having sex with a lot of people in a short time

October 2, 2005

i never said i craved love. i hardly even think about them afterward. i think i enjoy the chase and knowing that i can get it...but then the thrill is kind of over and i don't care if we have sex or not. i just want to do it and get it over with. for this reason, i am a fabulous actress, because i don't know what else to do by then. it seems too late to change my mind.

I honestly don't know the right answer, you may have a personality or sexual disorder or you may have a problem with alcohol. To me it sounds like an insecurity issue and more than anything else, the inability to say NO. It's never too late to say no.

October 2, 2005

Don't freak out BBG. Not every piece of advice that you're going to get will be supportive. Try just not drinking until you speak with a therapist or social worker. If you were completely irresponsible or totally messed up you would just continue with this behavior without a care. Clearly you are concerned which is a good thing, you're conscious that your behaviour isn't safe and is making you unhappy.

that made me feel not as out of control. thank you.

thanks, all. i clearly need to do something about this. i'm going to try on my own to just not drink and stay away from bars for a week and set my goal and see what happens.if i can't do it after talking here about it, i'll see someone.

thank you for your kindness everyone.

October 2, 2005

you do have a drinking problem. Just cos you didn't hit the 'total drunk' threshold doesn't mean you don't have one. I had a drinking problem too. And everytime I get started, it always ends in doing something stupid that I regret right after I return sober. It's compounded by the fact that I do enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle. I go for the highs. So if you can imagine that alcohol removes those inhibitions, and if you don't have good will-power, you really need to consider to stop drinking altogether. Take this baby step first.

October 2, 2005

you do have a drinking problem. Just cos you didn't hit the 'total drunk' threshold doesn't mean you don't have one. I had a drinking problem too. And everytime I get started, it always ends in doing something stupid that I regret right after I return sober. It's compounded by the fact that I do enjoy a hedonistic lifestyle. I go for the highs. So if you can imagine that alcohol removes those inhibitions, and if you don't have good will-power, you really need to consider to stop drinking altogether. Take this baby step first.

good advice, eb, thank you. it's nice to know some people are trying to understand. even though i know i am acting like a filthy, dirty who-re.

October 2, 2005

good advice, eb, thank you. it's nice to know some people are trying to understand. even though i know i am acting like a filthy, dirty who-re.

No you aren't because you conceded that you're in a mess and you did say all this mess only got started recently. We all go thru troughs in life, and if you heard mine, you'd be like .... .... and you'd think that yours is pre-school. Anyhow, stop the drinking and start to get a grip first.

October 2, 2005

it's only 11pm here and i am freaking dying to go out. i am so bored, and i have zero homework to do because i am all caught up and actually ahead of myself.

i'm not going though.

October 2, 2005

That last line says a lot to me. "Acting like a filthy Dirty Whore." I am not a professional but seems to me you are punishing yourself for some reason.

your not the first and you will not be the last to ever had one night stands. since it is up setting you and your not getting enjoyment out of the sex might bea good idea to do some hard work and find out why you are beating yourself up so much.

October 2, 2005

This sounds like addiction binging behaviour; you keep doing it because

(a) it produces a short-term high

(b) it validates your current feelings of low self-worth

Your fighting the temptation to go out tonight was quite telling; it sounded so much like somone fighting the urge to drink, gamble, get high or binge eat.

Unfortunately, unlike most addictions, this one is so dangerous that you could cause yourself pretty severe physical harm even in the short term so you don't really have the luxury of solving it the way most people deal with addiction like developing tolerance, waiting for circumstances to change, etc.

It sounds like you are in university; your registration there might make you eligible to get some psychologicial/psychiatric treatment. I recommend you do so ASAP. I'm not sure twelve step programs, another standard approach to addiction, are such a good idea; they tend to be designed for people with multi-year addictions who genuinely are powerless over their addiction.

I recommend against any form of birth control that will reduce the chances that you will use condoms. Obviously, it is incredibly important that you use condoms in every one of these interactions for however long they continue.

One thing I would like to suggest that twelve-step programs do include is getting yourself a "sponsor" -- not necessarily someone who has recovered from your problem but a friend to whom you can confess this problem whom you can call to make alternate plans so you don't go to these bars or who will show up at these bars if you call them and take you home before you do anything too stupid.

Other things to watch out for: avoid central nervous systems stimulants; lots of women who fall into the routine you are getting into get into these and this, obviously, is very bad news.

October 2, 2005

Don't freak out BBG. Not every piece of advice that you're going to get will be supportive. Try just not drinking until you speak with a therapist or social worker. If you were completely irresponsible or totally messed up you would just continue with this behavior without a care.

Actually, most people who engage in addictive behaviour are consciously aware that what they are doing is wrong. The self-loathing and depression caused by this realization actually deepen and reinforce the addiction in many cases.

October 2, 2005

i don't have general feelings of low self-worth, so i don't think i am trying to validate myself in that aspect. for the most part, i'm pretty happy with myself and my life. it's just this. i really don't know why it's happening. this is the only thing in my life making me unhappy or feel low.

i feel like a wh--ore because i am acting like one, not because i am punishing myself. if someone else told me this, i would think they were a wh--re too. it is loose behavior and not like me.

i really am at a total loss. maybe i am going nuts.

October 2, 2005

Topper and Fusangite have stated some good points and EB pointed out that under the influence of alcohol you become "another person" and do stupid things. Many of us know what alcohol does to our behavior so we're probably more eligible to tell you what it's about than those who haven't experienced it. As everyone said: STOP DRINKING!

If you are bipolar or have any other mental illness, your behavior will not cure if you stop drinking. These things only happen when you're drunk. So quit drinking and see how you will behave.

If you do a research about manic-depresive disorder on google, you will learn about it a lot, but still won't be able to make self-diagnosis. I wouldn't assume that you're mentally ill just because you had 11 one-night stands but it's your personal responsibility to see a therapist who will examine your psyche thotoughly.

If you stopped drinking, your sexual behavior would change, right? So how does it make you mentally ill? Alcohol is a huge problem: people have killed, raped, cheated, and performed many immoral acts under its influence. Don't underestimate it!

October 2, 2005

if i was never bi-polar before, could it just...happen like that? all of a sudden?

i've never had any mental issues before, did i snap or something?

October 2, 2005

if i was never bi-polar before, could it just...happen like that? all of a sudden?

i've never had any mental issues before, did i snap or something?

A friend of mine was in self-denial about his depression, which hit him out of nowhere. Thanks to modern medicine he's on his way back to recovery. Thru his ordeal I've learnt a lot about mental illnesses. Only recently has the medical community start to pay serious attention to it. Whereas in the past a person would've been labelled 'insane' or 'out there', now the physicians are starting to look at it from a different light.

A person can succumb to the flu all of a sudden, so why can't another person suffer from mental illness all of a sudden. Being described as suffering from mental illness carries with it a certain stigma, but, you know, do a google, and you'll be surprised by the percentage of people in the country who're suffering from it. In a lot of these cases, the physicians know that it's hormonal imbalance, so don't start being hard on yourself. Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean you're 'out there'. Having said that, you should understand that there are a lot of things that are within your own control, and <stop drinking> is one of 'em.

October 2, 2005

if i was never bi-polar before, could it just...happen like that? all of a sudden?

i've never had any mental issues before, did i snap or something?

Yes, mood disorders are one of the types of mental disorders that can start manifesting during adult life. Fortunately, it sounds like you might be developing a mood disorder. It could be worse; some people develop schizophrenia and other really horrible diseases at your age; but that doesn't seem to be the case with you.

Anyway, if your student health package includes counselling, avail yourself of some.

October 2, 2005

it doesn't, but i have my own insurance, but my parents take care of all that stuff and i really would prefer they not know this. there would be no way to cover it up from them, they get the bill.

October 2, 2005

it just seems like i do it unconsciously, almost like i'm watching this other person who looks like me do these things that i wouldn't do.

And that is why it sounds like a disorder rather than just a battle with alcoholism.

if i was never bi-polar before, could it just...happen like that? all of a sudden?

i've never had any mental issues before, did i snap or something?

As fusangite said, these ailments can come on in adulthood. No, it's not a question of 'snapping' or 'being nuts'. Mental ailments are biochemical illnesses - just the way you can get adult-onset diabetes or any number of other diseases, so can a mental disorder befall you.

i really would prefer they not know this

If you have a disorder, they need to know. There's no need for them to know the details and nobody will tell them if you don't but they certainly need to know if you're ill. Don't put off getting treated for fear of them knowing; untreated disorders can become serious in some cases. I have known people to have psychotic breaks. Not trying to scare you but this is not something to ignore in hope it'll go away.

October 2, 2005

Obviously Outcast wants to persuade you that you're mentally ill. For starters, just stop drinking. I assure you, people go out of control (their own control) under the influence of alcohol. One is able to do awful things to oneself and others in a drunk state.

You can go to a therapist and tell your parents you were a bit depressed. You don't need to tell them about your drinking and one-night stands whatsoever.

October 2, 2005

Obviously Outcast wants to persuade you that you're mentally ill.

No - she is stating, that BBG might suffer from a mental ailment. Where you not the person who believed that if you were mentally ill, you would not be conscious of it? So how is the behavior BBG describes inconsistent with the possibility that she might be mentally ill?

And what if the alcohol is a self-medication mechanism? People who suffer from all kinds of mental ailments do self-medicate. For some disorders (and I am not talking about alcoholism) that is a very big problem.

The highs poster described could easily be caused by for instance the bi-polar disorder. People who suffer from that, may have the idea that they are totally in control of their respective situations.

You can go to a therapist and tell your parents you were a bit depressed. You don't need to tell them about your drinking and one-night stands whatsoever.

Definitely see a psychologist. After all, how could you deal with the whole situation in a responsible manner, if you don't know what the exact situation is, with the possibilities and limitations you have?

Whether it is wise to lie about the diagnosis really depends on what the outcome would be of the diagnostic procedure. If BBG is indeed bi-polar, or suffers from another ailment, it may be wiser to tell her parents. Bi-polar for instance, can affect a lot of areas in your life, including work, study, relationships, handling of your own affairs (monetary, sexual, etc), and it would be grossly irresponsible to ruin your life, because you'd rather not have that people are around to support you.

If you were allergic to peanuts, would you let yourself be eating peanuts, because you were to ashamed to admit to that?

October 2, 2005

You absolutely should see a psychologist. There's a small possibility you may be bipolar or have some other disorder.

What qualifications do you possess to make this judgement outcast? Diagnosing mental illness, if it is present, is hard enough to do in person, but over the internet to a complete stranger is near impossible, and not to mention irresponsible.

I know a girl that went through a very similar stage to you badgirl (by the way stop punishing yourself by calling yourself a slut and a bad girl). She would go out with friends to night clubs and bars and then stay there by herself when they left, to keep drinking and talking to guys, and end up going home with strangers. She would then go through the same guilt and shame you say you feel the next day. In her case, it was caused by some underlying issues she had not dealt with. You say you have not been though anything especially traumatic, but perhaps there are things in your life that are making you unhappy.

I agree that a good step to take would be to go out and not drink, as hard as it is (I found that nightclubs absolutely suck unless you're drunk). And maybe talk to a counsellor at your university or school? Casual sex is not for everyone, and if you're not the kind of person that is not bothered the next day by having had sex with a stranger, then if you keep doing this you will have a lot of regrets when you meet a guy you really like.

October 2, 2005

I definitely think that a visit to a psychologist is in order because if you don't have a problem right now, you will soon have one if you continue with the self-flaggellation fest you keep subjecting yourself to afterwards. Even the healthiest self esteem is going to suffer if you keep telling yourself day after day you ar a filthy stinking whore.

For what its worth, I think it may have just started out rather innocently. You are away from your family and the normal group of people who would set some boundaries for you, so you are probably feeling a bit boundryless. You, alone, in a new place, no special someone in your life and you wanted sex. You like sex, it makes you feel good, it makes you feel connected for a short time, and you get a temporary high from it.

However, since there is no one in your life that you can fill that god-given biological need with, you seek to fill that need with whomever is willing. Given your moral values, and perhaps your normal "non-drunk" personality, the only way you can conceivably follow through with it is to get toasted first. Then your inhibitions are down and you can do it. Being drunk doesn't absolve you of all responsibility, but it does kind of take the edge off the guilt a bit, doesn't it? I may be a slut, you think, but its only when I'm drunk.

The problem is, you know when you go out that its not drinking you are looking forward to, its the sex. Honestly, that's ok if that's what you want to do as long as you are responsible about it. But, I think deep down you hate yourself for it. That self-hatred is what is going to do you in.

I went through a similar period when I first started dating last year. I didn't go to bars and pick up men, but I did online dating and I slept with a few more of them than I care to admit. To me, most of them weren't one night stands, I really (niavely) thought that they would call again. I learned my lesson real quick. Now I live a celibate life for now because I realize the heavy price I paid for my behavior.

As for the HPV if you've slept with that many guys, you probably DO have it. Something like 85% of all women who have ever had sex have it. Its not as bad as some sexually transmitted diseases, esp. if you don't get the genital warts kind. But, it can lead to cervical cancer and therefore is very dangerous for women. Condoms do not do an effective job of protecting you from HPV either, so even if you always insist on a condom, you can still get it. Of course, there are other good reasons to use a condom.

Whatever it is, honey, it sounds like very self abusive behavior and it seems out of control. Whether we call it mental illness, or just a phase, the consequences could be deadly. This is not healthy for you and you could easily ruin your life with one little mistake. Go home with the wrong guy and have unprotected sex - end up dead. Go home with a psycho, and end up strangled in your bed.

Don't necessarily judge yourself by your behavior. The behavior is just one aspect of the problem. What's more important is how you FEEL about the behavior, and all these feelings of guilty, remorse, self loathing, etc... indicate that this is a serious problem.

October 2, 2005

it doesn't, but i have my own insurance, but my parents take care of all that stuff and i really would prefer they not know this. there would be no way to cover it up from them, they get the bill.

Just make up another thing for which you are seeking counselling. All the people paying with bill will know is that you are seeing some counsellor -- they will have no idea what the counselling is about or what you're seeing the counsellor for.

October 2, 2005

What qualifications do you possess to make this judgement outcast? Diagnosing mental illness, if it is present, is hard enough to do in person, but over the internet to a complete stranger is near impossible, and not to mention irresponsible.

First of all, Outcast does not say, nor did I say, that BBG is bipolar. Simply that her behavioral patterns don't exclude the possibility the BBG might be suffering from bipolar disorder. What is so hard to understand about that? And what if BBG is bipolar - would it not be irresponsible to say that she just suffers from a drinking problem? Or to ask the same questions to those who think it is just a drinking problem, what qualifications do you have to make that judgement?

October 2, 2005

Obviously Outcast wants to persuade you that you're mentally ill.

That is a stupid and irresponsible remark.

What qualifications do you possess to make this judgement outcast? Diagnosing mental illness, if it is present, is hard enough to do in person, but over the internet to a complete stranger is near impossible, and not to mention irresponsible.

I am not 'diagnosing' anything. If the OP were to post and say that she suffers from constant bruising, fatigue, and nosebleeds and irregular bleeding, I would suggest she visit a physician because those symptoms can be very serious and MIGHT be leukemia. If a poster posts to say that they have no energy anymore to do things they used to enjoy, find themselves sleeping all the time, and really are losing interest in life, then I will suggest they visit their physician because they MIGHT be suffering from depression.

Knowing the symptoms of illnesses and recommending to people that they go get diagnosed when their symptoms are identical to symptoms of known ailments is something anyone who's interested in health can do and can pass on to others.

The behaviours that the OP is describing sound like the behaviours of someone who has bipolar, particularly this:

this is why i can't believe i am acting this way, i have always been so careful

This is a new and very drastic change in behaviour and that's one of the signs that there might be some sort of ailment of the mind at play.

And if that's not the case, what's the harm? Better safe than sorry, don't you think? Are you RP and you Dukha so terrified of the very idea of psychiatry that you would never set foot in the office of a practitioner? They're just another sort of doctor is all and one who can help with behaviour problems such as this. Even if it's not a disorder, there may be some chemical problem that interacts badly with alcohol. Whatever it is, if she's puzzled by her own behaviour, this is a sign that something may be up that's worth checking out.

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