SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I matched with a woman on Bumble and we've been on 6 or 7 dates now. Each time we've both said how great each one was and how we've enjoyed each other's company etc. On our dates now there is alot of touching, affection, hand holding and some kissing too....which is nice. I like this girl, and just like being with her. She says she feels the same. We are taking things slowly and we're not rushing into bed! I've complimented her a few times on her smile and she just blushes and smiles at me as she isnt used to having compliments, which is fine. Couple of strange things have happened. On one of our early dates there was hand holding and touching then we shared a kiss. The setting was great it was overlooking a river on a lovely evening. We were kissing and she then just stopped, started crying and walked off quite quickly away from me. Later she called me said that it wasn't me it was her and she's just experiencing new emotions. She was married for 19 years and I'm possibly the first guy she has kissed since her break up. What does all this mean? I've never had a girl cry when I kiss them. Recently I sent her a message saying how I enjoyed our last date and how I felt a really good connection with her. (We enjoyed a couple of kisses together). She messaged me straight back telling me about her day and what she's been up to (including a cool little video) but didn't acknowledge my point about our connection. It's probably me just over thinking but I'm just trying to understand what could be going through her head as I don't want to mess this up. At the same time I also don't want to invest my time on someone who may not be on the same page either.
Blind-Sided Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Well... she may like you... but she is not emotionally ready to date. But, with that said... if you really liked her, and since you aren't in a rush... then just stay close... she may come around. But then again, she may date you for a few more months, and then call it quits because she knows inside that she wasn't ready. 3
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Well... she may like you... but she is not emotionally ready to date. But, with that said... if you really liked her, and since you aren't in a rush... then just stay close... she may come around. But then again, she may date you for a few more months, and then call it quits because she knows inside that she wasn't ready. Sound advice, thanks. Dating is complicated
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 She isn't ready to date yet. Think you are right. I'm certainly not pressuring her and letting things flow naturally. We're off go karting in a couple of weeks I think so I that'll be interesting. I'm going to let her lead this as I dont want to put pressure on her at all. 1
Blind-Sided Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Think you are right. I'm certainly not pressuring her and letting things flow naturally. We're off go karting in a couple of weeks I think so I that'll be interesting. I'm going to let her lead this as I dont want to put pressure on her at all. I think that is a good idea. As long as you keep in mind that she may walk away. But for now... just enjoy her company. (no pressure)
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Do you know how long ago her marriage ended, OP?
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Do you know how long ago her marriage ended, OP? About 1 year ago. She ended it. This is something I'm wary of TBH.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I would be wary, too. Some people can date a year or so after separation, especially if the end had been coming for a while and the emotional connection was gone. But if all it took was a kiss to trigger her to the point of fleeing in tears, I think you are going to find that dating her is very difficult. 1
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 I would be wary, too. Some people can date a year or so after separation, especially if the end had been coming for a while and the emotional connection was gone. But if all it took was a kiss to trigger her to the point of fleeing in tears, I think you are going to find that dating her is very difficult. She.said it was emotions and she's actually been fine since but it's still playing at the back of my head. I've had nothing to think it would be difficult but it's still early days I guess and things can change quite quickly. Saturday she seemed really happy and quite touchy-feely. I think their marriage broke down a few years ago but it must be strange for her anyway
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 She.said it was emotions and she's actually been fine since but it's still playing at the back of my head. Well, yes. That's exactly my point. She is emotionally triggered by something as fairly small as kissing you. That's not a great sign, and I am not sure why you don't see that as a sign that trying to actually date her is going to be a challenge. Think of the emotions that will be set off when you two first spend the night. First get really intimate. Try to establish exclusivity. There are a lot of bigger steps yet to come; I would be concerned what sort of triggers she might experience then. Proceed if you wish, but do so knowing she is in a fragile place. 1
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Well, yes. That's exactly my point. She is emotionally triggered by something as fairly small as kissing you. That's not a great sign, and I am not sure why you don't see that as a sign that trying to actually date her is going to be a challenge. Think of the emotions that will be set off when you two first spend the night. First get really intimate. Try to establish exclusivity. There are a lot of bigger steps yet to come; I would be concerned what sort of triggers she might experience then. Proceed if you wish, but do so knowing she is in a fragile place. I'm probably with you on this, sadly. It might be good to get to know eachother first, go on days out etc before anything too heavy starts. Which is actually fine by me. I really enjoy her company and we have similar interests so I can wait. She's also an escape for me right now so it's works well. I take your point. If and/or when this was to go up a stage I do wonder how she would react, hence waiting and playing the long game might be the right way to do things.
fromheart Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 She hasn't processed her grief, and isn't ready for anything new. Tell herto take time to heal, and give you a shout when she's ready. Do not accept a role as a councilor. 2
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 She hasn't processed her grief, and isn't ready for anything new. ...and that is something I can't ask her. For me, that's applying abit of pressure.....or is it?
smackie9 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 She's fine. My guess is it was a feeling of relief that she found someone she really likes and likes her back. I would say she felt for a long time that should wouldn't find anyone. Also being all of a sudden single after 19 years of marriage is scary...there's always that uncertainty. For all you know it could have been a loveless marriage...and now here she is, feeling feeling she hasn't felt in years. She's a mature woman, she would know if she wasn't ready of not. She hasn't backed off so I think you are good. Just keep doing what you are doing.
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) She's fine. My guess is it was a feeling of relief that she found someone she really likes and likes her back. I would say she felt for a long time that should wouldn't find anyone. Also being all of a sudden single after 19 years of marriage is scary...there's always that uncertainty. For all you know it could have been a loveless marriage...and now here she is, feeling feeling she hasn't felt in years. She's a mature woman, she would know if she wasn't ready of not. She hasn't backed off so I think you are good. Just keep doing what you are doing. Thanks Smackie, hope so. Am I reading too much into things and her not commenting on the connection thing? Edited November 11, 2019 by SJ1975
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Am I reading too much into things and her not commenting on the connection thing? Personally, I don't think you're reading too much into it. I don't believe this is someone who is ready for the connection you're seeking. Time will tell, but I would not put a lot of eggs in this basket.
Author SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Personally, I don't think you're reading too much into it. I don't believe this is someone who is ready for the connection you're seeking. Time will tell, but I would not put a lot of eggs in this basket. I let let you all know. I guess there is only one person who knows
Author SJ1975 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 Well, I've just spoken to her over the phone and said if I made her worry about my previous message on Saturday then I'm sorry. She didn't even remember which message! So guess that's ok then. I have again said to her if she needs space just tell me and I can back off (not that I'm giving her any pressure) and she just said thanks, and that she will be ok. However, I'm still playing this with caution. This girl is completely my type and I just feel so relaxed with her. We definitely have a connection, I just hope I haven't met her one year too early. I have nothing to lose, so I'm going to plough on. If nothing happens in the end, I'll have made a friend.
Author SJ1975 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 However, her head isn't clear... I've never dated a divorcee before. She could be comparing me to her ex, god knows what is going through her head. I'd love to hear from others who have/had dated a woman divorced (of 1 year) and how it went for them.
Author SJ1975 Posted November 14, 2019 Author Posted November 14, 2019 She's fine. My guess is it was a feeling of relief that she found someone she really likes and likes her back. I would say she felt for a long time that should wouldn't find anyone. Also being all of a sudden single after 19 years of marriage is scary...there's always that uncertainty. For all you know it could have been a loveless marriage...and now here she is, feeling feeling she hasn't felt in years. She's a mature woman, she would know if she wasn't ready of not. She hasn't backed off so I think you are good. Just keep doing what you are doing. She completely opened up to me last night and the feelings are mutual. Watch this space! 1
Author SJ1975 Posted November 25, 2019 Author Posted November 25, 2019 Well, went out with her again over the weekend and had more tears. It was a really strange date. She had a running with her ex husband earlier in the morning, which didn't help things I dont think. Either way she is just really odd. I pressed her for abit more commitment, and perhaps to spend more time together. One minute she was all for it, the next not so much. I told her I was not looking for anything heavy but just some fun with an aim of things developing. She is really bad at giving me a straight answer or letting me know what is going on in her head. I've since told her thanks but no thanks in so many words and that's that. I went in to this with open eyes but I'll never date a woman who has recently split up after a long marriage. I'm abit gutted but don't want to waste my time either. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 25, 2019 Posted November 25, 2019 Sorry it turned out this way, OP. An unpleasant lesson learned - keep away from the recent divorcees who show so much hot/cold behaviour. She has too much unfinished emotional business with her ex to be available for a relationship right now.
Author SJ1975 Posted November 25, 2019 Author Posted November 25, 2019 Sorry it turned out this way, OP. An unpleasant lesson learned - keep away from the recent divorcees who show so much hot/cold behaviour. She has too much unfinished emotional business with her ex to be available for a relationship right now. Sound advice. She really should not have been on any dating app as she is so not ready to move on. Glad I did what I did before things got too involved
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