ZA Dater Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Albeit different people but I am adopting a new philosophy and simply going out with whoever matches with me. Dating isn't such a big thing for me but its interesting meeting different people. Person 1 Essentially an executive PA, very bubbly happy personality, good intellect, interesting and the date was fairly good barring the fact there wasn't much of a connection and from my side I didn't find her physically attractive at all, a pity because her personality was really nice. In short I wouldn't sleep with her. Friend zone and we are still chatting. No real loss. Person 2 A therapist, yes some here will laugh at this but she was definitely more what I like, also intellectual, beautifully spoken, had a great conversation about lots of things. She doesn't find me attractive, which is fine, no issue with it and she wants 'casual", again no issue with that either. She was sort of attractive to me. I could in theory date someone like this. I will say though that neither date really wowed me very much but I think I have also become very cynical. Adopted a different tinder tactic and this seems to be working a bit better when it comes to matches. Ultimately my goal here is to meet as many people as possible, get some sort of "experience'. The reality is I am chasing the impossible, chasing the feeling I have for someone who wont date me so I am trying to find that feeling again. So yes dating isn't all bad, maybe I can gain some confidence from this. 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Did you let Person 1 know you are only interested in a possible friendship with her? How attractive are you expecting a dating partner to be? Do you match this level of attractiveness? Good luck! 1
Author ZA Dater Posted October 24, 2019 Author Posted October 24, 2019 How attractive are you expecting a dating partner to be? Do you match this level of attractiveness? Good luck! I am slim and athletic, that's my physical criteria.
Trail Blazer Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Good luck, my friend. The challenge I now have with dating is that I met my ex on my first ever online date, which resulted in a year long relationship. She was everything I'd ever dreamnt of. The relationship went bust, and since then, for the last six months of dating, it's been so-so. Like you, I'm more cynical now. Coming out of a marriage, I'd never used online dating, then met "the woman of my dreams" on my first ever date. It was pot luck that I met her so early in the piece and we connected so well. However, it kind of ruined OLD for me a bit. Matching and getting dates is easy. You're seemingly finding it similar, as you've gone on plenty. I generally only swipe on women I find attractive, however, when we meet, if that chemistry isn't there, all I see them for is someone I hope to bed. Attraction is key. If it's not there, it will fail. Most 10s I swipe don't match me back. I still match with enough attractive girls, but perhaps through a combination of a few things, I seem to find flaws that make them undatable. I think I'm just fussy, but the attraction has to be there, looks and personality. On a side note, I matched with a girl from Cape Town who was passing through a few months back. She was really cute. She wasn't in my city long enough to organize a date. However, through Tinder we decided to add each other on Facebook as friends. She's always asking me to visit her in Cape Town (in a joking way - but maybe not). Anyway, she posted up a status, quoting some publication from a local news broadcaster over there that Cape Town was voted 5th sexiest city in the world (for singles). So, my friend, it would appear that you have no shortage of talent in your town. Good luck and godspeed.
basil67 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 I am slim and athletic, that's my physical criteria. So you don't care about how pretty she is? 1
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 I am slim and athletic, that's my physical criteria. That may have little to do with actual attractiveness. A man may be overweight and flabby and be very attractive and sexy... 2
basil67 Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Or he could be described by the old song "nice legs, shame about the face" 4
BaileyB Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 (edited) It’s just really unfortunate to hear you say, “I met a lovely woman who was intelligent, interesting, engaging, has a good job, potentially wants to date me, with whom I had a really good time - but, I’m not going to give her a chance because... [insert what I’m sure is a very superficial reason why you have decided she is not attractive and decided you won’t sleep with her]. Poor woman, I’m sure there were so many other things she could have done with her time... I’m all for finding a partner who you find attractive. But again... it’s hard to believe that your exclusion criteria is not completely unreasonable when you say things like “in theory” you could date someone like (woman number two) but neither woman “wowed” you. After what I assume to be a few hours, one dinner, or maybe a coffee date. Edited October 25, 2019 by BaileyB 3
Lotsgoingon Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Two dates ... that's cool. Keep going ... after ten dates, you'll know more ... after 20 you should know more ... and so on.
Trail Blazer Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 It’s just really unfortunate to hear you say, “I met a lovely woman who was intelligent, interesting, engaging, has a good job, potentially wants to date me, with whom I had a really good time - but, I’m not going to give her a chance because... [insert what I’m sure is a very superficial reason why you have decided she is not attractive and decided you won’t sleep with her]. Poor woman, I’m sure there were so many other things she could have done with her time... I’m all for finding a partner who you find attractive. But again... Oh well. That's the risk you take when you go on a date. If you don't find someone attractive, what are you to do? Sometimes they might look okay in their photos, but when you meet them, there's just *something* you can't put your finger on, but you know it's not going to work.
Author ZA Dater Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 I’m all for finding a partner who you find attractive. But again... it’s hard to believe that your exclusion criteria is not completely unreasonable when you say things like “in theory” you could date someone like (woman number two) but neither woman “wowed” you. After what I assume to be a few hours, one dinner, or maybe a coffee date. That's dating, I have been on the receiving end of this many times, such is life. People either wow me in 30 minutes or they are never going to wow me, I am adopting the same brutal criteria which is dished out to me countless times. As for superficial, say what you want but it is important to lesser and greater degrees. All I am trying to do here is gain some confidence from interacting with ladies. Again, I don't care if I ever date at all so long as I get to the point where I feel I gave done the best I can.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Some people are nervous during first dates, and it can take time to begin to open up. To me, 30 minutes isn't enough time to expect to be wowed. You're taking a big risk missing out on a compatible life partner by your 30 Minutes or Less policy, but to each his own.
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 All I am trying to do here is gain some confidence from interacting with ladies. Again, I don't care if I ever date at all so long as I get to the point where I feel I gave done the best I can. So you think the only way to gain confidence as a man is to date as many women as possible even if you're not attracted to them right from the start? If you "don't care if you ever date at all", surely there are other, more meaningful ways to gain your confidence. I feel like I'm missing something here...
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Some people are nervous during first dates, and it can take time to begin to open up. To me, 30 minutes isn't enough time to expect to be wowed. You're taking a big risk missing out on a compatible life partner by your 30 Minutes or Less policy, but to each his own. I don't agree. And perhaps it's my age and experience that's speaking here but I can tell within minutes if I'm into someone, even with all their quirks and fumbles as a result of nerves or whatever. First dates are basically interviews anyway. Often our first impressions are the right. It's when we overthink things that we get into trouble.
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 (edited) It has nothing to do with age and experience. It's personal preference. Traits like trustworthiness and loyalty can't be determined right away. To me, those things matter more than someone being super hot. Edited October 25, 2019 by GeorgiaPeach1
Michelle ma Belle Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 It has nothing to do with age and experience. It's personal preference. Traits like trustworthiness and loyalty can't be determined right away. To me, those things matter more than someone being super hot. Determining if someone is 'super hot' usually happens long before you get to the face to face date. OLD is all about what you see with your eyes first and foremost. I'm far from shallow and have often dated and fallen love with men who wouldn't have normally registered on my radar physically but they had so many wonderful qualities that were important to me that made them the most attractive man on the planet. You're preaching to the choir my friend. If you know yourself well, know what you want and especially what you don't want, yet still keep yourself open enough to all sorts of possibilities you can identify compatibility pretty quickly. Not everyone needs countless hours and multiple dates to know if someone is a good fit.
elaine567 Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 I think you have ample "experience" of dating ie sitting across from a woman eating a meal and deciding you don't like her or she doesn't like you. Where you lack "experience" is the next stage, the second and subsequent dates, the wooing, the seducing, the sex... I see by choosing to go on dates with women who you wouldn't want to date, and then rejecting them, you are getting some sense of satisfaction, but really??? Is that who you really want to be? 1
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