preraph Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 I have no problems with one-night stands, but realize that if you set that tone, then that's all it's going to be. You made it about sex. He sounds more conservative than you and like Donnivain said, looking for relationship, so he's not going to date a one-night stand who made the night about sex. It's possible if you had just not defined the night as sexual and gone with the flow, he might have taken your number and asked you on an actual date. 1
SumGuy Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 I think we're all on the same page. Is there anything, any of you suggest I do? Do I message him asking for his address to return his clothing? Completely do a hiatus on the whole situation? I'd write him off. Wash the clothes and fold them nicely. Give him maybe 6 months to get them then do what you will. I'm assuming these are not really, really expensive clothes. For whatever reason he wigged out, his loss.
SumGuy Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 ... It was fun and i don't regret it. Wea have remained friends but the relationship couldn't have gone any further as it was just one big sex fest - where could it have gone from there?! .. A second big sex fest?
basil67 Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 You weren't used. You enthusiastically had sex with a guy without knowing what you were to him. Nothing wrong with doing this....sometimes it leads to more and sometimes it doesn't. But it is wrong to go in with expectations that the guy would want more. 1
snowboy91 Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 The part I'm not sure about from your posts is what it is you want from this guy? If I were in his shoes, I'd be getting the impression that you were just up for a little bit of fun, and not after a relationship. There's nothing wrong with that, but in that time you've realised that you have really good chemistry that could make a relationship work, but I also feel you're falling into the trap of expecting him to feel the same and make the effort to contact you. If you want to see him again, try and contact him if you can. Otherwise chalk this one up to experience, if you want a relationship with someone and not just a fling, you should be open about that.
Flame Aura Posted October 31, 2019 Posted October 31, 2019 You wanted some fun - that's what you got. He didn't use you. If you wanted something more than just a bit of fun then don't drop your knickers straight away. A woman that easy will never be seen by a guy as something potentially serious. 2
notthatintome Posted November 1, 2019 Posted November 1, 2019 A second big sex fest? haha, just the one sex fest with the same guy. I went back a second time one/two days later then completely freaked out. I tried to salvage something after but it was not possible. I think sex early on is fine if that is what you are looking for. it is fun, especially if the guy is hot (this guy was). He didn't use me but I felt used and realised that sex with the absence of love and care was not for me. It made me feel cheap and wrong. If you can handle it, then go for it. I couldn't and believed I was worth more than what I was putting out. Now, I would even expect a guy who I am dating not to have slept around too much, it is really off putting. This is why you need time to date and understand the guy before jumping into bed, it weeds out any of this stuff before you give yourself and your emotions away to potentially someone who doesn't deserve it. We have stayed in contact and jokingly refer back to 'that/those night/s' and and agree it was really good but definitely not to be repeated. I think if he ghosted me then it would have made the whole thing worse. 1
princessaurora Posted November 1, 2019 Posted November 1, 2019 You wanted some fun - that's what you got. He didn't use you. If you wanted something more than just a bit of fun then don't drop your knickers straight away. A woman that easy will never be seen by a guy as something potentially serious. This right here rings so true. 95% of the time you have sex right out the gate, that's all you're ever going to accomplish with that person. It doesn't make him a bad guy because you were a willing partner, but men need something to work up to. I know a woman who has always been quick to give it up. She's extremely attractive but is in her 40's now and has never been in a long term relationship. Every guy drops her and she dates pretty regularly, but she almost always has sex right away and then cries about how she doesn't understand why she can't keep a man. I'm sure her being so easy is at least partially responsible for that. Now like others have said, if you're just looking to have fun and can keep your emotions separated,go ahead and do your thing. But just know they'll remember you as an easy lay,not a potential girlfriend. If you find yourself in this situation again and you think the guy has potential, get your hormones in check and make him work for it, at least a little while. Go out on dates, let him woo you, treat you like a princess, really get to know each other , so the sex will not only be amazing but you won't be viewed as just a piece of booty. I held out on my now husband for 4 months because I knew he was the one and couldn't risk losing him, plus he was a hot commodity and could easily get it anywhere. I wasn't going to be the anywhere girl. I made him work really hard for it, no pun intended. I'm not saying you have to wait 4 months, but if you are trying to secure a boyfriend, give them something to anticipate and look forward too. 3
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2019 Posted November 1, 2019 You wanted some fun - that's what you got. He didn't use you. If you wanted something more than just a bit of fun then don't drop your knickers straight away. A woman that easy will never be seen by a guy as something potentially serious. I take issue with the use of the word "never". I had sex with a guy before going on a date with him; then we proceeded to be FWB for about a year. We ended up living together for 10 years. We'd probably still be together except I got bored of his declaration that he doesn't believe in marriage. Almost 20 years after we broke up I'm happily married; he's still single. If a woman values herself she can make decisions about when & where & with whom to have sex without debasing herself. No matter when I made those choices, if I wanted a relationship with the guy more often then not we had a relationship not always but certainly not never. However one does have to be clear & consistent about expectations. Here the OP put the emphasis on the physical. Now she doesn't have room to complain that the relationship minded guy has reservations about a relationship. Hence, my advice is she needs to pursue. She was assertive before so if she now wants to change the dynamic her assertiveness will serve her. At least putting the possibility of a relationship out there will serve her better then hand-wringing & crying woe is me. They guy may still say "no thanks" but based on her prior behavior I'd be surprised if it even dawned on him that she was interested in more the a ONS. So I vote for give him all the info that you would like more to let him decide on the merits not his assumptions.
Author willnotdoit Posted November 2, 2019 Author Posted November 2, 2019 I ended up sending him a message regarding the clothing and he seemed to have responded pretty positively to the message and asked what I'm up to for the weekend. 1
notthatintome Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 Yessss! Hopefully it will turn out the way you want it to or at least you both can be friends/friendly. 1
Author willnotdoit Posted November 2, 2019 Author Posted November 2, 2019 Thanks boo! Me too. I needa be smarter about this next time 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 I ended up sending him a message regarding the clothing and he seemed to have responded pretty positively to the message and asked what I'm up to for the weekend. Do you want to see him again? Two pages ago you decided that he seemed immature. 1
Author willnotdoit Posted November 3, 2019 Author Posted November 3, 2019 So I didn't open the message he sent last night and then this morning he unsent it (deleting it) so I couldn't respond. Nothing like "It's okay if I wait 2 days to open yours, but you can't wait 1 day"
d0nnivain Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 It's another symptom of his insecurity. He actually thinks you are not interesting in something substantial. He sent it on a Saturday as sort of a test. He wanted to see if you were out with another dude. When you answered, he assumed you were on a date so he tucked tail & ran. That said how much more of this immature drama do you want to deal with?
Author willnotdoit Posted November 3, 2019 Author Posted November 3, 2019 It's another symptom of his insecurity. He actually thinks you are not interesting in something substantial. He sent it on a Saturday as sort of a test. He wanted to see if you were out with another dude. When you answered, he assumed you were on a date so he tucked tail & ran. That said how much more of this immature drama do you want to deal with? Definitely feels like games little boys would play when they liked a girl. I think he knows I'm irritated though as he tried to follow me back and I only accepted his request today and didn't follow back.
mortensorchid Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 This was just a ship that passes in the night kind of thing. Chock it up to experience then move on. 1
stillafool Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Definitely feels like games little boys would play when they liked a girl. I think he knows I'm irritated though as he tried to follow me back and I only accepted his request today and didn't follow back. It seems like you are playing a game also. You have 3 pages on this thread talking about him yet are playing the waiting game to respond back to his question about this weekend. Stop trying to make him chase you when he is lukewarm. If he's good looking he probably found sex elsewhere.
ExpatInItaly Posted November 3, 2019 Posted November 3, 2019 Definitely feels like games little boys would play when they liked a girl. I think he knows I'm irritated though as he tried to follow me back and I only accepted his request today and didn't follow back. Definitely seems like you are playing games, too.
basil67 Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Actually you're both acting weird and immature with all this following and unfollowing and not replying and you sharing another guy you're dating on social media. 1
Author willnotdoit Posted November 16, 2019 Author Posted November 16, 2019 Actually you're both acting weird and immature with all this following and unfollowing and not replying and you sharing another guy you're dating on social media. I never unfollowed and refollowed him, that’s his game. I’m surely allowed to put up a story of another guy, we’re just friends.
basil67 Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Ok, I got confused about the following and unfollowing. At any rate, you were both there for a good time not a long time. It was fun but don't expect more.
SofSweetheart Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 Unfortunately, it seems like he doesn't want to be in another relationship just yet. Not to say that guys his age can't be ready for commitment, but it definitely sounds like he wants to be friends with benefits. I've been in a very similar situation, the main difference was that he was a year older than I was, we were 19 and 20. We ended up hooking up on and off for 3 years until I finally put my foot down because I wanted more. He always told me that he felt like he could comfortably explore what he did and didn't like in bed without the fear of being judged, so to me it was like I was a sex toy of sorts. I realized my worth and learned that I was much more than an exploration outlet. Sometimes, you can find a genuine connection with a FWB, but often time that connection sparks with the promise of a good **** at the end of the conversation. Take a few days to think about if you are still interested and maybe reach out to him. See if he would like to meet in the daytime so you can see if it was only lust or if you can actually sense a connection outside of the bedroom. Don't settle for someone that always keeps you guessing as to whether or not they are interested. Wishing you the best of luck!
basil67 Posted November 16, 2019 Posted November 16, 2019 What is "ONT"? A typo. Should be ONS (One Night Stand)
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