mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 So last night the girl I am seeing came over to my place, we had some beer, drinks and watched a movie. She was getting tired and suggested I take a shower since I just got done working on her car earlier. She told me to wake her incase she fell asleep on the couch. After getting out of my shower I attempted to wake her up but she said "I'm comfortable, leave me alone". So with her saying that I went into my bedroom and went to sleep. My roomate comes home 30-45 mins later and the noise wakes her. She storms into my room pissed and embarassed. I told her I tried to wake you as you asked but you told me to leave you alone. She got mad and said I obviously don't want here there and she wants to leave. I told her I always want you around but I am not going to make you stay. So I walked her to the door and opened it without myself saying a word. I didn't attempt to stop her, as she was walking out she said "I can't do this anymore". Does that mean we are done?? Earlier today she said we need to talk and see if this is savagable. She admitted she was in the wrong and shouldn't have been upset. She claims she was just embarassed and maybe the alcohol was at fault. Fast forward to 5PM today, she calls telling me that I should goto the races at 7:30. I told her that isn't enough time for me. I was out at my parents 45 mins away. She said, ok make it 8:30. I said ok, that works for me. I drop everything I am doing, hurry home and get ready. I call at 7:15 and tell her I am heading out, she said sorry I already left. Seems pretty disrespectful to me. So at 10:30 I call her to tell her good night. She is drunk off her ass, so much so a friend tells me don't worry she isn't driving. She told me she wouldn't drink much just a few hours earlier. I don't know what to do. She is yelling at the cars and the drivers and just not listening to a word I am saying. I just said nevermind, forget it and hung up on her. I don't know what to do, stay, go, no contact or what. We had plans tomorrow, so I don't know what to do if she does show up at my door or if she calls me. There are only so many times someone can say they are sorry until its just words. Maybe she is just too immature for me. I'm 25 and she is 20. She is a single mom you would think she would be a bit more mature than to get hammered.
lynnered Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 she does sound immature ,she is only 20even if a mom some are still babys themselves. Maybe the waking up thing she was just grumpy ,but she doesnt sound like someone U mught want to get involved with.
Author mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 Yeah, She txt'd me here a bit ago and asked me why I hung up on her. My response was: "Forget it. This isn't working out for me. I have a bag out front with your DVDs and Shoes in it. I would recommend getting it. You promised me you wouldn't drink much and you are plastered. Goodbye and take care." She called a few mins later saying, is this what you want? I said yes. She said ok, I will come by and get my stuff don't leave it on the porch. I said, I don't really want to see your face, its on the porch, I won't be home so don't bother knocking and I hung up. Not even a full 3 weeks into it, and already 3 things she has done that were pretty dumb. I think I deserve better... I feel hurt, I can't find a decent woman to save my life.
lynnered Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 U will find someone but by wasting ur time with this drama ,it doesnt help. I think U said U are only 23? Im 27 spent 4years 3 months in a bad screwed up relationship ,getting over it now. Its better to get out early then waste time she sounds like shes good for A$$,but nothing serious . Do U want or need all this drama ? U are young U will find someone ,just dont accept anything just to have someone in Ur life. goodluck
elijahBailey Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Although I agree everything she did was wrong and you have every right to vent, I think you might've been a tad too hasty. All these things happened... what... over a short period of a couple days. It's up to you, really. But if it were me, I would step up the communication with her. How do you expect to solve problems when the both of you are so heated up. If you still want her, talk to her when things calm down. Someone's got to give in, if not, don't bother taking her bag back in.
RecordProducer Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 A L C O H O L! Either point out at what it's doing to her life and encourage her to stop or it will ruin your relationship. She needs help. She's been through a lot (I assume, being that she is a single mother at age 20, drinking her ass off) and if you care about her, you should make her see a therapist, engage in some program, AA meeting or all that together. But first you must convince her that she does have a problem as she will deny it.
pippen_2k Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I wouldnt go that far record producer.. we dont know how often she drinks.. as far as we know she had a couple big nights, dosent mean she needs to see AA or somethin...
RecordProducer Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 She got drunk two days in a row without any good reason to "celebrate." I kinda smell what it's all about.
pippen_2k Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 ha Hey I always celebrate 2 days a week! Flyday and Saturday night.. and im no alco
RecordProducer Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 im no alco Says who? Men are different from women. Your liver bears alcohol better. In any case, not all people respond to it in the same way. She admitted herself that it possibly caused the problem the first night.
Author mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 She has said before that alcoholism runs in the family and such. All I know is I have seen it before with 2 other people I dated in the past, when there is a lot of drinking going on something is bound to happen that shouldn't sooner or later. I'm not some control freak, I just asked that she not drink much since we have a big day planned on Sunday and I didn't want her coming over late or hung over. She promised she wouldn't and she did. I consider that a broken commitment and/or lie. She txt msg'd my phone at 1 AM saying that "She was not drunk, I'm tired of having to explain myself and my actions to you. I should have known that you were too good to be true." Why would she even bother text messaging me? I told her this isn't working and it's over. She is single now, she can do whatever she'd like and I don't have to worry about it. I'd like to think she would change and respect my feelings and quit being so selfish but i doubt that will happen. Is no contact in order here or what should I do? I would imagine I need to quit responding to her text messages.
Chimerical Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 To me, it sounds as if he's better off getting out now. She blows up at him about something so simple as not waking her up on the couch. Which if taken alone wouldn't be that big of a deal, but her ditching him after giving him a deadline to go to the races with her... that was wrong. He was honest and up front about the earliest he could be there, he was on track to making it within the timeframe, and she just ditches him. He's been with her how long? 3 weeks?! Why is it his problem to help her with her emotional problems? Yeah, he cared for her... but why sacrifice his entire life for a girl who couldn't give a damn about him? In my opinion. Break all contact with her. Don't call, don't answer, don't talk with her. You already explained your position, she has her things back. Don't drag this out or you'll lose. Cut her off completely. 3 weeks into a relationship is supposed to be the time we put our best foots forward, isn't it? Where we go to great lengths to do good things for our partners? Does it sound like she's doing that? Doesn't to me.
Author mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 So today she txt's me telling me she will be by at 11:00 to pick up her stuff and say a few words to me. 11:30 rolls around and nothing. I call her and tell her I'm about to head out, and you never came over. She said, yeah I made a last minute decision to hang out with my family. I was like, couldn't you have had the manners to tell me so I wasn't waiting around you? She said she is not going to discuss anything. She said I will be by at 5 to pick up my things. I said your things are in a bag out front. If it disappears its not my fault. I then told her to do me a favor and lose my number. She is still texting and calling. Now what do I do?
slubberdegullion Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Booze or no booze, she seems to be one of those "drama queen" types; the type that no matter what you do, she's bound to find something wrong with it, and nothing is ever her fault. NEXT
housebaby Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I would say that it's too early to bother "hanging on". I think she is definitely showing irresponsible/insensitive behavior. And no, just because a person is a mother - doesn't automatically mean she is mature. I was a mother at 17...after I had her, broke up with my abusive/controlling boyfriend/baby's dad - I then proceeded to "live my life" with the help of my mother's babysitting. I wasn't any more mature after having her - sure, I was more responsible for my child - but my own personal life, NOT AT ALL.....when you try to skip a part of development, you will end up having to do it sometime.... Sounds like she has issues - that she has to deal with....no boyfriend/lover is going to "fix" her or "help" to change her. She's going to have to realize that she's making these things happen to her (being dumped because of her issues). I would cut off contact - it's easier for her/you. Dragging things on only makes it harder/more confusing for all parties involved. She will move on and so will you ... with a clear conscience.
housebaby Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 So today she txt's me telling me she will be by at 11:00 to pick up her stuff and say a few words to me. 11:30 rolls around and nothing. I call her and tell her I'm about to head out, and you never came over. She said, yeah I made a last minute decision to hang out with my family. I was like, couldn't you have had the manners to tell me so I wasn't waiting around you? She said she is not going to discuss anything. She said I will be by at 5 to pick up my things. I said your things are in a bag out front. If it disappears its not my fault. I then told her to do me a favor and lose my number. She is still texting and calling. Now what do I do? This girl is obviously in 'la-la-land' and is being toatally rude! You should just tell her off....if she is to far out in left field to get your messages --- be as blunt as possible...maybe just go to her house and dump her stuff off and tell her to "f*ck off". Maybe she is too blitzed to even get the straight forward messages. It's harsh - but if I was as dumb as her, I would expect to be told off. Some people just don't get it. Don't be nice or submissive....she is stringing you along like a puppy dog.
Author mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 I guess there must be something wrong with me, I seem to always pick women who are loaded to the gills with issues. I'm 25, pretty successful in my work, have a new home, new car, etc. I always seem to find women that just want to play mind games. Problem is, I meet 99% of them online via the Internet. I can't approach women at the clubs, and people say I am pretty cute I dunno. I just have no game I suppose. So here I am, upset as ever because we clicked really well. My friends all have girlfriends so I rarely get to do anything with them. I swear cupid works for the devil.
housebaby Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Ah, don't be so hard on yourself. I usually attract losers too! I am pretty cute, sucessful, independant, compassionate(to a point), funny, fun-loving, open-minded, and aventurous: all the things you would THINK make up a great girlfriend: then, I get taken advantage of by these jerks! If not for sex, then money, emotional security, etc, etc.....I don't look at it as my downfall - but theirs for taking advantage. You have to realize that about 90% of EVERYTHING in the world is CRAP. Music, Entertainment, Food - People included. You are the same age as me (STILL SO YOUNG). You will have to sift through the rough to find your diamond. I'm not saying that there is 'one person for everyone' - but eventually you will be able to find the person for you. Maybe you are trying too hard? just let things happen, instead of making them happen (ie/looking online). You may just find a sweetheart in the most unexpected place? Lesson learned, I say~!! A good saying I live by is: LIFE IS LIKE PHOTOGRAPHY - YOU REQUIRE THE NEGATIVES TO DEVELOP!
Author mark1210 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 Thanks housebaby. I'd like to believe that is the case, I mean with my job I work some crazy hours during the work week, and come straight home exhausted. Everyone I work with is much much older. I feel so much better about myself knowing that there is someone out there that cares about my well being, someone that I can count on for emotional support, etc. I was single 6 months before I met this latest one. I feel that if I am not searching, I will not find. Most women around the Dallas area don't approach men. Least not to my knowledge.
housebaby Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 It's definitely not easy! I often question myself, I think everyone who's been through so many crappy relationships does....it's natural to think it's your fault.....it isn't. Another thing is: everyone has their flaws- some more severe than others...it's weather or not you are willing to deal with their issues or not. Some people have never really accepted their downfalls and aren't ready to face themselves...these are not canidates for relationships. Just try not to blame yourself...you have standards and you shouldn't lower them just to have someone. Good Luck!
elijahBailey Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I'm 25, pretty successful in my work, have a new home, new car, etc. : and people say I am pretty cute I dunno. . I am pretty cute, sucessful, independant, compassionate(to a point), funny, fun-loving, open-minded, and aventurous: all the things you would THINK make up a great girlfriend: say.... ya know what I was thinkin'.... yeah, you two should really hook up :lmao: sorry, can't resist....
Tamrick Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 You definitely need to stop that relationship - its very soon after you met her and already there are big problems - if someone is disrespectful after only a few weeks then it will only get worse. Leave her stuff out and don't contact her at all - don't answer the text messages. You have already said its over - you don't need to say it 20 times. She also needs you to not listen else she will not be able to move on either.
Author mark1210 Posted October 3, 2005 Author Posted October 3, 2005 OK so now what, her bag was picked up, and she keeps texting telling me how she thought things would be different, and that she hopes we can be friends. I responded back saying: "I wish things were different too, but they are what they are. I cannot be friends with you, it doesn't work for me. Please cease contacting me." Chances are she will contact me again, what do I do, do I keep responding. Whats the best way to get it through her head I am done?
housebaby Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 say.... ya know what I was thinkin'.... yeah, you two should really hook up :lmao: sorry, can't resist.... ha-ha c'est trop drole! Maybe if I was in the U.S.A instead of Canada (jk)
Mary3 Posted October 3, 2005 Posted October 3, 2005 Change your phone number . Recognize that you have had 3 girls in the past who had drunk issues. Remember that the signs are ALWAYS there but its up to US to identify and react to the signs of a alcoholic or an abuser. Its what we do AFTER we notice the signs that matters. We can choose to get the heck out or we can choose to stay and hope their drinking ( or insert behavior ) stops. You are a good looking guy ! You deserve much better
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