Kaarek Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 Considering you're both Adults and have been through a lot in Life, you might as well both of you be upfront with each other about the "situation" itself, it might save you a great deal of headaches and future miss-understandings. The best way to deal with these situations is to express what he really means to you and vice-versa and start from there, otherwise those "innocent" kisses can lead to situations that you might regret at some point because, well, your intentions weren't there for "more" to happen.
Author FMW Posted December 31, 2019 Author Posted December 31, 2019 Thanks for responding Kaarek. Usually I'm with you - it's always best to talk about where things stand. However I'm not doing that in this particular case because we've spent a lot more time together since I made the initial post and I feel comfortable where we are, any such conversation would be premature and presumptuous. He's still grieving for his wife and it's clear that although he might want to be ready to move on, he's not. I think I'm a safe way for him to re-enter the social scene outside of just playing gigs since I'm not looking for anything from him. He's an incredible musician and part of my larger musician friend group, so we have people and interests in common related to that part of our lives. It's likely at some point we might have to have a talk, but I think we're both good with things right now.
DKT3 Posted December 31, 2019 Posted December 31, 2019 That is wise...my mom died a few years back and my father recently started seeing a woman (younger then me btw) and he isn't ready. I fear that she has become too attached and it will get messy. After 30+ years of being a homicide detectives my father is very stoic and unemotional I worry that he cant handle his emotions of losing my mother and this new woman. But he wont talk to anyone.
Author FMW Posted January 17, 2020 Author Posted January 17, 2020 Well, I agree with you DKT3, but it seems now that the widower and I are moving toward giving it a try. We haven't had any big "talks", but he's made it clear in the past week or two that he is definitely interested in more than friendship. I'm still not sure how I'm feeling, but I haven't pushed back on his expressions of interest, in fact I'm really enjoying our time together and looking forward to more. I think both of us will want to take things slow. I've finally gotten to the point where I think I may be ready for a real relationship again, when the right one comes along. I think he's made progress and working through his transition from husband/caretaker to widower and potential partner to someone else at some point. Plus he's a busy musician who plays a lot (because of my own work and commitments I only go hear him about once a week), is in the recording studio and putting together a European tour, so he's got plenty of things to keep him busy away from me and give me the space and time I need for myself. So as far as space goes, we seem to be well suited. I've wondered if he will decide he wants to check out other options, but honestly he doesn't seem like that type of guy and our mutual friends tell me that's not something I need to worry about. Actually he already has other options that he politely passes by. I'm going to give it a shot, on a slow track, but NOT entertain other options of my own while we see where things go. I'm sure I'll be posting updates if some new related issue arises. I think this forum has been a big help in getting me to the point of being willing to try a new relationship. But like I advise others all the time, I'm fully keeping my expectations under control. We've been "hanging out" since last summer, but only recently contemplating more than friendship.
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