What lesson can be learned from this friendship?

[MIAho]

Lately, I've been thinking about an old friend of mine and how we first met and the role that it played in my life.

 

Back when I was in high school, I was very quiet and shy. Even though I had a lot of friends, I didn't have too many female friends because I went to all-boys Catholic high school and was always too nervous to talk to girls.

 

One day, on my way to school, I met this girl who went to a nearby all-girls Catholic School. We ended up exchanging phone numbers and became friends. She had a boyfriend, but our friendship was strictly platonic and even though we both liked hanging out with each other, we never really had interest in dating each other.

 

Eventually, my mom also found out about my new friend from my older brother. I grew with very strict parents. My mom refused to allow me to hang out with my friends unless she personally knew the friends parents, which severely limited and eventually damaged my social life in high school. Since she didn't know this girl's parents, she was immediately skeptical of her and immediately thought that I shouldn't hang out with her.

 

A few weeks later, things took an weird turn. She abruptly cancelled our plans to hang out and suddenly stopped talking to me. Later that week, one her friends gave me a message from her and her boyfriend, warning me to stay away her. I later found out that my brother's girlfriend, who knew some her friends had been telling people that we were dating, which was also partially motivated by my older brother who was jealous of our friendship.

 

A few weeks later, we ended up talking and she realized that she made a mistake and forgave me. My mom, however, also found out about what happened and now refused to allow me to hang out with her. She also defended my brother's girlfriend and said that I should be grateful that I had a friend like my brother's girlfriend.

 

Despite that, I ignored my mother's advice and we continued to hang out. Eventually, she graduated high school as the valedictorian of her class and got a degree from a prestigious college. Today, she's married and has two kids. Even though she lives in another town and I haven't seen her in several years, we still stay in touch through Facebook and have been friends for nearly 20 years.

 

My brother and his girlfriend broke up and she later dropped out of high school. I feel like there's some kind of lesson to be learned from this story. What do you think is the lesson?

[Lotsgoingon]

Not sure if this is a lesson or not.

 

But ... yes, people crave good relationships, good friendships ... Yes, sometimes young people can misread a friend, miss the problems a particular friend will bring on. But not always. Sometimes parents just don't get why a particular friendship is really good for their kid.

 

Sounds like something in you (yes the young you) knew this girl was good for you, good as a friend despite mom's objections and despite the later gossip.

 

Relationships can survive all kinds of challenges and obstacles because a good relationship, even a young friendship, is like fresh air. Did you sense all along that Miss (later) Valedictorian was really bright and highly motivated in school? Or was it some other quality that drew you to her?

[preraph]

Your mom was too strict, and your brother was up in your business doing her bidding. I hope now that time has passed, you're out of the house, out from under the influence of your parents and siblings. They had no tangible reason to ruin your friendship with her. Ridiculous. Realize that isn't normal and don't do it to your own kids.

[schlumpy]

I find it curious that she "forgave you." Did you misstate that? Perhaps you meant that she understood what happened and that she didn't hold it against you. I could understand if she forgave your family members, but I don't see what you did wrong that should require forgiveness.

 

I'm sure your mom's behavior was tied to her own fears. Something in her past that she wanted to protect you from. Parents tend to be like that. They many times bring an egocentric viewpoint to family relationships and won't let go until you fly on your own. It's just the way it is.

 

As far as you being right about the quality of your friend while people of lesser character were wrong, well you could take credit for it. You might possess the insight that many people lack when choosing friends but then again it could just be luck.

 

So how did you end up? Happily married with two kids also?

[basil67]

The lesson to learn is that sometimes we know best and to trust ourselves.