jc Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 I am so stupid I saw C yesterday (to finish the final exchange of stuff) and I slept with him. I am so ashamed of myself. I can't tell any of my friends because I did this and I am so stupid. Why do I keep going back for more hurt? I love him so much, but we've tried numerous times now (and broken up numerous times) and I know that it is not going to work. When I saw him for the first time in 2 months I was so weak with sadness and loneliness that I gave in to something that is completely tormenting me now. He told me that he misses me and wants to feel close to me again, but that he know we can't get back together because it would be "kicking a dead horse". For once, I don't even want to get back together either. I just want to be free of this emotional pain. I've been doing so well the past month, I've been strong, I haven't called him, so why did I do this to myself? I'm scared that I'm never going to meet anyone who makes me feel the way he does (the good feelings, not the bad) and when I look around for a new guy, I feel like I'm still looking for him. He is like an addiction for me, I know that he is not good for me, but I keep on coming back for more and more pain and hurt. And now that we spent the night together I just want to call him and say hi and be comforted and it's so ridiculous, but I still love this person who has caused me so much pain. What do I do? I need to stay strong and not call him again. I need to be strong enough to tell him not to call me, but I'm scared because I don't want to let go and be alone. He asked if he could call me today because he's still in town and I said yes. Please help me to be strong. And I know how stupid I'm being. Believe me I know. I'm just heartbroken all over again.
slubberdegullion Posted September 30, 2005 Posted September 30, 2005 JC: Rid yourself of the mindset that because you have sexual desires, that somehow makes you stupid. Banish it from your mind because: a) It does you absolutely no good whatsoever; and, b) It's just plain wrong. You gave in to temptation. So what? That only makes you human. Given time, your heart will heal and be stronger for it. But for right now, focus on the strength you have within yourself. You'll be fine.
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