lavenderandvelvet Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 This year has been a bit of a bust dating wise. I was ready to take a break. So beginning of September I matched with a guy. Not particularly my type, but I have decided to be more open minded. (Different nationality and ethnicity from me - also 10 years older which I haven’t done before). We exchanged messages, reasonable conversation. I was open to meeting. And we tentatively scheduled something. He ended up canceling due to work emergency. And that kicked off a period of work travel for him. He has an unusual job. And herein is the problem. I told him, connect with me when you are back and we can see what happens. He was checking in often before, and has been checking in during the trip. We’ve talked on the phone. Texted. And honestly have got on really well. He texts me daily. (Full disclosure - I am talkative and am open to long conversations with anyone as long as it stays interesting). And during this time he has become pretty smitten with me. He has explicitly told me. While I am sure part of it is the fake mental picture we all get, he has also identified some specific things he has accurately gleaned from my personality he is attracted to. Which reinforces it being genuine. We have common ideas about what we want in a relationship and some hobbies. I’m cautiously optimistic. I want to keep some distance until we meet of course. But for me connecting verbally builds physical attraction. He has turned off his dating profile and wants to go all in. He seems like potentially a good fit. But this is all on paper if you will. I’m looking forward to meeting him in a week or so when he returns. So he was feeling like a promising option. And here is the wrinkle. I met someone at a networking happy hour this weekend. We were chatting. I thought he was attractive. And at some point the conversation went from a friendly to flirting. We connected on LinkedIn and quickly he suggested meeting and exchanging numbers. We have texted a little and have plans for next week. This guy pretty neatly lines up with my usual type. We work in the same industry. We have shared pop culture references due to both age and growing up in the same country. Conversation was super easy. We talked for an hour at least. We have some common interests. Great fit for me. So now the mystery texter is looming in the background almost ready to be real. And then there is a very real guy I have already met and also like. I don’t want to be unfair to either. Or be confused. Haven’t told the text guy. He knows I am holding out till I meet him, and that I feel at least some connection. The other guy knows nothing though I am assuming we are going on a date when we meet up next week. My hesitation is probably something along the lines with stick with my “usual” or take a leap off the reservation. (The texter will be done with work travel for a few months and not have long extensive trips in the future - he will have more free time, a lot of time actually, once the project is over) What do you think?
Wanderlust2018 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 At this early juncture, why put all of your eggs in one basket? There’s no commitment at this stage. Go on a date, or two (if it goes that far after meeting the first time) and then cross that bridge of making a choice. Meeting each (or the one you haven’t yet at least) might make the choice very clear or at least a lot easier. 1
Mrin Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Go on date with New Guy. See if there is anything there. Continue to text with Text Guy and if you're still available when Text Guy finally asks you out on a date, go out with him too. A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 omg it's a no brainer...the guy at the happy hour, oh hell ya. You have met in person already and he is the shiz.
Author lavenderandvelvet Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 Meeting happy hour guy on Tuesday. Texter is very “serious” but yes he has to both return. And actually schedule something. But he is quite persistent.
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 (edited) Meeting happy hour guy on Tuesday. Texter is very “serious” but yes he has to both return. And actually schedule something. But he is quite persistent. have a date with both, then decide. Can't really know someone via text you know what I mean? Don't feel the real thing until you meet....could turn out to be a total dud or a stage 4 clinger. You know, there are a lot of people that wish they had your problem lol. Edited November 10, 2019 by smackie9
Foxhall Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Yes it will be intriguing to see how this text talk connection translates into real life, you have to satisfy your curiosity anyway and perhaps meet both for a while, texter guy sounds perhaps somewhat over enthusiastic my money would be on the happy hour guy.
Author lavenderandvelvet Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 have a date with both, then decide. Can't really know someone via text you know what I mean? Don't feel the real thing until you meet....could turn out to be a total dud or a stage 4 clinger. You know, there are a lot of people that wish they had your problem lol. I never have this problem which is why I am so confused lol. Usually it is boring guy number one, ghoster number 3, and the person who texts hi or wyd all the time with no other substance.
TheBlingRing14 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I am actually going to say to give Guy #1 maybe first crack at things. The best relationship advice I ever got was to just ONCE, go for the person you normally wouldn't. "What happened the last time you met someone you were super attracted to and felt an instant connection with?" My response: "We had one date and he ghosted me." "And the time before that?" My response: "I found out he was married." "And the time before that?" My response: "I traveled thousands of miles only to find out he had met someone else." Essentially the response at that point was maybe instead of going for a guy because I have an attraction/connection....maybe I should go for a guy and try to build an attraction/connection. And I am so glad I did.
Author lavenderandvelvet Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 I am actually going to say to give Guy #1 maybe first crack at things. The best relationship advice I ever got was to just ONCE, go for the person you normally wouldn't. "What happened the last time you met someone you were super attracted to and felt an instant connection with?" My response: "We had one date and he ghosted me." "And the time before that?" My response: "I found out he was married." "And the time before that?" My response: "I traveled thousands of miles only to find out he had met someone else." Essentially the response at that point was maybe instead of going for a guy because I have an attraction/connection....maybe I should go for a guy and try to build an attraction/connection. And I am so glad I did. Interesting. That is what has been gradually happening with number 1. So I definitely owe it to him and myself to meet him. He is definitely in the settle down mindset. But of course number 2 has potential. But I have no idea what he wants and where he is on his journey.
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