yesilikebread Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Went on a first "date" with a man from Tinder. I like to take 24 hours after the meeting to take everything in before making any decisions. If obvious red flags, I would not consider a second date. This is sort of a grey area though. He is a bit older, late 30's. Very nice man, friendly and so on, but he doesn't tickle my fancy. I enjoy his company though, that's why I'm considering going on a second date. He is going away on holiday twice in two months time, and asked me what I wanted from each country/what I wanted him to get me. Isn't that a little bit weird, considering this was our first meeting. We matched on Tinder about a week ago and haven't (in my opinion) formed any sort of bond. We were also speaking about a destination I wanted to go to next year, and he said that he should come with me or something like that. Honestly, he is a very nice man, but I just don't feel any chemistry. He was also quite serious and I was trying to joke around, but there was just no banter. Also, forgot to mention that he talked about wanting to have a reason to stay in the city we are living in. "It's so depressing being single in this city". Are these red flags indicating neediness, or am I subconsciously looking for red flags in order to feel less bad rejecting him?
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 They are not red flags. Talking too much about the future too early is a yellow flag. You need more info to determine if he's love bombing you, has poor boundaries or is just so profoundly lonely he's desperate. (Not that you are not a great catch but he may just be incapable of being alone) I'd go on the 2nd date if you are on the fence. Without the pressure of the 1st date he may loosen up & be more attractive. If after the 2nd date you are not feeling it, then you can call it quits. For now, even projecting into next month is too much.
smackie9 Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 He’s not the red flag you are. If you are not feeling it then why lead him on. Sounds like he’s putting it out there that he wants a romantic travel companion. He likes you. If he didn’t he wouldn’t be taking to you. I doubt a second date is going to change anything. If you like his company tell him, and then offer friendship. I know it may not be well received but it’s worth a shot. If that looks like a bad idea, just send him on his way. 1
Versacehottie Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 I wouldn't call those red flags but you aren't feeling it with him overall. I don't think you should see him again. If you aren't attracted to him (due to his banter with you, looks or whatever), that's probably not going to change. I don't think you should string him along--or torture yourself with another date. Your gut instinct is probably speaking up. Good luck
preraph Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 I consider anyone talking about getting you gifts on the first date a definite red flag. I don't know who he's used to dealing with, but prostitutes comes to mind, sugar babies. The best-case scenario is he's the desperate. The reason this happening first date is because it shows he's going to fall for you without even knowing you! That's very immature and dysfunctional! He's in love with someone he hopes you'll be. And of course, he's horny. To me, the gift thing is just creepy, sorry. And you don't have enough feelings about him to even risk it.
Lotsgoingon Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Multiple red flags. Red flag #1, you're not into him ... really it's a complete waste of time to go out with someone "whose company" we only mildly enjoy ... unless that person is highly socially skilled and can go with the flow of things. Red flag #2 ... offer of gifts ... from multiple countries ... Hmmm... that doesn't sit right for me ... He's either clingy and desperate (you don't deserve any dang gift after one day) ... or it's part of a player game. Like he's married or involved with someone else ... and part of his way of covering is to get gifts for the side partner ... Lukewarm interest = no interest. Stay away. What often happens, especially if people don't have good boundaries, is people get further and further involved with someone they like but only have lukewarm feelings for ... Then it takes all kinds of energy to back out.
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