Hey, it’s me again

[thegreatfuldead]

Years later with another love tragedy. Buckle up. It’s about to get juicy.

 

So, I ended up moving away from home. Family health issues. I would visit from time to time, nothing major.

 

And then I met this girl. And it was like wildfire. I can still tell you exactly what she was wearing. I could tell you stories about everything and anything we talked about. But it’s funny, the first time we met we talked for hours and I never even got her name. Kind of stuff you see in movies. It was bad. So bad.

 

Unbeknownst to me at the time, she was engaged to be married. So I summed it up to just a crush. Two months pass by. I visit home again. She worked at a place that I had been employed for years. And all those short lived feelings came rushing back.

 

A couple weeks later I moved back. God, I was smitten but I stayed away from her. I got my old job back, because I loved working there, all my friends and the family of friends I had. But I started to notice small things. We were getting closer. Talking more.

 

I warned her not to get tangled up with me and stay away.

 

One night, we were closing by ourselves. We had both been drinking, but I kept my cool. I grabbed her hand and I told her I had developed feelings for her, that it was inappropriate and asked if I was crazy.

 

She said no. She admitted she had gained feelings from the first time she met me. I was swooning so hard. I told her I would quit, and we couldn’t do this. I walked away and cut her off.

 

Within hours she had gotten in contact with me with a fellow coworker. She told me she was sorry. And I was done for.

 

The next couple months were the best of my life. I found my person. Maybe it was rose tinted glasses, but we had so much in common. It was like a mirror. We both wore mismatched socks, couldn’t clean a mess to save our lives. We liked the exact same food, and music. We watched the late night shows, and had the same dreams. I asked her if she was just telling me these things to butter me up and get me to like her more. She wanted to know the same. Had the same career paths, we had the same fears, and travel destinations. She was my absolute dream girl.

 

I fell hard. We both did. Hard and fast. But we stayed away from eachother.

 

And I tried to walk away again. She was getting married, and it was getting heavy. We hadn’t done anything at all, but emotionally we were linked at the hip. Emotionally she was cheating. We talked all day and all night. I knew every little thing about her. I told her if she wants to walk away I would have no hard feelings. She only did once and came back, because of her fiancés actions.

 

Then she started telling me about her fiancé. I respected him, until his demons started to come out. She had no friends, none she could spend time with without him. Her closest friends lived in other states. They worked the same hours, he’ll they even shared a job together for years before she started at our current place of employment. He had insane jealousy issues, social media comments and likes and pictures would warrant arguements. He tracked her on some sort of gps app and would ping her to know where she was at constantly. I told her I understood, but talking to another guy isn’t going to fix it. She needs to do that in her own.

 

One night he came up to our work to socialize and hangout. I wasn’t there. He got severely intoxicated and made a scene, yelling at her and storming out.. She chased him down the road. She called me crying. Her friends called me. So I played Superman and showed up. He was blowing up her phone, threatening to move out, accusing her of choosing her job and friends over him. Some weird stuff about social media comments. Just going on and on. Half accusing and half begging.

 

I took her home. She cried and cried. Then I drove her back to her house. Nothing happened. He ended the relationship, she called off the wedding twice. . But, he would go out and get drunk, come home and beg her back, saying he was having intercourse with other women, making dating profiles, asking if it was okay that he got other women’s numbers. How much of it was true idk. . I was sick to my stomach.

 

Eventually it did become physical. Very briefly. I had a lot of life stuff going on as well, so we both were messed up. Maybe that’s why it worked out.

 

Eventually she did move out. She needed space and time. I stepped back as hard as I could. The conversation became nill. I didn’t want to be that guy. I tried my best not to be. All our friends knew we were cheesing over eachother. Hell everyone was rooting for us.

 

But. This is when it all goes downhill.

 

The ex before her fiancé got in contact with her. He is a real piece of work. Can’t get a job multiple felonies for drugs. Went to jail. He cheated on her, her family hates him. She ended up leaving him for the current ex, and this many years later. They were high school sweethearts, I get that. First love sort of stuff. We weren’t officially dating but she hid that she went and saw him. She hid they had been talking. Then became completely distant and friend zoned me. According to her friends they are still talking but she completely dropped me within weeks. Says she doesn’t want a relationship and doesn’t want to hurt me. It’s a big life change, so I’m in the grey about it. She has asked to stay friends, but I’m not sure my heart can take it. We are great friends, and we have all the same circles. So it’s very difficult. I did confront her but she still hid things from me. I’ve never officially been her partner so I can’t necessarily get upset, but oh does my heart hurt.

 

Oh, here we to again. I wonder if I was the rebound, or emotional stepping stool. Or any of it was real. Maybe I was new and exciting. It lasted in totally about 8 months. It’s very mentally taxing. Or the ex she is talking to is the rebound. Or why she is so adamant on being friends. We talk briefly everyday, nothing major. No feelings. Maybe a text or Snapchat here and there.

 

I personally can’t be in a relationship right now as much as I would love to be with her, and fairly enough neither should she. Just completely heartbroken and trying to do the right thing. If I go no contact I know it would be easier. She doesn’t want me around right now. I’m not entirely sure what to do.

Edited October 26, 2019 by thegreatfuldead
Update

[ExpatInItaly]

You were her exit affair.

 

It felt good when she was so miserable with her ex, but now that she's out of that relationship, she no longer needs you.

 

It sucks, but you would be wise to stay away from her.