Girl rejected me after three dates and three kisses

[fromheart]

Once again, thanks for your sincere advice and encouraging words. I was opposed to her moving in so soon. What happened is her mum said "you two are always together, my house is small, can she live with you? if it doesn't work I only live ten minutes away". When I hesitated her mum made me out to be the bad guy.

 

I try not to let these experiences make me too guarded or negative or women will think I'm a bad choice. However, they are making me less trusting/optimistic.

 

What made me super nervous with the girl that just rejected me is that the day I matched with her on online app, I asked her what she's doing the next day and she said she had a date. So I felt like I was in DIRECT competition with someone else. I never asked her how the date went and for all I know she ws dating him and me and yesterday finally made a decision. Obviously a woman is entitled to date anyone whilst you're not bf/gf, but I found it unsettling and made me paranoid and maybe needy. Would you still go on a date with a guy who has a date arranged, but it was arranged before they met you?

 

 

So I think you've hit the nail on the head here.

 

Doesn't sound like you want to multiple date, yet are accepting it based on logic.

 

True, people can date whom they want until they are committed. They can also just go on one date and only date someone else if date no 1 isn't working.

 

Maybe ask yourself what you truly want. This one was probably multiple dating, probably kissing other men in between the kisses with you and likely having sex.

 

If that isn't the start to a relationship you're looking for, then that's understandable. It would make you uncomfortable, and you can't be attractive when uncomfortable.

 

So if you want to multiple date, do that. If you would rather see just one person with a magical start, set your goals on that. In my experience online dating is a plastic, disposable world that doesn't interest me. Women making themselves out to be something that they are not, which is completely delusional and further feeding their insecurities. And I've never met an incredibly beautiful women that has ever needed to find a man online. I tend to follow that example.

Edited November 7, 2019 by fromheart

[Lamron300]

So I think you've hit the nail on the head here.

 

 

So if you want to multiple date, do that. If you would rather see just one person with a magical start, set your goals on that.

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for your response and advice. You've hit the nail on the head. I multiple date out of necessity (I feel its only way to avoid being hurt), not because I really want to. People say dating is a 'numbers game' but I would rather just meet one person at a time and see how it goes. Unfortunately, that seems to be very rare these days and isn't beneficial to me as a male, as online a female is more likely to get dates than men.

 

I feel like maybe I'm being naive or immature but the dating stage has really sucked this year as I believe people can act however they want since you're not bf/gf. I'm not a controlling guy at all, so I didn't even ask how/who she was dating, but it did make me feel uncomfortable and I think that made me come across as unconfident.

 

I understand people can change their minds but it has happened 3 times with 3 different women in the last few months. A massive shift of their mindset in 24/7 and they've acknowledged that what they've done could be seen as 'leading me on or timewasting' and obviously I just wish them luck and disappear, but the bitterness remains.

 

I can't even look at a dating app right now.

[fromheart]

I'm not sure if she did anything wrong, I just felt more upset about the way it happened. Our last date was last Wednesday, which I'm assuming is when she was 100% sure we weren't a right fit. She called it off early as we had run out of games to play in the arcade and she was tired. Now I'm not sure if she was just bored of me. We continued to talk since then, .

 

So I'd encourage you to tighten up your game a bit here.

 

Why did you even continue to talk with her? If a woman calls it off early, you just walk off. Its the self respecting thing to do. If you keep talking, she'll just get cold and eventually nasty.

 

You want her, she's not interested. Any man in his masculine energy, will walk away. It usually generates interest in her, as it shows your self respect is high. But get back with her and she'll do it again. Then you walk away and the cycle continues, she complaining to her gf's that her bf treats her like dirt but she can't leave him. This is the little detail the dating gurus leave out, because they cant see beyond their own d~cks.

 

So walk away and keep walking at this point, for your sake and hers. It adds to your masculine energy and that will attract a feminine woman to you.

[Lamron300]

So I'd encourage you to tighten up your game a bit here.

 

Why did you even continue to talk with her? If a woman calls it off early, you just walk off. Its the self respecting thing to do. If you keep talking, she'll just get cold and eventually nasty.

.

 

The point you make is very interesting and part of the reason I feel dreadful right now. A girl I went on a date with back in July, messaged me out of nowhere last week. After 3/4 months of not speaking. She asked me why I didn't text her after our date. The date was the worst date I've ever been on in my life. I travelled 1.5 hours to see her and we ate quickly in about 20 minutes, she then went to buy a fan and then said bye she's leaving. Whole date lasted about 40 minutes. Although I found her attractive, I knew no way could this develop into anything.

 

So I have no idea why after 4 months she would text me? I just said I felt you weren't interested and despite her odd actions on the date she seemed surprised I would think that! then she went on to ignore my text. Which is in contrast to the girl who rejected me.

 

This girl I really liked who rejected me, we went for dinner and then went to arcade. After the arcade games went dry, she said she wanted to sleep as her boss was flying in from the states and she didn't want to be tired next day. She then kissed me goodbye and when she got home apologised for cutting it short again saying it was because of her boss and she had fun. This clearly wasn't the case.

 

I don't like blaming people or attaching motives to people's actions but I feel so confused by her. Her words made me think she was interested but her actions were completely different. I guess its all over now but I do wonder what made her decide we didn't click.

[Versacehottie]

While YOU can do dating however you want, how are you going to enforce that onto others?? You just need to face the fact that most single people are OPEN to and talking to others especially if you meet them through an app or a site.

 

You keep saying things referring to "change their minds". You so don't get the dating concept. They aren't really CHANGING their minds but MAKING UP their minds. Basically, whoever dates you is OPEN to the possibility of you as they gather enough information. Why you keep mentally putting things in a FIXED state of mind is very odd, limited, a fallacy and things I often see from people with pessimism, depression type issues. I really think you need to change this mindset before you keep dating as it is totally tripping you up.

 

As this in another reason why pessimism creeps into your dating even if on moment to moment interactions you think you are hiding it. You can't "hide" your thoughts and mindset, they color how you interact in the world and guide your actions based on your beliefs about the world, how things should be and your perception of what has happened to you. Right now based on your internal belief system, you're almost in a downward spiral that need not be--because let's say dating, or certainly app dating is frustrating and fickle for the majority of people. Real life dating will be better but can still disappoint. You need a tougher skin to keep making it through disappointing moments to find the right person (that's the real meaning of "it's a numbers game"). And why would you want someone to stick it out with you for even another minute if they do not believe you are the right person for them??? You keep going until you meet someone where you both believe you are each others' right person.

 

Sorry, tough love. I feel like you want the world and the dating process to be some way it never will be to suit a fragile and flawed state of thinking you're having--trying to set you straight As always, good luck

[Lamron300]

While YOU can do dating however you want, how are you going to enforce that onto others?? You just need to face the fact that most single people are OPEN to and talking to others especially if you meet them through an app or a site.

 

Sorry, tough love. I feel like you want the world and the dating process to be some way it never will be to suit a fragile and flawed state of thinking you're having--trying to set you straight As always, good luck

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for your feedback and the reality check. I agree with the vast majority of your post.

 

In terms of people making their minds up, I just feel if they've already made their mind up, they should say as opposed to doing something they don't want to do. The similarity between what has happened with this girl and what happened with a girl in May, are just confusing. Met on app, talk back and forth for 24 hrs, arrange to meet, have a good date and girl iniates the kiss and then by second date, seemed disinterested. Yet still agrees to meet up third time. I agree with what you're saying, maybe I just don't think people deal with things how I would deal with them. I wonder what they are considering when making their mind up.

 

What hurts is this has happened many times this year and theres no logic linking any of it. This year, I've met up with girls had a good date, them send me unsolicited intimate pictures and then two days later told me they have met someone else. At least this girl was honest after I asked her out for 4th time, but prior to that she was just slowly ghosting away. I miss talking to her and I disagree that we don't click...on first date she even said herself she wouldn't have stayed out till 1.30am if she didn't like me, but I guess for some reason thats changed.

 

I feel like now I have to be reserved and have less expectations of people. OLD certainly doesn't work for me, but I haven't got many other great avenues at the moment. Maybe I should move back to London and take up some hobbies.

[rjc149]

OP, briefly skimming through your posts in this thread I quickly saw countless instances in which you messed up.

 

To summarize, you placed her on a pedestal and hoped you would be worthy of her. Buying her expensive dinners, excessive complimenting, telling her she makes you nervous, not flirting, not sexually escalating beyond the 3 kisses, excessive phone communication. I'm seeing mistake after mistake. You came off as weak, needy, insecure, un-masculine, passive, not at all mysterious or intriguing. Beneath her. So grateful that Her Highness would grace you, a mere peasant, with her precious time. Your overall behavior and demeanor was very unattractive. She went on the 3rd date with you because she was bored and figured she could get a free meal and some more ass-kissing for an evening.

 

Look up Corey Wayne and Dan Bacon -- just don't buy anything from them, the free Youtube content is sufficient to understand where you went wrong, and where you need to improve.

 

At the end of the day, however, rejection is a part of life, and especially part of being a man in the dating world. As the man, you initiate, and you risk rejection. That's how it works.

 

There's no good reason you should be hung up on a girl you went on 3 dates with and only kissed. Tells me you have a low opinion of yourself, you're not confident in your ability to attract women. Hence why you seem to let them take advantage of you. Stop being so nice.

Edited November 7, 2019 by rjc149

[Lamron300]

OP, briefly skimming through your posts in this thread I quickly saw countless instances in which you messed up.

 

 

There's no good reason you should be hung up on a girl you went on 3 dates with and only kissed. Tells me you have a low opinion of yourself, you're not confident in your ability to attract women. Hence why you seem to let them take advantage of you. Stop being so nice.

 

You're 100% right, I did put her on a pedestal and in hindsight that is a mistake. I admitted to her I had like 5 glasses of wine before meeting her as she makes me nervous and also said its hard to eat in front of her as I'm nervous.

 

She would say stuff like I"'m nice you don't have to be nervous infront of me" or look you didn't drink wine this time and it wasn't too bad, was it. But she was probably negatively judging me. I think the reason is I've been on online dating since 2014 and very few people have excited me the way she did. Maybe lookswise, personality-wise? I acted in my head as she was some sort of gift.

 

I'm not a judgemental person or shallow, but I guess I should only go on dates with people who inspire the same sort of excited feeling.

 

In terms of escalating more than kisses, what would you have done? I never want to make people uncomfortable and clearly she was good at hiding her real thoughts. If I went for more than a kiss or a more passionate kiss, maybe she would have reacted negatively? Especially if she wasn't into me from the get go.

[Gaeta]

I admitted to her I had like 5 glasses of wine before meeting her as she makes me nervous and also said its hard to eat in front of her as I'm nervous.

 

She would say stuff like I"'m nice you don't have to be nervous in front of me"

 

What the heck ! Stop doing that!! Stop drinking before a meeting, stop telling your date (and yourself at the same time) that you are nervous. She is just a woman like any other woman.

 

I remember meeting this guy once and he was sooooo nervous that he had an anxiety attack in front of me right there in the coffee shop!! We had to put his head between his legs and all. He kept saying it was the first time he was on a date with a 'real lady'. Well...this real lady is a woman like any other with lots and lots of flaws! I wear pj's with holes, I eat peanut butter with a spoon, and I have bad breath in the morning!

 

If you were sitting in front of .....the Pope I would understand! but not this!

.

[Lamron300]

What the heck ! Stop doing that!! Stop drinking before a meeting, stop telling your date (and yourself at the same time) that you are nervous. She is just a woman like any other woman.

 

If you were sitting in front of .....the Pope I would understand! but not this!

.

 

Yes, I think it is because we talked loads before the actual date, so I would already have been disappointed if it didn't work out after first date. Also, I don't often find someone I really like off online dating, so I think it got to me.

 

I'm trying to think of reasons why it wouldn't have worked out anyway to make myself feel better, but hasn't worked so far.

[rjc149]

I guess I should only go on dates with people who inspire the same sort of excited feeling.

 

You should be going on lots of dates, with lots of women, to get some experience and practice. You need to be flirty, light, teasing, fun, playful, and demonstrate sexual interest. Not being pervy or creepy, but you have to show her that you're a sexual man and you're attracted to her. It's tough to explain in a written post. But again, lookup Corey Wayne and Dan Bacon on Youtube. There's a lot of other dating advice channels for men that you could benefit from.

 

As for what I would do, it's tough to explain. I keep up the flirting and playful teasing, but also ask her questions, actively listen, let her do a lot of the talking, with a snarky quip here and there to make it fun. I'm humorously cocky, I don't know how to describe it. Make sure at some point you end up sitting next to her at the bar, so you can escalate touch easily. If she's accepting the escalations and reciprocating it, she's attracted to you and you can safely assume she's open to being kissed. Then, move to a more private, quieter venue, where you can fully make out. Then go from there -- if your place is nearby, invite her over for a drink and go from there. You want to move quickly, 'taking your time to get to know her' will not create attraction. Women like men who are dominant, decisive, and go for what they want. And they love being wanted.

 

But you need to read signals and calibrate. And you need experience and practice. Get more dates.

 

And never get drunk before, or during, dates. It's a major turn-off. Have a few and enjoy yourself, of course, but if you're slurring, stumbling, or saying stupid sh-t, don't expect date #2.

 

And never EVER make the 1st date over coffee, or go for a walk, or do some lame activity together. That's for Disney or Lifetime movies where it's a romantic 1st date playing mini golf or going for ice cream or a movie or some BS, not real life. Adult 1st dates should be over drinks, no earlier than 7:30PM, so you can escalate the sexual tension quickly and possibly have the date lead to sex. Coffee dates are for coworkers and middle-aged women whose kids go to the same school. Not man-woman courtship interaction.

Edited November 7, 2019 by rjc149

[Versacehottie]

 

Thanks for your feedback and the reality check. I agree with the vast majority of your post.

 

In terms of people making their minds up, I just feel if they've already made their mind up, they should say as opposed to doing something they don't want to do. Yet still agrees to meet up third time. I agree with what you're saying, maybe I just don't think people deal with things how I would deal with them. I wonder what they are considering when making their mind up.

 

 

Thanks, I do think your ability to stay open to the feedback you are getting here is a step in the right direction and a good sign that you have the ability to understand how the majority or at least other people you potentially date are thinking about the process.

 

That said, the part that I feel like I need to explain further because i think you still don't quite get it and it's what upsets you the most--and if you did "get it" you would be well on your way to having a healthier outlook---is this: I think you are looking for ONE finite point in time where a person makes their mind up. And for you it needs to fit into a neat little box at the end of date 1 or date 2, etc and that the girl should not be giving you any positive signals whatsoever or it's misleading. I'm exaggerating to make a point. I think most of the time--going to guess for you included---this decision doesn't happen in a neat little box. Let's say date one, she has fun or it meets the threshold of what she expects on a first date and is curious to know more, thus merits a second date (on her end--you may or may not ask, which btw happens all the time so it goes both ways; both sides get evaluated).

 

On date two, she is learning more about you, thinks there are moments where she is having fun and happy to explore what is between you two and there are moments where she's not sure and you are doing/saying more that is a turnoff to her and where she thinks you guys would not make a good couple but she is not sure, still open enough, not going to make it awkward or play her hand if she is making a mistake and rushing to judgment on you. But yeah you did pick up on some non-verbal cues that maybe she was fading away about the prospect of dating you but she hung in there to give you the benefit of the doubt. I get the feeling had she pulled the plug middate and abruptly, you'd find a way to complain about that--not realizing there IS no perfect time since it's disappointing information. Plus she may need space away from the date and being in the moment, on her own to come to the final conclusion--much like a lot of people. I think this is logical and normal whereas your statement of wondering what they are making their minds up about is completely illogical and baffling to me....um, EVERYTHING. That's what people are making their minds up about. The feeling it is when they spend time with you, your interests matching or complementing theirs, lifestyles, attraction, goals, being on the same page. Some of that takes time to figure out and it's fluid, not fixed as it has to do with people, environments, life so is constantly changing for a multitude of reasons.

 

Sometimes along the way, people have enough information--it may be vague and hard to pin down, it may be specific and one or two deal breakers that came to light over that period of time; also some people get caught up in the excitement of having a person interested in them and kind of roll with it in almost a faux way--much like you actually are doing when you put a person you don't know on a pedestal, without actually knowing her. I mean, how can YOU know you want it to work out if you don't know her yet and be disappointed that it wasn't handled in a certain way--it's as if you've already decided you want a person as your girlfriend but you don't know her yet. I'd beg to differ that you are actually disappointed and hurt because you said "you disagree that you don't click"--unfortunately, you both need to be on the same page, maybe she just got to that information sooner.

 

Here's a tip that I say all the time. Stop jumping to the end. You don't know if you want to be with this person, until you've had a process of discovery. So allow that process to happen--same with them, they are going to need that time in order to make an informed decision (an emotional but informed one, they go together). It will also allow you NOT to put a girl on a pedestal or say things that will hurt your chances. It's exactly this time that creates more chemistry and attraction to the other person IMO and builds a REAL base for you two to have a good relationship. Other things are often future faking. Not that other people are faking and being bad intentioned, only that they get caught up in the potential of a relationship and excitement of that rather than really looking at the ACTUAL compatibility with that particular person. Also if you want to not be overlooked or undervalued by someone, you shouldn't be jumping to the end either. You want a chance, i.e. it's good to pursue or be positive but it would take exposure to the person you are initially attracted to to decide if you want a relationship with them. That bit of holding back reasonably and creating exposure via dates and time spent together is where you get a chance to impress and be impressed by the other person. (btw, i mean impressed loosely in a variety of ways as a person on the whole).

 

See it's probably your pessimistic nature that sees the fact that she went on a 3rd date and gave you kisses as a negative. An optimist would see it more as giving it the benefit of the doubt and you the chance until she no longer can. She went on the date because she would love for you to be the person and saw enough in you to go that many times. Also the way she let you down with respect is more evidence of that. On the dates she was in the moment and conducting as she does dates--maybe the way she always does, the way they turned out with you, or the chemistry that you contributed to.

 

Lastly i would say about overtly sexual things in advance. Lots of people just feel they need to do that to compete vs other girls or it's in their nature not even worrying about the competition. So look at it as an expression on them but not an indicator of the final outcome. That's all I can say to that--you are weighting that as a measure of relationship success too highly. It basically can mean nothing. If you want a reality check on that, go look on one of the millions of thread that are about "he slept with me and then disappeared" or "he was nice to me and disappeared". Again, people change their minds, priorities all the time, as i'm sure you have/will do.

 

Ok, happy to keep explaining another perspective and keep trying to date, maybe other venues and back in london would be easier though. But i do think you need to change and/or lower your expectations about how it's gonna go. Good luck

[Lamron300]

Thanks, I do think your ability to stay open to the feedback you are getting here is a step in the right direction and a good sign that you have the ability to understand how the majority or at least other people you potentially date are thinking about the process.

 

Ok, happy to keep explaining another perspective and keep trying to date, maybe other venues and back in london would be easier though. But i do think you need to change and/or lower your expectations about how it's gonna go. Good luck

 

Hi,

 

Thanks for the breakdown. It is useful to see dating from other points of view. I'm still finding it immensely difficult to get over it, although we only went on three dates. I mean I'm over it in terms of theres nothing I can do, I have already wished her luck and blocked her, but I'm in no mood to date. Which only affects me.

 

As you picked up on, thats what I feel confused and embarrassed about. I liked her before we met, I liked her during the dates and after. It was like I'd already decided that I wanted to be with her. It is odd the disconnect that I can think we click, but she doesn't.

 

My big regret/fear is the type of dates we went on. After she kissed me on first date and said if I didn't like you I wouldn't have stayed out till 1.30am with you,maybe that met her criteria of a good first date. The second date didn't improve on first date, as she picked a snowboard festival, which was boring. We couldn't talk much till the second half of the date, when we went to dinner. On third and last date the bar we picked had awful food and the arcade was rubbish, she said she had to sleep and left early. I'm guessing that didn't help the chemistry.

 

We both expressed general interest in watching crime drama marathon on tv and doing an escape room, maybe if we did those things, the outcome may have been better?

 

I understand what you and others are saying, but I think my pessimism comes from a particular episode in 2016. I met a girl, we got on like a house on fire, went on a date, which I felt was good and we arranged to meet up two days later. She seemed different after the date and I asked her why, she said she was just tired. Then few days later she said she had recieved bad news and later revealed her dad had been diagnosed with a disease. I said I'm here if you want to talk and I will give you space, which I did. Then she would pop in and out intermittently, but she would update her instagram and her tinder profile and ignore me. After weeks of this I finally got fed up and asked her why is she ignoring me and no one else? She said she doesn't know and can't give me an answer.

 

I've also had people genuinely waste my time. I make it clear what I'm looking for, but they'll go on dates with me and then ask if its ok if we are friends because of this or that issue that they have. A positive person would say, well I'm going on quite a few dates, being asked out on dates by women...its a glass half full, but I'm not achieving my goal of finding a partner, so to me that irrelevant.

[fromheart]

I'm trying to think of reasons why it wouldn't have worked out anyway to make myself feel better, but hasn't worked so far.

 

The only questions to consider are did you act like a gentleman, and what are you continuing to do to improve yourself?

 

Drinking before a date isn't an indication of inner peace. Now would e a good time to maintain your physical and mental health, and take less alcohol.

[Lamron300]

The only questions to consider are did you act like a gentleman, and what are you continuing to do to improve yourself?

 

Drinking before a date isn't an indication of inner peace. Now would e a good time to maintain your physical and mental health, and take less alcohol.

 

 

I was way too nervous about her. I don't usually come across people on online dating that I really like. I didn't get drunk, just had a few glasses of wine to calm my nerves.

 

I generally believe I did act like a gentleman. I was respectful, paid for everything and was generally just interested in getting to know her. I have no idea if she has a nice body or not as I never 'checked it out'. I was only interested in personality and just had a general attraction to her. However, maybe that isn't necessarily a positive as I am being advised that I didn't escalate physically enough or flirt enough.

 

On the dates we just talked in general and then would kiss at the end, if we didn't kiss at the end, it would've been no different to meeting a friend as I didn't make my intentions clear.

 

All the other disappointments I've had in dating this year, I've been able to write them off. This one is proving very hard, ruined my mood for last 3/4 days. I worry as this is only after three dates, if we actually ended up in a relationship and it ended, I would've been distraught!.

[rjc149]

I generally believe I did act like a gentleman. I was respectful, paid for everything and was generally just interested in getting to know her. I have no idea if she has a nice body or not as I never 'checked it out'. I was only interested in personality and just had a general attraction to her. However, maybe that isn't necessarily a positive as I am being advised that I didn't escalate physically enough or flirt enough.

 

 

You don't want to be a perfect gentleman on dates to the point where you are being supplicating and boring. You want to be a bit edgy, exciting, challenging, and daring. You want to be a little controversial. You want to be shamelessly yourself and not give a f--k what she thinks about you. She can take it or leave it, because you have 3 other girls lined up behind her. This needs to be your attitude.

 

Sounds to me like you supplicated to her, sought her approval, placed her on a pedestal, tried to be too polite and respectful and didn't convey any sexual interest at all.

 

Forget the "Me Too" reign of terror where you are terrified of being sexually attracted to a woman. Don't be a creep and make advances that are clearly unwanted or inappropriate for the circumstance, but don't apologize for being a red-blooded heterosexual male when you're on a date. You're there to create sexual chemistry, not to feed her in exchange for answers about her job and hobbies. If she has a nice body, check it out. If she catches you checking it out, say "yeah, I was checking you out. You have a nice body." She may act offended as token resistance, but don't apologize or fold to her. Yeah I'm a straight guy and I find you attractive. I'm not apologizing for sh-t. Trust me, she'll find that confidence sexy. And if she gets truly offended by that, show her the door and don't let it hit her on the way out. Don't waste your time on women who can't be playful and sexual, it typically means they have deep-seated hangups about men and sex that you don't want to deal with.

 

Be a little more of a bad boy. You've probably heard girls like bad boys. It's very true. Bad boys are confident in themselves and don't give a f--k what you think of them. Girls find that sexy.

Edited November 8, 2019 by rjc149

[SumGuy]

Hi,

 

Today after a month of speaking and dating a girl I really liked, after asking her out for the fourth time, she’s rejected me. I feel like I’ve been led on as after each date and each kiss I asked her if she had a good time and she always said yes. Then last two days after third date she was taking 5/6 hours to reply, being blunt and short. I told her I had the flu and said as a joke come look after me, I want to see you. She said I have to be honest, this isn’t for me, you’re a good guy but this isn’t clicking, I know it’s not nice to hear first thing in the morning.

 

I’m a bit stunned and quite upset as I genuinely liked her. I didn’t really know how to respond, just wished her luck with luck and her holiday. My confidence is at a low as I felt we got ok we’ll and I did everything I could and I thought after three dates things were looking up. I don’t like dating for this very reason, I feel you have to date 7 people to possibly end up with one.

 

What would you do in this situation?

 

You did the right thing by wishing her luck and a good holiday.

 

I don't think she led you on. One can have a good time and still things just not click for a romantic connection. She was nice about it and gave it a chance, 3 dates sounds about right to figure these things out.

 

Yes dating 7 people to end up with one sounds like good odds to me, I usually see it as 1 in 10. Although in most cases know after 1 date.

 

What to do? Move on to someone else. If you can stay friendly with her maybe she will introduce you to a friend. Having the maturity to understand where SHE is coming from will serve you well.

[Lamron300]

You did the right thing by wishing her luck and a good holiday.

 

 

What to do? Move on to someone else. If you can stay friendly with her maybe she will introduce you to a friend. Having the maturity to understand where SHE is coming from will serve you well.

 

I still feel that certain circumstances a romantic connection could have been formed. I regret now going on two dinners in a row and a snowboarding festival (her idea). I feel these activities weren't the best choice. I should have said no to the snowboard festival, but I felt she would've just gone with another guy.

 

I'm not on friendly terms with her, after I wished her luck with work and to have a nice holiday, I deleted the chat and blocked her number as we won't be talking anymore.

 

The reason I came to this forum is to get critical feedback and honest responses to assess the whole situation, which you and many others have been very helpful with.

 

I'm failing to understand other people's logic. Like the girl I went on a date with before the girl who rejected me, I got on with her fantastically. The date was genuinely fun and we both had a good time. She continued to text me enthusiastically for a week after the date and then out of nowhere asked me if I would accept being friends. I think this was because she had a lot on, taking on a new job and her dad being ill, but she had these issues way before meeting me. I felt bitter and blocked her straight away as I felt she had wasted my time.

 

I've had 5/6 disappointments in a row now and it is very hard to raise my spirits and move on to someone else, especially when it comes to online dating. I agree, the success rate is more like 1 in 10. I have over 200 matches and out of these, I've been on 8 dates with 0 turning into a relationship.

[fromheart]

You don't want to be a perfect gentleman on dates to the point where you are being supplicating and boring..

 

Gentleman as in respectful, not taking advantage.

[Lamron300]

You don't want to be a perfect gentleman on dates to the point where you are being supplicating and boring.

 

Be a little more of a bad boy. You've probably heard girls like bad boys. It's very true. Bad boys are confident in themselves and don't give a f--k what you think of them. Girls find that sexy.

 

This is my big sticking point? maybe you could tell me where I'm going wrong.

 

Before the girl who rejected me, I went on a date with another girl. We were having a great time and had an inside joke as she kept asking to shake my hand. I touched her knee cap and she playfully knocked my hand away and said "your hands are too long". I took this to mean she wouldn't be comfortable with kissing(as she wasn't positively responsive to physical contact) after the date, so I didn't try to.

 

The girl who rejected me, might have thought to herself she couldn't see anything sexually happening between us as apart from the three kisses, none of our dialogue was flirty. I think I said she looks cute in her glasses and I told her she was beautiful a few days ago, but by this time she was ignoring me/responding every 7 hours. Did I make a mistake by not talking about the kisses and saying I wish I could kiss you properly next time?

 

I don't want to be overly sexual, but I also want to convey my sexual interest in a woman.

 

But then again months ago I went on two dates with a girl who said a kiss on second date is too soon in our relationship but thought to invite me to Sweden after two dates weren't weird. I told her if I invited a woman abroad with me after two dates, they would probably block me and call the cops!.

 

I don't kiss with tongues, just a quick peck on the lips and I only kiss on a date to ensure me and my date are on the same page...but I also don't want them to feel uncomfortable. It is so confusing.

[Versacehottie]

I'm failing to understand other people's logic. Like the girl I went on a date with before the girl who rejected me, I got on with her fantastically. The date was genuinely fun and we both had a good time. She continued to text me enthusiastically for a week after the date and then out of nowhere asked me if I would accept being friends. I think this was because she had a lot on, taking on a new job and her dad being ill, but she had these issues way before meeting me. I felt bitter and blocked her straight away as I felt she had wasted my time.

 

 

Wow, you are really stuck in this thinking pattern...I feel bad because it must be a terrible place to be (such a negative thinker).

 

I have a longer response in a little bit but I promise you, your default setting is WHINGE. If a girl showed up at your first date and was like nah...you would find a way to say but she swiped right on me and was nice to me when we were texting beforehand. In other words, these decisions are NOT OUT OF NOWHERE...they are cumulative with the inputs that you are putting in, the things going on in each of your lives and each of your feelings about the other person.

 

Guessing in the example you cited above she was on the fence slightly about you and your subsequent texting failed to do it for her--all happening within the bubble of the environment that was her life at the time, i.e. very busy and it would take an extremely great connection to warrant continuing to date you--which was not there. Ugh, trying to understand your hardheadedness about this but it's frustrating.

Edited November 9, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[rjc149]

It's really tough to diagnose where you're going wrong based on posts on forum threads, OP. I would need to see how you act on dates.

 

But it sounds to me like there is no organic, natural escalation of flirting, teasing, playful touching, and sexual tension.

 

I think you're just a bit too timid, too hesitant, a bit to worried about what she thinks. In your fear of making her uncomfortable, you are way too nice, polite, and approval-seeking. This is turning them off. You need to be more dominant and assertive with women.

 

"Did I make a mistake by not talking about the kisses and saying I wish I could kiss you properly next time?"

 

F--k no OP. Do not say anything like that to her, that's really corny and feminine. I would next this girl and move on.

[Lamron300]

Wow, you are really stuck in this thinking pattern...I feel bad because it must be a terrible place to be (such a negative thinker).

Ugh, trying to understand your hardheadedness about this but it's frustrating.

 

Hi,

 

Yes, I am thinking/feeling very negatively at the moment, have barely left my flat. I think I am just grasping the reality of how disappointing dating can be. It seems that there is some magic words I am missing and didn't say.

 

The other girl I went on a date with before this disappointment, seemed very enthusiastic but also reserved. She said "I haven't dated in this country and you're the only person I've matched with or met from an app". At the end of the date, she said that she'll be away in Greece for 3 weeks in December visiting her unwell father and was just warning me in case we're meeting up at that point. I said if she needs to talk thats fine and not to worry let's just see how things go. We talked in the same manner for next 5 days and everything seemed normal. I even felt so comfortable to ask her out by saying "you're coming crazy golf with me". Thats the kind of relationship I felt we had. Then near midnight on a random day she just asks if I would accept being friends. I'm sure she had her reasons, but the way she said it so casually and I genuinely believe she thought we could be friends, was odd. But fair enough I blocked her and moved on.

 

The girl who just rejected me, I have mixed feelings on it. I guess a positive person would say three dates and three kisses is at least an opportunity and as you said things aren't 'fixed'. On the other hand I have very regretful feelings like how much did she lie? She cut the last date off at 9.20pm, first date didn't end till 1.30am. She said she needed to sleep, but she never sleeps early and now it is obvious she didn't want to be there. Even the day before she finally rejected me (only when I asked her out) she was receptive to coming to christmas party with me.

 

The sense of bitterness is over the fact that I feel she knew a while before she eventually rejected me, that she didn't want to date me, but went along with it anyway. As you said there would never have been a good time to reject me, but it was painful reading back convo and seeing how well we got along and then she withdraw all the humour and became very blunt, responded every 6/7 hours and eventually would've just shut off all contact.

 

I'm not an intimidating at all, no one forced her to say "Hey! I had a really fun time! Sorry for cutting it short, my boss is in town and I don't want to be moody in meeting due to lack of sleep". Messages like that only gave me hope and resulted in me looking dumb. I would have just said "I had a good time, but I have to be honest, not sure that we click".

 

As people have said on here, dating is a risk, but I don't want to make a fool of myself again and I need to somehow find a way to match up peoples words with their actions.

[Lamron300]

It's really tough to diagnose where you're going wrong based on posts on forum threads, OP. I would need to see how you act on dates.

 

F--k no OP. Do not say anything like that to her, that's really corny and feminine. I would next this girl and move on.

 

What makes it difficult as demonstrated by my experiences these last three weeks is a lot of time people don't say what they mean or want to say. I'm assuming the girl who rejected me just kissed me for the sake of it, as why would you kiss someone you don't click with.

 

I'm very timid about going for a kiss or escalating for that very reason. I know just because I kissed a girl on date 1, doesn't mean I can go up to her and kiss her on date 2. I don't want anyone to feel uncomfortable, but as you said sometimes women want you to be affirmative.

 

I ask myself why do I want to kiss this woman? It is never for pleasure, I just want to see if they are interested in being more than friends. However, some women have rules about not kissing until a certain amount of dates.

 

Like the girl I went on dates with 3 months ago, who invited me to Sweden after two dates said kissing is too soon after two dates and also said she wants kids within two years and marriage also. That confused me and gave me mixed messages and eventually didn't work out. She also admitted to deliberately replying late to messages so she doesn't seem 'keen' and also said she likes to make men wait for dates. I don't like playing mind games like that, but nowadays it seems in dating a lot of people do.

[TheFinalWord]

OP, yeah it's a bummer.

 

One consistent theme I've noticed with OLD is a lot of women are just out of a break up. I don't know about men, because I only date women. But, it's happened to me a lot of times.

 

I'm unsure of this woman's situation, but if she starts feeling something and she's still no over her break up, she will bolt. Especially if she gets any relationship vibes from you. Even innocent ones. Women are emotional, and some are SUPER emotional. Whatever she is like emotionally, is amplified by 10 if they haven't closed their previous relationship.