preraph Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 FWB is just meaningless sex. It means you can stand to be around each other long enough to have sex, don't care who else they're having sex with, and aren't dating them and have no obligation to go do things other than sex and shouldn't hear a squawk out of the other person if you don't contact them except when you want sex. Haven't you ever been dating a guy and he basically breaks up with you but says "just friends," but then he comes around wanting sex still? But no more dates, no obligation, no promises, nothing? That's where this term came from, and it is misleading.
chillii Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 I have a hard time wrapping my brain around you not wanting exclusivity but you want the energy of an exclusive relationship. If you're not exclusive then his attention is divided between you and 1-2-3 other women. When he goes away these other women expect communications, some of them will text to make plans, some of them will text to get his support after a bad day, etc. They also don't necessarily need to text, these other women will be on his mind even if he's miles away with you. He'll think of setting dates with them, think of a disagreement they might have had and so on. For all you know he may be on a dating site and checking his matches from time to time. So, if you continue wanting to go away with a non-exclusive man, you have to expect at times his mind will be on other things, other women, than you. . Yep , me too. didn't realize that part of the equation until l just saw it then. He owes ya nothing op of course he doesn't put much into it. lf your gonna play with that rubbish then your just using each other, and this is all your gonna get, because that's all it is. 2
Gaeta Posted November 9, 2019 Posted November 9, 2019 (Although I don't know why he would say something like, "I've always wanted to go to this place but never wanted to go alone, you should come so we can go together sometime." Why say that if he has other girls he could be going to said place with?) That doesn't really mean anything. He's just suggesting you accompany him to a place he meant to visit, he could have asked a friend, another woman he's seeing. I don't see he specifically wanted to see it with 'you'. While I believe you are likely right, I don't know why the assumption is always that a man is talking to multiple women at the same time. Is talking to 1 other woman feel better to you? No it doesn't. See, when my bf and I go away on a weekend we enjoy it from the moment we leave to the moment we come back because we 'both' are devoted to this relationship and there are no other distraction. There is no online profile to check by curiosity, there is no other prospect texting us, there is no 1st meeting to set with other people, our mind is on each other. I personally find it hard to talk to/meet one guy at any one time, much less multiple.. Like you said: that's you. I have come across many men that were able to juggle with 1-2 or 3 women at a time. I was in a relationship with a man for 4 years and discovered at the end he was juggling several women while we lived together! Some people are talented at deceiving others. So, you seem to stand strong on not wanting to address exclusivity with him. That's alright but you have to accept his mind will not be 100% focused as if he was. . 2
FMW Posted November 9, 2019 Posted November 9, 2019 My guess is he's a little hung up on someone else, maybe from his past, and so he's just not available emotionally to be "there" all the time. Just a note to say that my one and only FWB experience, going on for almost a year now, really is with a friend, we have fun conversations, we keep up on what's going on with each other, we spend more time together NOT having sex than being intimate (usually just once a week). So it is possible to be friends. Don't let anyone else define your relationship. But do be honest with yourself about what you really want and don't ignore your instincts about what's going on with him.
kendahke Posted November 9, 2019 Posted November 9, 2019 Did the change happen before or after you two had sex?
NuevoYorko Posted November 9, 2019 Posted November 9, 2019 (edited) But...if you are not really friends with someone, then what does it matter what niceties you dress it up as? Just call them the person who bang intermittently. Or your hookup. Or whatever. It feels like putting lipstick on a pig. Why not just call a spade a spade? If you don't care about someone as a friend, just call it what it is: meaningless sex. FWB is simply a modern colloquialism that does, in fact, mean "someone you bang intermittently." Kind of like how "baby" doesn't really mean "infant" in a romantic or sexual context. FWB indicates that all parties involved are ok with being contacted for sex. Not a relationship, not friends, not a one night stand. Pretty basic. One thing I am pretty sure about: men who are involved in a FWB are likely to feel like they need to cut and run if they get the sense that things are getting complicated. I would. Things with you and this guy are definitely complicated, at least on your side, starting with you leaning on him about going away for "an entire weekend." That's for relationships, IMO. Edited November 9, 2019 by NuevoYorko
SumGuy Posted November 9, 2019 Posted November 9, 2019 Overthinking. Keep your eyes open but give it a chance if you want. A lot of stuff gets spun out of thin thread on an internet forum. A therapist is a far better source of information and advice on how to handle such situations, your views of them and your emotions than the internet.
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 Lost interest after (maybe mediocre) sex? Either way had something to do with sex. Felt like he got his fill of it in some capacity, and that's that. Welcome to the wonderful world of the western man. I didn't consider it mediocre...so hopefully he didn't. Getting his fill of it.....that's possible. I mean....we did it a few more times after his little moment, a few times, so...if he had his fill, he was pushing through. Haven't you ever been dating a guy and he basically breaks up with you but says "just friends," but then he comes around wanting sex still? But no more dates, no obligation, no promises, nothing? That's where this term came from, and it is misleading. Actually....no I haven't. Not sure if that makes me lucky or unlucky. Haha. Did he ever explain why he was suddenly available for that Friday? It’s possible a date cancelled on him. Also possible they texted after you’d been with him a day and a half. Has he asked you out since your time away? Well, he wasn't suddenly available for that Friday. We made the plans a couple weeks ahead of time, so I guess maybe he was able to keep his schedule free or...not sure. It is possible, though, that someone messaged him after we had been together. No he hasn't. To be fair, we did discuss our upcoming schedules, and weekends are pretty much shot for the next few. Either I have something, he has something, or we both have something. (ie Thanksgiving) By the time things settle down, then we are looking at the holidays...so I guess we'll see. Like you said: that's you. I have come across many men that were able to juggle with 1-2 or 3 women at a time. I was in a relationship with a man for 4 years and discovered at the end he was juggling several women while we lived together! Some people are talented at deceiving others. Right, exactly. I have no doubt there are people out there who play the field a few people at a time. My point was just that I am sure I am not the ONLY person in the world who is that way. I am not saying the guy I am dating is like me....just that he could be. Probably not, but could be. Also, I am SO sorry to hear about your relationship. How awful! Some people are just the worst. My guess is he's a little hung up on someone else, maybe from his past, and so he's just not available emotionally to be "there" all the time. Just a note to say that my one and only FWB experience, going on for almost a year now, really is with a friend, we have fun conversations, we keep up on what's going on with each other, we spend more time together NOT having sex than being intimate (usually just once a week). So it is possible to be friends. Don't let anyone else define your relationship. Yeah, I mean, him being hung up on someone definitely makes sense. It might be selfish, but I wish he could repress it so we can have a nice time the whole time we are together, but....it is what it is. Your FWB sounds lovely. That's exactly how I imagine a FWB situation should be. Actual friends. It seems like the whole concept of FWB has been hijacked into something else. Did the change happen before or after you two had sex? After. And before. But, after. We had done it a handful of times prior to the change. And 2 or 3 times after. The change itself, though, was not immediately following any as-such activities. We had been out, explored the town, had lunch, watched some TV....everything was very light, fun, and high-spirited. Then, we climbed into bed for a little nap and....it happened. I don't know that sex was the primary instigator of it. Or, if it was, it was maybe something that sort of muddied the waters. FWB indicates that all parties involved are ok with being contacted for sex. Not a relationship, not friends, not a one night stand. Pretty basic. Does it? Is there some official code or something? I always took FWB to be as Finding My Way described. Friends who are actually friends who enjoy the carnal pleasures sometimes. Soooo just to get this straight....if someone agrees to be FWB with someone...they shouldn't expect to be friends? Oh, this world...it's bonkers sometimes.
NuevoYorko Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 I always took FWB to be as Finding My Way described. Friends who are actually friends who enjoy the carnal pleasures sometimes. Soooo just to get this straight....if someone agrees to be FWB with someone...they shouldn't expect to be friends? People who meet online to become FWB? I'd say that no, 99.999% of the time they would absolutely never be friends. Why should they? Friendships are not that easy to come by and they take attention and nurturing just like other relationships. Just because a horny person thinks that somebody is acceptable for sex has no bearing on whether they'd go to any effort to maintain a friendship. On the same note, almost NOBODY who rejects another person and says "let's be friends" is going to actually put out the effort and time to develop and maintain a friendship. You already know this stuff. If people have a developed a friendship that ends up getting sexy sometimes, that's a different story - though it usually ends up wrecking the friendship because someone "catches feelings" or things get disrupted when one of the friends gets into a romantic relationship. Speaking of "catching feelings" it seems clear to me that this is what happened in your case and the guy felt uncomfortable about it. Has he called you since your weekend? 2
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 Overthinking. Keep your eyes open but give it a chance if you want. A lot of stuff gets spun out of thin thread on an internet forum. A therapist is a far better source of information and advice on how to handle such situations, your views of them and your emotions than the internet. Oh I am SO glad you responded. You were my Yoda in the last thread. And I think you understand my neuroses a little bit, too. Speaking of "catching feelings" it seems clear to me that this is what happened in your case and the guy felt uncomfortable about it. Has he called you since your weekend? We did have a phone call this morning yes. Some positives, some negatives. Lots of overthinking by me afterwords, which I am sure SumGuy won't be surprised by at all. I feel more positive than negative about it. He had ample opportunity to say he didn't want to see each other anymore; but he also had ample opportunity to talk about another date. Neither happened, so...the needle didn't move a whole lot. I do disagree with your assessment about "catching feelings" on two counts. For one, that is more applicable to the FWB situation we were discussing, but I have to imagine that there is nothing wrong with catching feelings in a dating relationship. Secondly, not to say I was catching feelings. In MY view, the vibe in the first part of our date was very much the same as it was our previous date. Light, fun, friendly, light-hearted is the best I can describe it. Nothing in my view changed. Nothing in my verbiage changed. If his little moment came from him thinking what you suggest, I don't know where it would have come from. Other than me saying I enjoyed his company. That's all.
kendahke Posted November 11, 2019 Posted November 11, 2019 if it was, it was maybe something that sort of muddied the waters. sex will always muddy the waters when two people aren't on the same wavelength 1
beentheredonethat77 Posted November 12, 2019 Posted November 12, 2019 (edited) Just my two cents as i think i can relate to this: you can be the least confronting, least needy date ever and some guys just freak out regardless after sex if they smell one hint of a relationship expectation or even forming dynamic. They smell what they think is the scent of a relationship and recoil (even though it was probably he who suggested the trip away etc, he ended up feeling trapped by his own making). I am sure its NOTHING you did whatsoever, it was he who went in so focussed on the fun sex, affection and companionship (all on tap) and adventures of a trip away with you on tap for a weekend that he didn't anticipate how he'd feel after that sexual hunger/affection had been satisfied and just wants to go back to his cave at home and free of obligations and potential expectations. I think he was so single-focussed on the positives of a weekend away with you he didnt even stop to contemplate how he'd feel about the dynamic as a whole. If i had to guess, he freaked out and thought "this feels so relationshipy.. it now feels so different than those fun light dates". Again, NOTHING you did IMHO... this is his own brain playing forward thoughts, maybe even being reminded of past relationships when they 'jumped the shark' so to speak, and lost their mystery/fun and settled into a domestic feeling of 'pottering' around and running errands together. Anyway just my thoughts, if i had to make a call based on what you've written. Right now, if hes still talking to you on the phone and not ending it.. he may be sitting on the fence and still needing more time to get over his mini-freak out. I would back away, i know its hard, but try to focus on the rest of life and almost forget him for now until he comes back around. Edited November 12, 2019 by beentheredonethat77
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted November 12, 2019 Author Posted November 12, 2019 Just my two cents as i think i can relate to this: you can be the least confronting, least needy date ever and some guys just freak out regardless after sex if they smell one hint of a relationship expectation or even forming dynamic. They smell what they think is the scent of a relationship and recoil (even though it was probably he who suggested the trip away etc, he ended up feeling trapped by his own making). I am sure its NOTHING you did whatsoever, it was he who went in so focussed on the fun sex, affection and companionship (all on tap) and adventures of a trip away with you on tap for a weekend that he didn't anticipate how he'd feel after that sexual hunger/affection had been satisfied and just wants to go back to his cave at home and free of obligations and potential expectations. I think he was so single-focussed on the positives of a weekend away with you he didnt even stop to contemplate how he'd feel about the dynamic as a whole. If i had to guess, he freaked out and thought "this feels so relationshipy.. it now feels so different than those fun light dates". Again, NOTHING you did IMHO... this is his own brain playing forward thoughts, maybe even being reminded of past relationships when they 'jumped the shark' so to speak, and lost their mystery/fun and settled into a domestic feeling of 'pottering' around and running errands together. Anyway just my thoughts, if i had to make a call based on what you've written. Right now, if hes still talking to you on the phone and not ending it.. he may be sitting on the fence and still needing more time to get over his mini-freak out. I would back away, i know its hard, but try to focus on the rest of life and almost forget him for now until he comes back around. Wow, it really does sound like you get it. And you are so right. HE was driving a lot of it. During the first part, the good part, he was saying all of these "We should do this, we should do that..." things. I was responding neutrally, but politely, as much as I could. Trapped by his own making is a great way to put it. Don't get me wrong, I was as much excited for our weekend together as anyone. But, if he was having that sniff of a relationship...it was his own doing, for sure. Thanks so much for your analysis. I will say over the weekend, he did seem to start to come around a bit on talking. There were a couple of flirtatious moments, and his personality did seem to come back a little bit more than it had for a while. I actually had already made a decision to do exactly what you said, take a step back and let him reach out. And depending on how/when he reaches out, go from there. So...it sounds like we are definitely on the same page. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted December 16, 2019 Author Posted December 16, 2019 (edited) UPDATE: I wish I had a better update but...not much has changed. In fact, the energy has actually gotten worse. I spoke to him prior to Thanksgiving and he was in quite a good mood. Engaged for most of the conversation. Seemed happy to talk to me. All was well. Few days went by without hearing from him, but it was a holiday weekend so...no big deal. We did finally connect, then it was another few days without hearing from him. Connected again (this was last weekend) and I pinned him down on seeing each other again. His response was that he was looking at January because he is busy every weekend till then. (He then specified that he wasn't necessarily busy all weekend, but occupied) It wasn't/isn't ideal, but we agreed on a weekend in January. This was on Monday. And I didn't hear from him again all week. Not once. Until I reached out today. He responded...but we weren't able to have an actual conversation. Just a few funny quips back and forth, until....he disappeared...again. I gave him an out. When we discussed when to see each other again, I gave him an out, and he didn't take it. He said if he didn't want to see me, he wouldn't. But that he wants to. At this point, there is a lot of steam building up inside, and I am pretty sure that when January comes around, and we see each other in person, I'm just going to explode. Edited December 16, 2019 by TheBlingRing14
dramallama Posted December 16, 2019 Posted December 16, 2019 12 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: UPDATE: I gave him an out. When we discussed when to see each other again, I gave him an out, and he didn't take it. He said if he didn't want to see me, he wouldn't. But that he wants to. At this point, there is a lot of steam building up inside, and I am pretty sure that when January comes around, and we see each other in person, I'm just going to explode. Why are you bothering? You barely see him, he's not very communicative in between, how is this meeting your needs? He sounds very very much like my ex-FWB who really *did* want to see me (aka have sex), just not all that urgently and only when he could squeeze it in, because he wasn't all that fussed if I remained in the situation, nice as it was (till I stopped it but that's another story). Where's the fun or satisfaction in this relationship?? 3
clia Posted December 16, 2019 Posted December 16, 2019 t's not clear to me what you are looking for with him, but what is clear is that you are not a priority to him at all. He doesn't want to see you over the holidays, New Year's Eve....can't fit you in for the next month? Why even bother? He really doesn't seem interested. Devote your time to finding a guy who wants to get together with you, rather than one who is always too "occupied." Quote I gave him an out. When we discussed when to see each other again, I gave him an out, and he didn't take it. He said if he didn't want to see me, he wouldn't. But that he wants to. At this point, there is a lot of steam building up inside, and I am pretty sure that when January comes around, and we see each other in person, I'm just going to explode. Even when given an out, some people are too afraid to take it because they don't want to have the discussion. I suggest that you not reach out to him at all or suggest getting together if he happens to reach out to you. Wait and see if he reaches out to you and asks to see you. My guess is that he won't. 1
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted December 17, 2019 Author Posted December 17, 2019 8 hours ago, dramallama said: He sounds very very much like my ex-FWB who really *did* want to see me (aka have sex), just not all that urgently and only when he could squeeze it in, because he wasn't all that fussed if I remained in the situation, nice as it was (till I stopped it but that's another story). Where's the fun or satisfaction in this relationship?? I am so sorry about your ex-FWB. Here is the thing I don't quite understand in that situation....even IF all someone wants in a relationship is the FWB part of it...doesn't that closeness make the intimacy that much better? I mean, if the goal is sex, shouldn't he at least want great sex? And in my mind, by putting forth the effort, by keeping in contact, by forging a closeness to the friendship....to me, I would think that would lead to better sex. And, who wouldn't want that? What guy would want to settle for meh sex? As to the second part...it's hard to explain. But, when we are together...in proximity, not sexually...and even when we have phone calls to a degree, it's like we pick up right where we left off, like we saw each other just yesterday. It's so easy. We laugh, we have inside jokes, conversations are easy, light, fun. I don't know if this sounds familiar to you and your situation? 7 hours ago, clia said: Even when given an out, some people are too afraid to take it because they don't want to have the discussion. I suggest that you not reach out to him at all or suggest getting together if he happens to reach out to you. Wait and see if he reaches out to you and asks to see you. My guess is that he won't. Well....we have already established plans for January so I guess we'll see. I've been stepping back, giving him space for 5-6 days at a time...I may just have to go cold turkey like you said, and wait for him. I may be waiting forever.
preraph Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 He doesn't have strong feelings for you. He isn't looking for one woman. He's looking to have a variety of women who will have sex with him without obligations. He's dating. He might actually be interested in the one he's going to be seeing over the holidays. Men don't care about being friends in order to have sex. They know that speil works on women.
dramallama Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 7 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: I am so sorry about your ex-FWB. Here is the thing I don't quite understand in that situation....even IF all someone wants in a relationship is the FWB part of it...doesn't that closeness make the intimacy that much better? I mean, if the goal is sex, shouldn't he at least want great sex? And in my mind, by putting forth the effort, by keeping in contact, by forging a closeness to the friendship....to me, I would think that would lead to better sex. And, who wouldn't want that? What guy would want to settle for meh sex? As to the second part...it's hard to explain. But, when we are together...in proximity, not sexually...and even when we have phone calls to a degree, it's like we pick up right where we left off, like we saw each other just yesterday. It's so easy. We laugh, we have inside jokes, conversations are easy, light, fun. I don't know if this sounds familiar to you So the guy I had a FWB thing with - it wasn't a sad situation because I wasn't looking for a relationship, and after I stopped sleeping with him we've actually remained friends and we talk about dating to each other now we spoke once a week or more without fail, even when he had 2 months in Pakistan on family business and yes that intimacy helped with great sex. Didn't help with keeping things uncomplicated though. My point was more that if you are looking for any kind of serious relationship, this man isn't going to provide it for you, busy or not. I lasted a year with the FWB but in the end it wasn't satisfying and I wanted something more meaningful. The guy I'm seeing now is crazy busy and we tend to see each other every 7-10 days but we are in contact daily and multiple times at that. It's a marked difference. So - what do you want? Are you happy with an arm's length casual situationship?
Author TheBlingRing14 Posted December 17, 2019 Author Posted December 17, 2019 9 hours ago, preraph said: Men don't care about being friends in order to have sex. They know that speil works on women. No, I understand that guys don't need it or care about it. But, I am talking as a means to an end. A guy may not care for candlelight, but he may do it because he knows it sets the mood/gets the juices flowing, so to speak. You'd think if establishing rapport would lead to an even better time in bed...it would be worth it, no? Again, this is about dramallama's situation that I am referring to, not mine. It's just something I don't quite understand. 5 hours ago, S2B said: He hasn’t even made effort for you! Not even making energy to text you every day or even a phone call. the guy isn’t interested! Heck I know many VERY busy people and they MAKE timeto text and call and see the people they are about! this guy doesn’t care that much, if at all. dont get your hopes up - he would be making WAY more effort IF he was really interested. and stop pinning him down to see you. You should never beg any man to make plans with you. start searching for a man who prioritizes you - this guy isn’t that into you. dont initiate texts anymore. See if he even notices. Yeah this time made me feel pretty badly about myself, it really did feel like begging. Should I also mention he forgot my birthday? I guess I just don't understand why when I do message him, he replies and he is engaged, for the most part. And, like I said, when we are together, things seem great. I don't get it. WHy does he act like everything is hunky dory, but then turns around and acts like he has no interest at all? Anyway, I am going to do what you and others suggested. No initiating. I've been holding off on initiating for like 5-6 days at a time, to no avail. So, this time it will be indefinite. We'll see what happens. 2 hours ago, dramallama said: So - what do you want? Are you happy with an arm's length casual situationship? I'm sort of in between, if that makes sense/is allowed. I don't mind casual. I don't mind not meeting his parents or not being a plus one at weddings or getting some sort of label on the relationship. That I am perfectly fine with, honestly. The arm's length part is what I struggle with. I do want to get correspondence from him regularly....if he goes to a concert, send a picture. If you have a hard day at work, give me a call. Maybe a standing game of whatever phone/computer game is out now. I really don't think those things are too much to ask, even in a casual relationship.
FMW Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 The two people involved get to create their own relationship - it doesn't matter what others have done or do in their relationships. Reading LS has taught me that - my relationships often do not follow the "rules" I read here. My FWB of more than a year is nothing like what I read all the time here. There is a distinction between F***buddies and FWB, but of course those are MY "rules". The trick is that the two of you have to agree and want the same thing. It seems that's not the case for you and this guy. You're ok with being more casual, but want more regular contact than he has shown you he is willing to give. As with all relationships, whether friends, family or lovers, we either accept what the other is offering or stop investing our time and emotion. If you can be ok with just seeing where things go, then do that. Just keep your expectations in check.
dramallama Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 3 hours ago, TheBlingRing14 said: The arm's length part is what I struggle with. I do want to get correspondence from him regularly....if he goes to a concert, send a picture. If you have a hard day at work, give me a call. Maybe a standing game of whatever phone/computer game is out now. I really don't think those things are too much to ask, even in a casual relationship. I think that's where getting your definition of casual is really important. Regular contact means you need to be on their mind and somewhere on a list of priorities. Sounds like he wants a pick up put down girlfriend experience- my FWB was the same except I called it girlfriend in a box that he could take out of the cupboard when he fancied knowing it would be there unchanged next time he lifted the lid. I told him he needed to maintain my interest if he wanted that which is why we started chatting on a Saturday morning every week. I think should he get back in touch and make more effort, you need a conversation about what works for you and what doesn't and make your choices from there.
2BGoodAgain Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 On 11/8/2019 at 2:55 PM, TheBlingRing14 said: But...if you are not really friends with someone, then what does it matter what niceties you dress it up as? Just call them the person who bang intermittently. Or your hookup. Or whatever. It feels like putting lipstick on a pig. Why not just call a spade a spade? If you don't care about someone as a friend, just call it what it is: meaningless sex. Thank you so much for this, as this really resonated for me. I don't know for sure, but I would say this is probably what's going on here. I don't know, but it feels like it's a definite possibility. (Although I don't know why he would say something like, "I've always wanted to go to this place but never wanted to go alone, you should come so we can go together sometime." Why say that if he has other girls he could be going to said place with?) While I believe you are likely right, I don't know why the assumption is always that a man is talking to multiple women at the same time. I personally find it hard to talk to/meet one guy at any one time, much less multiple. Good guys are difficult enough to find just one worth my time. I don't necessarily have the time or head space to talk to a handful of guys at a time. In the past, if I have been dating two or three times at the same time, it gets to be a nightmare. I forget which guy I have told what. I forget where they live. One time, I even forgot a guy's name. Even if I am not committed to a guy, it's just easier for me to limit my focus. I am not saying every person out there is exactly like me. But, I have to imagine that there are at least some people, men or women, out there who feel the way that I do. That due to time restrictions or focus issues or whatever, they may not prefer to have too many irons in the fire. Again...I don't know with my guy which way he leans; it would not surprise me at all if he is talking to multiple other women. Query: Is this the first time you were physical with him? Also, from the male perspective... multiple women = flexibility/taste. But mostly, it's kinda like a ego/self-esteem high you get... one woman is enough, at first.. then you need more validation that you're some sort of sex god or something.. then you realize one day, you have 4 women you play with and they play with you, and get this... some nights, after you satisfy one... you go on to the next one, b/c even though you enjoyed it, you didn't get enough of a high and need more... until you do, but it's a trap...it's never enough to fill the void... you keep looking for more or riskier behaviors, etc. 1
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 On 11/4/2019 at 8:33 PM, TheBlingRing14 said: I won't comment on FWB other than to just say this: a crucial part of FWB is the aspect of Friends. Otherwise you are just some random hookup. In my mind, Friends with Benefits indicates, I dunno, that you are friendly with your partner. Now, maybe "friendly" means different things to different people. Maybe to him, friendly means....staying in contact and nothing more. For me, friendly requires an element of joy. So, even looking at it through a FWB lens, which I'm not saying I am, but for the sake of argument, I would still say it sort of fails on that front too. I've never been a FWB but I can tell you if one required that I give them '"joy" every time we interact that would be way too much pressure and I'd look for another. I might consider it with someone I was exclusive with but still if the joy doesn't come organically I couldn't be bothered. I think this guy is also seeing other women.
stillafool Posted December 17, 2019 Posted December 17, 2019 On 12/15/2019 at 10:55 PM, TheBlingRing14 said: UPDATE: I gave him an out. When we discussed when to see each other again, I gave him an out, and he didn't take it. He said if he didn't want to see me, he wouldn't. But that he wants to. At this point, there is a lot of steam building up inside, and I am pretty sure that when January comes around, and we see each other in person, I'm just going to explode. What was the out? Were you the one who brought up seeing each other again or did he?
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