Angel29 Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 I did not see my friend for 4 years and probably just exchanged messages twice a year. I saw her yesterday and she was her usual self insulting me to make herself feel better. She kept calling me lazy for not applying for jobs even though she knows I have just got over anxiety and costochondritis so I was not fit to work. She should know better as she has suffered from anxiety and depression. We had a fall out about 15 years ago and I did not speak for a year as I got tired of the bullying. She got in touch and we reconciled and I told her how I felt but she is back to her old way. She has no friends left as they got fed up of the sarcasm and insults. When I am with other friends I am happy and not anxious. I have been hyperventilating today as it is very stressful I allowed her to worm her way back into my life. She does not even respect herself as she has an abusive boyfriend. I can just imagine if I got married she would insult me on my wedding day. Should I just delete and block her? I don't want to ever see her again.
LivingWaterPlease Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 Do whatever it takes to stay away from her. If at all possible I wouldn't block and delete her if she would know about it because then she may try to contact you and confront you about it, thus causing you more conflict with her. 1
preraph Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 I made the mistake of letting one back in that I got fed up with in high school, and it led to one of the biggest traumas of my young life, so I say if she's toxic, get rid of her now. Just say, It's not working out. 1
MsJayne Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 You've answered your own question, she insults you to make herself feel better and you don't ever want to see her again. Friends don't belittle or criticise you, so you're not getting rid of a friend, you're getting rid of a nuisance. Maybe you should respond to her next contact via text telling her that you've had enough of the insults and criticisms and don't want to continue the friendship, wish her well and add that you hope she finds the self respect to get away from her abusive boyfriend. Block and delete. 1
Watercolors Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 Angel29 I think you already know the answer as you cut her out of your life before. Time to cut her out permanently from your life this time. As others have advised: block and delete her. I've done that with toxic family and toxic friends and have no regrets. Once a toxic friend, always a toxic friend. 1
basil67 Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Yes, another vote to remove her from your life. That said, please check yourself on saying she has no self respect because she's abused. Most abused women have guys who gaslight, wear them down and/or use threats to keep them around. I've lost count of the number of women who've said "I thought it could never happen to me". Victim blaming is not OK. 3
Author Angel29 Posted November 3, 2019 Author Posted November 3, 2019 Yes, another vote to remove her from your life. That said, please check yourself on saying she has no self respect because she's abused. Most abused women have guys who gaslight, wear them down and/or use threats to keep them around. I've lost count of the number of women who've said "I thought it could never happen to me". Victim blaming is not OK. You have a fair point as abusive men are good manipulators. I haven’t seen her boyfriend in years as he has a short temper. I feel these days she mentally abuses him, whilst I don’t like him he don’t deserve that either.
JuneGirl Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Oh wow, I have one of those married into my family, and I hate her so much. She sounds like your "friend": Just bitter and all around toxic and insults people because deep down inside she's unhappy with her own life. She's my cousin's wife and I still have to see her at family functions but I basically AVOID her at all costs and do not give her attention ever. I wonder if your friend and the one I know are the same person lol, because she also has 0 friends now because of how she is. She's just an unpleasant energy. I think you should delete and block her, who needs that negative energy! 1
Author Angel29 Posted November 3, 2019 Author Posted November 3, 2019 You have all been very helpful thank you. I feel like deleting and blocking her, 2 friends have said this could be awkward as she might get in touch asking why. I really don't want to see her again and don't see why I should have to explain that she is nasty as she must know how badly she is behaving. At the age of 36 I doubt she would ever change. 1
Watercolors Posted November 4, 2019 Posted November 4, 2019 Angel29 women like your friend who act this way have a low emotional IQ. That is, they never learned to process their own emotional feelings so what they do, is they project their own feelings on to everyone else, and manipulate everyone else around them. They tend to choose empathic people as their targets for projection, and they surround themselves with other emotionally immature people whom they easily emotionally manipulate (because those people, like your friend, have extremely low self-esteem despite what they show the public). https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/resolution-not-conflict/201603/can-you-spot-10-signs-childish-adult No observing ego—that is, no ability to see, acknowledge, and learn from their mistakes: When emotionally mature adults "lose their cool" and express anger inappropriately, they soon after, with their "observing ego," realize that their outburst was inappropriate. That is, they can see with hindsight that their behavior was out of line with their value system. They can see if their outburst has been, as therapists say, ego dystonic (against their value system). https://www.lovepanky.com/my-life/work-and-office/emotional-immaturity #3 They put people down to make themselves feel powerful and strong. Someone who isn’t emotionally mature usually isn’t very secure about themselves. They make themselves feel powerful by cutting other people down and making other’s feel less than. 2
Author Angel29 Posted December 19, 2019 Author Posted December 19, 2019 I don't know what to do. A week a half ago this woman posted me a birthday card and has since sent me a Christmas card saying 'if I ever need to chat'. I have no idea what game she is playing. She must have noticed she has been blocked. I don't need to chat about anything as my life is going pretty well without her. Should I respond or ignore? I don't want to see her again.
Watercolors Posted December 21, 2019 Posted December 21, 2019 On 12/19/2019 at 5:21 PM, Angel29 said: Should I respond or ignore? I don't want to see her again. If you respond, you continue the toxic dynamic between the two of you. Why would you do that to yourself?! If you don't respond, you maintain strong boundaries that you have moved on and no longer allow that kind of toxicity in your life. I had a couple of people contact me after I blocked their cellphone numbers, from other phone numbers who sent me texts or left voicemails. I just deleted their attempts. It's been a year of no contact with these two toxic people and I'm the better for it. If you don't want anything to do with this toxic friend, then just ignore her attempts to reconnect. 2
AMarriedMan Posted January 6, 2020 Posted January 6, 2020 On 11/2/2019 at 11:57 PM, Angel29 said: have been hyperventilating today as it is very stressful I allowed her to worm her way back into my life. She does not even respect herself as she has an abusive boyfriend. I can just imagine if I got married she would insult me on my wedding day. Should I just delete and block her? I don't want to ever see her again. Dump her unceremoniously. You owe her absolutely nothing. She's not family by blood or by marriage. A friend who treats you like a s*** is an oxymoron. You don't have to stay in contact with her. 1
JTSW Posted January 7, 2020 Posted January 7, 2020 On 12/19/2019 at 11:21 PM, Angel29 said: Should I respond or ignore? I don't want to see her again. Hi Angel29, I really hope you didn't respond to her. You never have to explain anything to her. She has lost all of her friends now and she's brought it all on herself. It's her problem, no-one else's.
Author Angel29 Posted January 7, 2020 Author Posted January 7, 2020 5 hours ago, JTSW said: I really hope you didn't respond to her. I was a strong person and shredded the card. Cord cutting was needed once and for all. Life is too short for nasty people. 1
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