miss2017 Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 After a few months after my last on-off relationship ended, I decided to get back on that famous dating app starting with a T. Besides some guys who are direct and say they only want something casual, or are looking for a serious relationship, most of them say "I'm here just to meet people and see what happens". I'm getting fed up of this. I just feel these guys are either emotionally unavailable or completely lost, or just want something casual and don't want to tell the truth. It's exhausting. I'm starting to tell them if they want to meet people they should be on meetup.com and not on a dating app! lol What do you think of this?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 If a guy says anything like that in his profile, I delete his message and move on. 1
kendahke Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 for certain age groups, there tends to be a "why bother?" attitude. They do the very least and expect the very most---give them "awards for good boys" (a great IG account on the dating phenomenon) If some guy said he was only on there to meet people, I'd tell them "I'm not" and I'd block them and keep it moving.
chillii Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 (edited) Same again as usual , whatever the women moan about guys saying or doing on a date site , the women do the same things when your a guy. it's weird. Maybe women just don't read other women profiles like l never read male profiles , so they don't see it , l never had a clue what other guys were doin.Mind you l heard a lot of it though from women l met. But when l was on a date site there were 100s of women said that same thing so l use to wonder all the same things your saying. l'd feel like mailing her and saying well wth you even doin here then you stupid xxxxx, wasting peoples time. Edited November 7, 2019 by chillii
Michelle ma Belle Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 Tinder is loaded with men like that. Hell, most dating sites are these days. Looking for friends = Looking for sexual partners. Plain and simple. Does that work for you? If not, don't engage. Men don't go online looking for female "friends" to become their shopping buddy for heaven's sake. Why not try another dating app that isn't quite as notorious for casual encounters? 2
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 I'm starting to tell them if they want to meet people they should be on meetup.com and not on a dating app! lol What do you think of this? I think how they phrase their wants is entirely up to them. They are telegraphing to you with that phrase that they don't want serious. Be thankful that they put it out there so you don't have to waste your time with them. By putting such a message on the app you are using which had it's origins in being all about the casual hook up, they are saving you from having to meet them. Taking the time to chastise them for being honest is fruitless. You will not change their behavior & you will come across as a psycho. Just ignore them. What is the problem with doing that? If you want to meet quality people use apps as a single tool, not your sole means of meeting people.
Author miss2017 Posted November 7, 2019 Author Posted November 7, 2019 I think how they phrase their wants is entirely up to them. They are telegraphing to you with that phrase that they don't want serious. Be thankful that they put it out there so you don't have to waste your time with them. By putting such a message on the app you are using which had it's origins in being all about the casual hook up, they are saving you from having to meet them. Taking the time to chastise them for being honest is fruitless. You will not change their behavior & you will come across as a psycho. Just ignore them. What is the problem with doing that? If you want to meet quality people use apps as a single tool, not your sole means of meeting people. I decided to use this app because a friend of mine met her now husband on that app, so you never know. I have been ignoring them, lately I don't even respond anything, I just unmatch them and that's it, but it's starting to become annoying because there are so many saying the same thing. And I don't think that's being honest at all. Honesty is saying: "I'm looking for casual sex partners". Saying they're "looking for friends" or to "meet people" is just being lazy or coward. Anyway, I might be better taking my own advice and going on that meetup.com website myself and start going to events to meet people in a real life scenario. 1
Lorenza Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 "Just want to meet people" "Looking for friendship, but time will tell what it will lead to" "Looking for a partner in crime" (particularly cringeworthy) "Someone to travel to exotic locations and explore the cities finest restaurants with" "Someone to cuddle and drink loads of tea with, during these dark and cold winter evenings" I used to feel fed up as well when I was on dating apps. Those phrases were written by men in their early to late 30's but reminded me of schoolboys trepidating and not really know what they want from girls as of yet, just feeling like they should be around them in some way 1
Legatus Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 Gosh, seems like all you can do is judge people because they don't conform to your idea of descriptions? Then what descriptions do you expect? "I want to find a wfie or long-term girlfriend"? What's wrong with searching for just people and leave all the other stuff to when you date them properly. 4
snowboy91 Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 To me that's just code for wanting something casual. Nothing wrong with that, but if that's not what you want then don't respond to them. 1
Legatus Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 But it's based on assumption that wanting to meet people only means you want something casual. It's illogical. What if you want to meet people to se if you can meet somebody seriously, or perhaps you don't even go there but it happens anyway. The sheer fact that you assign a type of personality because of something so simple as "want to meet people" boggles my mind. Everybody complains that we spend too much time in front of screens, in virtual world, that we really don't meet people anymore. Then somebody wants to do that and they're branded as casual sex seekers. Oh my world.. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 And I don't think that's being honest at all. Honesty is saying: "I'm looking for casual sex partners". Saying they're "looking for friends" or to "meet people" is just being lazy or coward. Anyway, I might be better taking my own advice and going on that meetup.com website myself and start going to events to meet people in a real life scenario. You will be better off taking your own advice & going to the meetup As for their phrasing, they are being honest. To you it's sugar coating the desire for something casual but even sugar coated you know what they want. Few people are actually going to say they just want easy sex. That is simply crass & off putting. Although you disagree with their phrasing they may be open to settling down with the right person. You don't know because you are never going to meet them. You have already written them off. It's a win for everybody. You don't have to meet somebody who you think is dishonest & annoying. They don't have meet up with you who will not be a source of the easy NSA sex they want. It's called live & let live. Yes, there are a lot of creeps out there & seems like even more online. I'm not saying it's impossible to meet a quality person on that app; I am saying it's improbable. Heck, I met my husband in a bar, another place people will tell you that it's impossible to meet good people. It all depends. Finding somebody to date is partially about the law of large numbers. You have to put yourself in situations to meet new people & you have to be open to possibilities. It's not Build a Bear; you can't just pick the specific features you want in a partner
Foxhall Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 Gosh, seems like all you can do is judge people because they don't conform to your idea of descriptions? Then what descriptions do you expect? "I want to find a wfie or long-term girlfriend"? What's wrong with searching for just people and leave all the other stuff to when you date them properly. Yes I would agree with this post, I see nothing wrong with portraying " just meeting new people " and if it goes further good and well, if not still nice to make a new friend along the way 1
basil67 Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 I'm inclined to agree with Legatus. Miss2017, It's really easy to criticise, so I'd turn this around and ask what would strike you as a good description from the type of man you are seeking.
Blind-Sided Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 OK... I agree that it seems like online dating is just a swingers market for the most part... but some of those comments looked ok to me. So, since I may be trying it out for the first time in my life in the near future... what would you expect to see for someone looking for the possibility of a long relationship and not just a hook-up?
salparadise Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 So, since I may be trying it out for the first time in my life in the near future... what would you expect to see for someone looking for the possibility of a long relationship and not just a hook-up? Say you're looking for a relationship, and respond to those who say the same! I hate those half-assed non-statements as much as anyone. I think it's lame. It's as bad as those who post no pics, or pics of memes or pets, or ten year old pics, and expect to be taken seriously... or one pic and no words, as if that one pic is supposed entrance men and put them into hyper pursuit mode. Pffft. I have particular distain for those who float the "friends first" crap, as if we're supposed to be so enthralled that we'd settle for starting in the friend zone and try to work our way up to dating... while she's holding us at arm's length and wasting our time. They're all time wasters, and the non-statement of intent is cliché obfuscation. The legitimate intents on a dating site are relationship, casual, dating but nothing serious, and hookup.
mortensorchid Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 They mean just that : "I want to meet people". As in they don't want a relationship. Keep that in mind with someone who says this - if it's not what you're looking for then swipe left. Which it doesn't sound like.
chillii Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 "Just want to meet people" "Looking for friendship, but time will tell what it will lead to" "Looking for a partner in crime" (particularly cringeworthy) "Someone to travel to exotic locations and explore the cities finest restaurants with" "Someone to cuddle and drink loads of tea with, during these dark and cold winter evenings" I used to feel fed up as well when I was on dating apps. Those phrases were written by men in their early to late 30's but reminded me of schoolboys trepidating and not really know what they want from girls as of yet, just feeling like they should be around them in some way See, same again , saw 100s of women saying all this stuff , particularly the partner in crime cringe worthy one, that was very very common. l quite liked that one from the women myself haha. l never used it myself though l thought for sure it'l be twisted around into something evil
Lorenza Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 See, same again , saw 100s of women saying all this stuff , particularly the partner in crime cringe worthy one, that was very very common. l quite liked that one from the women myself haha. l never used it myself though l thought for sure it'l be twisted around into something evil Since I don't scroll through women's profiles, I have no idea what they're saying. But pretty sure they're just as ridiculous. Dating is a joke nowadays anyway and it's mostly just people looking to put the minimum amount of commitment for the maximum outcome and just fulfill their needs for company, sex and cuddles "for free". I don't romanticize the old times (or heck - I do a little), but my grandfather was 19 when he met my grandma for the first time and decided to himself that he wants to marry her and started pursuing her in a serious manner from that moment on. Nowadays people in their late 30's still sound like they are neither ready nor capable of even trying to be bf/gf or putting any effort into another person. And it's not just an annoying phrase on a dating app, if only that was the only problem! The problem is that when you start dating someone, they suddenly piss their pants, freakout, don't know what they want and end up wasting your time and emotion.
chillii Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 Ahhh, yeah unfortunately l hear ya. Dunno how realistic forums are to how things really are but all l can say is hope not. Yep, not sayin all marriages were perfect from those days before anyone jumps all over it but hell yeah things would've been so much simpler, know what your sayin. People seem so messed up now. Thankfully l only go for like minded but l did meet a few and saw plenty out there of the 40y old 15yr olds myself too. Funny , l never ever looked at the mens profiles either, no clue, sounds bad though.
Erik30 Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 You can still be serious and say "I'm here just to meet people and see what happens." It could just means they don't want to put too much pressure on the first date. If it ends up turning into a relationship, that's great... if there's no connection, that's fine too. Also, I think people use that line to make clear they don't want to chat online/text for ages before meeting up 2
Ruby Slippers Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 Why would any decent woman even want to bother blowdrying her hair for some lame-o who "just wants to see what happens"? Give me a break. 1
Legatus Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 Take many. Because some people don't assume they will find the love of their life online. Without trying, however, you will never know. Simples 1
Logo Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 There is a respectable dating app that's supposed to be female-friendly. I had used it in the past. You would be surprised at the number of women who put on their profile that they Don't Know Yet what they're looking for, maybe 80% of the profiles. "I'm looking for the one. Let's meet and see where it goes", or "I have my **** together and so should you, looking for a partner in crime". They still put Don't Know Yet. They want to keep their options open while they look for "The One". That doesn't spell serious.
SumGuy Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 Have to agree with Legatus, That phrase can mean different things, some will use it as code for causal sex, others just what it says, looking to meet people and see where it goes...it may go to long term relationship it may not...to me it telegraphs no preconceptions or agenda. I actually like the "partner in crime" phrase as to me it is akin to soul mate, but not so high pressure, basically I am looking for a partner to go through life with and can over look the cliche nature of the phrase and focus on the intent. For me I'd not read much into such phrases, but to each there own. If how you approach dating is working for you then go for it. 1
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