Sam2020 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I've mentioned this guy a couple of months ago. Met this guy who sort of excited me because of his energy and confidence. He asked if I'd go to dinner with him so I agreed. I know that he's about 10 years younger than me since I did search on his phone number. I'm in late 50's. So I texted him two days after we met and said to call me when he was available to speak. We then set up a dinner date on a Monday night (I was unavailable after that and I did tell him). He ended up canceling dinner because of work (he's an officer in the military, I'm guessing cyber security or some sort of investigative MOS because he mentioned it). So he texted me the following Saturday to see if I was available and reminded I him that I was going to be gone for two weeks. He said he'd get in touch with me after that. He didn't, so two weeks after I retuned and had not heard from him, I took the initiative to text and invite him to a Halloween event. He wasn't able to come and join me. Then the following Saturday night at 9:30 p.m., he texted and asked if I'm "out tonight". I said yes I was with friends two miles away. He then asked if it would be okay if he and his friend join us so I said yes. Crickets till around 10:20 p.m., he texts that they are at a bar (near his condo) and said he could send me an Uber so I could join them. I said no. (Seriously, at 10:30 p.m.?) So here's my take on this. A guy makes an effort to come over to me and chat. After a while he asks me out to dinner. I say yes because I thought he was (yeah cliche) an Officer and a gentleman. He seemed so excited and was so gentlemanly. I never would have agreed to contact him if I didn't have a great vibe from the guy. Anyway, we only spoke on the phone once and only because I asked him to call me. It seemed like I was a last minute thought because he always asked me out at the last minute. I mean his texts always "sounds" like he's excited with the exclamation points and smiley faces he uses. Please note, I always present myself as a "lady" so I cannot imagine he would think that I could possibly be a "bootie call". I'm wondering if he did a search with my phone number and discovered that I'm much older than he is. I'm lucky to have great genetics which make me look 10-15 years younger than my age. I was concerned about being that much of a cougar but thought I'd just give it a whirl, lol. I was quite annoyed by the last text session since it was so damned late. I was thinking of sending him this text. "When we met I really liked your energy which led me to accept your dinner invitation. So it's disappointing that we're just text pals and that's just not what I'm about. But if you still want to go to dinner some time, call me." Thoughts? And if you're wondering why I would even want to text him, it's because I want him to know how disappointing his lack of honor (if that's the correct terminology) is. And to test the waters just in case he is in fact a good guy. Yes it's true that I only met him once, but again, I would never have given him my phone number had I not trusted my own good judgement about him. I would appreciate not being blasted by negative comments. Thanks
preraph Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 You're overreacting. He is in the military. He isn't always at leisure to make the best plans. There was only one hour between when he texted and when he texted you offering to Uber you. Realize he's with friends and wasn't wanting to just abandon them and probably couldn't get them to change venues. You shouldn't have nixed him at 10:30. You were out anyway, it was only an hour later, and there is NO obligation to have done anything with him except have a drink. It wasn't necessarily a booty call, and anyway, it's only a booty call if you LET it be a booty call. All military men are not going to be whatever your idea is of them. They're just guys who have learned the military way, but they still have their own personalities. I think you should just tell him that by the time you heard from him that night, you were feeling tired and ready to go home, not change venues and not chew him out about anything and just tell him you'd love to go out sometime soon if he gets the opportunity. 1
kendahke Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 (edited) Don't send that. If you don't like how he proceeded with you, block him and keep it moving. It doesn't require all the dramatics. Reprimanding a stranger over nothing makes you look unbalanced and he'll think he's dodged a bullet. Neither of you owe each other anything. Edited November 6, 2019 by kendahke 1
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I definitely do not see an issue with inviting you to meet up for a drink on a night you are out at 10:30. You told him you were out - why not try to meet up. That definitely doesn't give off bootie call vibes. But another note, acting like a "lady" doesn't immunize people for trying to treat you as a hookup or bootie call. Some people have a spray and pray approach, some have discerning taste - but it is about their needs and not you or your presentation.
todreaminblue Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I mean his texts always "sounds" like he's excited with the exclamation points and smiley faces he uses. i have sent texts in the deep dark pit of depression with smiley faces lols and love hearts...i have sent texts when completely numb.....and the texts are warm and sunny.....because i dont want to project my sadness onto others.....or my feelings of emptiness...texts are not in my opinion any way to gauge a persons mood or personality they are a disconnect and can be easily misconstrued..... however... ring him invite him out talk to him in person......give him a chance he is military so as others have suggested he may be quite busy.....never assume that because you are lady guys will treat you as such just because you are one.....doesnt make a guy you hardly know a gentleman...be cautious go into any meeting with a guy you really dont know with a bit of reserve on who and how they are...until you know them quite well...be open honest forthright and embody the characteristics and attitude you seek from the guy you are with.....if he has those characteristics they will come out and mirror yours....well in my opinion and experience anyway.... nothing is ever for certain......no guarantee ..deb
Author Sam2020 Posted November 7, 2019 Author Posted November 7, 2019 Yes I did allude to the fact that it was getting late. I was leaving to go home around 10:45 because I was tired from being out all day. He did say to have a safe drive home though. But honestly, my texts were not quite as perky as they had been previously. No exclamation points or smiley/winky faces like I had been sending...so we shall see what happens next, if anything. Have I just been out of circulation too long? Seems like trying to date someone whom I've met irl is just as difficult as online dating, lol! The "rules" have changed so drastically since the 90's. I just want to experience dating someone who I actually felt an initial excitement about. Five years is a long time to have no one interesting, fun and exciting to date. . Thanks for the input.
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