Redguitar35 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 I’m generally not one to go seeking validation from external sources but I’ve having such a hard time finding anyone who legitimately is interested in me that’s it making me feel discouraged and depressed and lower self esteem. If it’s this hard to find someone maybe it really does mean I’m not relationship material or attractive? I can’t come to any other conclusion that makes sense. I’ve messaged people on dating apps and got no reply or ghosted after a few messages. I go on dates then ignored after the first date. I go to public events and nobody walks up and starts a conversation with me. I follow people on social media that don’t follow back lol. I’m just an invisible man to women.
Melrose78 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 The first problem is it's not hard to recognise someone with low self-esteem or self worth. Having confidence in yourself attracts others. Lack of self-esteem can be off putting. I personally don't date guys that are looking for others to boost their egos. Consciously or subconsciously. I looked at some of your previous posts. You need to stop even attempting to date and find yourself. You seem lost. Go make new friends, hobbies etc. Go be happy within yourself. Once you achieve that, life will flow so much better for you 4
Highndry Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 You don't need a woman for validation. Maybe accept the fact that you may be single for the rest of your life and then allow serendipity to surprise you. 2
mortensorchid Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Self esteem is difficult to come by and maintain. You don't need a SO to give you that, but it does help when you are with someone who cares for you as much as you do for them.
Caauug Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 The first problem is it's not hard to recognise someone with low self-esteem or self worth. Having confidence in yourself attracts others. Lack of self-esteem can be off putting. So true!!! Have you tried exercise? Get out go for walks, go to the gym if you are into that or go for a bike ride if you have one. Give it a few weeks of 3 times a week of exercise. Besides being good for you, it makes you feel good about yourself. And good stress relief also. This is about you so get out and do something. Leave alcohol and any non prescribed drugs alone.
MeadowFlower Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 I’m generally not one to go seeking validation from external sources but I’ve having such a hard time finding anyone who legitimately is interested in me that’s it making me feel discouraged and depressed and lower self esteem. If it’s this hard to find someone maybe it really does mean I’m not relationship material or attractive? I can’t come to any other conclusion that makes sense. I’ve messaged people on dating apps and got no reply or ghosted after a few messages. I go on dates then ignored after the first date. I go to public events and nobody walks up and starts a conversation with me. I follow people on social media that don’t follow back lol. I’m just an invisible man to women. You may, if you like, join my club. We're still awesome no matter what people's opinions of us are. 2
MeadowFlower Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Maybe accept the fact that you may be single for the rest of your life.. That may seem like a good thing to do and maybe it is, but it's not the most enjoyable thought to think on. And isn't it natural to want to have that someone and want to be liked. It is.
chillii Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 (edited) The first thing l noticed which is an as per usual in any of these posts, is the word attractive. lt's the first thing anyone mentions in any post round here, yet amazing really, when only a small proportion of the billions of couples in the world on any street are so called attractive. l can never believe the mentality , it's like you guys think only 20% of the worlds population have any hope of a relationship. And l'd say that right there and what seems to be the total lack of depth and comprehension in how things really should be and work, is probably one of the biggest things holding struggling people back. The second most common thing l notice is that none of them will lower their sights. Edited November 10, 2019 by chillii 2
elaine567 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Maybe accept the fact that you may be single for the rest of your life and then allow serendipity to surprise you. That strategy may work for people who just need a break to sort their head out, but for chronic "strugglers", they may actually wait forever. No-one will come knocking on their door, they need to be proactive - in a good way.
schlumpy Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Tl can never believe the mentality , it's like you guys think only 20% of the worlds population have any hope of a relationship. I have to agree. People always worry about meeting someone and getting married and agree that it is difficult. I would challenge that notion by asking them to try NOT to get into a relationship and see how easy that is. We are internally driven to romantically attach ourselves to other human beings. It's human nature and thus unavoidable. It can only be managed.
Author Redguitar35 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 The first thing l noticed which is an as per usual in any of these posts, is the word attractive. lt's the first thing anyone mentions in any post round here, yet amazing really, when only a small proportion of the billions of couples in the world on any street are so called attractive. l can never believe the mentality , it's like you guys think only 20% of the worlds population have any hope of a relationship. And l'd say that right there and what seems to be the total lack of depth and comprehension in how things really should be and work, is probably one of the biggest things holding struggling people back. You haven’t explained how things do work?
MeadowFlower Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 OP, do you get anxiety when you are in the early stages of dating? Or when you like someone but you think they don't like you?
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Your self worth improves when you take care of yourself. That's going to the gym, YOU reaching out and having conversations with people, getting in touch with old friends, family, start a Friday lunch at work where everyone gets together and orders in, interact with people more, smile, have good posture and stride, etc. You need to do things to calm your mind, like meditation, swimming, running, adequate hours of sleep, eating healthy, cleaning out clutter in your home, etc. Get busy to take your mind of these expectations that seem to be overwhelming you.
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