lissab113 Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 So, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. He broke up with me for a month back in May. So, I got my life on track, even had a fling. He came crawling back and romanced me and pushed me and I decided to give him another shot. He even convinced me to move in with him. We discussed our issues, and the reasons we broke up the first time. He has a very demanding job that keeps him at work 60-70 hours a week. He recently got demoted, which I know is stressful for him. I'm getting slowly more depressed as he stresses, however, because I want my boyfriend to pay attention to me (and I feel like thats childish but its true). I miss having sex because hes so stressed that he pulls away and I feel like I can't talk to him about it and I dont know how to fix it and I realize that I am rambling but I just wanted living together to be at least semi romantic.Maybe I just needed to vent. Any advice is appreciated.
slubberdegullion Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 Let me get this straight: He's working 60 to 70 hours a week to do his part to support the household and lifestyle, and on top of that you're pressuring him to pay more attention to you? The last thing he needs after a demanding work week is to come home to a demanding partner. Sorry to be so blunt about it, but cut the fellow some slack. It sounds like his life is stressing him to the max. So be the one part of his life that is low-stress and the least amount of hassle. You'll both be better off for it.
SilentPrayer Posted October 1, 2005 Posted October 1, 2005 I agree with the previous poster. Whatever his field is..he is working some insane hours...and it's really hard on a person who pulls long hours a day to come home to someone who is needy and excesively trying to please them. Maybe some space is in order here. You may miss all the attention..because that is what you perception of what it SHOULD be, because that is how he acted when he was romancing you. The rose tinted glass's need to be taken off sometime. Now is about the time...and believe me...it's kind of easyer to live upto realistic obligations and expectations rather then a fantasy relationship. Just be understanding and helpfull right now. It's the best thing you can do..its a 50/50 partnership...scratch his back now...and he will do the same for you in the future. SIlent:love:
Author lissab113 Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 thanks for the reality check....i huess I kinda needed it
Beth Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Perhaps part of his stress comes from feeling like he is letting you down. That on top of a demotion can be worse than a fast-ball to the groin. Perhaps initiating romance without being demanding and reassuring him that you are there for him while he works through his job situation will help reduce the stress and promote a more romantic response from him. Sometimes the things that 'romance' men are quite different than the things that 'romance' women. Maybe giving him a stress-free day at home would include letting him watch sports on TV without interruptions -- making sure he has munchies in front of the tube, and total control of the remote, and napping when he wants with no hints or suggestion of physical romance. Maybe spend that time reading or kicking back in sweats and watching with him. Let him relax with no pressure and maybe you can relax too. He might be more inclined to be romantic with you the next day or weekend. Just a suggestion!
RecordProducer Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Well just because he has a reason to be stressed and tired doesn't mean you should be happy with the situation. De facto his work schedule will probably continue like this for many years. So now is the time when you should decide whether you are willing to live like this. Pressuring him would certainly yield nothing. But I understand that you feel alone in this relationship. You need romance, fun, sex, attention and you're not getting it. Just sit back and wait for him to come back from work and do his thing will not make you happy. When people are not happy together they should either work on their relationship or split and find happiness elsewhere. If he comes home at 8 or 9 pm, does his own thing then falls alseep, I can imagine that you are missing the man in this relationship. You should think about whether you can deal with a partner who is stressed, tired, and busy without falling into depression and making his life even more miserable.
Outcast Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 Relationships are about giving. If your major concern is 'me, me, me' then you don't belong in one IMHO. This guy is going through a bunch of garbage and rather than asking the best way to be supportive, all you are asking is 'how do I get more for me'?. Life isn't simple. Both of you will go through rough periods and every now and then one of you will need to lean on the other. If you can't be a supportive partner, then maybe just date people casually for a while.
Tamrick Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 I don't necessarily agree with giving him some slack. As a woman I work an insane schedule - I work an 08:00 til 18:30 day job, and every second Saturday and am on call the rest of the time often getting called out at 23:00 and even 02:00 - I take about 6 calls each weekend I am on also. When my bf comes over I make time for him. I try to cook food. We have a special time to chat. He also works long hours. It takes being sensitive and working out a good plan. Maybe he can't give your more attention every day, but perhaps you could schedule some special time once a week - negotiate for it, then you can cut him some slack while he gives you some attention. Good luck.
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