Think it's time to get back on the horse.

[Blind-Sided]

Hi All,

 

 

Well... it's been a year since my ex went off the deep end, and decided that she no longer wanted to be married. During that time, I was on an emotional roller-coaster, trying to figure out what went wrong, but ultimately, she just turned crazy like her mother. It's been a while since I've had any feelings, other than me worrying about my kids. Especially my 13yo. She has been turned off by her mothers actions, but I know she needs to keep some kind of relationship with her.

 

 

Anyway... I have several friends who have been on the look-out for me, and I told them I appreciate them for that. I have one friend who has a bunch of singles for me ranging from "a little stocker-ish" to "Nice but has some baggage." Another friend said he knows someone who "Is a good cook, and works for the local CYS." And I have another friend who says she has someone who has been her friend for 20 years, and has just had a run of bad luck, so she has never been married.

 

 

With that said... I get that at my age (upper 40's) most women will have some baggage. (kids, ex, so on) and that's just something I have to deal with. I was told the girl who is "Stocker-ish" would be in the sack on the first date. But at my age, that's not what I'm looking for either. But the person from my friend who was given a real endorsement seems interesting to me. I was given a few pictures, and she has a very pretty smile, and bright happy eyes. She has a body type that isn't... sporty... but then again, I'm not sporty these days either. LOL. (Where did youth go?) And ironically, I ran into her, with my kid, but didn't realize it was her. (Verified later by my friend)

 

 

Anyway... I'm seriously thinking about contacting her to see if she would like to grab a coffee. But as I sit here and think about my kids, and how to introduce them to someone is something I'm not really getting my head around. I know my ex has had someone from before we were officially divorced, and my kids know about him. (one turn off for my 13yo) But on the other side of that coin... my 13yo is understanding what a relationship is... and she has told me to find someone new. (That conversation started about her own little boy friend) So, I actually have the green light from my older kid.

 

 

I guess I'm just posting this to get a little insight on what you guys think about moving forward as a single dad.

 

 

Thanks.

Edited October 31, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[Els]

Hoses are not good for riding.

 

 

In all seriousness, if you have kids, why does it bother you that women you are dating have children of their own too? There are certainly childfree women out there, but most of them will be hesitant to date a man with kids.

 

 

I don't think you should introduce a new date to your kids at all. Wait til you have been dating for at least 6 months IMO.

[Blind-Sided]

Hoses are not good for riding.

 

 

.......

LOL... Guess I should have checked my spelling.

 

 

Yes... I guess I'm thinking about a time kind of thing too. 6mo I guess seems reasonable. Only problem is... my 13yo refuses to go to her mothers house, and has been with me almost full time. That will make things harder too. Sure, she can stay at home a lone for a while, and even get her self put to bed... but I wouldn't want to leave her overnight by herself.

 

To your point of the woman also having kids. I was at a kids Bday party last weekend, and was introduced to a woman who seemed nice, and was there with her son. After talking, I found out that she had 4 boys, and I kind of stepped back. One of my female friends said I sucked because of that. (in a joking but serious way) but I told her... if we got together, it would be the Brady bunch... but one or two I could handle.

 

 

I guess that's also why I'm thinking about the last woman. She doesn't have kids, but I was told she wants a "Family" and to eventually get married. BUT, because of her age, she doesn't necessarily want kids of her own. I too would eventually like to re-marry (not right away) and if my girls became her surrogate family... it could work out. But I guess I won't know until I ask for that first date. (wow, did that feel weird to type. date)

Edited October 31, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[Sunlight72]

my 13yo is understanding what a relationship is... and she has told me to find someone new. (That conversation started about her own little boy friend) So, I actually have the green light from my older kid.

 

I guess I'm just posting this to get a little insight on what you guys think about moving forward as a single dad.

OK, here's my insight - let your kids be kids. DO NOT be sharing with them about you dating/thinking of dating/asking them about you dating/who you date/who you like, etc., etc. Reserve that for your adult friends, and be very conscious of the separate realms.

 

Your ex is already putting them in a wrong head-space by exposing them to her love life and you see how that is messing with them. Kids aren't equipped for that; it's not their place to have opinions on who their parents are dating/bedding/befriending, and it doesn't matter if you think the romance is healthy or unhealthy, it is just not something kids should be concerned with in any case.

 

That is your personal private affair - not a family project. Your kids should be concerned with kid stuff only. Their world is already a mess with their parents splitting up - do everything you can to keep their lives kid-centered.

 

 

Also do your best to keep and express a neutral or positive view of your kids' mother for your kids' sake. Encourage them to see the good parts of their mother as best you can. Do not vent to them about your frustrations or disappointments you have with your ex. She is their only mother, for ever. Any good parts of her they can recognize are healthy for them. They will have their own disappointments and frustrations with her, and yet there is no substitute for a father's or a mother's love in their entire lives. Be careful not to poison that and encourage them to nurture it where they can.

 

 

Best Wishes.

 

 

edit to add: To be clear, in my opinion, your 13 year old should not give you a green light to date, and you should not let her feel it is her choice if you date or who you date. You are the only adult between you two. Letting her feel she is in the position of deciding if/when/who it is good for you to be dating is letting her/putting her in the very wrong role.

Edited October 31, 2019 by Sunlight72

[Mrin]

Okay, I was in your position about mmmmm 7 years ago. I'll give you the talk I give all dudes in your situation and it comes from my personal experience. It may be completely irrelevant to you and your situation so take from it what you will.

 

1. Truth: You don't know how to date. You know how to "husband" and "father" but you don't know how to date. That's cool though. Learning how to date again is a lot of fun.

 

2. Truth: You're going to completely f*** it up initially because of #1. That cool too though, you'll look back and laugh at it later.

 

3. Everyone at your age has some sort of "baggage". Though, I'd suggest looking at it a little differently than "baggage". Everyone has far more complex lives than what you probably remember. Even the single no kids never been married types have really complex lives. Also, all women your age know a HELL of a lot more about what they want and what they don't want. They are also far more willing to share that with you. So instead of looking at it like "baggage" think of it as women are just more "complete" or "defined". You should be too. You'll find that it is much easier to simply see if the puzzle pieces fit together right off the bat. You'll find yourself having those sorts of conversations freely, early and frankly. And that's really refreshing. Back when I was dating I once dated a woman briefly who was 30 and very un-defined. I found it to be unsettling honestly because I couldn't tell who she really "was" or "was to become" if that makes sense.

 

4. You need to date - a lot. Just ask a lot of women out. Try online dating. Just go meet a bunch of women. Take them to coffee. Take them to drinks. Take them to dinner. Don't go about trying to find "the one". Or a girlfriend. Just learn how to enjoy time with them. No expectations.

 

5. I'm going to put this bluntly - you also probably need to f*** your way through an econo-pack of condoms. Or maybe several econo-packs. That's another thing about dating at your age and situation. Guess what? The women you are going to be dating enjoy sex. They're better at it too. And they are far more upfront about talking about it and their wants/needs/desires than you probably remember.

 

6. Truth: Your style probably is stuck in in the early 2000's. Allocate some cash and go take a female friend shopping to do a small mini-makeover. Get a few "date" outfits. Maybe a new haircut. You might want to let her look through your frequently worn clothes and tell you what is good and what needs to be burnt with fire. Ya, get some shoes that have style. Probably two pairs - casual (good with new jeans and a new "date" t-shirt) and something a little dressier.

 

7. Take a look at your bedroom. Does it say, "I'm a grown ass man" or does it say "this is the crap my ex-wife left me"? The rest of your house can be what it is. But your bedroom should be uniquely you. If you're using bedding from your marriage, replace. it. No woman wants to be having wild monkey sex on another woman's old sheets.

 

8. Yelp is your friend and makes you interesting. Try new bars and restaurants. Have some "go to's". Figure out where the art museums are (always a great place for a date). Bars with good live music. Small theaters for plays.

 

9. Take a hard look at yourself in the mirror. If you're not already going to the gym or going for a run/long walk, start doing it. You'll feel better. Look better. And have more confidence.

 

10. Above all, have some fun, dude. Here's a big thing - this is only as stressful and as scary as you make it with your expectations. Keep your expectations at bay and just enjoy it.

 

11. Oh ya - go slow on sharing your dating life with your kids. Nothing wrong with sharing the high level, especially with the 13 year old. But hold off introducing them to a woman right away. No need for that.

 

Best of luck!

 

Mrin

[Legatus]

@Mrin, I am saving your post, so that I can look at it in 10 or 25 years, just in case

[Blind-Sided]

Sunlight: all good points... thanks. On your edit... I do understand. In this case, we were talking about the boy she liked, and it turned into... "You know I will eventually start seeing other people too." Her comment was... "After the way mom treated you, I think you should." I guess I felt I should share a little with her, since her mother feels that my kid should have no input on anything that is going on. (involving her life) I just wanted her to be part of the discussion.

 

 

Mrin: Thanks for all the input. I'll respond to your numbers...

 

 

1) Agreed.

3)I guess that's what I was trying to say... and what I need to accept. I'm not a teen anymore, and the women I'm going to see won't be either.

4)I've been thinking about that. I know that I probably won't find "The one" the first time out... but I don't know how much time I have to commit to going out all the time with new people. Although... I guess it could be fun.

5) Been thinking about that. Havn't been to that isle in the store in +20 years.

6) Nope... I'm a jeans/t-shirt kind of guy. I have to wear a suit and tie for work... but I have some more modern casual stuff too. (but none of this, skinny jeans BS) As far as the hair... well... don't worry about that anymore. It's either stubble or shaved. LOL.

7) New mattress, sheets, pillows. The comforter is a left over. As far as being a grown up... well... I do like my retro games, and they are in my room. On that note, I was thinking about doing a little re-work in there. FYI... there's no pics of the ex anywhere in the house.

9/10) I don't lack confidence at all. I'm not the timid type who can't approach someone, or make a conversation.

11) Absolutely. Seems to be the consensus her.

 

 

Thanks guys.

[preraph]

Well, you don't introduce the kids anytime soon, that's all. You keep it away from your home when they're there and don't share that with them until it gets serious and you're feeling like committing.

 

Yeah, time to wade in! Good luck. Hope it's fun for you.

 

Don't ever let your kids tell you when or who to date. Leave them totally out of it and be sure they know when the time comes it's not their call.

Edited October 31, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[BaileyB]

That’s the thing, you don’t need to introduce your kids to anyone you date anytime soon...

 

After my mom died, I knew my father was going to date again. I told him that I wanted him to find love again. Saying it, and seeing him bring another woman into our family, were two entirely different things.

 

With all due respect, your 13 year old loves you. She wants her dad to be happy. But, she knows NOTHING about adult relationships. And, nor should she. Your children should not in any way be part of your romantic life until you are absolutely certain that whoever you date is a keeper.

Edited October 31, 2019 by BaileyB

[chillii]

Try not to owrry about the kids intro that's a long long way off.

Best to keep them right out it until someone serious comes along and you've been together a yr or so and you know it'll be a keeper.

Until then it only makes all this harder for your kids going through the family break up and coping.

They don't need to be seeing mum and dad with other people on top of that.

Do some serious research about all that side of things and do what's right for them.

You can still do your thing , just not around your kids.

 

 

Anyway , 12 mths , are you ok , do you feel like you could cope with all the ups and downs of meeting new people now, it's not that long.

But everyone's different.

[basil67]

Given that you've started a post about dating someone new with having a rant about your ex, I don't think you're ready to date. You're actually showing the red flags of someone who needs to be avoided when dating.

 

Hold off dating until you can move on sufficiently enough that the ex doesn't deserve a mention. It will be a much better outcome for you if you wait till you've moved past the anger and can have a fresh start.

[Sunlight72]

I agree with this Basil ^^^

 

But I would say socializing (including with women) is fun and important. Just get out there. I like what Mrin wrote, especially about seeing many different people in many different settings - with no expectations.

 

I imagine this is really awkward to think of, but I am a big proponent of going out and learning to enjoy people's company and not at all thinking of finding 'one' partner at this point. I think that desire is your heart trying to replace the space left by your old hopes for your future with your ex. Scale that way back to no defined hope for the future (for now). Sorry to say, but I think it's most realistic and healing to just go out socially and enjoy yourself with other people more than hoping to date.

 

I think this is a more certain way to relieve pressure and enjoy being you - which I expect you really need!

 

Just a thought.

[MountainGirl111]

I tend to agree with basil too. Your "X went off the deep end" seems to indicate this was not the most ideal break up and divorce...not that any divorce can be ideal....but some are worse than others. But, you've likely got some more healing to do.

 

However....this might be what's sort of going on for you: Your marriage was really over a LONG time ago.... just not on paper....so in your heart you may feel you're ready....maybe you felt trapped in the marriage so long, but couldn't get out of it? I'm just guessing, sort of. Actually I know of many couples who stay in unfulfilling marriages for YEARS....so when they finally divorce they feel more than ready to get out there again.

 

Be picky. But just enjoy single life for a change. Tell yourself there is no pressure. No PRESSURE. Imagine that!

[MountainGirl111]

Also be very picky about which horse you attempt to get back on. Not all horses are worth it.

[Blind-Sided]

Well, you don't introduce the kids anytime soon, that's all......

Yeah, time to wade in! Good luck. Hope it's fun for you.

....

Thanks. My thinking is, I would wait until there is at least a "Relationship" and not just a date. I would probably introduce my older daughter first, just because she's around the house more, and understands about "Dating." I figured I wouldn't introduce my younger daughter until it's was more serious. Needless to say, I would keep any physical activities away from the house while the kids are with me.

 

.....

After my mom died, I knew my father was going to date again. I told him that I wanted him to find love again. Saying it, and seeing him bring another woman into our family, were two entirely different things.......

Great point... I'll need to keep that in mind. thanks. Can I ask your age when that happened? (kid, adult?)

 

......

Anyway , 12 mths , are you ok , do you feel like you could cope with all the ups and downs of meeting new people now, it's not that long.

But everyone's different.

 

Given that you've started a post about dating someone new with having a rant about your ex, I don't think you're ready to date. You're actually showing the red flags of someone who needs to be avoided when dating........

 

 

I tend to agree with basil too. Your "X went off the deep end" seems to indicate this was not the most ideal break up and divorce.............

 

 

Sure, totally understand about that, and I guess that's the problem inside a forum... can't see the emotion behind the comment. Anyway, the opening comment wasn't a rant about the ex per-se. It was just an opening on the thread, and more of a comment about how the relationship is between my 13yo and her mother. I'm not sure if you've read any of my other threads, but her mother keeps threatening legal action if she won't go stay with her, including telling her daughter she was sending the sheriff to come get her. But when I get my 13yo to go with her mom, when she gets home, I'm told mom was over the top nice, and acts like nothing is wrong. FYI, my 13yo wants to go to the judge now, and live with me full time, but I'm trying to get her to spend time with her mom. So yes, she has gone over the edge, but my emotions aren't on her, it's worry about my kid. (hope that makes sense)

 

 

Along with that... the 3 female friends that have gotten me past all of this are the ones who think it's time. Kind of nice to have them. FYI, all 3 were my ex's friends, and even they don't understand what's happened.

 

Be picky. But just enjoy single life for a change. Tell yourself there is no pressure. No PRESSURE. Imagine that!

Thanks. No pressure... right.

 

 

.. I would say socializing (including with women) is fun and important. Just get out there. I like what Mrin wrote, especially about seeing many different people in many different settings - with no expectations.......

I think this is a more certain way to relieve pressure and enjoy being you - which I expect you really need!

 

 

I could use some pressure relief at the moment. LOL. It's been a year at this point. Maybe I should just go out with the "Sort of Stocker-ish" girl. LOL.

 

Also be very picky about which horse you attempt to get back on. Not all horses are worth it.

Oh... I understand that. Back before I decided my ex was going to be "The one"... I had a bunch of girls that I would get together with. I had a group I hung out with at breakfast (kind of like my female friends now) I had a group that I would party with... and there were a couple who were the "Nice" girls who I was looking to build more of a relationship with. But I can tell you, one of those girls, once she found out I had chosen my ex to be with... she went totally psycho !!.

 

 

Thanks everyone for your input. It really helps me get my head on straight.

Edited November 1, 2019 by Blind-Sided

[elaine567]

However....this might be what's sort of going on for you: Your marriage was really over a LONG time ago.... just not on paper....so in your heart you may feel you're ready....maybe you felt trapped in the marriage so long, but couldn't get out of it? I'm just guessing, sort of. Actually I know of many couples who stay in unfulfilling marriages for YEARS....so when they finally divorce they feel more than ready to get out there again.

 

SHE was the one "trapped" in an unfulfilling marriage, she was the one who had built up resentment for years.. she was the one who "blindsided" him.

He was as happy as Larry, as far as he was concerned he had a great marriage... only he didn't.

 

I agree with Basil, B-S is nowhere near ready to date.

The "stroppy" teenager who lives with him and who refuses to even visit her Mom, the "hated" ex and this all happening merely a year ago, will send any decent sensible woman scurrying for the hills. He is also incredibly vulnerable to slotting some highly inappropriate woman/women straight into his life to "trump" his ex...

IMO, he needs to put his own house in order first.

[Blind-Sided]

Elaine, as always, I appreciate your very direct counterpoint. Honestly, it does help me reflect on the situation. But since this thread is on me moving forward... I would like to keep it on track.

[BaileyB]

Great point... I'll need to keep that in mind. thanks. Can I ask your age when that happened? (kid, adult?)

 

I was 38 years old.

 

My best friend lost her mom to cancer when we were about 14 years old. Her father moved another woman into her home and it changed her life, and their relationship forever.

 

Not to rain on your parade, but I agree with basil and Elaine - I don’t think you are anywhere ready to date yet. You have a lot to settle with your ex wife and your daughter. However, I could be wrong but I get the impression that you are not going to wait... you seem to me like the kind of man who doesn’t want to be alone, you want a woman in your life and if I had money to bet, I would suggest that you are going to get serious about someone real fast. If you do decide to move forward, I would suggest that you “date - not a serious relationship” and have all the sex you want - just don’t bring these women around your children or discuss with your ex-wife until everyone is well settled and you are sure this woman is going to be in your life forever.

 

You will never regret taking this too slow. You are more likely to regret taking it too fast...

Edited November 1, 2019 by BaileyB

[elaine567]

Elaine, as always, I appreciate your very direct counterpoint. Honestly, it does help me reflect on the situation. But since this thread is on me moving forward... I would like to keep it on track.

 

It is directly on track.

You think it is "time", some of us disagree and are voicing caution.

[BaileyB]

And when you are dealing with a major life transition like divorce, one year is nothing... you will realize that, only with the passing of more time.

 

Best wishes.

[Blind-Sided]

I was 38 years old.

 

My best friend lost her mom to cancer when we were about 14 years old. Her father moved another woman into her home and it changed her life, and their relationship forever.

OK, thanks. That is probably a very serious point I should dwell on. And appreciate that, as it's not something I considered. I know what has been said from my kid... but what will the ramifications actually be????? She feels she lost a mom, but if a new adult female figure is in the picture... that could be a new wrinkle. Hummmmmm.

 

Not to rain on your parade, but I agree with basil and Elaine - I don’t think you are anywhere ready to date yet. You have a lot to settle with your ex wife and your daughter. However, I could be wrong but I get the impression that you are not going to wait... you seem to me like the kind of man who doesn’t want to be alone, you want a woman in your life and if I had money to bet, I would suggest that you are going to get serious about someone real fast....

I do appreciate the counterpoint. But as I was saying, the thoughts about moving forward came from my local female friends. I do agree that I need to solve the problem between the ex and my daughter, but with the way she has become, I fear it's going to be a long road as she will not accept anything less than what the custody agreement says. Not to mention, the agreement is already not what she wanted, but she had no legal way to get it the way she wanted. (She wanted child support and giving me "Visitation" every other weekend) SO, if I wait for this to resolve, it very well could be that I wouldn't date until she is 18. (There is a family history of this behavior with the ex)

 

 

On the point of making a "Partner" with the first girl I meet... it could happen... but honestly, I've never been that kind of person. I dated a lot, and had a bunch of "Hook-up" and FWB types of girls before getting married. (at almost 30 years old) So... like you and the others said... My plan is to date, and experience that again.

 

 

And finally, I'm not alone at all. I have a lot of family that is supportive... I have a bunch of guy friends to "Hit the bar" with... I have several female friends who are watching out for me... and a very good support group of neighbors who's houses I can simply walk to when I was feeling down. Sure, no sex... but I'm not a guy who is all about that. (not my driving force so to speak)

 

You will never regret taking this too slow. You are more likely to regret taking it too fast...

I had to pull this on out separately, because you may be wrong about that. My brother was married for only about 4 or 5 years. He was airforce, and his wife cheated on him while he was away. When he got back, he was told about it, and forgave her. They moved to another state to start fresh, but she did it again with someone new. He was crushed, and didn't date seriously until just recently. He told me originally he didn't date because his kid was young still, and didn't want to hurt him, but now he has told me to not make that same mistake.

[Mrin]

Two comments:

 

1. Ready or Not, here I come I think people fall into two camps on this - "cave people" and "crowd people". Some people need to turn inwards for a number of years to get their houses in order. To get their heads on straight. This means not dating for a prolonged period of time. It is a private or semi private affair. That's just how they're wired. Other people (myself included) are crowd people - that is to say they turn outwards to get their houses in order - to get their heads on straight. It is a more public affair. I know I'm one of the "crowd people". I think it probably jives up nicely with the whole introverted/extroverted personality thing.

 

I think that's probably something that is at play here. In the end, it all comes down to what works best for each person. I started "dating" about two weeks after my ex-wife asked for a divorce. It certainly wasn't my plan but a female friend made the move during a drunken evening and well, ya, stuff happened. I won't kid you, it was a complete shi*tshow because of item #1 in my list above ^^^^. It didn't go anywhere but she's still a friend and we laugh about it now. Was it too early? Oh hell ya. Was it what I needed? Absolutely.

 

My advice to the OP - do what feels right to you.

 

2. The "Ex" Conversation: You'll find very early on that you'll have the "ex" conversation. Probably on the first date. Most divorced people go through this conversation as a screening step. Basically, they're looking for three pieces of basic information:

 

- What happened? Some of this is genuine curiosity but mainly they're looking for red flags such as you cheating, addiction, abuse etc... This is a fair question.

 

- How long ago/have you dated since?: How fresh are the wounds. Are you a newbie to dating? No one wants to be a rebound. Ya, this is a chicken and the egg type situation.

 

- What sort of relationship do you have with your ex? Basically want to know how deep the wounds are and whether you have an acrimonious relationship with your ex. That's germane because you have kids so she's going to be in your life in some fashion.

 

Advice: Don't shy away from this question. Answer it in full but briefly. Important: do not dwell on it and don't trash your ex. Rambling on and on about your divorce or trashing your ex is a major turn off. I can't remember your particular situation but my answer went something like "we drifted apart and one day my ex-wife blindsided me by asking for a divorce. It was a shock but we worked through it. We've been apart for 7 years. We co-parent our two girls and have a very warm and supportive friendship. I'm lucky that way."

 

If they continue to ask questions about your ex early on, don't be evasive. Answer them but ask to move on. E.g. "[insert answer] I don't mind sharing all of the details of my divorce at some point but right now I'm out with you and would like to focus on you rather than my ex-wife. Ha!"

 

Anyhow, those are my two cents.

 

Mrin

[MountainGirl111]

OP-read your thread. You've been through a lot. Your kids have been through a lot. Goodness sakes. Your wife sounds like she has mental problems...there is a disconnect between the two of you and communication broke down as well. You're right people should speak up for what is bothering them. So true. That really lead to the demise of your relationship, I think. Married folks can carry a LOT of resentment around for YEARS.

 

My BIL and SIL were married for about 20 years. Their marriage was never what I would call "good" and "solid". When things bothered my SIL she gave him the silent treatment and he would go into a tail spin trying to figure out what was wrong. The silent treatment is passive-aggressive and cruel. It messes with your mind. She was not very loving toward him. We all could see it and feel it. They finally divorced when the youngest was 18. BIL's work involved being away from for extended periods of time and she felt like a single mother when he was away. She RESENTED him for that...held it in....and when he would come home it was all the things he SHOULD of been doing, blah blah blah...She really didn't love him, but at the root of that, she felt he didn't love her and just stayed with her for the kids. She was impossible to please. I think perhaps she believed he didn't really love her. It's not his fault he had to be away for work...and she really enjoyed the status and lifestyle they lived.

 

They both made good money and lots of material possessions of high quality...but all those "things" and all the status they loved couldn't save their marriage. I think maybe they got into status in an effort to be happy.

 

When they finally divorced he already had a girlfriend in the picture. I don't blame him for that....the marriage was dead. He is still with the girlfriend many years later. She loves him and shows him love. It's a much better match. The kids are doing alright.

Edited November 1, 2019 by MountainGirl111

[MountainGirl111]

Sorry if I got this thread of track, OP. Going forward: Dating can be fun, but also a pain in the tush, especially after being married for so long.

 

You're in a much different "phase" in life now. After all you've been through and not that long ago, it's a wonder to me you want anything to do with women....Keep in mind all women are not like her. No two alike. There are decent women out there who have not trouble communicating how they feel. That can wearisome too, though.

 

Evaluate the "horse" you've about to get back up on. It's a different horse now, really, with a different disposition. I still think you need more time to completely heal and recover from the dissolution of your marriage. It's still very recent.

[MountainGirl111]

SHE was the one "trapped" in an unfulfilling marriage, she was the one who had built up resentment for years.. she was the one who "blindsided" him.

He was as happy as Larry, as far as he was concerned he had a great marriage... only he didn't.

 

I agree with Basil, B-S is nowhere near ready to date.

The "stroppy" teenager who lives with him and who refuses to even visit her Mom, the "hated" ex and this all happening merely a year ago, will send any decent sensible woman scurrying for the hills. He is also incredibly vulnerable to slotting some highly inappropriate woman/women straight into his life to "trump" his ex...

IMO, he needs to put his own house in order first.

 

Ok Elaine...thx for pointing that out. I read the thread and now have a better picture of the issues. I tend to agree with you...it's too soon...but the decision will ultimately be his. But I sense this marriage was over years ago, I could be wrong there...at least it was over years ago for the wife because she has held all this resentment in for things that happened over a 20 year span. So, I ask, how long has he really been single...in the inside, not on paper. He may starving to female attention right now. I wouldn't blame him for that.

Edited November 1, 2019 by MountainGirl111