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I Screwed up and she said she would get in touch but hasn't...

Arthur89

By Arthur89
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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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Hello, ive been dating this girl for about 4 weeks, I slept at hers place twice and we have seen each other like 8-9 times in those 4 weeks.On friday she went on trip to another country and she was supposed to come back on saturday so we set a date on that saturday. She was supposed to tell me what time she would be back in order for me to know what time exactly we would meet. She never texted nor called me so i got little angry and thought she played me so I sent her a few messages saying that I dont understand why she cant send me a single message to tell me our date is canceled , that im dissapointed by her behavior etc that Iwould have understood if she didnt want to see me again for whatever reason but not if she goes silent like this..

She replied on sunday morning she forgot her phone at her brothers... I know i overreacted Ishould have never done that. She herself told me i overreacted. After couple of messages she told me shes not in the mood for seeing me right now that she would get in touch. Its been 6 days and still hacent heard of from her. Before that we was in contact every day and everything seemed to be going good.

I would like to know an opinion from a woman perspective if i screwed up too much so she will never contact me again or its not that bad that I overreacted like this once. I knowthis always turns women off... thank you

 

Ps sorry for my english andong post

preraph Established Member

preraph

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Doesn't sound good. Not in the mood to see you can't be good.

sunbaby New Member

sunbaby

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If I was her, I would be put off as well since you made a lot of assumptions about why she didn't message you instead of giving her the benefit of he doubt like she might've lost her phone etc. Could you have tried contacting her elsewhere like Facebook, 3mail etc. first?

 

Still, if it was me, I wouldn't be so put off that I would end things, I would probably want to talk about why you jumped to that conclusion to give you a chance to explain because maybe you've been ghosted before. But that's just me. She may not be as forgiving. I would just let her know you're sorry and still interested and ask if she wants to get together to talk things through.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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You blew it big time. It's a lesson you've learn the hard way. Personally I would not get back to you.

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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How many messages did you send her, exactly?

 

As a woman, yes, I would be turned off. If things had previously been going well, I might still be open to listening to your side once the dust had settled. If I was already starting to lose interest, though, it would be done.

beentheredonethat77 Established Member

beentheredonethat77

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As a woman too -- Huge red flag for me. I would see this as a sign of things to come.. a possible bad temper and high level of insecurity. It would turn me off not because it seems 'needy' as i dont think asking about the date is needy -- its the angry/lecturing manner i would want no bar of. I would definitely not get back to you... actually i would, so i didn't have to hear from you again -- i'd message a polite, "its not working im sorry.. i wish you all the best".

 

Ah well, lesson learned, right?

OatsAndHall Established Member

OatsAndHall

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1. I believe you over reacted and you're paying the price for it now. Personally, I would have sent one text: "Just seeing if you made it in okay, are we still on for today?" and left it at that. If I didn't hear from her, pragmatism would have kicked in; I would have assumed she either wasn't interested in meeting that day or there was an issue with her phone. Either way, I would have just gone on my way.

 

 

 

2. I do believe that she has a part to play in this situation. She may have lost her phone but it would have been general courtesy for her to get a hold of you in some manner. Yes, she was traveling but she did make plans with you that day. She could've found a way to shoot you a Facebook message or SOMETHING to let you know she left her phone at her brothers. Again, she made plans with you and it was her responsibility to let you know those plans were off.

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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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Yea I know I over reacted , but i acknowledged and apologized right after. I know this kind of behavior turns women off and i never do that. But for some reason i thought she dont wanna see me again and ghosted me even though i had no reason to think like that.. no excuses.. its beem a week since then. Should i wait or try to reach to her? Or could this be a test from her side to see how i react if she doesnt contact me for whole week? I wanna prove and show to her that i dont act like that normaly so how should I aproach this ? Thanks .

schlumpy Established Member

schlumpy

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She replied on sunday morning she forgot her phone at her brothers...

 

How do you know she's telling you the truth? Did she get some kind of award in the past as the most honest person on earth?

 

Nope. She played this off too quickly and used it as an excuse to end things. You can guess at her reasons but this was way too minor for her to ghost you. She did have a hand in creating the situation. I don't like the fact that today's generation measures a person love interest by how long it takes to answer a text but that's reality.

 

The lesson you need to learn is not to take what someone tells you as the truth unless you can verify it.

 

No choice but to move on. Maybe she will call, maybe not.

 

Don't sit around and be her back up plan.

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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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How do you know she's telling you the truth? Did she get some kind of award in the past as the most honest person on earth?

 

Nope. She played this off too quickly and used it as an excuse to end things. You can guess at her reasons but this was way too minor for her to ghost you. She did have a hand in creating the situation. I don't like the fact that today's generation measures a person love interest by how long it takes to answer a text but that's reality.

 

The lesson you need to learn is not to take what someone tells you as the truth unless you can verify it.

 

No choice but to move on. Maybe she will call, maybe not.

 

Don't sit around and be her back up plan.

 

I dont, she didnt ghost me though. It was weird but she communicated normaly on sunday. She said we will see each other soon and even admited that it turned her off somehow and she will get in touch. Like i said becore that we was in contact everyday. So its wierd

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Words can make or break a relationship. Your words may have been beyond what she considers forgivable. Sending a text and insisting she gets back to you is 1 thing, expressing anger and disappointment at her behavior is a different ball game. Instead of giving the the benefit of the doubt you attacked her and judged her. You cannot defend yourself with 'I am not like that', no woman with half a brain will believe that.

 

You've learn a valuable lesson, think twice before accusing someone, words have consequences.

 

You are not saying how early before the date you sent those messages? Maybe she had plenty of time still to get her phone back and message you the time of the date.

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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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Words can make or break a relationship. Your words may have been beyond what she considers forgivable. Sending a text and insisting she gets back to you is 1 thing, expressing anger and disappointment at her behavior is a different ball game. Instead of giving the the benefit of the doubt you attacked her and judged her. You cannot defend yourself with 'I am not like that', no woman with half a brain will believe that.

 

You've learn a valuable lesson, think twice before accusing someone, words have consequences.

 

You are not saying how early before the date you sent those messages? Maybe she had plenty of time still to get her phone back and message you the time of the date.

 

I was around 7-8 pm. I didnt accuse her of anything but still....

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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You messaged her around 7-8 pm but the date was suppose to be when? the following day or that same night?

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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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You messaged her around 7-8 pm but the date was suppose to be when? the following day or that same night?

 

Same night. I waited for her to tell me what time shel be free.

FMW Established Member

FMW

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How long was she away? You said she left on Friday and got back on Saturday (when she was supposed to let you know what time you could meet for your date) but didn't respond to you until Sunday. Was this just a matter of days or a week or more?

 

If it was only a matter of days and she missed your date, not contacting you until the next day, then you over-reacted. Yes, a missed date is rude, but it appears you shot off the angry text the very day of that missed date without waiting to see if she had a good reason.

 

I'm a woman, and getting an angry text from a guy I had been seeing for only a few months would definitely put me off of him. It demonstrates a lack of emotional control that I would see as a warning sign for the future.

 

As to her not being honest about the reason for her lack of contact, sure, anything is possible. But even if that was the case, what purpose would an angry text serve if you were still interested in seeing her (as seems to be the case)? When someone doesn't reply after a few texts, you leave it alone and then decide whether or not you want to respond if they do eventually get back in touch.

Edited by Finding my way
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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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How long was she away? You said she left on Friday and got back on Saturday (when she was supposed to let you know what time you could meet for your date) but didn't respond to you until Sunday. Was this just a matter of days or a week or more?

 

If it was only a matter of days and she missed your date, not contacting you until the next day, then you over-reacted. Yes, a missed date is rude, but it appears you shot off the angry text the very day of that missed date without waiting to see if she had a good reason.

 

I'm a woman, and getting an angry text from a guy I had been seeing for only a few months would definitely put me off of him. It demonstrates a lack of emotional control that I would see as a warning sign for the future.

 

As to her not being honest about the reason for her lack of contact, sure, anything is possible. But even if that was the case, what purpose would an angry text serve if you were still interested in seeing her (as seems to be the case)? When someone doesn't reply after a few texts, you leave it alone and then decide whether or not you want to respond if they do eventually get back in touch.

 

I know that ... but i didnt say anythingnrude or.mean to her but youre right. And i knew right away I screwed up that this type of behavior turns women off. Do you think I should try to contact her? Its been a week now

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Arthur, after 4 weeks and 9 dates, this woman had shown her interest in you. She deserved the benefit of the doubt and deserved 'patience'. Had she always been reliable up to that Saturday? If yes then why send her those texts at all. In your shoes I would have thought she got delayed and get busy doing something else and think we'll get a date Sunday instead. What is bad is you assumed right away she was ignoring you.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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so i got little angry and thought she played me so I sent her a few messages saying that I dont understand why she cant send me a single message to tell me our date is canceled , that im dissapointed by her behavior etc that Iwould have understood if she didnt want to see me again for whatever reason but not if she goes silent like this..
I am amazed that you don't consider all that angry and aggressive. It comes across as angry & aggressive to us and it's not directed at us, imagine how that felt to her.
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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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Arthur, after 4 weeks and 9 dates, this woman had shown her interest in you. She deserved the benefit of the doubt and deserved 'patience'. Had she always been reliable up to that Saturday? If yes then why send her those texts at all. In your shoes I would have thought she got delayed and get busy doing something else and think we'll get a date Sunday instead. What is bad is you assumed right away she was ignoring you.

 

I know, i had a bad day and got little emotional over my recent break up and I assumed she ghosted me and wont see me again so I said screw It and sent her few dissapointing texts. I dont know why, I never did it before....

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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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I am amazed that you don't consider all that angry and aggressive. It comes across as angry & aggressive to us and it's not directed at us, imagine how that felt to her.

 

I guess it is then, do you think I can contact her to see if shes still interested ?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Or could this be a test from her side to see how i react if she doesnt contact me for whole week? I wanna prove and show to her that i dont act like that normaly so how should I aproach this ?

 

It's not a test.

 

You & she haven't known each other for a long time. She has no real basis to judge who you actually are as a person. Very early on this happened. Even if that is not normal behavior for you, from her perspective it looks like normal behavior because that is how you behaved. In the short time you were together this is what she dealt with & she doesn't want to do it again.

 

She will not be in touch & you need to respect the fact that she is no longer interested.

 

Going forward you need to give somebody 24-48 hours before you get all bent at them.

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Arthur89 Member

Arthur89

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It's not a test.

 

You & she haven't known each other for a long time. She has no real basis to judge who you actually are as a person. Very early on this happened. Even if that is not normal behavior for you, from her perspective it looks like normal behavior because that is how you behaved. In the short time you were together this is what she dealt with & she doesn't want to do it again.

 

She will not be in touch & you need to respect the fact that she is no longer interested.

 

Going forward you need to give somebody 24-48 hours before you get all bent at them.

 

Based on what can you know she lost all her interest ?

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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Based on what can you know she lost all her interest ?

 

Based on her statement that she "wasn't in the mood to see you" and the fact that a week ago she told you she would be in touch but hasn't followed through on getting in touch.

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OatsAndHall Established Member

OatsAndHall

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Yea I know I over reacted , but i acknowledged and apologized right after. I know this kind of behavior turns women off and i never do that. But for some reason i thought she dont wanna see me again and ghosted me even though i had no reason to think like that.. no excuses.. its beem a week since then. Should i wait or try to reach to her? Or could this be a test from her side to see how i react if she doesnt contact me for whole week? I wanna prove and show to her that i dont act like that normaly so how should I aproach this ? Thanks .

 

 

There's really no way to approach it, my friend. You take a giant step back, hope she contacts you but move forward under the assumption that she won't. It's not a test; she's not happy with the texts and she was honest about that.

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