max3732 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 While on my date I made several really factually stupid comments that I regretted the second I said them. For example, she asked me I had ever been to a restaurant and I told her I was there years ago. Then she says it just opened a few months ago and I realized I confused it with another one. The thing they're in completely different areas and have different sounding names. As another example she said something about visiting a country and then I blurt out something about that was from a different country than the one she was talking about but for some reason at that moment I was thinking it was the same one. Fortunately it's not like I said anything offensive, but it's like my brain shuts down other than me just instinctively reacting by saying something even if it's just plain wrong. I was really excited that we had so many things in common, but I'm afraid she's going to think I'm either a liar or a moron. She was also saying some political beliefs that I didn't agree with so I think in the back of my mind I was trying to figure out how to be polite without getting into an argument. I don't if that shuts my brain down or I just need to keep practicing to get rid of these nerves. I'm on the fence about contacting her again, but if I do and she agrees to meet what should I do to stop from saying so many dumb things?
alphamale Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 were you drinking when you said all that stuff? was she drinking?
Ruby Slippers Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 I think you're overthinking it. We all do and say the wrong thing sometimes. Get over it and ask her out again. Relax. 4
basil67 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Yep, hubby and I still laugh at the accidentally stupid things we've said over the years. As long as you can laugh at yourself when you've done something silly, you'll be fine. 3
Versacehottie Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 The sexiest and most magnetic people are unabashedly themselves. Even when they f*ck up. I think embrace it a little more. I think that people who once they realize it, deal with it head on and be a little self-deprecating or honest/real about the mistake are handling it the best. I think you need to let go of the notion that you need to be perfect. See instead of showing a "good" trait in knowledge of a country or a restaurant, you have an opportunity to show an actually good (or amazing!) trait/character in your sense of humor about the mistake, ability to own up to a mistake, willingness to be real/honest with people, willingness to laugh & keep learning. Ha! a little mistake provides a great opportunity. I think many girls would care about the character of a man vs his knowledge of a restaurant. Some girls might even think it's charming or sweet that you got nervous because you are excited about them/the date. Try being real and a little more open with what is going on in your head. Guys have told me they were nervous before & it's actually cool. Facing stuff head on--even if it saying that you made a mistake or are nervous--is actually a confident sign/trait. Being open is also a sign of confidence. Try these. They also should release some of your nervousness & you're right with more practice you should be less nervous/more comfortable. Take this girl out again. Good luck 2
Twizzlestick Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Chill out you’re normal haha. Just laugh it off. Reminds me of the second fish called wander film where John Cleese can’t take his eyes off Jamie Lee Curtis’ cleavage “Sorry I keep making boobs” haha. 1
Londy Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 what should I do to stop from saying so many dumb things? Xanax. .....
RecentChange Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Yeah I wouldn't worry too much about the dumb comments... But having views that differ so much on a topic like politics that you are worried about starting an argument on a early date is not a good sign. Are you looking for a casual fling, or on the search for something long lasting? If it's the first scenario, just keep your mouth shut - if it's the latter.... Well if got two can't see eye to eye on fundamentals, I don't know if it's worth pursuing
snowboy91 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 If I was meeting you for the first time and you said dumb things, I'd think you were a right old laugh. I mean that in a really good way. Whoever you're dating (if they're the right person for you) is going to get a kick out of that, and be drawn to you. (Unless you actually believed what you were saying and didn't want to be convinced otherwise... then that might be a problem...)
Author max3732 Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 If I was meeting you for the first time and you said dumb things, I'd think you were a right old laugh. I mean that in a really good way. Whoever you're dating (if they're the right person for you) is going to get a kick out of that, and be drawn to you. (Unless you actually believed what you were saying and didn't want to be convinced otherwise... then that might be a problem...) Haha. Hope she saw it that way! The minute I said it I realized it was completely wrong. Like if she asked for my favorite Japanese restaurant and I said Taco Bell. Right after the words left my mouth I was thinking "why did I saw that?"
Author max3732 Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 Yeah I wouldn't worry too much about the dumb comments... But having views that differ so much on a topic like politics that you are worried about starting an argument on a early date is not a good sign. Are you looking for a casual fling, or on the search for something long lasting? If it's the first scenario, just keep your mouth shut - if it's the latter.... Well if got two can't see eye to eye on fundamentals, I don't know if it's worth pursuing My goal is to find someone to marry. That being said it's been so long since I've had any physical contact with a woman I wouldn't mind finding someone to just hold hands with or get a real kiss.
Lotsgoingon Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 I agree with Versace. You have an opportunity to not be embarrassed. So your "mistake" isn't being wrong in your answer ... Your mistake is not laughing it off ... "Oh, I got the wrong place, wrong location, wrong city and wrong state. Dang. At least I got my name right." The introduce yourself by your wrong name. Own your goofs ... and you're allowed to say the wrong thing ... especially when you're nervous. I know this is not easy, but you have to realize that you aren't supposed to know everything she knows ... and you're not required to have been everywhere she's been ... done everything she's done ... Drop that assumption. Do you think she needs to know everything you know or every place you've been? I don't think so. She's got a life you don't know about ... and same with you. Don't assume that what she's discussing (the latest restaurant or whatever) is some place cool that you should know. Chill ... own the goof and move on ... "Oh, I got the wrong place. Well tell me, did you like this place." Keep going! 1
Trail Blazer Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 If it doesn't work out, bud, just keep going on more dates. Try not to overthink things at the time, but learn from the mistakes (if you could even call it that) you've made. You'll be right.
Author max3732 Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 I agree with Versace. You have an opportunity to not be embarrassed. So your "mistake" isn't being wrong in your answer ... Your mistake is not laughing it off ... "Oh, I got the wrong place, wrong location, wrong city and wrong state. Dang. At least I got my name right." The introduce yourself by your wrong name. Own your goofs ... and you're allowed to say the wrong thing ... especially when you're nervous. I know this is not easy, but you have to realize that you aren't supposed to know everything she knows ... and you're not required to have been everywhere she's been ... done everything she's done ... Drop that assumption. Do you think she needs to know everything you know or every place you've been? I don't think so. She's got a life you don't know about ... and same with you. Don't assume that what she's discussing (the latest restaurant or whatever) is some place cool that you should know. Chill ... own the goof and move on ... "Oh, I got the wrong place. Well tell me, did you like this place." Keep going! When I first met her I was having fun and treating her like I would any of my friends. Then she started with the dating type questions and even asked about how long I've been on dating apps and I think that also made me a bit self conscious and nervous. Reading my post here and the responses makes me think I forgot the most important thing of all, which is that I'm supposed to be having fun and enjoying my time with her. This is not a deposition or a serious business meeting. So I'd say this was a good learning experience. 1
alphamale Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 max, calm down, you need to settle down and relax and have a couple beers. if you are nervous or anxious she will know. women are much more perceptive than men are, but they also get nervous so remember that. 1
preraph Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 Why not try an exercise of counting to three before you answer. Sounds like you're answering too quickly just from nervousness.
Author max3732 Posted October 25, 2019 Author Posted October 25, 2019 Why not try an exercise of counting to three before you answer. Sounds like you're answering too quickly just from nervousness. You're absolutely right. I'm trying to maintain eye contact and keep the conversation flowing but also feel very jumpy with my nerves. Just out of curiosity I asked her out again and she said yes! I was 95% sure she would say no and was just curious what her reason would be, but it looks like I've got another date. With this one I will try to have fun and stay more relaxed. We'll see what happens 1
SumGuy Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 max, calm down, you need to settle down and relax and have a couple beers. if you are nervous or anxious she will know. women are much more perceptive than men are, but they also get nervous so remember that. true that! its OK to not know everything
chillii Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 lt's just a bit of nerves and anxiety op, foot in mouth. Try not to rush it , try to relax, no ones gonna run away just because you think about convo as you go, it's not a race
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