Intimidation

[MountainGirl111]

This is to whomever it may apply or help.

 

When dating people tend to get nervous. They worry whether or not they will be a good date and how they may impress their date or if they will be read wrong, etc...it can be anything that makes a person feel less than CONFIDENT.....such as:

 

Maybe they worry about their smile; their teeth..because a smile is one of the first things you give off. right. Are the teeth dingy or crooked? Do I have bad breath? Am I self conscious about my lips?

 

Do I like my body? Will my date like my body? Am I wearing flattering clothes?

 

How is my hair? Hair is a big deal to some; not such a big deal to others....Should I go for the natural beach head looks or something more groomed? What will my date think of my hair as that is another thing that makes a first impression...

 

What about my skin? Am I self conscious about my complexion. Do I have to many wrinkles? If I do have wrinkles will that be seen as being more mature and have more wisdom.

 

What about my voice. Vocal tones can be a big deal too. Some people are not turned on by certain voices...and I've heard countless things in which someone was turned off by what they perceive as "whining".

 

There are lot of things and some people who can feel intimidating...but remember they are humans just like you are; don't let them intimidate you...know your worth....know your strong points and know that you can have peace and happiness whether you are with someone or alone.

 

People come and go and some come back again...through it all I think what we are really looking for is to be at peace with ourselves. There is a lot of chaos and change in this world...almost too much and too fast...so it's challenging sometimes to find that "inner peace"...but it can be done.

 

So, I'm gonna say that while sparks and chemistry can be EXCITING....pay attention to whether or not there is peace within you....

 

To tie this back around, if you have inner peace I think you are less likely to be intimidated and/or feel inferior.

 

If this is not on the right board feel free to move it.

Edited November 5, 2019 by MountainGirl111

[preraph]

I guess someone who feels that fluid about it doesn't have a very strong self-identity.

[MountainGirl111]

Exactly! For most people, self identity begins in childhood...which is why so many counselors and therapist want to know about childhood when you start therapy. Also, our parents have so much to do with it. If you had an absent parent or an abusive parent, it's just not a good thing; not saying a person can't develop a good identity later on in life....but just coming out of the shoot our parents have such a huge impact on us.

 

A parent can be present, but absent...as well. What this means is they can physicallybe there but disengaged. Sometimes it would be better if they weren't there....seen that a lot. Anyways, I feel for anyone who has been through a toxic relationship or has had to withstand a toxic environment. It's hard. I've been through that myself. When whatever made the environment toxic finally leaves it's like a breath of fresh air.

 

It's hard for people to be ABLE to appreciate the positive attributes of another person when they feel so rotten about their self.

[scooby-philly]

Hey OP,

 

Great ideas/points.

 

There are lot of things and some people who can feel intimidating...but remember they are humans just like you are; don't let them intimidate you...know your worth....know your strong points and know that you can have peace and happiness whether you are with someone or alone.

 

I agree. Relationships can fail when one or both parties are not at peace. I know with my last ex she had a lot of self-esteem issues and no real dating experience and comes from a toxic family that doesn't show affection, support, or love and she's not allowed to be an adult and live her life. I tried for two years to give her opportunities to be happy and healthy and encourage her to live her life - and she's still hiding and living with her toxic family.

 

 

If you had an absent parent or an abusive parent, it's just not a good thing; not saying a person can't develop a good identity later on in life....but just coming out of the shoot our parents have such a huge impact on us.

 

A parent can be present, but absent...as well. What this means is they can physicallybe there but disengaged. Sometimes it would be better if they weren't there....seen that a lot. Anyways, I feel for anyone who has been through a toxic relationship or has had to withstand a toxic environment. It's hard. I've been through that myself. When whatever made the environment toxic finally leaves it's like a breath of fresh air.

 

And OMG - this is one thing I think our entire culture fails to realize that has the biggest impact on our happiness and success in life. My parents were present, but absent. Physically there but emotionally unavailable and not able to help me grow and mature and learn. And they also threatened abandonment. I've done a lot of work to become healthy and mature, but the reality is there's still some lingering things I can improve upon - such as not sticking in relationships like my last one with someone who isn't emotionally healthy, happy, mature, and ready for real relationship.

[Flame Aura]

In other (and shorter) words... love yourself before you love someone else.

 

 

/thread

[preraph]

Keep trying to find your path. If you have an idea in your head of the person you want to be, step by step, try to be that person, but if you hit a bad patch or something doesn't work afterall, just back up and try something else.