2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I recently went on a date with a beautiful lady saturday night. She let me pick her up, she wanted me to facetime with her mom so she could meet me, so we did for a minute or so. We went to eat then we went to a mountaintop with a gorgeous view. Dinner was awesome, 45 or so minutes, good conversation. On the way to the mountain top we talked about family, goals and other things. We get to the mountaintop, park and get out to see the view. It was cold so I held her from behind, then walked to the front of her where I guided her chin up to me and I kissed her for a good 2 minutes. On the way back to her place she was getting sleepy and she wrapped her arms around my right arm and laid her head on my shoulder as she was stroking my arm. She was talking about her son, family and culture, shes hispanic. She would mention her family and say "you will see" when talking about meeting her dad, son and mother. We get back to her place, walk inside and sit on the couch, had another makeout session, started getting a lil more physical and she would guide my hand away, no big deal, one step forward, 2 steps back. I tried once more, and she teased me by saying "you cant stay tonight mister" It was getting late so we both agreed that I needed to head home and she needed to sleep. She walked me to the door, kissed me and said to text her when I got home. I get home and I call her to let her know, instead of testing her, say our goodnights and hang up, She says "talk to you tomorrow" This is where I think i messed up. I went with a friend to pick up a car the next morning, so I texted her that I was heading out of town with my friend. She says "good morning, have a safe trip" we send 2-3 text back and forth but her response is 2-3 hours later. The last text she sent was a smiley emoji, I didnt respond and went to bed. Any advice or thoughts? I dont want to mess this up with her. She is everything that I have been looking for. I didnt sleep well the night after the date bc I was thinking of her alot. I want to text her or call her all the time now and shes always on my mind. I dont think i messed up too bad by texting her the next morning but I should have waited for her to text first. What to do?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Any advice or thoughts? I dont want to mess this up with her. She is everything that I have been looking for. I didnt sleep well the night after the date bc I was thinking of her alot. I want to text her or call her all the time now and shes always on my mind. I dont think i messed up too bad by texting her the next morning but I should have waited for her to text first. What to do? You're totally overthinking this. Why haven't you asked her for second date yet?
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 You're totally overthinking this. Why haven't you asked her for second date yet? How do I do that now?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 How do I do that now? Call her and ask her.
fromheart Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Just wait for her to contact you, and set another date. Your investing emotionally very quickly, be a bit more cautious. Fair enough she didn't want to go all the way straight away, but the language she used suggested a controlling nature. Once she's got control of when and how often you have sex, that rarely changes. Enjoy, but see how it goes. And don't invest emotionally quickly. 1
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 the language she used suggested a controlling nature. Once she's got control of when and how often you have sex, that rarely changes. What? How was she controlling? And does this thread have to do with their future sex life? I'm confused.
fromheart Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 What? How was she controlling? And does this thread have to do with their future sex life? I'm confused. 'You,' and 'cannot.' Once these words surface in intimacy(not just sexual), they rarely go away. Different to saying, 'I really want you, but would like to take it slow.'
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Call her and ask her. When? It would be weird to just call her out of the blue today and ask her thst, right?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 When? It would be weird to just call her out of the blue today and ask her thst, right? Unless I'm missing something, I don't know why that would be weird. How did you meet her and set up the first date?
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Unless I'm missing something, I don't know why that would be weird. How did you meet her and set up the first date? Everyone that I talk to says to wait for her to contact me now after her short and long to respond text yesterday, but do I just call her up and say, I would like to see you again, when are you free?
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Everyone that I talk to says to wait for her to contact me now after her short and long to respond text yesterday, but do I just call her up and say, I would like to see you again, when are you free? Forget the "rules." They are ridiculous. Call her and ask if she's free on a specific day because you'd like to take her to dinner (or whatever you want to do). 1
Malin889 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I agree with Cautiously Optimistic. CALL HER and set up a second date. Or if you’d prefer, text her. But either way, reach out to her and ask her when she’s free for a second date. I like the mountain top restaurant by the way. I’d love it if a guy took me there!
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Forget the "rules." They are ridiculous. Call her and ask if she's free on a specific day because you'd like to take her to dinner (or whatever you want to do). She is at work, I sent her a text saying "hey there, its been crazy at work this morning, how are you?" Then if she responds I will ask her out
lakerman34 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 A couple of things. Your date DID sound like it went VERY well, congrats. When she pulled your hand away, you should have stayed away. No 'second tries.' Be a gentleman. Consent is sexy. Also, pickup gurus think that calling women is the way to go, not texting. My experience is this is complete BS. I actually thinking texting is the way to go for a couple of reasons: 1) They are busy people. Respect their time. They can answer texts any time. Don't expect them to pick up the phone just because you called. 2) Texting is the premier way of social communication nowadays. Calling and emailing are so old-fashioned. Based on her having kids, sounds like she could be busy. If it takes her 3 hours to respond to a text, wait 3 hours to respond. I find mirroring their response rate works best, however, if texting gets steamy OR you start talking about another date, don't keep her waiting too long. I used to read ALL the dating gurus, pickup artists, etc. back in the day. I'm happily in a relationship, but when I was dating, I ALWAYS (without fail) got a second date when I wanted it (I've been on at least 50 second dates). My advice? FOLLOW YOUR GUT, KID! Don't overthink this. She seemed to like what you brought the first date, so don't change anything. If you overthink this or start assign more meaning to the first date than was actually there, she will probably sense it, and it will scare her off. Ask her on a second date. Tell her "hey! I would love to see you again! Are you available Friday?" Based on her response, you'll know if she wants that second date. When you have the second date cemented, DO NOT TEXT HER until the day of the date. Then text her a confirmation "hey, see you tonight?" It's pretty formulaic, but works all the time.
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) A couple of things. Your date DID sound like it went VERY well, congrats. When she pulled your hand away, you should have stayed away. No 'second tries.' Be a gentleman. Consent is sexy. Also, pickup gurus think that calling women is the way to go, not texting. My experience is this is complete BS. I actually thinking texting is the way to go for a couple of reasons: 1) They are busy people. Respect their time. They can answer texts any time. Don't expect them to pick up the phone just because you called. 2) Texting is the premier way of social communication nowadays. Calling and emailing are so old-fashioned. Based on her having kids, sounds like she could be busy. If it takes her 3 hours to respond to a text, wait 3 hours to respond. I find mirroring their response rate works best, however, if texting gets steamy OR you start talking about another date, don't keep her waiting too long. I used to read ALL the dating gurus, pickup artists, etc. back in the day. I'm happily in a relationship, but when I was dating, I ALWAYS (without fail) got a second date when I wanted it (I've been on at least 50 second dates). My advice? FOLLOW YOUR GUT, KID! Don't overthink this. She seemed to like what you brought the first date, so don't change anything. If you overthink this or start assign more meaning to the first date than was actually there, she will probably sense it, and it will scare her off. Ask her on a second date. Tell her "hey! I would love to see you again! Are you available Friday?" Based on her response, you'll know if she wants that second date. When you have the second date cemented, DO NOT TEXT HER until the day of the date. Then text her a confirmation "hey, see you tonight?" It's pretty formulaic, but works all the time. no response yet, its been 2 hours. My anxiety is through the roof. She even asked for a picture together when we got back to her place. She was usually responding within 30 minutes or so for the past week. If she responds to my "hey there! its been a crazy morning, how are you?" text then I will ask her out again, if she doesnt reply, then what? Edited November 11, 2019 by 2005tahoe
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) I really only tried once, but you are right. I agree Edited November 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
d0nnivain Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I don't see where you did anything wrong at all. In your shoes I would not have facetimed her mom (but it's good that you did; I would have been wrong not to. It's just as a grown woman I couldn't imagine asking a date to meet the mom) Don't get so hung up on how much time it takes her to respond. She is at work. She can't always respond instantaneously at work. Whether or not she responded to your text, call her & ask for the 2nd date. Do it soon rather than later.
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) Exactly! Just ask her out already. And do it affirmatively. "Hey, I want to check out this new restaurant on main street, are you free on Friday to go? Don't worry if she has responded to you check-in text. Just make the strong move. If you lead with a concrete ask, you'll get your answer fast. If you make wishy washy small talk, it'll be really unclear what you want, and she may get turned off. (I certainly do, I hate when I have a pretty good date, iterate to the guy I had fun, let's do it again, and then they proceed to text hi/how are you/repeated small talk without making a direct ask. I will ghost after too many of those.) Edited November 12, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed 1
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 Exactly! Just ask her out already. And do it affirmatively. "Hey, I want to check out this new restaurant on main street, are you free on Friday to go? Don't worry if she has responded to you check-in text. Just make the strong move. If you lead with a concrete ask, you'll get your answer fast. If you make wishy washy small talk, it'll be really unclear what you want, and she may get turned off. (I certainly do, I hate when I have a pretty good date, iterate to the guy I had fun, let's do it again, and then they proceed to text hi/how are you/repeated small talk without making a direct ask. I will ghost after too many of those.) She texted me this morning! Saying that she had a rough day. told her that I was sorry and that I had a really good time Saturday night and would love to see you again. She said "Maybe we can plan something for the following weekend bc I have my son this weekend."
Author 2005tahoe Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 She can't see you for 2 weeks? Doesn't sound very promising. She has her son this weekend and shes not ready for him to meet me
lakerman34 Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 I'd see if she can go out during the week. But, for some people (I am one of them), it's an impossibility. Some people have jam packed schedules from 5AM-10PM. I'd ask her if she was available on a VERY specific day (Thursday?), and if she isn't, I'd follow up with "2 weekends is great! How about *very specific time and place?*" I've had moments where I was dating a woman once a month because of schedules, and they were wonderful. She has a kid. Kid always take priority. If it weren't that way, you should be worried.
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