough for me to respond and ask why no photo. They all have the same response like yours but in the end, every one of them turned out to have something to hide.

 

Moral of the story - I no longer respond to profiles without photos. If you want to play game, learn the rules otherwise don't bother playing :/

 

You'll have to rely on good old fashioned face-to-face meet and greet situations.

 

Welcome to the digital age my friend.

Edited November 12, 2019 by Michelle ma Belle

[smackie9]

No. Your only choice is going out in real life, and meet women if you want to stay off the grid. Your resistance to social media is going to be a stumbling block because women will find it odd and suspect you are hiding something or hiding from someone.

[d0nnivain]

I don't think OLD is the way for you to go. There are so many other options to meet people even in remote areas but they do require effort. Try an in person method instead.

 

1. Who is around at work? Not your company / employer but in the building; in your industry (think continuing education events or conferences & expos); attend things like business card exchanges & Chamber of Commerce events.

 

2. take or teach an adult education not for credit course

 

3. get involved in your local Church or religious community

 

4. Attend events by, for or through your Alma Mater(s)

 

5. Volunteer for a civic organization: volunteer fire fighter; Elks; Moose; Lions; Kiwanis etc.

 

6. Play on a co-ed sports team

 

7. Attend singles events: dances, wine tastings, etc.

 

8. Go to meet-up events that focus on something you care about

 

9. Tell friends & family you are open to being fixed up

 

10. Find niche singles events: there are ones for every interest. I went to one where I could bring my dog; I played board games; I was contemplating getting involved with one where they matched you to play 9 holes of golf (even if I didn't fall in love, I got to play golf )

 

11. Go speed dating. They never have enough men

 

12. Volunteer doing something you are passionate about: raise money to fight disease; rescue animals; fundraise for the arts; get politically active & fight for some cause you care about

[Ruby Slippers]

If you refuse to post a photo, you're not going to get very far on dating sites.

 

I am sick of girls lying to me because they think I'm hot, while they give lip service to the things that are most important to me; this is such a waste of time.

If this is your concern, post one of your less hot photos. Most people have a few photos and some are a lot hotter than others.

[Allupinnit]

We all have our cross to bear and being hot is yours. Post a photo. Or better yet have one of the guys here use your photo on a "fake" profile and at least let them hook chicks in with it.

[Billiam]

You're saying that your personality is even worse than your looks. Then what exactly do you have to offer? I mean you can't even afford a camera or a smart phone and you're afraid to even post your picture online if you could, because you're obviously a very fearful person who can't even afford a smartphone or even a cheap camera.

Who said anything about "affording" a camera/smartphone? I choose not to own them. I used smartphones back when they ran Palm OS, Blackberry OS, and Windows CE. I have a graduate degree in computer science. I don't have to justify why I don't use one; you need to justify why you do.

 

I don't think OLD is the way for you to go. There are so many other options to meet people even in remote areas but they do require effort. Try an in person method instead.

 

1. Who is around at work? Not your company / employer but in the building; in your industry (think continuing education events or conferences & expos); attend things like business card exchanges & Chamber of Commerce events.

Women make up <7% of all pilots and <3% of all aircraft mechanics. And no, I don't work around the airlines, so forget about meeting flight attendants.

2. take or teach an adult education not for credit course

Academe is likely to be populated with the intellectual types in which I am interested, but alas I am nowhere near a decent university and I don't have the time to take coursework right now. But that is something I have always done throughout life.

 

3. get involved in your local Church or religious community

Atheist who only dates atheists.

 

4. Attend events by, for or through your Alma Mater(s)

Not a fan of retrograde thought or loyalty to a group/organization.

5. Volunteer for a civic organization: volunteer fire fighter; Elks; Moose; Lions; Kiwanis etc.

I actually do this, but in the three organizations where I volunteer, my peers are all 20+ years older than I.

 

6. Play on a co-ed sports team

Sports? I only run when chased.

 

7. Attend singles events: dances, wine tastings, etc.

 

8. Go to meet-up events that focus on something you care about

 

9. Tell friends & family you are open to being fixed up

 

10. Find niche singles events: there are ones for every interest. I went to one where I could bring my dog; I played board games; I was contemplating getting involved with one where they matched you to play 9 holes of golf (even if I didn't fall in love, I got to play golf )

 

11. Go speed dating. They never have enough men

 

12. Volunteer doing something you are passionate about: raise money to fight disease; rescue animals; fundraise for the arts; get politically active & fight for some cause you care about

These types of events either do not exist in my area or are organized by some religious group. Social/political stuff here is all MAGA-type bulls--t. I joined an ecological society, where I am the youngest person by 20 years easily.

 

 

We all have our cross to bear and being hot is yours. Post a photo. Or better yet have one of the guys here use your photo on a "fake" profile and at least let them hook chicks in with it.

 

 

I never said I was hot or that I think I am hot. I said that some other people think I'm hot. I think they are wrong. The point is that they let physical attraction get in the way of cognitive engagement, which is really annoying and a recipe for disaster.

[d0nnivain]

They were suggestions. You have to tailor them to your needs / likes & dislikes.

 

Overall in this post you come across as a negative, unhappy, rigid person. None of that is particularly attractive. If you can loosen up just a tad -- not change who you are -- but just be more upbeat that will help a great deal.

 

As for the "at work" suggestion what about passengers? booking agents? logistics coordinators? travel agents? the servers at the nearby restaurants? Another option is to talk to colleagues & ask if their wives, GFs, or sisters know anybody.

 

An adult education class is not academia. In fact I want you to stay away from academia. I want you to take basket weaving, or learning to invest, cooking, ballroom dancing, basic car repair, how to write a novel. . . .I don't care what you sign up for it's something to meet women. Hell go to one of those "free" intro to flipping houses or investing with other people's money things that are designed to scam you out of paying the speaker for useless info. The classes I am talking about will be given at the local HS or community college for adults not the under 20 crowd. It will be less then 10 sessions & cost a few dollars, rarely more then $200 & usually closer to $39, at least by me.

 

If you have access to flight, you can't complain too much that you have no one local. Change your base of operations.

 

What are you actually willing to do to meet somebody? At some point finding love requires effort. I met my husband at a business card exchange.

[Billiam]

They were suggestions. You have to tailor them to your needs / likes & dislikes.

 

Overall in this post you come across as a negative, unhappy, rigid person. None of that is particularly attractive. If you can loosen up just a tad -- not change who you are -- but just be more upbeat that will help a great deal.

 

As for the "at work" suggestion what about passengers? booking agents? logistics coordinators? travel agents? the servers at the nearby restaurants? Another option is to talk to colleagues & ask if their wives, GFs, or sisters know anybody.

 

An adult education class is not academia. In fact I want you to stay away from academia. I want you to take basket weaving, or learning to invest, cooking, ballroom dancing, basic car repair, how to write a novel. . . .I don't care what you sign up for it's something to meet women. Hell go to one of those "free" intro to flipping houses or investing with other people's money things that are designed to scam you out of paying the speaker for useless info. The classes I am talking about will be given at the local HS or community college for adults not the under 20 crowd. It will be less then 10 sessions & cost a few dollars, rarely more then $200 & usually closer to $39, at least by me.

 

If you have access to flight, you can't complain too much that you have no one local. Change your base of operations.

 

What are you actually willing to do to meet somebody? At some point finding love requires effort. I met my husband at a business card exchange.

 

 

Bingo. I am a negative, unhappy, and rigid person! And that is exactly the type of mate I am looking for (think Lilith Sternin, ex-wife of Frasier Crane). A Statler to my Waldorf, so that we can heckle together from the balcony. Perhaps with a little more cat-lady mixed in. The kind of person who avoids leaving the house at all costs, and therefore will not be found at any of the activities you suggest. However, online dating is exactly the way to meet the agoraphobic, mousy, librarian types (unless there is something I'm unaware of).

 

 

I work in general aviation. I have no connection to commercial air carriers whatsoever. In fact, I haven't flown on an airliner since 2013. I realize that the subsectors in aviation are non-obvious to those unfamiliar with the industry; let's just say that I rarely go near an aircraft with more than 6 seats.

[Mr. Lucky]

However, online dating is exactly the way to meet the agoraphobic, mousy, librarian types .

 

Have you tried hanging out at actual libraries? Lots of scholarly, reclusive folks there...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

They don't like being interrupted while studying though...

[SumGuy]

They don't like being interrupted while studying though...

 

There are ways to do it, ask if can sit at the table (if big), wait for when they break, ask for help, ask what they are studying etc.

 

I love libraries, and just grabbing a dozen books on a subject and pursuing which ones to take. The intellectual loving girlfriends I’ve had in the past (which is my type and most) would always welcome such conversation,...but you better be genuine. Really able to hold your own not just into them for the “mousy” aspect. I can tell you they are the very least “mousy” in relationships. Also you better be able to have an actual conversation and exchange of ideas, not mansplain, all righteous or what have you.

 

Lastly you need to be there for your own thing not just to pick up girls.

[Billiam]

There are ways to do it, ask if can sit at the table (if big), wait for when they break, ask for help, ask what they are studying etc.

...

Lastly you need to be there for your own thing not just to pick up girls.

 

 

I agree with much of what you said, but the last sentence contradicts the opening. Why would I be in a library if not for the purpose of researching something? To hit on a lady would be inappropriate and rude, in addition to distracting from my original objective for being there in the first place.

 

 

Anyhow, it's all moot since my local library is mostly Danielle Steele and James Patterson paperbacks. I know because I have been there many times and failed to find anything I'm looking for. Perhaps you missed my earlier hints that I live in the mouth-breathing Deep South, where anti-intellectualism is a spectator sport.

 

 

Back to my original post, in re: online dating, I strongly feel this is the most efficient--if not the only--way for me to meet someone compatible because it takes geography out of the picture. I am much more likely to connect with someone from Northern Europe than I am with anyone in the USA. Since I can't exactly walk outside and chat up a Scandinavian lady, the World Wide Web is the best bet....if it weren't for the whole shift from anonymity in the 90s to total lack of privacy today.

[basil67]

So if OLD is what you need, post a photo or three and get on with it. If you're not willing to post a photo, then embrace your singleness.

[basil67]

The intellectual loving girlfriends I’ve had in the past (which is my type and most) would always welcome such conversation,...but you better be genuine.

 

Depends on the girl I guess. My daughter does her uni study in a library for the very reason that there are no interruptions. At any rate, it sounds like the OP wouldn't deign to enter his local library anyway so I guess it's a moot point.

[elaine567]

There are many online groups dedicated to specific serious subjects, I guess there will be reclusive incisive intellectual types with cat lady tendencies who love heckling from the balcony in them.

(I am not talking about groups dedicated to flimflam, celebrity gossip and flaming...)

 

You need to look around, join a few suitable groups and suss out anyone interesting. It may be long term project as groups tend not to like newbies joining and then chatting up members...

[d0nnivain]

The kind of person you seek may be OK with no photo of you. She may not have one up either.

 

If the system won't let you post without some kind of photo, take a random picture of a plane & post that. Blur out the tail #

[Happy Lemming]

So if OLD is what you need, post a photo or three and get on with it. If you're not willing to post a photo, then embrace your singleness.

 

Yes...

 

Many, many years ago I had a room mate (male) on match.com, that did not post a photo. He was a nice guy (average looking), but technologically challenged. He didn't own a digital camera or a scanner, I did. So I helped him out and we posted a few photos and tweaked his profile. At that point, he started getting responses to his inquiries to females on the site. Prior to that, no one would respond.

 

For better or worse, I think photos are necessary for on-line dating sites.