Destini Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Okay so I was with a guy for two years. He showed a lot of love and affection in the first year, but he always had problems staying faithful. I always forgave him like a crazy person and I eventually ended up pregnant. Things were fine when we first had our son. We were like a little happy family, until we had a big fight one time and I ended up moving out of our apartment and went back to stay with my mom. A month goes by, he tells me to come back and stay with him. So I’m thinking we’re back together on good terms. But, while staying together again he wouldn’t share a bed with me and I literally stood over him while I watched him text another girl. He felt me standing over him and continued to do it anyway. Everything was just different. So my guess was he only asked me to come and stay with him again just to see his son more. He then tells me he doesn’t want to be with me anymore after I catch him texting someone else. No big deal, I’m with a new guy now who actually wanted to be with me before I actually started dating my child’s father but I chose my child’s father instead. Things are fine, he seems to accept the fact that I have a son by someone else. The only thing is he acts single on Facebook. It’s like he wants to keep us private. I’m all for a private relationship, but to the point where the post he shares and the things he says on Facebook makes it seems like he’s single, it seems kind of off.
preraph Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 The father just wanted to not have to travel to see your baby. It was more convenient so he didn't have to make the effort. This new guy doesn't sound great if he's hiding you. He could have someone else he is interested in or his family might have a problem with him being with someone with a child.
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Oh Destini this guy was a jerk from the get go. We all warned you & we begged you to use birth control. I am happy that your son is healthy but it doesn't sound like fatherhood matured your EX. Work out a custody / visitation with him & leave it at that. This man will never be a good role model or parent.
d0nnivain Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 He's not ashamed of her. He's a cad who can't / won't commit & prefers to have lots of women. He's just an all around bad guy. Go read her thread / posting history
elaine567 Posted October 22, 2019 Posted October 22, 2019 Out of frying pan into the fire... Of course it is frankly ludicrous that a guy you are pinning your hopes upon is acting single to his friends and family on FB and denying your existence. Get some self respect. 2
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 I agree, find your self worth. When you become a parent, your needs take a backseat. You don't need any of these guys or should be looking for a guy. Go back to your mom's and focus on giving your child a stable enviroment. Where your head is at is not a good place. Sorry to say this, but snap out of it, and stop with these dysfunctional relaitonship. Your baby and your deserve better than this. I'm sure your mother will tell you the same thing. 3
lurker74 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 When you're in love with someone, the rest of the world's options melt away and you want to shout from the rooftops who you love and how much you love him or her. Your BF is not like that. Most likely it means he's monkey-branching you. There's a small (very small) chance that he just feels insecure in the relationship and doesn't want it out until he feels secure...that if he acknowledges you to everyone and then you end it, he'll feel stupid. But honestly, that's a small likelihood. Also, your baby daddy is a jerk. Just sayin
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 Destini: You forgave cheating to your first boyfriend and look where it got you. Now you're forgiving that bf for acting single on social media, where do you think that will lead you? Nowhere. You don't know how to pick men and you don't know how to get rid of them before they walk all over you. I think you should stop dating and concentrate on being a good mom and maturing. Use this time to grow as a woman and then make better choice in men. You have the rest of your life to fall in love and have sex. This bf is no good to you. He knows you've endured infidelity so he's playing you, you're naive, easily manipulated. Stay away from men for a while. . 1
GeorgiaPeach1 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 I agree, find your self worth. When you become a parent, your needs take a backseat. You don't need any of these guys or should be looking for a guy. Go back to your mom's and focus on giving your child a stable enviroment. Where your head is at is not a good place. Sorry to say this, but snap out of it, and stop with these dysfunctional relaitonship. Your baby and your deserve better than this. I'm sure your mother will tell you the same thing. Agree that neither man seems like a good option and she needs to improve her sense of self-worth, but is she supposed to ignore her needs for love, companionship, intimacy and commitment just because she's a parent?
BaileyB Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 The fact that he appears to be hiding your relationship is another HUGE red flag. Some men don’t tend to broadcast a relationship in the same way as many women do - some will, but many won’t. That said, a man who loves you will not keep you secret - he will want to introduce you to family, friends, etc... Ignore this at your own peril.
Gaeta Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 Being single for a while is necessary when we don't know how to be in relationships the proper way. Her needs of intimacy and companionship can wait till she gains enough self-worth to defend herself when she is being abused and manipulated. Her priority is her child and herself. If she doesn't know how to protect herself from these men how can she know how protect her child from them? On her list of priorities men, sex, companionship should be at the very bottom till she matures as a woman. 2
BaileyB Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 (edited) Being single for a while is necessary when we don't know how to be in relationships the proper way. Her needs of intimacy and companionship can wait till she gains enough self-worth to defend herself when she is being abused and manipulated. Her priority is her child and herself. If she doesn't know how to protect herself from these men how can she know how protect her child from them?. Amen. I could not agree more. Despite how you may feel Destini, you are still a young woman and you know nothing about how to be in a healthy relationship with a man. You have a lot to learn about parenting a child as a single mother. You actually have a lot to learn about life - such that you will not be engaging with men who are not good men and thinking that “the answer” will be found in these relationships. Edited October 23, 2019 by BaileyB 2
smackie9 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 Agree that neither man seems like a good option and she needs to improve her sense of self-worth, but is she supposed to ignore her needs for love, companionship, intimacy and commitment just because she's a parent? NO! My point: This is just about her and her situation: look at her history...she keeps being invested in these unhealthy relationships with guys that don't give a rat's butt. That's troubling. She never takes anyone's reasonable advice, and keeps having issues when there are simple solutions. She needs to get her head on straight for this child is what I'm saying. 2
kendahke Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 is she supposed to ignore her needs for love, companionship, intimacy and commitment just because she's a parent? Yes, when her man picker is as woefully broken as hers is. Getting her head on straight so she isn't parading a bunch of unworthy knuckleheads past her kid as she's groveling for their love is way more important than love, intimacy, companionship and commitment right now. 2
mortensorchid Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 He does seem to be hiding things about your relationship from others. I think the issue here is,based on what you said, is that he's keeping his options open rather than making a commitment to you (or anyone else). But to answer another question, privacy is a good thing as I have learned. When we are kids we don't have filters, we are innocent and just expect others to be good to each other in general. Having been ripped to shreds by others- both personally and professionally by friends and coworkers alike - I keep my business to myself. I don't boast about things, I don't share a lot other than silliness and things on social media. I found that if and when you make a relationship public is when you update Facebook or if you are wearing a ring in public. I wear a Claddagh ring while on the job (an Irish wedding band) for a few reasons as a teacher : it's a sign to the students that I am not one of them, and also to all staff that I am taken by the staff. No one asks about it, it looks like a wedding band from a distance and it's a defense mechanism. People know but they don't need to know anything further. 1
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