Angel29 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I had been messaging a guy online since the summer. We have only just met up due to being on holidays etc. He was a very nice guy and had bought me flowers and paid for our date but refused any money, I bought him a drink at the least. He said he hopes he is my last online date, I thought this was sweet but we have only met once so how can he make that judgement. At the end of the date he asked do we have a second date. I panicked and said lets keep in touch and see what happens with no pressure. I don't like when guys pressure me on the spot asking this as I have no time to process my thoughts as if I say no it could be a big mistake and if I say yes I don't want to lead anyone on. He messaged me the next day saying he had a nice time, I replied but the message says unread so he is either ignoring it or it did not go through. I was not sure if I fancied him. I know in the past physical attraction fizzles out. Should I contact him or just leave it?
Lucovit Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I had been messaging a guy online since the summer. We have only just met up due to being on holidays etc. He was a very nice guy and had bought me flowers and paid for our date but refused any money, I bought him a drink at the least. He said he hopes he is my last online date, I thought this was sweet but we have only met once so how can he make that judgement. At the end of the date he asked do we have a second date. I panicked and said lets keep in touch and see what happens with no pressure. I don't like when guys pressure me on the spot asking this as I have no time to process my thoughts as if I say no it could be a big mistake and if I say yes I don't want to lead anyone on. He messaged me the next day saying he had a nice time, I replied but the message says unread so he is either ignoring it or it did not go through. I was not sure if I fancied him. I know in the past physical attraction fizzles out. Should I contact him or just leave it? I wouldn't dare to ask for a second date right on the spot, but that is just me. Personally: I see nothing wrong there to be honest. He had a good time and wants to continue it. I see nothing that was "bad" from his side. Asking you for a second date at the end of the first one is also not pressuring you. It is just showing you he had a good time and wants to have another one. That he has not read your message does not mean he is ignoring you. Just wait a bit. Maybe something went wrong, maybe he just has not checked his phone yet. Wait 1 or 2 days, still not read, send another one. 1
Author Angel29 Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 When was you first date? 3 days ago.
stillafool Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Maybe since you kind of rejected him about a second date he may have gotten second thoughts about you. Most guys (people) want someone who is excited about them as they are about you. Your response did not relay that. It is up to you now. 1
BaileyB Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Exactly, he made his intentions clear and you said “I don’t know” and didn’t send a message to say “thanks for dinner. I had fun last night.” A man would be silly to pursue someone who is so lukewarm. The only question you need to ask yourself is - did you enjoy his company enough to go out again. I don’t care who paid or if he brought you flowers - did you enjoy his company and do you like the man enough to spend another evening with him. If the answer is yes, send him a message to tell him that you had a good time and that you would like to see him again. Then, let him take it from there. 2
Versacehottie Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 While you've explained your reasons here, i'm thinking how you've proceeded with him thus far is going to come off really reluctant. I think you SHOULD go on a second date because sensing a general overall reluctance from you that probably just means you're scared of relationships or overly cautious about things. Do this too much and you will start facing so much "rejection" that you will have all sorts of other problems, such as starting to believe no one is interested in you/self-confidence things. To me, the ball is firmly in your court from how you handled thus far and how you have acted somewhat indifferent or standoffish. I think if you still don't fancy him after a second date (presuming you can get one) then don't go on a 3rd. Good luck 2
stillafool Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Maybe something went wrong, maybe he just has not checked his phone yet. Wait 1 or 2 days, still not read, send another one. Yeah and maybe he's moved on to his next choice.
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 It's just a date, not engagement or marriage. Unless you were completely repulsed by him go on that 2nd date. The guy was enthusiastic about meeting you, give him a break. 2
Flame Aura Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 He sounds like a decent guy to be honest, and polite. It seems like you are not interested in him though so if that's the case then don't go on a 2nd date, if you are and you are just scared then go on it. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Should I contact him or just leave it? It depends. What do you want? If you want the 2nd date you now have to reach out, take the risk & invite him. When you panicked & didn't immediately say yes to his 2nd date offer he concluded that you weren't interested. Now that you are coming back around a few days later, he thinks you are only interested in him as a fall back position. I understand that you were just overwhelmed & needed time to think / process. He doesn't know any of that & he feels hurt by your rejection. If you do not want to go out with him again just leave it be.
Author Angel29 Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 I messaged him tonight and it looks like he has blocked me. Fair enough if he has felt rejected. I think if someone asks to for a second date whilst still on the first one I will just say yes.
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I messaged him tonight and it looks like he has blocked me. Fair enough if he has felt rejected. I think if someone asks to for a second date whilst still on the first one I will just say yes. Sorry about that. You don't have to accept every date you are asked on but being able to respond in the moment would be helpful.
Author Angel29 Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 Sorry about that. You don't have to accept every date you are asked on but being able to respond in the moment would be helpful. Thanks for the advice. I think it’s just the concept of online dating which makes it hard. Usually people are on their best behaviour. Whereas in real life I just got to know people more organically through shared activities and mutual friends help verify their character. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 If it helps think of this 2nd date concept as a more structured way to get to know people from OLD organically. The date is just the time set aside to get to know each other.
Mrin Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Back when I was dating if I liked a woman on a first date i usually asked for the second date before the first one was over. I found that most women liked that approach. But everyone is different. If you like him then text or call and set up the second date. Ball if on your court. 1
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 If it helps think of this 2nd date concept as a more structured way to get to know people from OLD organically. The date is just the time set aside to get to know each other. Back when I was dating if I liked a woman on a first date i usually asked for the second date before the first one was over. I found that most women liked that approach. But everyone is different. If you like him then text or call and set up the second date. Ball if on your court. I saw yes to second dates if I had a pleasant time and there were no red flags. You are not leading someone to meet them a second time and evaluate. Some people need more time to grow on you. Also unless people are super charismatic - most people don't leave you with strong feelings on a first meeting.
Author Angel29 Posted November 7, 2019 Author Posted November 7, 2019 It looks like I wasn’t blocked. He finally messaged back after 4 days saying he has been busy. I don’t know if I believe this as before the date he would message me everyday and because he thought I wasn’t interested is acting casual. He said he would like to see me again. I don’t know what to think as if there is game playing in the beginning it is not a good start. I am an anxious person and don’t like being pressured into jumping into relationships. Should I see him?
alphamale Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 Should I see him? if you like him, yes - if you don't like him, no
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