Does a girl have to be pretty for you to take notice?

[Devildog]

You know, I have often wondered if good looks causes confidence, or if confidence causes good looks? My best friend growing up and in High School, this guy had women falling all over him. He could have had his pick of women. But he was shy, lacked self-confidence in his appearance, didn't have a steady girl-friend in High School. And he is a great guy. Everybody liked him. He just lacked that self-confidence. So good looks doens't always mean confidence.

 

On the other hand, I have also known people who were completely unattractive that seemed to have all the confidence in the world, but it doesn't make a difference. But I think that was more of an act of confidence than real self-confidence and self-love.

 

In response to the original question. Personally, they need some level of attractiveness to gain my notice. They don't have to be supermodel attractive. But on the other hand, looks alone will not gain my interest. If a woman is pretty and shallow, they don't get a second look. The situation I am currently in, when I first saw this woman, yeah, she was nice to look at. But after we talked for a bit, got to see how deep she was, a glimpse of her intellect, then I was hooked.

[Toni_no12002]

Fair enough.I suppose that looking good gets people to take notice of you but if there not very nice then you dont want to know.But if your not very good looking in the first place how will you get people to notice you so they can actually find out what your personalities like?Thats the trouble i used to have.I am a nice person if you get to know me but nobody looks at me because im not that pretty.So how would somebody in that situation get people to take notice?

[lindya]

Fair enough.I suppose that looking good gets people to take notice of you but if there not very nice then you dont want to know.But if your not very good looking in the first place how will you get people to notice you so they can actually find out what your personalities like?

 

Being interested in other people. Focusing on finding out who they are and what makes them tick, instead of worrying about what they think of you, whether they think you're attractive etc etc. You don't have to be the life and soul of every party, but when you're amongst a new group of people it's a case of observing, taking in what people are saying and getting a sense of which people you feel you can connect with.

 

Whenever I'm with a group of new people (male and female) I'll pretty quickly get a sense of warming to certain people because of their humour, individual quirks I find likeable, friendly smile, charismatic presence - all sorts of things, really. When you start warming to people, they will generally start warming to you and it just takes off from there.

[Apex]

I'd take 2 or 3 great guys that like me for me than 100 guys with the possibility of 2 or 3 in the bunch that like me for me.

Personally, I think only one is enough. Any more is just a waste of time, and resources.

[Toni_no12002]

I am quite shy most of the time and often i get people walking all over me.From my experience it seems to be the outgoing people that do it.But why do they.They think everyone has to obey them.The stupid thing is i do what thy want!Stupid bloody me lol.I darent say no to people!Ive learned if i do they fall out with you and make everyone else fall out with you to!Im not saying everyone is like this but to me.This is how i see things from my experience anyway!

 

pretty=confident=loves yourself=always thinking about yourself and no one else=being nasty to other people.

 

Not everyone is like that im sure but from what ive seen im my life thats whats happened and ive always been on the recieving end.They always be nasty and walk all over me!grrr Maybe if i was more confident i wouldnt let them do it.my fault i suppose!

[Devildog]

First of all Toni, I am begining to think you need to find some new friends. You seem to hang out with alot of shallow users. Find some friends that will also consider your needs and feelings.

 

I think sometimes the most effective way to get noticed is to notice other people. When you are paying attention to someone, that flatters their ego. And it makes them more likely to notice things about you. When being around you helps build up someone's confidence and their feeling of self-worth, they will want to spend time with you. You just have to be careful not to overdo it or you wind up right back in the trap where it is all about them, not anything about you.

[Toni_no12002]

I see your point.I am always saying to people you look nice etc.My self obsessed friend always says do i look nice?Im like yea course you do.She knows she does why ask lol

 

I do have some nice friends but one that ive known since i was 4 thats 17 years!cant believe it!shes always been like this loves herself and doesnt care about anyone else.She only rings me when she feels like it.I dont bother ringing her anymore.She only rings when its her birthday or when shes upset.Or when she wants me to see her latest boyfriend!The thing is if i say no she will go on and on about it.I always end up saying ok.

[Devildog]

Ah, the wonders of Caller ID. You don't have to answer the phone when you now who is calling. :lmao:

 

People like to be around people who make them feel good. But sometimes we hang out with people because we think it makes us "cool by association". That isn't healthy. Pick your friends because you know they will have your back when you need it, just as you got their back. I have plenty of acquaintances and buddies, but only a handful of friends. They are the ones that have proven they are going to be there for me, and they are the ones I would trust with my life and my daughter's life.

[Apex]

If your not too good looking people dont say your beautiful as often.People are are good looking get compliments all the time.No wonder most of them have big heads lol.Im not talking about everyone but i have notcied that it seems to be the prettier ones that love themselves more.

 

Im not that attractive and the only compliments i get are from my boyfriend.Fair enough that should be enough to make me like myself but it isnt.Also the prettier people because they are more confident get more people liking them because they are more confident.I have a mate shes pretty and really loud and confident she will wear skirts when she goes out and all the men drool.Me on the other hand im not as good looking dont wear skirts so men dont even look twice at me.I just sorta sink into the background.Feeling second best again.Im not being nasty though but my friend loves herself so much she doesnt think about others.Shes quite ugly inside really. ill think ill stick to being unattractive that way i wont become so involved in myself.

 

Is there really any really pretty nice people out there ,guys and girls?Because i have yet to meet one!

You shouldn’t be jealous of her, and I don’t think you should be her sidekick.

 

I know guys who like to drag around wingmen. The wingmen have many functions like protect the master when he is drunk, take flak when he is under fire, smother grenades, fend off the competition, and make him look good.

 

If your friend is so selfish, why does she keep you around? What purpose do you serve?

 

 

Personally, I really don’t see much of a correlation between physical attractiveness and personality. I’ve come across plenty of attractive and unattractive people who have really nasty personalities. The same is true for people with great personalities. You can make an issue out of appearance, but I really don’t see the value in it.

 

As far as finding nice people, I really don’t have any answers. I know the nasty people are like sharks, and we all know sharks swim around gobbling up the sick and the weak. Maybe you should keep an eye out for people who aren’t on the prowl.

[hooghie]

Toni,

 

You sound very insecure from your posts. You have a boyfriend right? Doesn't he make you feel better about yourself and your looks? If no, get rid of him! If he does compliment you, take note of the clothes/looks that he likes.

 

I don't know if you are overweight/out of shape, but I suggest you join a gym/start exercising. It's amazing how powerful and confident exercise can make you feel when you stick with it. If you have decent figure or specific physical features- show it off. You can look sexy without looking slutty.

 

Get yourself some clothes that make you feel/look good. Save up some $$ and get a new hairdo and makeover.

 

Try and smile more. This is REALLY important.

[Toni_no12002]

I dont have much time to go to the gym i have a little boy,hes 9 month old so its hard.

My boyfriend does compliment me but i just dont believe him because of him looking at others etc.He says he loves me all the time but i just cant accept it.I suppose thats my own fault but in my past ive never felt loved or liked that much.Why would things change now?I know i shouldnt base my happiness on what others say or do but its hard.I try to make myself look nice but however hard i try there always someone better looking round the corner and my boyfriend will always look however hard i try.So i figured whats the point?

[fundamental]

I dont have much time to go to the gym i have a little boy,hes 9 month old so its hard.

My boyfriend does compliment me but i just dont believe him because of him looking at others etc.He says he loves me all the time but i just cant accept it.I suppose thats my own fault but in my past ive never felt loved or liked that much.Why would things change now?I know i shouldnt base my happiness on what others say or do but its hard.I try to make myself look nice but however hard i try there always someone better looking round the corner and my boyfriend will always look however hard i try.So i figured whats the point?

 

Do you like/love yourself? Are you happy with yourself? If you are not happy with yourself, it's hard to believe that others are happy with you.

[Devildog]

Wow Toni, you are sounding alot like my XW. Anytime I would compliment her or try to show her I found her attractive, it never meant anything to her. I was suppossed to say those things, it was my job. Didn't matter to her that I was sincere. But when guys at work made comments, then it meant something. When her "friend" that wrecked our marriage said something, then it meant something.

 

I think you are looking for attention. When you are in a relationship, one that you want to last, thirsting for attention and approval from other men is not going to help. If the validation of other men means more than your BF, maybe you should be asking yourself some questions.

[elijahBailey]

Anytime I would compliment her or try to show her I found her attractive, it never meant anything to her. I was suppossed to say those things, it was my job. .

 

man, that ain't no job. That's a sentence

[Apex]

Devildog

It sounds like an inferiority complex.

[elijahBailey]

Hey Toni, I was just thinkin'. Those friends of yours that you said were good-lookin', they might just know how to do an extreme makeover. You've probably seen the show 'extreme makeover'. Here's more proof, too...

 

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/celeb.html

 

you can do a google for 'with and without makeup'. It'll turn up more results. You'd be surprised how our favorite actresses are just your 'girl next door' without the heavy makeup. Assuming those picture are for real, I was like

[Toni_no12002]

Im not looking for attention.I know this because even if a thousand men told me i was really good looking i wouldnt believe them because of things people have said before.Im going to counselling soon and i want to accept myself for who i am more.I want to feel beautiful without anyone having to tell me that i am.Does that make sense?My boyfriend tells me everyday he loves me and he always tells me i look nice but i dont believe him.Its my problem and most people would love for there boyfriend to be like that.Alot of things went on in my past and i think its affected alot of things that i think now in my life.I just need some help to get over it i think .Thanks for all your posts

[JS17]

I think you're starting to develop a better attitude and I'm really glad you're going to see a councelor. I think your obsession with being "pretty" is a mask for some of the things that you've been through in your life. Besides making yourself better for you, you have son and a man who wants to spend the rest of his life with you that you need to think about. I hope that gives you motivation enough to work through your problems. I have faith that you can do anything you set your pretty little mind to.

[Toni_no12002]

Thanks lol.I really hope things will get better then i can stop bloody moaning!lol