nextel Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 If your son/daughter, nephew/niece, friend, cousin, Aunty or stranger can to you and asked you about marriage: what would you tell them about it? What are the important thing to know about marriage, before and after?
Horse Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 There is an old joke that goes like this: Put a penny in a jar for every time you have sex during your first year of marriage. Then take a penny out of that jar every time you have sex after that first year. The jar will never be empty. I would say is "that was not a joke." Other than that... There is a huge difference between being right and being happy. You have to choose what you value most, power or happiness. If you choose power, you're probably screwed.
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I would tell them that marriage is what you make it, and that you should always make the marriage work for you as a couple instead of holding yourselves to some artificial and subjective standard of "what marriage should be". You are a lot happier when you make your marriage work for you, instead of killing yourselves trying to make yourselves work to fit someone else's idea of marriage. And yes, the sex does slow down. Here is a joke Mr. B sent to me on that: A little boy and his dad were at the drugstore and they just so happened to come upon the condom aisle. The little boy asked his dad: "Daddy why are there so many different boxes of condoms?" "For different stages in your life," said the dad. "What's the 3 pack for?" "Well, that's for when you're in High School: 2 for Friday night, and 1 for Saturday night." "Then whats the 6 pack for?" "For when you're in college. 2 for Friday night, 2 for Saturday night, and 2 for Sunday morning." "Oh. Then what's the 12 pack for?" "Well, that's for when your married. 1 for January, 1 for February, 1 for March, and etc."
jessie-ivy Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Those jokes are great--so true. Here's a sampling of some of the misconceptions I had before I got married: 1. again--about sex--we'll always have lots of it (at least several times a week, if not ever day). That's how it was for about three months . . . and then things changed 2. I'll always wear lingerie to bed. Crazy, I know. I almost got rid of all my old, ugly, comfy PJs. I wore lingerie a lot more in the beginning, and though I still like it, it's just not practical. I wear it MUCH less now 3. We won't fight--at least not too much. Nope. Lots of arguments (especially in the first year) over lots of SMALL things--dumb things 4. we'll never find other people of the opposite sex attractive. That was crazy too. Of course we will! We just don't have to ACT on it. 5. I'll always have that butterflies-feeling or take-me-now-feeling for my spouse. We all know that's not true . . . but I actually thought that
cplfun13 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 No matter what your situation is before the wedding, living together, not living together, had sex, didnt have sex, or amount of time together prior to marriage, you will go through the "Stages of Marriage". I recommend reading about them before you get married. It gives you a heads up to what you can anticipate in your new life. I wish I would have known about this before I got married, because it really was an eye opener when we began to have issues. Its always good to know ahead of time. Here are the stages, but look them up to get more in depth. Good Luck! 1) Romantic Love stage 2)Disillusionment/power struggle stage 3)Transformation/stability stage 4) Commitment stage 5)Co-Creation stage
HokeyReligions Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 Understand each other's faith and religion. Know how the person was raised: morals, faith, ethics, role-models the other person has/had. Discuss children: having them, raising them, parenting styles, expectations Expectations: Discuss what yours are and your partners. Listen to each other and don't belittle the other person Never think you can change someone Do you open your Christmas presents on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day Who cleans the bathrooms Who handles the money? Financial expectations and budgets are a must in discussions! health care and maintenance? How important is it to you? To you partner? How do each of you plan on taking care of yourselves? Pets! Where do they rank in the family? Career's? Would you give yours up? Would your partner? Under what circumstances? Do you value your partner's career more than your own? Do you feel that your partner is just as much a part of the marriage even if they don't earn what you earn? Same with education. If one has a higher education than the other, do either of you feel that makes the other better? Or should they have more responsibility than the other? Do either of the families feel that you and your partner should spend more time with them? Whose house on holidays kind of thing. Hobbies and recreation -- can you have some separate time without feeling guilty? Or without pressure from the other? Smoking, drinking, drugs. Are you on the same page with that? Sex - discuss expectations and hopes, and discuss reality. Household responsibilities: Who does the decorating? What if you don't agree on something? Do you know how to compromise? Fighting: Do you know how to fight fair? Set rules for that!! His friends: Her friends: What do you do together? How will that change? Weight gain and loss. It's easy to say "I married you, not your dress size" but it's a whole different ball game if one puts on a lot of weight or loses a lot of weight. How does the partner feel about fat/obese people and stick thin people? Sometimes people can put on a lot of weight because of health problems. (friend at work gained 100 pounds when she had to take some medicines for an illness and has never been able to take the weight off because her body changed dramatically) Can you hold his/her head when they are puking or will you need to leave them alone so you don't puke too? What would the expect / hope from you? Or you from them? STDs and sexual history of the partner and be open about your own. If they have a problem or issue with something, its best to get it out in the open and deal with it before marriage. Some people end up being resentful and wanting to 'even the score' especially as the frequency and variety naturally decreases over time. Pornography! Use it? View it? give it up after marriage? Hide it after marriage? Trust Trust Trust! Toilet paper: Over the top or from behind or on the roll at all? Do it yourself or pay someone? What can and will each person do as far as things like home maintenance or even wrapping gifts? If one person spends $40 to get gifts wrapped and the other spends $40 ON gifts and wraps them themself would that bother either? Mow the lawn or hire a yard service? Housekeeper or no? These are just some of the things I can think of off the top of my head.
lilmoma1973 Posted October 5, 2005 Posted October 5, 2005 i have to say the same thing as the other poster said Marriage is what you make of it... Always communicate and never keep secrets from your s/o .. Be their friend ,confidant be honest and never lie to your s/o ..The big one is to COMMUNICATE!!
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