Author BWFMT Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 Well she reached out to him last month, so she made contact. He did ask me then if I would be OK with it, and I said sure - nothing wrong with being civil. So I dont think it is that she has rejected him! He did say on Friday that whilst he misses the friendship that ultimately what we have together is what is making him happy right now. i think he genuinely is just quite a deep, anxious person who mourns the end of the friendship more than anything.
GoreSP Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 I feel like maybe he needs closure? He misses their friendship. Perhaps meeting up with her will be the end of your relationship, or he will res’ize they can’t be friends and will move on. Thing is if he doesn’t meet up with her, he will have that « missing their friendship » and that will slowly poison the relationship.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Well she reached out to him last month, so she made contact. He did ask me then if I would be OK with it, and I said sure - nothing wrong with being civil. So I dont think it is that she has rejected him! . I’m curious why you omitted these details in your first post. If you had no problem being civil and had already given him the green light to be friendly, exactly was this thread about? 2
OatsAndHall Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 IMO, you're opening a Pandora's Box that really can't be closed by not establishing a boundary when it comes to exes. It's easy to be casual about him having contact with an ex when things are going well. It becomes a whole different story when things aren't quite so rosy in a relationship. Your perspective will change a great deal if the two of you are in a rough patch and you see he's messaging his ex or he goes out to lunch with her. You have a great deal of trust in him right now which is great. However, it can be much harder to maintain that level of trust when things are rocky in a relationship and an ex is still in the picture. Relationships are rarely easy and they take work and compromise. There's enough variables working against a relationship at times without adding an ex into the equation. And, it's an unnecessary variable, for all intents and purposes; he doesn't NEED to stay in contact with his ex as there's nothing tying them together (other than their feelings for one another). To be blunt, the optimistic side of me gives this a 25% chance of this working out well as you have one of four outcomes. They're either truly platonic (GREAT!), she has feelings for him, he has feelings for her, or they both have feelings for each other. 1
Author BWFMT Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 I’m curious why you omitted these details in your first post. If you had no problem being civil and had already given him the green light to be friendly, exactly was this thread about? I thought I had included that - sorry, reading back I never mentioned that she made contact. I was fine with him being civil. but less so on them actually meeting again, however it now seems like that is not gonna happen... so hopefully panic over!
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I thought I had included that - sorry, reading back I never mentioned that she made contact. I was fine with him being civil. but less so on them actually meeting again, however it now seems like that is not gonna happen... so hopefully panic over! That's what I'm still trying to piece together. Did he actually mention this as a possibility to you before?
SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Stay clear, sorry, I dont like the sound of this. You will only get hurt
Author BWFMT Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 That's what I'm still trying to piece together. Did he actually mention this as a possibility to you before? Nope. He mentioned that she had gotten in touch, that his closest friends had advised him to ignore her, but he felt bad as he had heard through a mutual friend that she had had rather a bad year (several family members dying... I can sympathise. Whilst I don't trust the ex, I don't wish death on anybody) So when she got in touch, and he asked me what I thought I said that I saw no harm in him speaking to her, offering condolences, if they wanted to game online together - go for it! This stuff does not bother me. But when it switched to 'she has asked if we can meet' my blood ran cold, and that is when I started to panic. I've now voiced my concerns and he has said that he really does not want to screw up what we have. We went for dinner with his best friend last night who reinforced what everyone here has said... so hopefully panic over!
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