Tryingtosurvive Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 Hi all, this is my first time on a forum like this and i would like some advice. I've never had a girlfriend before or been on a date due to countless health problems in my life, 90% mental and the other 10 is physical due to sports injuries. I met somebody online 1 year ago from another country and we met while she had a boyfriend, but they soon broke up. After many months we got very close, as i told her about my issues etc and after she graduated her plan was to move to my country for 2 months which ended up being a prolonged process due to paperwork. Her friends know about me because of he, social media and video calls when they've been around and i think they like me as a person. But she already knew months ago i liked her, yet felt uncomfortable when i told her this and she also said yes to going out on a date with me which is very confusing once again. So last Saturday we met finally in my city and it was amazing for me, but due to different cultures etc i don't know if her behaviour is normal or she actually likes me because she held my arm while walking, put her head on my shoulder and allowed me to put my arm around her. Her best friend said we looked cute, my friends thought so too and so did her other friends but like an idiot i told the best friend of girl A let's call her (the one i like and met). But when i asked the girl i met had she mentioned anything, her reply was no but she clearly knows now. I think i have messed everything up and i am terrified that she'll act differently if we even meet on Saturday. Thank you.
guy45 Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 Hi all, this is my first time on a forum like this and i would like some advice. I've never had a girlfriend before or been on a date due to countless health problems in my life, 90% mental and the other 10 is physical due to sports injuries. I met somebody online 1 year ago from another country and we met while she had a boyfriend, but they soon broke up. After many months we got very close, as i told her about my issues etc and after she graduated her plan was to move to my country for 2 months which ended up being a prolonged process due to paperwork. Her friends know about me because of he, social media and video calls when they've been around and i think they like me as a person. But she already knew months ago i liked her, yet felt uncomfortable when i told her this and she also said yes to going out on a date with me which is very confusing once again. So last Saturday we met finally in my city and it was amazing for me, but due to different cultures etc i don't know if her behaviour is normal or she actually likes me because she held my arm while walking, put her head on my shoulder and allowed me to put my arm around her. Her best friend said we looked cute, my friends thought so too and so did her other friends but like an idiot i told the best friend of girl A let's call her (the one i like and met). But when i asked the girl i met had she mentioned anything, her reply was no but she clearly knows now. I think i have messed everything up and i am terrified that she'll act differently if we even meet on Saturday. Thank you. When someone likes you they like you no matter what. It makes no difference what you say. 1
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 5, 2019 Author Posted November 5, 2019 But how am i supposed to know she likes me back? She's not said a word about it, also her actions could be performed with very close male friends and i might be getting confused about it as i don't know the protocol for her country
Gaeta Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 she held my arm while walking, put her head on my shoulder and allowed me to put my arm around her. Girls don't do that if they just want to be friends. You are worrying for nothing. 1
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 Girls don't do that if they just want to be friends. You are worrying for nothing. My main issue is the culture difference and the fact that my anxiety gets the best of me, as when we met i felt free from it for the first time in years and i am worried that won't happen again. Because i have spoken to people in the country where is from and they say "it's normal" and some of them have said "i wouldn't do that with just a friend". I want answers, but i don't want an answer at the same time because it would destroy me. Shall i ask her about the weekend again? Or will it be too pushy? As she loved my city, the gifts i gave her and more.
MountainGirl111 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Take a deep breath and as you exhale tell yourself "It's going to be okay..." I think perhaps your anxiety has kicked into overdrive. Most girls don't put their head on your shoulder or hold your arm with just their guy buddies....most girls...It sounds like you're doing everything right.. try not to let your worries take over.....you want an answer, but don't want an answer, that's totally understandable...take another deep, calming breath....and let it unfold... 1
snowboy91 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 but due to different cultures etc i don't know if her behaviour is normal or she actually likes me because she held my arm while walking, put her head on my shoulder and allowed me to put my arm around her. Think about this in context. This was happening during a date. Sure, some girls can just be friends and be affectionate like that, but if it was a date, she is wanting to give out the right signals for what she is feeling. That signal says she likes you! but like an idiot i told the best friend of girl A let's call her (the one i like and met). But when i asked the girl i met had she mentioned anything, her reply was no but she clearly knows now. I'm not following this bit. You mean you told her best friend about the date and how you felt? Perhaps a bit too much pressure this early, but if she really likes you then it's not going to ruin anything. Go on your next few dates and see what happens. If it doesn't work, then it's not your fault, it wasn't meant to be.
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 Yes, I told her best friend I liked her but to be honest I think after buying her birthday food and giving her the gifts plus the affection it's obvious I like her. I didn't even ask if it was a date or not lol, because once again I'm scared she'll say no to that idea and that we'll just be friends upon meeting. She's met my parents too, she had to as I had the gifts in my home and that went well.
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Girls don't do that if they just want to be friends. You are worrying for nothing. Yes! I will chime in - I am a pretty touchy person. So I do definitely grab arms with male friends. But anything beyond that is too far for me! Head on shoulder, arm around waist - all of that is way more intimate behaviors. Vs the arm grab for me is neutral. 1
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 Her parents know about me also i forgot to add, but i don't know how important that is. I'll ask her out on Saturday again, to see what she says and if i get a strange reply or something else then i'll just not mention it again.
Gaeta Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 We have no guarantee to give you. Dating is about taking risks, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't, sometimes it works at first and it stops working later. We all accept that risk because when it does work the rewards are worth the couple of previous fails we had to go through. 2
BaileyB Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 We have no guarantee to give you. Dating is about taking risks. This, exactly.
kendahke Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 What indicators do you need in place in order to accept that she likes you? What does she need to do to let you know this clearly so you're not wondering?
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 Well i think i have my answer now, as she visited another city today and i asked about her coming to see me on Saturday. The reply was fairly idiotic regarding using trains etc and wanting to rest, i'll probably be going for the friend zone if i keep on talking to her so i'll just stop.
Mixah Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 You're way over thinking this. Keep it simple, be easy on yourself and understand that not all signs mean something. Think of all the signs you pass on the road every day. The only important ones are the ones you are looking for; everything else doesn't matter.
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 7, 2019 Author Posted November 7, 2019 Well, she had 2 free days this week and didn't use one of them to see me but went somewhere else. Now she doesn't want to see me at the weekend due to feeling tired of public transport and just wants to rest, i know what that means even though she told me "it's nothing to do with you, i am just tired".
kendahke Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 What indicators do you need in place in order to accept that she likes you? What does she need to do to let you know this clearly so you're not wondering?
Author Tryingtosurvive Posted November 8, 2019 Author Posted November 8, 2019 If she told me for a start how she felt and what last weekend was about when she held my arm and other things. I really like her, but once again i'll be heading for a heartbreak because i really don't think she feels the same. If she shows no interest in seeing me next weekend, i'll just delete her. She shouldn't have met me in the first place, as she's known for a while how i feel and still did all of that like a game.
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