yesilikebread Posted October 26, 2019 Posted October 26, 2019 I met a guy on a dating app and we chatted briefly before meeting up for drinks last weekend. I am mid twenties' and he is a little over 30. It went quite well and we decided to meet each other yesterday for a second date. The meet up/date went well in the beginning. A lot of banter and we sat close to each other, Then something happened. I don't know exactly what, but the vibe definitely changed. We had a few beers, but I don't believe that contributed to the change. We went to another bar and the vibe was good again until we started talking about awkward gifts one has gotten and he said, "my girlfriend's brother gave me this gift once. Got taken aback because he has told me that he is single. But in the moment I thought "well, maybe he meant to say ex girlfriend". I had to say something later on though, because I had strange feeling. I told him that I didn't really feel honesty from his side. After a while he said something about not being in his right mind or something of that nature. I assume he meant not being very happy at the moment. We haven't really spoken about it, but I do feel as he has a lot of anxiety. He has told me that he has the tendency to overanalyze a lot. He kept saying things like "I'm surprised you're still here with me, most people would just give up". I found that a little weird, but told him I enjoyed his company. He also asked me if me meeting him was some sort of experiment for me, (super strange). I'm on the spectrum, so I have quite a difficult time with social codes. Hehe. After a while I decided to go home. I texted him when I got home and told him that I had nice time and that I like him, but I felt as he has some unfinished business to take care of, and said that I don't think we should see each other again. I did enjoy his company and am quite bummed actually that it turned out like this. What is your opinion? Do you think I made the right decision, or should I have given him a chance?
Maggiemay1 Posted October 26, 2019 Posted October 26, 2019 Who knows until we see his reply? Has he replied?
Author yesilikebread Posted October 26, 2019 Author Posted October 26, 2019 Yes, he wrote that I'm probably right and that he likes me too.
Maggiemay1 Posted October 26, 2019 Posted October 26, 2019 Yes, he wrote that I'm probably right and that he likes me too. Well then your gut instinct was right. He has agreed not to see you again.
Gretchen12 Posted October 26, 2019 Posted October 26, 2019 He's having problems with his relationship with his gf or he just got dumped. He needs to feel attractive again, get his confidence back. That's why he went online to get women. He did have a good time talking to you. It made him feel he's still got it. 1
chillii Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 What's all this code bs, why didn't you just ask him , you didn't mean you have a gf now right ? He sounds not in a good place but who knows , if you liked him you could've talked about things and hopefully found out what's happening before just dumping it. Maybe he was just nervous, maybe that was an ex gf. 2
smackie9 Posted October 27, 2019 Posted October 27, 2019 You did the right thing. If it doesn't feel right then it's not. Who knows what this guy is all about. But without a doubt you don't want that for a BF.
kendahke Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 I'd have called him on the girlfriend comment right there and then. What was he doing out with you if he's got a girlfriend? Did she know he was meeting you? He was up to some shady business with you. 1
Interstellar Posted October 29, 2019 Posted October 29, 2019 He sounds like someone who just got dumped and his self esteem is at an all time low: "I'm surprised you're still here with me, most people would just give up". - he’s saying he’s a loser who doesn’t deserve anyone He shouldn’t be out on a date.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Somebody tells you something odd, it's your duty--it's a requirement of good dating--to say ... "Wait, say that again. Who gave you this gift?" Otherwise, you end up in an absurd position: you pretend to not hear something someone deliberately said to you. Speak back to him ... Ask him what he means ... BTW: red flags are going up ... clearly there's something odd about this guy ... major red flags ... even the "I'm surprised you're still with me" is a major red flag. 1
vv3469802 Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 Somebody tells you something odd, it's your duty--it's a requirement of good dating--to say ... "Wait, say that again. Who gave you this gift?" That's truth but she didn't ask him. Otherwise, nobody interferes to ask him about his position now. I mean, she easily can ask him via social media, something like: - "Hi! Sorry, but I forgot to ask you about your position while we were meeting on the last time. Are you alone?"
Author yesilikebread Posted October 30, 2019 Author Posted October 30, 2019 Somebody tells you something odd, it's your duty--it's a requirement of good dating--to say ... "Wait, say that again. Who gave you this gift?" Otherwise, you end up in an absurd position: you pretend to not hear something someone deliberately said to you. Speak back to him ... Ask him what he means ... BTW: red flags are going up ... clearly there's something odd about this guy ... major red flags ... even the "I'm surprised you're still with me" is a major red flag. Yes, I should have asked him about that comment. You live and you learn. He obviously is extremely insecure or he is performing an oscar-winning act on me, playing the victim to manipulate me. Anyway, I removed him from the app and he doesn't have any of my personal information except for my first name. I felt like I wouldn't get an honest respons from him regardless, His respons wouldn't change my decision of not liking him anymore anyway. 1
stillafool Posted October 30, 2019 Posted October 30, 2019 (edited) It doesn't matter if you feel that his response to your questions are answered honestly by him, you still ask about what you need to know and judge him by his response. It's important to use your voice in dating and not to assume anything. I don't see how he was trying to manipulate you. It didn't seem like he was after anything. Edited October 30, 2019 by stillafool 1
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