Should I feel guilty I went on vacation with another guy early on?

[greengirl64]

So I had been dating around in July, and had gone on a date with this one guy named Steve. At the same time I was dating around seeing other guys. One of the other guys(Ryan) I was seeing at the time I previously had been seeing but broke up with and we talked for the first time in months, I knew nothing would come out of it. Ryan asked me if I wanted to go on vacation with him for two days just because we both hadn't gone anywhere all summer, I said sure whatever its fine. At the same time I was still talking to Steve, Steve and I hadn't been seeing each other very consistently because he was traveling a lot during the summer but continued to talk on and off. So Ryan and I went on vacation first week of September for two days, and at that time steve and I had been on 4 dates. After this vacation was over I never talked to or hangout with Ryan again knew that wasn't going anywhere and the trip was more of just a reason to go on vacation, but then focused my attention on Steve he stopped traveling we hung out multiple times a week and two months later we are dating. With that being said should I feel guilty I went on vacation with another guy early on when I was still dating around? We never had any exclusive talk and weren't hanging out consistently and at that time had only been on four dates after knowing each other for a month and a half. Steve knew I went on vacation but didn't know with who. I feel bad about it but we weren't dating, never had that talk, I didn't know where it was going, and quite honestly have been on even more dates than that with guys and then we didn't even work out. So how would you feel in this situation and if you were the guy and you found out would you dump me?

[divegrl]

Don’t feel guilty. You were not in a committed relationship.

 

Certainly don’t tell Steve about your vacation with Ryan or dating other men. He doesn’t need to know.

 

If Steve finds out, well then cross that bridge when it comes.

 

Have a beautiful day my friend!!

[kendahke]

if you were the guy and you found out would you dump me?

 

Yes, since you asked. It's too messy for my tastes.

 

If you have nothing to feel guilty about, why are you feeling guilty?

[d0nnivain]

So how would you feel in this situation and if you were the guy and you found out would you dump me?

 

How we feel doesn't matter. It's all about how you & Steve feel.

 

Since Steve knows you went on vacation with somebody else but he hasn't asked for details assume he's savvy enough to know the score. Also assume that he wasn't exactly being celibate while he was traveling. He's also smart enough not to talk about it.

 

What happened happened. It's in the past. You weren't committed before. Now you are. Just move forward.

[Flame Aura]

I guess the question is on this 2 day trip did you sleep with Ryan?

 

 

If yes then I would personally end things if I was in Steve's situation. Regardless that you were not committed, if I had gone on 4 dates with a woman and she then went on a 'trip' with another man, that would show she is way too open to get with anyone that asks... and that is not a good trait.

[kendahke]

Would it be cool with you if Steve went and hung out with another woman and did exactly what you and Ryan did while you were away with Ryan?

[lurker74]

As a man, I would have no problem with this at all, even if (as I presume) you slept with him. You were not anything remotely approaching exclusive.

[thefooloftheyear]

I guess I am old school...This whole business of "shopping" people until you think you find the best one is the most ludicrous thing I can think of...

 

I'd never do it, nor have I ever met a woman who would be ok with me or any other guy doing it to them....

 

TFY

[schlumpy]

Why worry about it. You got away with it.

 

This time.

[central]

I've been in similar situations a number of times, on both sides of the situation. If you're not exclusive, then I see no problem. Before agreeing to be exclusive, you're still just dating to figure out who to be exclusive with!

[fromheart]

Well, you clearly don't feel ok with it. That suggests you wouldn't want it done to you.

 

Be honest with Steve, he may like it he may not.

[smackie9]

Oh hell no!! You want to ruin a good thing? Keep yer mouth shut girl. For all you know he could have been sleeping with his fwb...is he going to tell you about it? Hell no!

You went on 4 dates over 2 months...that's hardly a "I feel guilty" commitment. You only feel guilty because this has turned into something serious. No worries you will get over it.

[dramallama]

This is a really interesting one, because ultimately it comes down to personality.

 

 

 

When I met the man who I eventually married, I was dating around, which he knew (as I had a brief fling with one of his friends), and because he had a jealous streak, he always referred back to that period as something that seeded mistrust and doubt about me, even though as soon as he and I decided to start seeing each other, we were exclusive from the off, and I was faithful to him until the end 13 years later.

 

 

 

The guy I'm seeing now - I liked him enough after the first date to 'clear out' the others I was talking to and cancel a couple of secomd dates, because I wanted nice clean foundations if something were to grow. He might not care a jot that I was dating others, but I'd rather not take the risk. He's the first person I've dated I felt that way about though, others I've been happy to multi-date even if I thought they seemed interesting prospects at the time.

 

 

I wouldn't bring it up, and I'd evade details as hard as possible if challenged, but that's my approach. You need to do you.

[beldar]

Oh my Gawd, you girls! "Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Don't tell him!"

 

 

Okay, okay I'm with you on Don't go blabbing and bragging about things,

 

BUT if he asks a specific question be honest in your answers.

 

 

BECAUSE if he gets a sniff of a lie in what you're saying THEN you will have officially blown it.

 

 

Once trust is tainted you might as well roll that relationship up and chuck it into the round file.

[smackie9]

The question is.....was there sex involved during this trip? or was it just two people on a vacation hanging out?