FaithInTheDark Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 (edited) Ive been dating this guy just under a month, and things have been going well. we see each other at least 2 days a week and keep in touch every day. He usually calls me. He makes a lot of effort when were together like coming over to make me dinner and seems to really show me cares. Last night the talk came up randomly and i knew it wasn't a good idea because we both drank at dinner. the conversation is a bit blurry because i got flustered in the progress. Its a hard thing to express anyway. Basically, I said it had situations where guys wanted my number but when they went forward to take me out , i wasn't interested. I wasn't aiming to make things serious but said i wanted exclusivity. or at least know where hes at with us. He said he hasn't been seeing anyone else but wasn't sure what he wants. he did get out of something serious 6 months ago but said his actions were reflecting differently by the amount of time, investment hes put into us. he said how much he really likes me... He asked if he could have some time to think about it. the conversation ended and we had a good night from there. But i woke up feeling a bit unclear, wanting to have his discussion now that were sober. i simply put the pieces together from what i gathered last night. I do know we only been seeing each other for a month but im wondering if checking in with him about last nights conversation would be a good idea. Just to ask where hes at with us, i dont want to misinterpret something that might of been said. I get things take time but the last thing id want is to continue dating him while hes just wanting casual. thats not what i want. any advice ? this is one of the nicest guys ive dated and i dont want to mess it up Edited November 3, 2019 by FaithInTheDark
preraph Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 I wouldn't bring it up and see if he does. I mean, it is early. I will just caution you that you are right not to do that stuff drunk. When I went back and read my diary years later, I realized a couple of my breakups were when I was loaded and brought up the subject and basically let them know I loved them, and it wasn't that early, but it just scares them off. In one case, it was a separated guy, so clearly too early, and I thought he really cared (I think he did) but he felt he had to date other women since he was newly single, and he didn't tell me that but I would see him out and it would just ruin my night. Later, he was seeing this one a lot after we were broken up and I mentioned it and he said it's because there was just no pressure, he'd go over and it was just no strings sex and maybe she'd cook something. I later heard stories about her from other guys. She was always propositioning no-strings sex to married and otherwise taken guys. He liked that because it didn't scare him and he didn't have to have any standards. So there you go. 1
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 If you feel you must have the talk about exclusivity go ahead but just know you probably have a better chance at exclusivity and keeping the R going if you don't bring up the subject at this point. Though you were both drinking there are some folks who recall what was said in a conversation while they were drinking. If he has clear recall about the convo and you bring up the topic again it's going to feel like pressure to him. He already told you basically, anyway, that things between the two of you are progressing nicely but he's not ready to call exclusive on the R even though he isn't dating anyone else right now. What do you have to gain? Because of his previous statements to you I'd be shocked if you brought up the topic and he decided to call it exclusive. I wouldn't be surprised at all if you bring the topic up and he counters with "he needs a little time to think about it" which may mean he takes a break from the R to think about it. Let things flow. Having the talk again may make him think you're clingy or controlling. I'm not saying you're clingy or controlling, just that it may appear that way to him if you bring up the topic again. It sounds to me as if you may be gradually "easing into exclusivity" together at this point but bringing up the topic again will be an abrupt interruption into the process and could stymie it. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 3, 2019 Author Posted November 3, 2019 (edited) If you feel you must have the talk about exclusivity go ahead but just know you probably have a better chance at exclusivity and keeping the R going if you don't bring up the subject at this point. youre so right thank you Edited November 4, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
preraph Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Meanwhile if he says no to exclusivity Or just doesn't bring it up again, by all means date other guys. You don't need to tell him about it and throw it in his face. Just do it to keep your options open. 2
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 3, 2019 Author Posted November 3, 2019 Meanwhile if he says no to exclusivity Or just doesn't bring it up again, by all means date other guys. You don't need to tell him about it and throw it in his face. Just do it to keep your options open. I agree, im gonna do my own thing. and have things unfold naturally. ill see if he brings it up again. if he still doesnt know what he wants after 2 months of us dating, then im gonna make it the call. like i said its been less than a month 1
smackie9 Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 (edited) I think he's being pretty normal about it. He's still getting to know you. Maybe you guys need to go out more often instead of playing house. Edited November 3, 2019 by smackie9 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 I think he's being pretty normal about it. He's still getting to know you. Maybe you guys need to go out more often instead of playing house. for sure, we went out last night. but doing more activities would be a good idea 1
smackie9 Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 Good for you...best of luck I hope things work out.
Gaeta Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 I agree at only 1 month you just let it unfold naturally. The conversation still brought you the most important information and it's that he is not seeing anyone else. He appreciates you, enjoys his time with you, he is constant in his dating you, that's all positive. It's too soon to ask him what he wants for this relationship. As long as he's only seeing you let it flow for a while. 1
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 4, 2019 Author Posted November 4, 2019 I agree at only 1 month you just let it unfold naturally. The conversation still brought you the most important information and it's that he is not seeing anyone else. He appreciates you, enjoys his time with you, he is constant in his dating you, that's all positive. It's too soon to ask him what he wants for this relationship. As long as he's only seeing you let it flow for a while. I know it’s too early. I just deal with a lot of early stage anxiety because I can’t deal with uncertainty well. Him getting out of a serious relationship is a huge factor too. We talked on the phone yesterday and he said it was good we had the talk and said what needed to be said (I didn’t bring it up) I this point I just need to watch his investment over time. And be very mindful of not putting pressure on things. I get stuck inside my head a lot. He knows how I feel so I’ll let him take charge. Mean while, I think I need to scale back a bit. And create some Scarcity.
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