I had an amazing date this evening, but now I won't be able to see her for a month

[Ruby Slippers]

In your view, is asking a girl back to your place after a first date a deal breaker under any circumstance? I mean, assuming your goal is to find a guy to be in a relationship with, as opposed to hooking up. Because I almost innocently asked her.

For me personally, I'm attracted to men who know how to take the leadership position and drive the relationship forward in a healthy, respectful way. Trying to get me to his place or get himself to my place on date 1 is disrespectful and poor leadership. I think a man in the right frame of mind would behave with a view toward long term, taking me out on at least a few dates before he even broaches that subject.

 

If everything else had gone well and he made a soft move toward getting me home on date 1, I might be able to overlook it. But vastly preferable to me would be him having the respect and sense to wait a few dates.

[lavenderandvelvet]

In your view, is asking a girl back to your place after a first date a deal breaker under any circumstance? I mean, assuming your goal is to find a guy to be in a relationship with, as opposed to hooking up. Because I almost innocently asked her.

 

It all depends on how it feels. If someone asks multiple times, after you declined, it feels like a ploy to get sex.

 

You should always look for queues from the date on this. Things like - maybe we should go somewhere more private. Occasionally requests for somewhere quieter as well.

 

You can offer up an option like "hey this bar is super loud, there is a coffee shop around the corner that is good for conversation. If you are comfortable, I live near by and that is an option as well. We can talk there."

[Trail Blazer]

It all depends on how it feels. If someone asks multiple times, after you declined, it feels like a ploy to get sex.

 

You should always look for queues from the date on this. Things like - maybe we should go somewhere more private. Occasionally requests for somewhere quieter as well.

 

You can offer up an option like "hey this bar is super loud, there is a coffee shop around the corner that is good for conversation. If you are comfortable, I live near by and that is an option as well. We can talk there."

I'd actually prepared for, and assumed the possibility of, her wanting to hook up that night. I didn't know much about her as we'd met the same night we'd connected on Bumble.

 

We hit it off in person more than either of us probably expected. She's a very eccentric, quirky person - very funny and quick-witted, her humor and fine just fitted. I realized quickly that she offered a lot more than the potential for a quick fling.

 

What would have been a routine suggestion with a girl I wasn't that into, I found myself not wanting to take the risk with her because I absolutely wanted to catch up with her again. So far, so good. We exchange messages daily while I've been away. She's keen to catch up ASAP uppn my return.

[Ruby Slippers]

What would have been a routine suggestion with a girl I wasn't that into, I found myself not wanting to take the risk with her because I absolutely wanted to catch up with her again.

This is why, for a woman looking for something real, such an aggressive come-on feels intuitively wrong and repellent.

 

I'm rusty, was taken aback that my first date in a while and another guy who called me both got too suggestive too fast. In the past I was more forgiving because I didn't understand how insulting this really is. Now I get it, and I don't hesitate to avoid these time-wasters.

[Trail Blazer]

Fair enough. Well, whether if I had asked her back to my place or not would have affected things in a negative way, I'm unsure. However, whatever I did do seems to be working. She messages me daily and suggested I visit her at the local Farmer's Market on the first weekend I'm back, as she works one of the stalls. She said I could take some eggs home as she always has plenty left over.

[Trail Blazer]

I've been chatting to this girl on Messenger every day and she's really keen to catch up when I'm back. So much so, that when I suggested it (she never actually did, but hinted a lot), she said, "you've read my mind! I would love to."

 

It looks like we'll be catching up on the Friday night after I fly back in on Thursday. I'll be having my kids over the weekend which makes it hard to be free when most people doing normal jobs are, but she's so understanding and accepting of me having kids, even though she has none of her own and does not want any in the future.

 

I started following her on Insta the other day. Damn, this girl's fine! I showed my buddies at work (I'm on an oil rig) a few pics of her, as we all talk about our dating escapades on our time off, and they're were saying how well I've done.

 

On paper she is a little too good to be true. She has been the one from the get-go who's been super keen on me and wanted to catch up within a few hours of connecting on Bumble. Then agreed to meet that night and has been messaging me all the time since.

 

I don't want to be a prisoner of my past, but at the same time I don't want to follow the trail, fall down that rabbit hole only to realize later that somewhere along the lines I missed red flags and get my heart broken again when it all turns to crap!

 

She's the kind of girl I would ditch OLD for and be in a relationship with. The chemistry was off the charts in person, and the more we talk and get to know each other, the more we keep realizing how aligned we are on so many things in life.

[dramallama]

I've been chatting to this girl on Messenger every day

On paper she is a little too good to be true.

She's the kind of girl I would ditch OLD for and be in a relationship with.

 

 

WOAH THERE.

 

 

You've spent 2.5 hours with her so far. Texting can give you a false sense of intimacy, and you can be reading someone differently to how they really are.

 

 

 

Hang onto your hat (and your heart) for a bit yet, TB....

[Trail Blazer]

WOAH THERE.

 

 

You've spent 2.5 hours with her so far. Texting can give you a false sense of intimacy, and you can be reading someone differently to how they really are.

 

 

 

Hang onto your hat (and your heart) for a bit yet, TB....

 

Hahaha. Yes, yes I will...

[Lamron300]

Nice to read something positive.

[Trail Blazer]

The thing is, I'm getting a little bit over OLD. I think I'm getting what I've heard been referred to as "dating burnout." Since early May, I've been on countless dates, had two no-shows and a few want a relationship with me after three or so dates.

 

Right now, I don't really feel inclined to pursue any more dates. If I keep swiping while not interested, it becomes a game.

 

I could not have asked for a better first date. It was that same magic feeling, that chemistry, which I felt when I dated my ex for the first time. And, I fell for her hard. However, there's a reason she's my ex. It's because I didn't see the signs. I don't have the blinkers on any more.

 

What I'm hoping will happen is that this girl and I go on a few more dates and if we continue to click, we develop a friendship and go slowly from there.

[Trail Blazer]

We've got our second date booked on Friday week. I fly back in from work on Tuesday. Having lunch at a winery. I'm picking her up from her house. I haven't been this excited going on a date on a long time.

[fishlips]

Good luck to you!

[Trail Blazer]

Good luck to you!

 

Thanks! I've just checked the weather for Friday and it's going to be a chilly 50°F, but thankfully no rain! She's been messaging me a lot, telling me how much she's looking forward to our date.

[BettyDraper]

TB, it’s wonderful that you had a good time on your date. What a sweet story.

As usual, I’m going to gently suggest that you slow down. You tend to quickly idealize women when you barely know them. It’s worrisome that you believe that this new woman is worth giving up OLD for when you just met. This seems to be a pattern with you.

 

Since you’re burnt out from dating, have you ever considered simply being single for a while? I’m asking because you seem like someone who needs to be in a relationship and sometimes that can lead to poor choices. You haven’t been divorced for a long time but you have never truly been single since then. It just seems like you’re desperately seeking some kind of emotional solace by constantly dating or being in a relationship.

[SumGuy]

Thanks! I've just checked the weather for Friday and it's going to be a chilly 50°F, but thankfully no rain! She's been messaging me a lot, telling me how much she's looking forward to our date.

 

That all sounds exciting, have fun you crazy kids

 

Chilly means arm around shoulder. Wear a long sleeve shirt so if you wish to give her your jacket you stay warmish

[Trail Blazer]

TB, it’s wonderful that you had a good time on your date. What a sweet story.

As usual, I’m going to gently suggest that you slow down. You tend to quickly idealize women when you barely know them. It’s worrisome that you believe that this new woman is worth giving up OLD for when you just met. This seems to be a pattern with you.

 

Since you’re burnt out from dating, have you ever considered simply being single for a while? I’m asking because you seem like someone who needs to be in a relationship and sometimes that can lead to poor choices. You haven’t been divorced for a long time but you have never truly been single since then. It just seems like you’re desperately seeking some kind of emotional solace by constantly dating or being in a relationship.

Hey Betty. I qualified the comment about giving up OLD for her, to mean that I was ready to give up on OLD for a while altogether. I am a bit over it, actually, and feel I need to take a break for a few months anyway.

 

I know what you're saying and I am not hunting for a relationship at all. I've had fun dating casually and being single for a little while. I've learnt a lot of lessons from the past, so I am treading more carefully, I believe.

 

All I will say is that, for a first date, it's really unfathomable that it could have gone any better. Why would I look for anyone else when it was so good? People like that are the people who look for unicorns.

 

The big difference this time around is that I know that one swallow doesn't make a summer. It was just... a great first date, and that's how I'm treating it. If the second date is great, then we keep moving forward at a sensible pace.

 

It's funny how things happen. I didn't go looking for anything serious. I really like her from our one date and subsequent month-long chat on Messenger, but I'm not going to invest heavily into anything until a lot further down the track, should we both decide to progress that far.

[Trail Blazer]

That all sounds exciting, have fun you crazy kids

 

Chilly means arm around shoulder. Wear a long sleeve shirt so if you wish to give her your jacket you stay warmish

 

Great idea! That'd be funny, actually, seeing her in my jacket. She's tiny, barely 5'1" and quite petite. She'd be swimming in it!

[Lotsgoingon]

Dang Trail Blazer, what's taking time so long? It's like we're between seasons here and I am ready to get to the next episode and see how it turns out with Miss Amazing First Date.

 

Man, there is nothing more wonderful than an amazing first date ... except of course for an amazing ensuing relationship!

 

So she returns next week? Man, I'm ready for season 2.

[Trail Blazer]

Dang Trail Blazer, what's taking time so long? It's like we're between seasons here and I am ready to get to the next episode and see how it turns out with Miss Amazing First Date.

 

Man, there is nothing more wonderful than an amazing first date ... except of course for an amazing ensuing relationship!

 

So she returns next week? Man, I'm ready for season 2.

 

Greetings!

 

No, it were I who was away for the month, and I arrived back home from California on Tuesday night.

 

Okay, so, we had our second date. Let's just say that it was eventful.

 

I picked her up from her place. She was looking stunning. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a hug. She held me tight for a few seconds longer, then after our embrace, she paused, looked at me and said, "Thank you for picking me up. I've been really looking forward to this day to come around and to see you again." I told her that I was glad to hear that and I'd felt the same.

 

We headed off and I took her on the scenic route through Willamette Valley en route to our winery we were reserved for lunch at. She hadn't seen a lot of the countryside out here (very much a city girl), so I thought it was a good opportunity while we were headed out that way, to show her a bit.

 

We arrived at our destination and ordered lunch. We shared a bottle of red. She'd told me prior to our date that it had been a little while since she'd "let her hair down" as she'd been in the thick of studying for many years. We'd finished the bottle, she'd had two thirds of it and I'd had the remaining amount as I was driving, so I had to be careful.

 

My date said, "Wow, that was an amazing drop, you have fine taste." I said, "Yes, it's a lovely wine, shall I get us one final glass each before we head off?" She said, "Oh no, allow me... it's the 21st century and I'm for equality and all (laughing). Since you paid for lunch and a bottle of wine, it's only fair that I get this."

 

She came back with another bottle and said, "It has a screw lid and the staff said we could take it with us, and a bottle wasn't that much dearer than two glasses." I just said, "Well, okay then... "

 

I had another glass, she'd had anther two. I'd checked the time and couldn't believe it was 5pm. We'd been chatting for almost four hours and I hadn't noticed the time melt away. We took the bottle and left.

 

We headed to a lookout to watch the sunset. When we arrived there we noticed a young couple in a what looked like a late-90s Toyota 4Runner, hood was up, the girl looking a little stressed and the dude on his cell phone talking intently. I'm pretty handy with cars, having worked as Diesel Mechanic for years, so I told my date I'm going to see if I can help them out.

 

As I approached them, I asked them if they were okay and if I could help. They were Dutch tourists, and the dude was on the phone to a mechanic he'd had the car serviced at recently in Portland. He wasn't sure if they'd make it back to Portland, approximately 60 miles from where we were, to the garage where the mechanic was located.

 

I always carry some tools in the trunk of my car. So, after a quick diagnosis for a simple loose belt tensioner, I wrote a list of a few things they needed the mechanic to throughly inspect pertaining to this issue, then had the couple on their way.

 

We sat and watched the sunset. My date was getting very close to me at this point, touching me more and more and giggling quite a bit with pretty much anything I said. She told me "You're an amazing man. That was so nice of you to do what you did. I can tell you are a kind and generous man who would help anyone." I was feeling a little flattered whilst at the same time, feeling like the moment was there to be seized.

 

Then, she said, "I'm sorry if I'm making you uncomfortable, it's just..." She paused, then fanned her face, before continuing... "it's just, it has been a long time since any man has made this much effort for me. Most guys just wanna Netlfix and chill... then get in my pants." I just lent over, and she met me halfway, then we made out like two teenagers (barf, I know... but it's what happened lol).

 

We left as the sun had set and we headed back to our local area. We stopped at an establishment in our town and I parked in the basement carpark, not intending to collect my car until the following morning. We had a few more drinks when a buddy of mine who I used to work with messaged me and said he was at another bar just down the road.

 

I had drank a bit by this point, and perhaps foolishly suggested, if my date wasn't uncomfortable with the idea, that we head over to the place which a few of my buddies were at. She said, "hell yeah!" whilst pumping her fist.

 

We caught up with my buddies, I introduced my date and we kept drinking. I didn't realize just how drunk my date had gotten. She was talking quite loudly and her filter started to lack somewhat. I am quite fond of her dark humor. Her facial expressions and the way she delivers punchlines with her intelligence and wit, it's right up my alley. Unfortunately it wasn't up some others' alley, as she seemingly put her foot in it a once or twice.

 

I don't think she said too many bad things, but one of the girlfriends of a guy who I didn't know, who was a friend of my friend, really got her nose out of joint with one comment that was made. The topic of horses came up, to which we were discussing a former work colleague's wife's near obsession with horses. When my date heard us talking about it, she was quick to say, "Oh, horse people! They're all an effing cray cray bunch!"

 

The girlfriend said, "I'm into horses and I'm hardly crazy!" while looking unimpressed. My date quipped, "Oh honey, it's just a tongue-in-cheek comment! I'm in the veterinary industry and we all joke about "horse people. Don't worry, we all love you... I mean, you're our best customers!" she joked. The girlfriend rolled her eyes and said, "Right" and turned away.

 

I gave my date a little nudge and whispered in ear and suggested that she tone it down a little. She said back to me, "OMG, am I embarrassing you?" to which I told her that I wasn't embarrassed at all, but that I've noticed a few noses are getting put out of joint and that "I really don't think that is your intention to do so."

 

I felt a bit bad, because I was the one who brought her there, not really realizing that all the wine had eventually caught up with her. She's eccentric, quirky and extroverted, so she was never going to sit back on the periphery, but I guess I didn't anticipate any issues bringing her along. She got the hint and settled down and I think she started to fit in a bit better as the night went on. She was showing the boys photos on her phone of her (deceased) Dad's E Type Jaguar, to which they were impressed (all mechanics).

 

The night ended and we went outside. She asked me to take stroll with her. We took a stroll, arms locked and she said to me, "When you order the Uber, just come with me, come back to my place. I want to to come to my house." She immediately apologized, and said, "Oh, I'm so sorry if I'm coming on too strong." I told her she wasn't, and that I'd be glad to. She said, "Good. Because right now I couldn't possibly be more attracted to anybody."

 

We got the Uber and went back to her place. We made out on the couch for a while before heading upstairs to her bedroom. Just before we had sex, she asked me a strange question. She said, "Why are you not an @$$hole?" I asked, "I beg your pardon?" She said, "Guys like you pretty much all are... they just come, want sex, then leave. But, you're so... gentlemanly! Words can't describe just how appreciative I am of that fact." I replied to her rather curiously, "What is a guy like me?" "Guys that look like you... " she said.

 

I told her that morning hasn't come around yet, and asked her how she knew that I wasn't going to just ghost her the next morning. I said it with a straight face, so when she looked a little shocked, I laughed! She slapped me playfully on my arm and said, "that's mean!"

 

She was an exceptionally skilled lover. Amazing in bed. We connected in a physical sense just as we did on an emotion/intellectual level. She's got an amazing body. She's 36 but her body is like someone half her age. I slept really well next to her. When we woke up this morning, I don't think either of us had moved the whole night. I was feeling a bit seedy. She was quite hungover! I got an Uber back to my car and now I've just gotten home in the last few hours.

 

I had an unread message from my buddy, which said: "Hey man, it was awesome to catch up with you again. I dunno about that chick you came with, though. She said a few whack things, p!ssed a few people off." I told him we'd catch up again soon, I didn't really want to get into it with him then.

 

Overall it was a fantastic day/night and I really want to see her again. It would be interesting to see how she interacts with her own friends. She may not be everyone's cup of tea, including some of my friends. However, she's very much my cup of tea.

 

At least for now. I will be on guard, ready for any red flags to appear. I want to continue dating her to see where things go. I'm undecided as to whether I will meet up with the woman in Idaho who just wants to hook up. I fly there in a week, so we'll see how I feel closer to the date. But that's a story for another time.

[Lotsgoingon]

Trail Blazer, that was a helluva date. That's a great first episode for Season 2!

 

Man, I cannot drink in the afternoon. I don't even try it. I don't get drunk as much as I just lose energy ... And I'm spacey enough, so I just stay away from drinking until after dinner.

 

I thought her "cray cray" line was pretty funny, though I imagine she said other less-funny things to your buddies.

 

Man, if I were in your position, I'd postpone having sex with Miss Idaho. Wouldn't think about that at all. With the deep emotional connection of the kind you report with this woman and with her frank admission of how blown away she is by you, I would want to let things play out with no interference. I wouldn't want the energy of another fling popping into my mind. You can always call Miss Idaho later if things don't work out with this woman. But that's just me.

 

I'm guessing you have two matters to mull over. One, does she drink too much or have signs of a drinking problem? ... Two, were her less-than-diplomatic words to your buddies ... a sign of just her free spirit (maybe loosened a bit more by the alcohol)? Or was there some real hostility there? Sounds to me that you didn't pick up hostility coming out.

 

BTW: nice move with the "Dutch tourists" with the car problems. How much did you have to pay those guys? And how did you get the timing so perfect? Like, did you text them when you went into the bathroom at lunch--to tell them to be at such and such a place looking like they were stranded with the car? Is there an app that you used for that? (I couldn't resist.)

[mark clemson]

Nice going TB - no doubt, sounds like the type to make you forget all about Ms. Cray-Cray Sexy Nurse.

 

 

You can post pics of the kids on LS one day.

[Trail Blazer]

Nice going TB - no doubt, sounds like the type to make you forget all about Ms. Cray-Cray Sexy Nurse.

 

 

You can post pics of the kids on LS one day.

Haha. Yeah, crazy nurse has long been resigned to the memory bank! Even though she was the last person I'd been intimate with prior to last night!

 

I am over my ex-girlfriend now, however, my first date made me forget about her completely. That's a lot more telling, as that woman left a massive mark on me. Nobody I'd dated prior, had anywhere near that ability, but this young lady did and then some.

 

Thankfully Ms. Veterinarian (soon to be Dr.) is not interested in having children. She's a career woman who rebuffed her conservative family's wishes for her to find a man (after still going to college), get married and become a baby factory. She reiterated to me yesterday she's mlre than happy with the role of aunt and stepmom (the latter which she's been before and will be again should we become exclusive).

[Trail Blazer]

Trail Blazer, that was a helluva date. That's a great first episode for Season 2!

 

Man, I cannot drink in the afternoon. I don't even try it. I don't get drunk as much as I just lose energy ... And I'm spacey enough, so I just stay away from drinking until after dinner.

 

I thought her "cray cray" line was pretty funny, though I imagine she said other less-funny things to your buddies.

 

Man, if I were in your position, I'd postpone having sex with Miss Idaho. Wouldn't think about that at all. With the deep emotional connection of the kind you report with this woman and with her frank admission of how blown away she is by you, I would want to let things play out with no interference. I wouldn't want the energy of another fling popping into my mind. You can always call Miss Idaho later if things don't work out with this woman. But that's just me.

 

I'm guessing you have two matters to mull over. One, does she drink too much or have signs of a drinking problem? ... Two, were her less-than-diplomatic words to your buddies ... a sign of just her free spirit (maybe loosened a bit more by the alcohol)? Or was there some real hostility there? Sounds to me that you didn't pick up hostility coming out.

 

BTW: nice move with the "Dutch tourists" with the car problems. How much did you have to pay those guys? And how did you get the timing so perfect? Like, did you text them when you went into the bathroom at lunch--to tell them to be at such and such a place looking like they were stranded with the car? Is there an app that you used for that? (I couldn't resist.)

Haha! My life's not a soap opera, is it? Man, sometimes it feels like it, though! There's never a dull moment as I don't know how to sit back and chill for a bit.

 

Hmmm, drinking during the day? No problems for me! I work in a dryzone, so I go for up to a month without consuming alcohol. I usually have a few hours to burn at LAX waiting for my connecting flight to PDX, as do most of the guys on my work crew who live in Denver, and various locations across California. We smash down a few (too many) beers, G&Ts or whatever before going our seperate ways.

 

I don't know if she drinks too much on a regular basis. Stalking her Facebook feed, she has a lot of photos over a number of years, tagged in or tagging a whole bunch of friends, out somewhere drinking. She certainly likes to have a good time with a drink in hand. But then, i could be looking at a snapshot of the last 10 years, broken down into a few Saturday nights, which is why I'm not going to read any correlation between that and our date.

 

As for the Dutch tourists, it couldn't have timed any better, could it? It would have hardly changed the outcome of the night, however it certainly didn't harm her estimations of me from that point omwards.

 

I do agree about the Idaho girl. The only thing is, I'd planned to catch up with her long before I started talking to Ms. Veterinarian. I matched with her on Bumble three months ago, never met, yet she's been keen to hook up since then. However, I don't owe her anything, so it'll be easy for me to just say I can't make it...

[BaileyB]

If it seems too good to be true, it usually is...

 

Nothing would be more unattractive to me than a woman who got blitzed in our first date. But, the sex was good so that probably didn’t matter as much.

 

Good luck. I’ll be curious to see how this turns out for you.

[mark clemson]

Bailey's right, keep an eye on the alcohol intake. Could be a red flag. Hope not though - that would be a bummer.