balletomane Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I've never used online dating before. Thinking about it, I've never dated at all. I've had three relationships, all of them with guys who were my friends before we got together, so we just sort of skipped the dating stage and went from friendship to relationship. I've decided that I want to do something differently this time round. The last break up has left me grieving the loss of a friendship. I'm much more upset about losing him as a friend than I am about the end of our romantic relationship. I don't want a repeat of that if I can avoid it, so I think it's worth trying to date. I'm seriously shy around new people. (This is why dating has never felt like a realistic option before now.) I'm wondering how on earth a shy woman navigates the online dating world. I doubt anyone here has got a magic shyness cure, but any suggestions and ideas would be welcome.
winny Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I seriously want to advise you to stay away from online dating. It is full of weirdos. Go with zero expectations. 3
Author balletomane Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 I seriously want to advise you to stay away from online dating. It is full of weirdos. Go with zero expectations. This is partly what I'm worried about. However, I don't really have much option at the moment. I have a fairly busy social life, but almost all the guys I meet are already in relationships. The ones who aren't are either gay or just not my type. I thought going online might widen the options. I know three people who are now happily married to people they met online, so it obviously works some of the time, but I'm feeling quite pessimistic about my odds at the moment.
winny Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 This is partly what I'm worried about. However, I don't really have much option at the moment. I have a fairly busy social life, but almost all the guys I meet are already in relationships. The ones who aren't are either gay or just not my type. I thought going online might widen the options. I know three people who are now happily married to people they met online, so it obviously works some of the time, but I'm feeling quite pessimistic about my odds at the moment. That's why I am saying that go with realistic expectations. You may meet someone or you may not. Also things like ghosting are very common in online dating. So know all the pros and cons. You being shy is frankly the least of all the issues you may face 1
schlumpy Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 If you have active social life then network with your friends to find suitable prospects. Your friends must have coworkers and relatives that you might hit it off with. That seems a safer route then online dating especially for a shy person. If someone manages to talk about a topic you love or have a huge interest in does your shyness evaporate? 2
alphamale Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 OLD is a waste of time for most people, good luck 1
Ami1uwant Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 This is partly what I'm worried about. However, I don't really have much option at the moment. I have a fairly busy social life, but almost all the guys I meet are already in relationships. The ones who aren't are either gay or just not my type. I thought going online might widen the options. I know three people who are now happily married to people they met online, so it obviously works some of the time, but I'm feeling quite pessimistic about my odds at the moment. A few questions? How old are you? How many friends do you have? Do you have kids? Online dating does work but you need to be smart. There are many just looking for hookups snd not any real relationships. As you say ou are sky, how are you with peop,e interactions in in date settings? 1
mortensorchid Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 OLD is a scary world, to be sure. Unfortunately it started off one way and ended up another. In the last few years it has become real sewage as far as I can see. But, we keep going back because our methods of meeting others has changed a lot. The world's full of lonely people. If anything else you can have hilarious stories to share on forums like this, as people are people. Best suggestions? Be ready for creeps and crazy people. 2
alphamale Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Online dating does work but you need to be smart. what are you smoking cause I want some? 1
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I know three people who are now happily married to people they met online Then you should be talking to them about their experience and ask if they have any tips on how to navigate the online dating scene. You are not going to hear anything positive from this bunch on here because we deal with threads of people struggling really bad with OLD.
Mrin Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 Dude here. I really enjoyed OLD. Had great success and met a lot of amazing women through it. In fact I decided to ask one to marry me and we are tying the knot next July. Match and Bumble worked best for me. 1
Author balletomane Posted October 27, 2019 Author Posted October 27, 2019 If someone manages to talk about a topic you love or have a huge interest in does your shyness evaporate? This makes it a lot easier. I'm much more confident if there is an obvious topic of mutual interest. A few questions? How old are you? How many friends do you have? Do you have kids? As you say ou are sky, how are you with peop,e interactions in in date settings? I'm 32. I don't have any kids. In the town where I live now, I have two close friends, five other friends who aren't as close but whom I still spend quite a lot of time with, and then people I'm friendly with through my hobbies (creative writing group, mainly) but don't know that well. I have other friends, but they live miles away. I've never dated before, so I have no idea how I'd be in that setting. I imagine it would be excruciating. All three of my previous relationships have grown out of friendships with guys I've known for quite a while beforehand. How long ago did you break up? Four months ago.
Cersei Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 I had a blast online dating. It was a lot of fun. I met some great people, some weird ones and found a really good dude I am happy with. Try it with an open mind and see if it is for you. 1
schlumpy Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 This makes it a lot easier. I'm much more confident if there is an obvious topic of mutual interest Sounds to me you have the characteristic of an introvert.
Trail Blazer Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 I have a love/hate relationship with online dating. Sure, I've had some huge let-downs having used it on and off for the better part of two years. I've met some wonderful women online, one with whom I fell madly in love and had a year-long relationship. It didn't work out, but we remain friends to this day. I've also dealt with some pretty nutty women, too! OLD can be bad for some people, but great for others. I've had so much fun on the balance of everything. It can be scary, and perhaps more so for women, but as a guy who works away for a month at a time and is then home for a month at a time, I've had so many fantastic dating opportunities and grabbed them with both hands! If you're looking for the love of your life, you'll need to temper your expectations. The harder you look, the more frustrated and jaded you'll become. Since I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm going in with few expectations, other than to have fun and take things as they come. If I meet the love of my life in the process, well, that's just a bonus!
Author balletomane Posted October 28, 2019 Author Posted October 28, 2019 If you're looking for the love of your life, you'll need to temper your expectations. The harder you look, the more frustrated and jaded you'll become. Since I'm not looking for a relationship, I'm going in with few expectations, other than to have fun and take things as they come. If I meet the love of my life in the process, well, that's just a bonus! This seems like a good approach. My main goal right now is to become more confident around people I don't know that well, hopefully have some interesting conversations, and see where things go from there. Since creating this thread, I've set up a profile on Bumble, and matched with one guy who seems quite similar to me. I managed to send a message without feeling too nervous. As I'm not expecting much, it doesn't feel as intimidating as I thought it might. 1
Mrin Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 Since creating this thread, I've set up a profile on Bumble, and matched with one guy who seems quite similar to me. I managed to send a message without feeling too nervous. As I'm not expecting much, it doesn't feel as intimidating as I thought it might. Good for you! Ya it is ALL about expectations. A lot of people have too high of expectations when it comes to OLD. And it makes sense - the process on many sites kinda feels like a configurator for a mate. Then they are sorely disappointed when it doesn't work that way. Others just have bad experiences period. For me my expectations were this: do I think I could have a fun conversation with her and am I attracted to her. If both are yes then I'd ask her out with the only expectation of a nice night out getting to know an attractive woman. If it turned into more - great. But if not - that was okay too. I probably met 40-50 women in my OLD days and was disappointed only a handful of times. Hope this helps! Mrin 2
Author balletomane Posted November 1, 2019 Author Posted November 1, 2019 I've been exchanging a few messages with this guy. He's a nurse and I like how passionate he seems about his job. So far he comes across as courteous, caring, and quite shy himself. The reserve actually makes me feel more at ease in talking to him. I feel put off by men who are very outgoing. I still don't know if this will lead anywhere, but even if it doesn't, it's a positive step and has definitely made me feel more confident in initiating conversations on these sites.
sunbaby Posted November 2, 2019 Posted November 2, 2019 I'm glad you're opening up to trying this out! I'm also kinda new to online dating and also trying to keep expectations low. It seems like 99% of people are just looking for hookups, so I make it pretty clear that's not what I'm looking for, but people will still ignore that and chat you up. Try to chat for awhile and maybe if you're nervous about being shy on a first date you can plan an activity so there's something else you can talk about too and maybe there's less pressure for conversation topics then. Good luck!
Author balletomane Posted November 2, 2019 Author Posted November 2, 2019 I'm glad you're opening up to trying this out! I'm also kinda new to online dating and also trying to keep expectations low. It seems like 99% of people are just looking for hookups, so I make it pretty clear that's not what I'm looking for, but people will still ignore that and chat you up. This is why I chose Bumble over the other apps out there, as women have to message first. I automatically swipe left on men who post shirtless photos of themselves and/or only post photos without writing a bio, because these seem like the ones most likely to be looking for hook-ups. So far my logic has worked and I've only matched with men who seem polite and interested in actually having a conversation. Try to chat for awhile and maybe if you're nervous about being shy on a first date you can plan an activity so there's something else you can talk about too and maybe there's less pressure for conversation topics then. Good luck! �� Thanks. I think it will be a while before I feel comfortable meeting, but I'll definitely be taking this advice when I do.
Author balletomane Posted November 14, 2019 Author Posted November 14, 2019 (edited) I went on a first date the other night. It went well. I was pleasantly surprised, considering how new I am to OLD. I felt a little awkward at first, but we have a lot of interests in common and the conversation just flowed. I was attracted to him as well, which is a plus. It's the first time I've ever felt physically drawn to someone on a first meeting. Usually I have to know someone well before I feel that. We're meeting again. Part of me is really nervous and just waiting for him to turn out to be an axe murderer or something - surely it can't be this simple?! Edited November 14, 2019 by balletomane
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