Author Equave111 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 Guilt got the better of me and I told him, he had an idea anyway by use of phone and being more distant etc. But now I realise how much I want him, I always have but just wanted a distraction. He said we were friends from now on and to move on so why is he acting like this now punishing me for doing what he said. What can I do to get him back?
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Guilt got the better of me and I told him Are you sure you weren't trying to make him jealous? Because that's exactly what it looks like and probably part of the reason he is upset with you now. It doesn't read as a desire to be transparent with someone; if you have only been texting with this other guy, there really was no reason to tell him anything at this point. To be clear, you are well within your rights to move on. He can't really cry foul on that, in and of itself. However, it rather looks like you are trying to rub his nose in it. 1
Author Equave111 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 Well while I hadnt met up with this guy it was discussed and he knows that. the guy I was texting also hurt me and he knew I was upset so asked about it and I told him and that has hurt him more. I feel physically sick as I know I have hurt him so much. but I told him how much I wanted a relationship with him, I love him and I realise that more now that hes gone. He said hes done. What can I do?
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 You just wasted a year of your life. What can you do? move on from all of it and don't look back.
Author Equave111 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 guys if you are not going to address the situation in the thread and respond to my request for advice then please refrain from posting derogatory remarks. Thank you
ExpatInItaly Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 What can I do? Honestly, you really can't do anything. If he doesn't want to speak to you, it's out of your hands. Best to respect that and step away.
Author Equave111 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 is he overreacting? considering hes the one that didnt want the relationship and told me to move on? Id there any hope he may come round?
smackie9 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 (edited) I want to know why you are so hung up on this guy. He told you to move on. So you did and rightfully so. He's not wanting you back, his ego is butt hurt is all. He had you on the hook, and dared you to leave him. But girl he didn't give you what you needed. Now all he's doing is messing with your head, and you are letting him win. He's know you are just jittering over his reaction, clawing at the hope he will take you back. It's his greatest revenge. That isn't what you do when you love someone now is it? Edited November 10, 2019 by smackie9 1
preraph Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 Believe it or not, this is a very common scenario -- and one you should run from. He doesn't want you but he doesn't want anyone else to have you. That's not because he loves you. That's because of his selfish ego. He has told you, and he means it that he doesn't want a relationship with you. He has told you he wants sex. That is what he "loves" and that is all he wants from you, not to make you his girlfriend. He is just being a jerk all the way around and you need to get over him and stop telling him your business and move on. All this "friends" nonsense is just him equating having no-strings sex with him as what he would consider "just friends." And it's obviously not what you want, so you have got to dump him and move on. You're not going to wave a wand and suddenly make him a person of substance who wants to make you happy and have a life with you. He's just not that person. 1
Author Equave111 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 He also told me he now wants to go on dates with other women and sleep with them. He told me he didnt want a relationship with anyone. I told him he cant have his cake and eat it but he has made me feel so bad about speaking to this other guy
preraph Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Block him so he can't make you feel bad about anything anymore because that's all he's done so far. Eddie just told you once again that all he wants is sex and doesn't care who it's with. you have got to let go of the fantasy you have about this guy because it has nothing to do with reality. Just block him and be done. 1
kendahke Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 I told him he cant have his cake and eat it but But nothing... he's going to have his cake and eat it too, as long as you stick around not hearing what he's saying to you. He also told me he now wants to go on dates with other women and sleep with them. He told me he didnt want a relationship with anyone.Just so you know, you got demoted. No man who truly wants you in his life would draw the breath and form his mouth to say that to you. He wasnt' asking your permission--he was telling you how things are going to roll from now on. He's not checking for cake. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 You two need to a take long, long break from each other. There is zero point keeping in contact.
Author Equave111 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 When he wanted it (rel) I didnt i let him go he moved on dated another girl but I didnt react like this. now the tables have turned I wanted it he said no told me to move on and when I do then he tells me he wants nothing to do with me and abuses me in text messages and blocks me? How is THAT fair? Pot kettle black? How can he reject me let me go then behave like this? Why is it all down on me now for moving on after I was the one rejected, am i not allowed have a life too? Im sure some posters have behaved in the same way, go out and text someone or meet someone after being rejected is it not normal to want an ego boost? I didnt even sleep with the guy ffs. If he really truly loved me would be really just let me go like this?
SJ1975 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 How about seeing him but with no sex? You could try and give it ago maybe? Perhaps his attitude may change then.
elaine567 Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 All's fair in love and war and it is true There is no "fairness" People do what they want to do, go where their feelings take them. Usually there are no second chances. You get one shot and that is it, mess it up and there is no going back. You can mess up your family, get it wrong and they will always love you, but romantic love is different, it is conditional. You rejected him, and he won't forget that. Rejection is a big thing. He doesn't want a lukewarm/disinterested gf, he wants one who was always behind him 100%. Now you have "changed your mind", it doesn't rewrite history for him. You are still the girl who turned him down. He still feels that burn. He doesn't want to go there again, why would he? That is how it works. 1
Author Equave111 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 Now you have "changed your mind", it doesn't rewrite history for him. You are still the girl who turned him down. He still feels that burn. He doesn't want to go there again, why would he? That is how it works. Yes you are right.. he made the decision like I did I accept that. Then since he has made that decision and told me he just wanted us to be friends, then why is he giving me abuse and cutting all ties with me when I text another guy.. text not even meet just text. Is it not a bit ott? Yes I hold my hands up I created most of this mess, but on the other hand if he has told em he doesnt want me romantically why should I have to stay home feeling sorry for myself
ExpatInItaly Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 (edited) It's not fair that he gets bent out of shape about you seeing another guy, no. I still have a hunch that he's more upset about what seems like game-playing from you, though, and a deliberate attempt to ruffle his feathers. In other words, I don't think it's so much your actions as your intent (or how he perceives your intent) that upset him. I maintain that it was completely unnecessary to even tell him you'd texted some guy - your words: "text not even meet just text" If it was just texting, why bother sharing that if not to try to make him jealous? This comes across as you trying to needle him into reacting, and it worked, but not in the way you expected. It backfired. But debating what's fair or not isn't going to change anything. Trying to decide if his reaction is over-the-top or applying your own thought or behavior patterns is equally futile. Let this be further evidence that you two are not compatible and are not going to become a couple. Edited November 11, 2019 by ExpatInItaly 1
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 He also told me he now wants to go on dates with other women and sleep with them. He told me he didnt want a relationship with anyone. I told him he cant have his cake and eat it but he has made me feel so bad about speaking to this other guy Why do you want this guy? Let him go and find someone who want you. What is the hold up?
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Yes I hold my hands up I created most of this mess, but on the other hand if he has told em he doesnt want me romantically why should I have to stay home feeling sorry for myself You don't. Go out and meet someone else.
preraph Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 Stop saying he loves you. He doesn't love you. He just wanted sex. Without sex, he has no use for you. Men say they love you when you won't have sex thinking that will make you have sex. You need to wake up about this guy. It's not complicated at all. 2
stillafool Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 ^^^This is true. If he loved you he would want a relationship and more with you. 3
kendahke Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 When he wanted it (rel) I didnt i let him go he moved on dated another girl but I didnt react like this. now the tables have turned I wanted it he said no told me to move on and when I do then he tells me he wants nothing to do with me and abuses me in text messages and blocks me? How is THAT fair? Pot kettle black? How can he reject me let me go then behave like this? Why is it all down on me now for moving on after I was the one rejected, am i not allowed have a life too? Im sure some posters have behaved in the same way, go out and text someone or meet someone after being rejected is it not normal to want an ego boost? I didnt even sleep with the guy ffs. If he really truly loved me tf? Love? He didn't love you and he's acting like a man who didn't love you. What kind of leap is that? Girl, stawp. And how are you incapable of having a life just because a guy you say verbally abused you dumped you? There is nothing stopping you except you. would be really just let me go like this? So this is all about you being in high dudgeon because you can't have your way? This is getting into bunny burner territory. Wanting an ego boost and completely misreading what actually went on are two different things. He can do whatever he wants because he's not checking for you. And here's the thing: he doesn't have to. He's under no obligation to. Your under the mistaken impression that you're owed something just because you had interest.
Author Equave111 Posted November 11, 2019 Author Posted November 11, 2019 He just text and told me he hates me
kendahke Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 He just text and told me he hates me And so now, you put his number on block and keep it moving. 1
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