I had an amazing date this evening, but now I won't be able to see her for a month

[Trail Blazer]

Correction, she won't be able to see me for a month, as I'm flying to California for work Tuesday.

 

I connected with a girl on Bumble this morning. We hit it off instantly. She lives in my area. 36 year old veterinarian student, no kids. I remember at the time she was just one of many attractive looking profile I swiped past. Her bio was witty, her photos quirky (she had one holding a chicken and another with a stethoscope on a cat).

 

She was very interested in me. I told her I had kids, she said straight out she loves kids, loves her nieces and nephews but doesn't want any of her own. I'm not jumping up and down to have them, so that's great! She asked me all about my kids, told me she used to be a primary school teacher, etc.

 

My date asked me about my work. I work in the oil and gas fields and said her brother in law works in a similar industry. Then, within only about six hours of connecting on Bumble, she suggested we catch up for a coffee "when you're not doing the school pick up/drop off." I told her, "sure, but it would have to wait a month until I'm back from work, I fly out Tuesday." My date said that it was a shame, but understood...

 

I then suggested, since she was local, that we could catch up tonight, if she wasn't busy. So, she agreed and we met at a local bar at 8pm.

 

When "Se" came in, I was surprised I was seeing the same person in her Bumble photos. It's like she totally undersold herself. She's this tiny little thing, no taller than 5'1" and wouldn't be any more than 110lb. She's extremely fit and, wow, super cute.

 

We hit it off in person. She's an extremely intelligent woman. She comes from a family of high-achievers. Everyone in her family is a doctor, lawyer, engineer or successful business person. She's very humble and down to earth. She wasn't bragging at all, however, the area of Portland she grew up in and the fact she went to one of Portland's most exclusive private schools told me enough.

 

There was one weird moment when she told me about her dad's collection of vintage Jaguars which he lovingly restored in his spare time. I'm a car fanatic, so she'd told me about them. I told her that her dad sounded like an amazing guy. She said, after pausing, "he was, but he died in a car accident two years ago."

 

I didn't really know what to say. She apologized profusely for telling me, said she doesn't normally mention it straight away but just wanted to tell me about his cars since I love cars so much. She then said that a month after his passing, her and her two sisters drove three of his Jags to his favorite spot down the Oregon coast, stopped at his favorite bar and all had a gin and tonic to celebrate their dad's life. It was such a beautiful gesture, I thought.

 

Anyway, we just clicked amazingly. We both share exactly the same political and religious views (liberal atheists) and a love of science and the universe. In her case, she was part of some research team at the University of Portland for a number of years before going down the route of student.

 

We could have spoken untio dawn, but we were kicked out when the bar closed. I was extremely tempted to ask her to come back to my place. Not that I was trying to get into her pants, but because I loved her company so much. I didn't as I thought it might have been taken the wrong way. So, we parted ways at the carpark.

 

About 10 minutes before starting the thread, she sent me this message: Thank you for being a wonderful human and a great date. Can't wait until we can do it again. In case you'd like to chat off bumble my cell phone number is *********.

 

I don't want to seem to eager. I've been down that path before. I have never felt this way so soon about anyone except my ex girlfriend. I get that these are natural bonding chemicals making me feel this way. I just really, really like her.

 

I told her that "I look forward to many things upon my return from working away. Going on a second date is just another thing I can add to the list." She replied, "Oh yes, for sure! It's definitely something to look forward to. We are on the same page with everything! I hope you have a safe flight and I'll see you in a month. Keep in touch while you're away! *smiley emoji*"

 

I'm going to go to bed now. I'm going to bed a happy man. It's an amazing feeling, but also scary. I'm so attracted to her but I know I've got to play it cool. I said I would never give too much of myself too early too anyone again. I hope that with the dating/relationship lessons I've learnt from the past, this one can progress to something more at a very healthy rate.

[Cersei]

That is great! Good for you for not asking her go your place. There is plenty of time for that.

 

Yes, play it cool. Text her while you are away and include a couple fun pictures of yourself so she can remember how great looking and happy you are. Even give her a phone call if the texts are well received.

 

Best of luck.

[Legatus]

So happy for you mate! It's great to read something positive for a change..

 

I don't want to seem to eager. I've been down that path before. I have never felt this way so soon about anyone except my ex girlfriend. I get that these are natural bonding chemicals making me feel this way. I just really, really like her.

 

I am definitely make a note of that! Need to get it into my head pronto! These natural bonding chemicals always screw things for me.

 

I do, however, find it concerning that we can't be natural in liking somebody because we are worried about the fact that it can be perceived as too much.

 

This subject has been in my head recently and I guess it's a matter of balancing our own feelings and excitement with the feelings of the other party that may not be at the same level, page, or stage...

[Flame Aura]

Seems very positive so make sure you keep in contact regularly maybe including a few video/phone calls.

 

I remember when I met my ex while on holiday (she was too) we hit it off like this as well and didn't see each other for a month as she lived in the US, we kept in contact through Whatsapp and Skype nearly every day, one month later met in Mexico for a long weekend where we instantly became official.

 

When someone truly likes you there's no 'too much too soon'.

[Gaeta]

I had 1 date with my ex-husband and he flew to middle East for 8 months. We corresponded (letters) all those months and we were married 15 years. One month apart is nothing if you both liked meeting each other.

[Trail Blazer]

So happy for you mate! It's great to read something positive for a change..

 

 

 

I am definitely make a note of that! Need to get it into my head pronto! These natural bonding chemicals always screw things for me.

 

I do, however, find it concerning that we can't be natural in liking somebody because we are worried about the fact that it can be perceived as too much.

 

This subject has been in my head recently and I guess it's a matter of balancing our own feelings and excitement with the feelings of the other party that may not be at the same level, page, or stage...

There's no concern on my part about coming across as too eager from her perspective. She is not really holding back herself. Most of the time I'd be concerned that it's clingy behavior, however, having met her she's just a very honest person with a very eccentric personality. But she pulls it off so well as she's really funny and quick-witted.

 

I guess for me it's more the fact that in the past, I've bought into the words people have said, yet been burnt by the fact that they haven't remained true to those sentiments long after the mood they were said in has passed.

 

So, yeah, I've been hurt before and I have some trust issues. But it's okay, I'm just going to take it slow. My past has taught me valuable lessons and now I'm weary, but not jaded where I will sabotage something potentially great.

[Trail Blazer]

I had 1 date with my ex-husband and he flew to middle East for 8 months. We corresponded (letters) all those months and we were married 15 years. One month apart is nothing if you both liked meeting each other.

So, neither of you saw or dated in between? You were like, putting exclusivity on laybuy, where time was payment but nobody else could have you while you waited for that time to elapse?

[Gaeta]

One thing for sure he was not seeing anyone else while doing a tour as a peace keeper. To me he was like the perfect man and no one could even come close to so I was not interested in anyone else all that time.

[rightondude]

man just stay in touch and make plans sometime before getting back...maybe she meets someone within the month, maybe you do too, but if not then pick it back up where it left off.

[Trail Blazer]

Here's the thing; back in late August I was in Idaho for a week visiting my mom and a connected with this chick on Bumble. We never met, but she's been in touch ever since and really wants to meet up for some NSA fun.

 

I'd booked my flights a week ago and I'm heading back there again in late November after I get back from work. Since I'm missing Christmas due to work, I thought I'd pay mom a visit again as I won't see her until New Year.

 

I told this chick when I'd be over after I booked the flights and we've provisionally made a date. I'm not inclined to cancel at this stage, because we've only gone on one date. She could be dating other guys which she's well within her rights to do.

 

Hmmmm, I'll make a call closer to the date.

[Trail Blazer]

That is great! Good for you for not asking her go your place. There is plenty of time for that.

 

Yes, play it cool. Text her while you are away and include a couple fun pictures of yourself so she can remember how great looking and happy you are. Even give her a phone call if the texts are well received.

 

Best of luck.

Well, she just asked me to add her on Facebook, so she's got access to all my pictures now. We'll keep in touch on Messenger and see how we go over the next few weeks.

[Mrin]

First off: Right on! Consider yourself high fived!

 

Second - re: the NSA woman: I'm not going to go into any morality etc here... I'll stick with the practical. Right now, if you really hit it off with the vet lady and the NSA woman texts you three months later or jumps on your FB with a comment, and the vet lady says, "what's up with her?" you can just say, "oh some woman I was chatting with from Idaho before I met you". Easy. Done.

 

But, if you go have some good old fashioned NSA monkey sex with her, then it becomes complicated. Picture this, you get back and really hit stuff off with vet lady. One night you're snuggled into bed watching something on your phone and NSA lady starts blowing it up. Or maybe send a nude with the caption "OMG I still can't walk right after you f***ed my brains out!" Yeah, that becomes a little harder to explain away. I mean, you have the informal "dating law" on your side that you two had only gone out on one date... but do you think vet lady would be jazzed to know that you railed some random in Idaho after meeting her? Kinda ruins the romance of it.

 

Anyhow, long way of saying if you really dig this vet lady, might be worth taking a flyer on the NSA woman. Know what I mean?

[preraph]

That's great! She looks forward to many things upon her return was kind of a weird statement, though, like she was adding you to the list, so I guess it's probably she is dating some other guys. But sounds like you hit it off. I love a 66 Jag X type!

[alphamale]

I just really, really like her.

 

TB you can't really, really like someone after only spending 2.5 hours with them

[Trail Blazer]

That's great! She looks forward to many things upon her return was kind of a weird statement, though, like she was adding you to the list, so I guess it's probably she is dating some other guys. But sounds like you hit it off. I love a 66 Jag X type!

 

That was me who said that. And it was kind of said tongue-in-cheek.

[Lotsgoingon]

TB you can't really, really like someone after only spending 2.5 hours with them

 

Alpha, this is rationally true ... but ... Trail Blazer is feeling those hormones right now, and those hormones are shouting out how much they like this woman.

 

Trail Blazer is aware of the hormones talking into his ears... we don't need to repeat everything those hot hormones are saying to us.

[basil67]

TB you can't really, really like someone after only spending 2.5 hours with them

 

Maybe you can't connect quickly Alpha, but I've met people who I connected with over one long conversation. Doesn't mean that we'll date or even be best buddies...but I still really really liked them. I think Trail Blazer does genuinely feel a great connection.

[Trail Blazer]

First off: Right on! Consider yourself high fived!

 

Anyhow, long way of saying if you really dig this vet lady, might be worth taking a flyer on the NSA woman. Know what I mean?

The NSA woman can't post anything on FB as we're not friends. She said doesn't even have my number. We're just going through Bumble. I agree, we'll see how the next few weeks working away plays out. If I have to cancel on the NSA, it's not really the same as stuffing someone around on a first date. People seeking NSA's are probably expected to be flakey.

[Trail Blazer]

TB you can't really, really like someone after only spending 2.5 hours with them

I can in the context of a first date. That is all I meant. I've dated some great women in recent times, but she's something else entirely. I'm aware that things take time to really know someone and only then can you truly say how you feel.

[alphamale]

I see TB...

[alphamale]

Maybe you can't connect quickly Alpha, but I've met people who I connected with over one long conversation. Doesn't mean that we'll date or even be best buddies...but I still really really liked them. I think Trail Blazer does genuinely feel a great connection.

 

touche basil

[Ruby Slippers]

Good luck, and I think it's great that you didn't ask her to come over.

 

I had a great first date on Sunday, my first date since my breakup in May. It was a brunch date that turned into spending the whole day together, and I was excited until he tried more than once to invite himself to my place after. That pretty much killed it for me. So I think you definitely made the right decision on that.

[Trail Blazer]

Good luck, and I think it's great that you didn't ask her to come over.

 

I had a great first date on Sunday, my first date since my breakup in May. It was a brunch date that turned into spending the whole day together, and I was excited until he tried more than once to invite himself to my place after. That pretty much killed it for me. So I think you definitely made the right decision on that.

Are you going to let him go as a result of this or give him another chance? How did he take it in the end? His insistence suggests that he didn't care to take the hint the first time.

[Ruby Slippers]

Are you going to let him go as a result of this or give him another chance? How did he take it in the end? His insistence suggests that he didn't care to take the hint the first time.

I already let him go, kindly but firmly.

 

He apologized for that and other things he said and did in the same vein, said he'd take things at my pace, but for me the damage was done.

 

I told my mom a few small details from the date, and she immediately pegged him as being after one thing. I trust her wisdom!

[Trail Blazer]

I already let him go, kindly but firmly.

 

He apologized for that and other things he said and did in the same vein, said he'd take things at my pace, but for me the damage was done.

 

I told my mom a few small details from the date, and she immediately pegged him as being after one thing. I trust her wisdom!

In your view, is asking a girl back to your place after a first date a deal breaker under any circumstance? I mean, assuming your goal is to find a guy to be in a relationship with, as opposed to hooking up. Because I almost innocently asked her.