MountainGirl111 Posted November 5, 2019 Posted November 5, 2019 At first, I was absolutely sure that she wouldn't do that. But now, I can track a burner phone back to around Feb, and my youngest kid has dropped a name a while ago. It could be a possibility, but I don't have solid proof. Honestly, I think it's more of a cause and effect kind of thing now. She had some instability, and a couple friends who are just bad people push her the wrong way. Then while she was weak, she hooked up with someone, and that's when she had no interest in working on things. Funny thing though... as of a couple weeks ago... I still have confirmation that she has both phones. (The burner, and her original) Why? The last time I saw it, it was actually funny in my mind. We were both of a girl scout meeting, and filling out new contact info. She was on the other side of the table, and she kept looking up at me. (I have excellent peripheral vision) and she kind of snuck it up above the table to read something on it. I've been asking my youngest kid if mommy has been angry for no reason while she is with her... because that is my concern. (Safety of my kids) Hmm. As to burner phones...even though they have a regular phone...Correct me if I'm wrong, but the main reason people have burner phones is because it can't be traced and they are trying to hide something. Anyway....my guess is you are ready to put much of this in the past as much as you can...I do understand you will still have concerns with co-parenting....that's got to be hard....
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 (edited) Hmm. As to burner phones...even though they have a regular phone...Correct me if I'm wrong, but the main reason people have burner phones is because it can't be traced and they are trying to hide something. Exactly ! It's to hide things. But we have been officially divorced for a while, but my oldest kid said she still has had it last week when she was over at her mother's house. That's the why part. It's almost like she needs that second number for the other person in her head. LOL. Anyway....my guess is you are ready to put much of this in the past as much as you can...I do understand you will still have concerns with co-parenting....that's got to be hard.... I am ready to move on. As far as the co-parenting... it's crazy hard at the moment. I'm trying my best. Not that I have feeling for the ex... but it's making sure the kids are happy and safe. I am honestly worried about how my 13yo is getting treated. Anyway... to keep this on track... I grabbed an "Ecno-Pack" of condoms like it was suggested earlier in this thread... just so I would be ready if something would come up. But, I was talking with my friend this morning, and I was told to NOT contact the girl that she wanted me to. I guess her last BF may not totally be out of the picture yet. (a back and forth break-up) When I told my other female friend about it... she said... "Good, I guess I can tell my stocker friend about you then." LOL (she was joking) Oh well... probably for the best. Edited November 6, 2019 by Blind-Sided
MountainGirl111 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 As far as the co-parenting... it's crazy hard at the moment. I'm trying my best. Not that I have feeling for the ex... but it's making sure the kids are happy and safe. I am honestly worried about how my 13yo is getting treated. Anyway... to keep this on track... I grabbed an "Ecno-Pack" of condoms like it was suggested earlier in this thread... just so I would be ready if something would come up. But, I was talking with my friend this morning, and I was told to NOT contact the girl that she wanted me to. I guess her last BF may not totally be out of the picture yet. (a back and forth break-up) When I told my other female friend about it... she said... "Good, I guess I can tell my stocker friend about you then." LOL (she was joking) Oh well... probably for the best. I would worry too....if your 13YO chose to live with you, do you think your ex would be spiteful? Good you can have a few light hearted moments during this time...personally I would avoid other people trying to set me up with anyone....partly because of this: If it doesn't work out would the friend who set you up understand? Also, it doesn't seem very "organic" … but you never know I guess. I've seen a few, very few match-making things get off the ground.
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 (edited) I would worry too....if your 13YO chose to live with you, do you think your ex would be spiteful? That's kind of the problem. With the issues at hand she doesn't want to be with her mom. In the last 3 months she has only been overnight at her mom's house 6 days. 5 of those were because I was gone on biz, and the last one ended poorly. (don't want to get into that one at the moment) She has told me that she wants to see the judge and get it changed officially, but I would like her to keep some kind of relationship with her mother. Good you can have a few light hearted moments during this time.... I try. They say laughing is the best medicine. The female friends I have, have really been my life support. I told one about the condoms, and her response was... "Why are you telling me? Do you need me to come check them for fit on you?" I think having people to joke with has helped so, so much. On the point of match making... you are right. It doesn't always work. BUT... if it's just a couple dates, and it turns into friends... I could use more of those too. But the girl who offered to jokingly check my condom fit, invited me to a trivia night next week... and she knows a couple single girls who will be there. That's an event that can be an organic meeting. Edited November 6, 2019 by Blind-Sided
MountainGirl111 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 I try. They say laughing is the best medicine. The female friends I have, have really been my life support. I told one about the condoms, and her response was... "Why are you telling me? Do you need me to come check them for fit on you?" I think having people to joke with has helped so, so much. But the girl who offered to jokingly check my condom fit, invited me to a trivia night next week... and she knows a couple single girls who will be there. That's an event that can be an organic meeting. I got a kick out of the condom joke....your friend sounds very witty with the right kind of wit just when you need it....reminds me of my dad.... One time my dad was being rushed into emergency surgery on his brain....he was literally knocking on death's door...The pre-op nurse asked him if he understood what kind of procedure they were going to do on him.....he answered, "What, are you going to give me a vasectomy?" The nurse just about lost it.... 1
elaine567 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Teenage girls falling out with and resenting their mother is normal. Hormones, moods, clash of ideas, demands for independence, growing up, sexuality in turmoil, self esteem issues... result in teenage girls coming into conflict with their mothers. Mothers know how difficult teenage daughters can be, they were one, daughters hence know they cannot fool their mother... Here your teenage daughter due to the divorce had the perfect excuse to stick it right into your wife. She has freed herself from that parental influence, she has also unfortunately bypassed that learning experience. She has won that natural sparring "battle" by using you. I get the ego boost that her choosing you has given you, but I guess "love" was not the real motivating factor. Be careful.
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 .....reminds me of my dad.... One time my dad was being rushed into emergency surgery on his brain....he was literally knocking on death's door...The pre-op nurse asked him if he understood what kind of procedure they were going to do on him.....he answered, "What, are you going to give me a vasectomy?" The nurse just about lost it.... Sounds like a good guy. When I went in for the surgery on "My Boys" a few months back... the Dr came in and drew some surgical marks on my scrotum for reference... and when the nurse came back to check on me... she asked if the Dr had been here yet. My responses was... "Yes. He checked things over and drew a smiley face on my testicle. Does that mean he likes me?" We both had a good laugh. Teenage girls falling out with and resenting their mother is normal........I get the ego boost that her choosing you has given you, but I guess "love" was not the real motivating factor. Be careful. Sure, I understand that girls don't always like their moms... but to question my kids love is a little offensive. BUT... I do understand what you are trying to get at. Thanks. I guess I will let you two in, on what happened Sunday night. This would have been the first time my 13yo would have been at her mother's house when I wasn't traveling. It took a lot of talking, and a little yelling on my side to get her into the truck to go over. Since my ex has been unstable, and she has point blank told me to be physical with my daughter to get her to her the ex's house (I refuse to be physical or abandon her)... I actually made a phone call to CYS to ask what is the line between a mother guiding her kid out of the car... and being abusive in forcing her out. (so a very serious level) A few hours later, I started getting txt's from my daughter saying a lady friend of the ex showed up and started to yell about going to her mother's house, and that I was a bad person. So she locked her self in her room because she was scared of what they may do. I Got my kid back the next morning. (She was supposed to be with her mother the entire week) This is not a "I don't like my mother because xxx." This is a case that mom doesn't see herself as part of the problem, and is trying to use fear and guilt into getting her daughter to come to her. (It has backfired big time) Anyway... on the dating side of things. Since the family dog passed away a couple weeks ago... I asked my friends if they had anyone to set me up with that had a dog for my kid to play with. One of them chimed in, and sent pictures of the dogs... and not the girl. LOL. This girl is supposed to be at that trivia night also. Guess I need to go.
MountainGirl111 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 . It took a lot of talking, and a little yelling on my side to get her into the truck to go over. Since my ex has been unstable, and she has point blank told me to be physical with my daughter to get her to her the ex's house (I refuse to be physical or abandon her)... I actually made a phone call to CYS to ask what is the line between a mother guiding her kid out of the car... and being abusive in forcing her out. (so a very serious level) A few hours later, I started getting txt's from my daughter saying a lady friend of the ex showed up and started to yell about going to her mother's house, and that I was a bad person. So she locked her self in her room because she was scared of what they may do. I Got my kid back the next morning. (She was supposed to be with her mother the entire week) This is not a "I don't like my mother because xxx." This is a case that mom doesn't see herself as part of the problem, and is trying to use fear and guilt into getting her daughter to come to her. (It has backfired big time) . Ah, that is sad...but at least you got her back the very next day...fwiw...your ex sounds like a basket case and it's so sad her friend is chiming in...that's destructive...your poor daughter...she doesn't need this at all... Glad you feel things are looking up in other areas of your life. Have fun at trivia night...I know a couple who go there every week and they really enjoy it! They often win which I'm sure makes it even more enjoyable!
elaine567 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Sure, I understand that girls don't always like their moms... but to question my kids love is a little offensive. BUT... I do understand what you are trying to get at. Thanks. I am not questioning your kid's love for you, only her motivation for choosing you and ostracising her Mom, may not be a simple as who she "loves" the most. My guess she is playing the two of you off like a fiddle atm. If you do get a gf, do not be surprised if Mom suddenly becomes flavour of the month...
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 6, 2019 Author Posted November 6, 2019 ......your poor daughter...she doesn't need this at all... Nope... she doesn't. I know this will sound bad, but this is an example of why there are no feelings left for the ex, and that I'm ready to move on. The stories I've posted are not of the girl I married long ago. But, they are SO very much like her mother. (who is also medicated) ...If you do get a gf, do not be surprised if Mom suddenly becomes flavour of the month... Well... honestly... if that did happen... it would kind of be a good thing. While I have no fillings left for the ex... I couldn't imagine my life without my mom. SO... if me having a GF will help her transition to being with her mother more... then I'm all for it. (It would be a win-win)
MountainGirl111 Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 Nope... she doesn't. I know this will sound bad, but this is an example of why there are no feelings left for the ex, and that I'm ready to move on. The stories I've posted are not of the girl I married long ago. But, they are SO very much like her mother. (who is also medicated) ) Hmmm. With some medicated people you really don't want to see them or be around them if they go off their meds, know what I mean? It's just not good in some cases. Sadly, when some people go off the deep end they want to BLAME something or someone. Not uncommon for them look for a scapegoat. And some will try to gaslight you to believe something that just isn't true. Glad you didn't fall for that and have taken a stand. Remember: You're not a MONSTER!!
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 6, 2019 Posted November 6, 2019 thanks again for the input. If you don't like t-shirts... you would really hate mine. They are either "Free" promotional shirts, motorcycle related (from local events) or retro-gamming shirts that my kids keep getting me. (just got 2 new ones for my bday) Even though I wouldn't have bought them... they are still "Me", and since they are gifts from the kids... I wear them proudly. LOL. But seriously... I see what you mean. Everyone likes different things. And that could be a stop on a potential partner too. I have a goatee, and generally like casual clothes. I may find someone I like, be she may not like the facial hair. But then again... if she is that superficial... I probably wouldn't wanted to be with her anyway. Again... thanks. I don't particularly like t-shirts. I love retro game shirts. But having the t-shirt work depends on the fit, t-shirt condition, and your body type. And of course the accessories. Like a t-shirt and a hoodie vs t-shirt and leather jacket or cardigan or jean jacket or blazer. It is totally an art - and it matters if said date is style oriented or not!
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 7, 2019 Author Posted November 7, 2019 (edited) .....Sadly, when some people go off the deep end they want to BLAME something or someone. .... some will try to gaslight you to believe something that just isn't true. Glad you didn't fall for that and have taken a stand. Remember: You're not a MONSTER!!OK... I just looked up "Gaslighting" for the first times... and WOW... every single point was EXACTLY what she has been doing. The only point that I read that isn't a perfect match is... "They tell you or others you are crazy." I don't think she has said that... but she tried to get others to believe I was suicidal. Oh... I know I'm not a monster. I'm just trying to keep my kids happy. And, as I've told the ex... if I was doing this to just be hard on her... I would also be keeping my 8yo from her. (my 8yo goes back and forth with out any issues) I don't particularly like t-shirts. I love retro game shirts. Do you want to go on a date??? LOL. having the t-shirt work depends on the fit, t-shirt condition, and your body type. And of course the accessories. Like a t-shirt and a hoodie vs t-shirt and leather jacket or cardigan or jean jacket or blazer. It is totally an art - and it matters if said date is style oriented or not! OK... I can understand. I ride motorcycles, so I have good leather jackets. And no, I'm not a Harley Davidson guy where I have more invested in branded clothes than my motorcycle is worth. I swear... over the last 10~12 years, Harley has become a cult religion and fashion statement more than a motorcycle. I laugh every time I see someone all decked out, head to toe in HD clothes... and they get into a Corolla. My jackets are standard black, heavy jackets for protection. ("Scooter" jackets with no studs, or chrome) But that's not a look that's appropriate for every situation. Thanks for the input. Edited November 7, 2019 by Blind-Sided
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 7, 2019 Posted November 7, 2019 Do you want to go on a date??? LOL. Only if we get to go to the arcade bar!
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 8, 2019 Author Posted November 8, 2019 Only if we get to go to the arcade bar! DEAL !!!!! But seriously... there was a thread a few months back about questions you ask on the first date... or during a speed date. One was... "What book is on your nightstand." The answers reflected that you are only intelligent by what book was there. I chimed in saying... "Im Highly educated with multiple degrees. I spent 8 years as a research chemist, and I currently am a respected consultant. BUT... on my night stand is a Gameboy Color, and a 3DS... does that make me stupid?" They said that most gamers are the stereotypical "Man Child" and not successful business men who don't like to read. (I guess that made me a 1%'er) LOL.
MountainGirl111 Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 (edited) OK... I just looked up "Gaslighting" for the first times... and WOW... every single point was EXACTLY what she has been doing. The only point that I read that isn't a perfect match is... "They tell you or others you are crazy." I don't think she has said that... but she tried to get others to believe I was suicidal. . There is an old movie....I believe it is actually called "Gaslight", I won't get into a ton of detail here...but I'll post a few links. I watched it once...it reminded me of an Alfred Hitchcock movie...? Gaslighting is a form of mental/emotional abuse....I think perhaps men get the bad rap for being abusers, but women are too...in some cases they may be more underhanded and subtle....but they are abusive, none the less. Here's a link if you want to read up on it. It got some Oscar nominations.... https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1944_film) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslight_(1944_film) and, here is the 1940 movie. I guess there were TWO movies made.... https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0031359/ Edited November 10, 2019 by MountainGirl111
lavenderandvelvet Posted November 10, 2019 Posted November 10, 2019 DEAL !!!!! But seriously... there was a thread a few months back about questions you ask on the first date... or during a speed date. One was... "What book is on your nightstand." The answers reflected that you are only intelligent by what book was there. I chimed in saying... "Im Highly educated with multiple degrees. I spent 8 years as a research chemist, and I currently am a respected consultant. BUT... on my night stand is a Gameboy Color, and a 3DS... does that make me stupid?" They said that most gamers are the stereotypical "Man Child" and not successful business men who don't like to read. (I guess that made me a 1%'er) LOL. Lol. A few of my friends game - but not the retro ones. Think Destiny. They also read books.
Author Blind-Sided Posted November 10, 2019 Author Posted November 10, 2019 There is an old movie....I believe it is actually called "Gaslight",........ I saw some of that while I was looking it up, but thanks for the links. Lol. A few of my friends game - but not the retro ones. Think Destiny. They also read books. I only read for knowledge. I can read a service manual on something I will buy (watercraft, Tractor, so on) but I've only been able to get through 2 or 3 books for a story. My mind will start to wander, and I will read a chapter... and then I will think to my self... "What did I just read?" Anyway... I went out last night on a practice date. One of my female friends was going nutz because her kids were being bad... so I asked her out. (Yes, I told her husband I was doing that) So... we went to a bar, then got some dinner, and ended at a coffee shop for desert. She said it was fun. I also used her as my "wing man" a little, and I flirted with a few girls. One of which was WAY too young for me. But she seemed to like the banter. My friend told me she was surprised that I was able to make conversationwith strangers so easy. I told her, it's because of my work. (Consultant) I have to make friends with as many people as possible, in only 5 or so days when I get onto a new property, to find out what's wrong. I'm going out with this same friend for the trivia night. She told me a few of her single friends should be there.
Recommended Posts