thecrucible Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 So to cut a long story short, met a guy in a nightclub on Friday night. He asked for my number after a bit of chat and I gave it to him. However five minutes later he said “So are you coming to my place tonight?” and I instantly felt turned off - I hadn’t even kissed him and he wants me to go back with him. So I decided to just ignore him when he called me later even though he said that he didn’t just want one thing etc. Anyway spoke to a male friend who said “oh you’re too fussy. You should have gone with him”. Either he’s being really flippant or he gives me rubbish advice. What do you guys think?
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 Personally, I'd block and delete. As many men on this forum will tell you, this is how they treat women they see as only good enough for sex. If they're in the right mindset and see potential for something real, they won't risk it by treating someone they just met like a piece of meat. And yes, your male friend's advice was terrible. 2
stillafool Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 He just wanted to bang. You did the right thing. How disrespectful of him. 1
Author thecrucible Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 This is a guy friend/colleague I posted about here before - the one who tried to encourage to pursue another male colleague who is currently seeing someone. I just text him to say I’m not feeling up for dating anyone and he said: “We can have a drink like friends. It’s not just for what you think. I respect you” Seems like BS - why would he hit on me and then say he wants to be friends
Ruby Slippers Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 This guy is completely full of crap. Not only did he treat you like trash by inviting you over, he also encouraged you to pursue a guy who's seeing someone? He's a grade A loser.
Author thecrucible Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 This guy is completely full of crap. Not only did he treat you like trash by inviting you over, he also encouraged you to pursue a guy who's seeing someone? He's a grade A loser. Sorry they are two different guys. Don’t want to confuse things. Your point still stands though. Thank you.
RecentChange Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 Honestly do you really have to ask? Too fussy? So you should just have no strings attached sex with any man who asks for your number? I mean, even prostitutes ask for some money at least. No you are not being too fussy, you aren't being fussy enough! What has this guy done to prove he is interested in you as a human, and not as a sex doll?
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 I'm a woman. Based on what you wrote I can't get a read on the guy. If you generally otherwise got a good vibe from him I could let the Q slide. If something felt off, then you were right to keep it from going further. I have good instincts when it comes to men & learned to trust my gut. Having met in a night club, I can't totally fault the Q about whether you wanted to go to his place. One request to test the waters can be flattering as long the other person respects the no. You said no, so if that was that, I could go with no harm no foul. If he was testing & pushing your boundaries like some battering ram, then you were right to ignore him. When he called you later in your shoes I may have at least taken the call to get a better read on whether he got the message & now understood that you weren't all about NSA sex. I may have met him for an alcohol free 1st date.
alphamale Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 "relationships" that start in a nightclub/bar/pub tend to end in a nightclub/bar/pub
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 "relationships" that start in a nightclub/bar/pub tend to end in a nightclub/bar/pub That is not always true. My parents met in a bar & were married for almost 50 years; they didn't make their golden anniversary because my mom died not because they fell out of love. DH & I met in a bar. We've been together 13 years, married for 11. I have many friends who met in bars or fraternity parties who have been together more then 25+ years
Author thecrucible Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 I'm a woman. Based on what you wrote I can't get a read on the guy. If you generally otherwise got a good vibe from him I could let the Q slide. If something felt off, then you were right to keep it from going further. I have good instincts when it comes to men & learned to trust my gut. I need to trust myself better and ask the right people for advice. To give a bit of background, I do have social anxiety and I find situations can overwhelm. I'm feeling pretty vulnerable and that I need to get my crap together as well since I've only been single for one month. I told him I'm not interested in dating anyone and he said he wants to meet as friends which is confusing. I did feel that something was off...I mean we hardly spoke so it came across as really forward to me. At that same nightclub, I had a pleasant conversation with another man who didn't try groping me and was flirtatious but didn't cross that line. Oh the joys! Honestly I felt justified in my decision and that guy's advice just threw me. I don't know whether he doesn't just say these things to wind me up.
Author thecrucible Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 @Donnivain - what a lovely story of how your parents met I think if that chap had suggested getting drinks somewhere else or meeting up another day, I would have been fine...but it's just the fact he came across as so randy, made me want to run for the hills. I have no interest in casual sex now whatsoever as I want to find someone genuine. I was with my friends and not interested in flirting with anyone but nightclubs be nightclubs I guess.
d0nnivain Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 Your social anxiety colors everything else. It's like a short circuit in the wires. Situations that are innocuous get perceived as threatening & uncomfortable. If you have only been single for a short time the combo was overwhelming & you are right to stay away. That said, this guy making a pass at a person in a nightclub he found attractive was not unheard of. When he says he wants to meet as friends he's either lying or misusing the word. People have to learn to use the word "date" in it's proper context. It's not this big Thing. Its just one word that means a prearranged meeting to get to know somebody in a romantic context. One date is no big deal. It's not about being "friends" which is platonic only.
alphamale Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 That is not always true. My parents met in a bar & were married for almost 50 years; they didn't make their golden anniversary because my mom died not because they fell out of love. DH & I met in a bar. We've been together 13 years, married for 11. I have many friends who met in bars or fraternity parties who have been together more then 25+ years I don't know any married couples who met in a bar. I do know some divorced couples that met in a bar
The Outlaw Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 It's not just for what you think? What a load of BS. It's exactly what you think. If you haven't already, block him. Wow. What a d*bag.
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