Mysterio Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 What are your timelines with your life in terms of the following. When would you be open to going from Dating to being a couple. How Long would you date a Seperated woman, who has to finalize her Divroce. When would you be open to her or him meeting your kids if you have any or theirs? When would you cohabitate with them before marriage. When would you get engaged. When would you get married. For me. I really would not go after a separated woman. If I did. The Divorce would have to be finalized before any commitment to being a couple. Dating. 6 weeks to 2 months of dating before being a couple Meeting kids. 4 to 6 months of being a couple. Engagement. After 2 yrs. Cohabbing. 2 yrs of being a couple and an Engagement. Marriage Yr 3 at the earliest and meeting both sets of main family/friends. Children. I don't want any, but if I believe she is with me for the long haul. One child after a year of being married. So that is yr 4 of us being together.
snowboy91 Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 I don't like to set hard timelines, it puts pressure on the relationship. But I do understand there are certain time frames where big milestones just "feel" right to achieve. To be an "official" relationship - anywhere from 2 weeks to months. Depends strongly on how much you see the person. Living together - 12 months minimum, and again, depends on if you feel ready. With my current relationship I did that way too soon, but changes to my living situation forced my hand. Engagement - Has to feel right. I'd hope I knew by about the 3-5 year mark. Marriage - The closest convenient time following engagement. To me, marriage is a foregone conclusion when you get engaged. I understand there are religious/cultural differences between people, but I don't agree that a couple should only live together if they are engaged or married. You only get to know your partner properly when you live with them... and that needs to be a factor as to whether you want to spend the rest of your life with them.
Author Mysterio Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 So Cohab one year before an engagement. For me. If I am living with a woman, after one year. I have to be having the time of my life. Her and I go to a lot of music gigs. We work out together and take long walks and lots of physical affection/laughs and conversation one rock solid year of that, before living together.
major_merrick Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 I don't think setting timelines is a good idea. It varies significantly based on who you're with, how well you get along, and how much time you spend together (physical hours, not length of time "in a relationship.) Just like a pilot needs a certain number of flight hours before being qualified for different situations and aircraft, a relationship need hours too. With my GF#1, it went like: Dating to couplehood: 6 months couplehood to cohabitation: 2 months? No kids, no engagement, no marriage, still together With my husband: Friendship to FWB: several years (we were kids) FWB to couplehood: 6 months couplehood to engagement: 1 year - breakup - Friendship to dating - 10+ years. (I knew his other partners and kids before dating.) Dating to couplehood - immediate couplehood to engagement - maybe a week? engagement to marriage - 42 days cohabitation and sex after the wedding
carhill Posted November 8, 2019 Posted November 8, 2019 What are your timelines with your life in terms of the following At my age, 60+..... -----Couple - if we felt like it after a few weeks of constant contact -----Seperated woman- if divorce if filed and living at her own place, fine to socialize. -----Kids - when a couple. That was pretty customary during my younger dating years. Not really critical since kids are all adults but there might be grandkids. -----Cohabitate - Probably not at my age but maybe open to it -----Engaged - Never, BTDT all the marriage stuff. -----Married - Same
Happy Lemming Posted November 9, 2019 Posted November 9, 2019 (1) When would you be open to going from Dating to being a couple. (2) How Long would you date a Seperated woman, who has to finalize her Divroce. (3) When would you be open to her or him meeting your kids if you have any or theirs? (4) When would you cohabitate with them before marriage. (5) When would you get engaged. (6) When would you get married. My answers to your questions: I numbered them because I'm anal retentive... (1) When we have sex, we are a couple... until then we are just dating and not exclusive. (2) I've dated single, married, separated and divorced women. I don't really care what her marital status is or if/when her divorce is going final. (3) Minor children are a "deal breaker"... If she has kids, I'm not going out with her. (4) Cohabitation - I made that mistake once, won't ever do it again. I don't want to live with anyone, ever again. She can stay for the weekend, but nothing gets stored here (not even a toothbrush). Pack out, what you pack in -- just like a National Park. Leave nothing behind. (5) NEVER!! (6) Will never marry... I worked too hard to lose my any of my assets in a divorce. Moreover, there are plenty of women to date, why tie yourself down. If one gives me an ultimatum, she is gone. I had one woman give me an ultimatum (to get married) after we had been dating about two years, I got up and left. You should have seen the look on her face!! 1
Author Mysterio Posted November 13, 2019 Author Posted November 13, 2019 [ (6) Will never marry... I worked too hard to lose my any of my assets in a divorce. Moreover, there are plenty of women to date, why tie yourself down. If one gives me an ultimatum, she is gone. I had one woman give me an ultimatum (to get married) after we had been dating about two years, I got up and left. You should have seen the look on her face!! Set up a prenup. Whats she going to say no?
Happy Lemming Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 Set up a prenup. Whats she going to say no? Prenup(s) get challenged all the time... How much justice can you afford?? No thanks... Moreover, I was nomadic in my youth; I never stayed in any one place too long. I liked to move around. Most wives wouldn't put up with that. I also bought and sold a few fixer-upper homes. Living in a constant construction project is not conducive to a happy marriage. I really didn't feel like having to consult another person when I wanted to move, buy, sell, change jobs, etc.
mark clemson Posted November 13, 2019 Posted November 13, 2019 I think that in some states at least prenups are a waste of time that some lawyers use to churn people for money. For example, if the prenup goes against something that is set in state law, state law would generally supersede it and it would be invalid. Nevertheless, some lawyers will be happy to not mention this and put whatever you want into the agreement, and even then fight it in court even though they know very well it's not likely to win in court and even less likely on appeal. You will of course be charged their normal hourly rate throughout all of this. No doubt state laws vary, and in some prenups will have more validity, especially if their contents are within what's permissible anyhow. In some states, perhaps they can supersede "regular" laws, I don't know. Full disclosure: I'm not a lawyer.
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