scooby-philly Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 I give up, clearly I don’t understand dating at all. It's about teasing and being playful. The level of the "sexiness" in the talk can ratchet up based on the # of dates. Keep it PG to PG 13 for dates 1-3, pg-13 to R for dates 4-6, and then you can move up. But that's not a hard rule - just highlighting the idea. And back to your original question - I agree with the posts that have pointed out that "shyness" and "introversion" are not the same thing despite the fact that people use them so interchangeably. I'm not shy. I can come out of my shell at a moments notice. But I am an introvert. I don't like huge parties per se, I don't keep a huge circle of "friends" and I don't worry about filling my social calendar. But when I do go out - happy hours, hiking, camping, traveling, etc...I'm not "shy". As a few people mentioned - lots of women - both introverts and extroverts themselves, find introverted guys attractive - but you need to make yourself appear and sound attractive. Someone gave you 100% spot on advice for dating and how to handle anything in general - when meeting folks for the first time stick to places and/or things you know. If it's not dating related but let's say career/work related and you can't control the venue or the people, focus on what you can control - who you talk to, where you sit, and what you engage in in conversation. And learn to ask questions. In 3-5 questions you should be able to find a topic with almost anyone that you can keep a conversation going for 10-15 minutes.
Ruby Slippers Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 What do you mean by flirting, because I heard a lot of women on this sub complain about guys making a conversation too sexual too quickly? Which one is it? I’m confused. Flirtation that I appreciate on the first date: A genuine compliment on my appearance, outfit, etc."The look" - sustained admiring eye contactA little bit of touching - touching my hand or arm during conversation, putting his hand on the small of my back as we navigate through someplace, taking my hand to cross the streetA little bit of future talk, alluding to our next date or something fun we can do in the futureA kiss at the end of the date 1
chillii Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 How introverted are we talking here? A little shy or Hikikomori? Haaaa , love that word , even though l couldn't even pronounce it anyway 1
alphamale Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 [*]A little bit of future talk, alluding to our next date or something fun we can do in the future [*]A kiss at the end of the date what if he's creepy/weird and you don't want to see him again?
Author Redguitar35 Posted October 23, 2019 Author Posted October 23, 2019 Flirtation that I appreciate on the first date: A genuine compliment on my appearance, outfit, etc."The look" - sustained admiring eye contactA little bit of touching - touching my hand or arm during conversation, putting his hand on the small of my back as we navigate through someplace, taking my hand to cross the streetA little bit of future talk, alluding to our next date or something fun we can do in the futureA kiss at the end of the date It seems to me all that assumes you are attracted to the guy in the first place. I don’t do those things because 1. I’m just getting to know the woman who is a stranger and 2. I don’t know what her level of attraction is.
chillii Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 Yeah , from what l'm understanding around the old LS , introverted isn't shy , they're separate things. Anddd, l've also come to learn round here that l would probably be called introverted myself, never knew it had a name , just thought l was weirder than typical people. Anyway , l've always gone for similar in women, by nature and the way she likes things l mean. Never been a problem , they are rare but then everything l like is rare anyway and that's fine with me, l like rare. But nope l'm not really shy, pretty bold in fact , well so they tell me, l just don't bother with many people though. Thing is , you obviously need someone a bit similar to yourself , but everyone needs someone a bit similar to themselves , that's what it's all about. You can work on your shyness side, matter of fact with age that might also get better, especially if you push yourself a bit, known shy people to totally change later on with a bit of nudging.
introverted1 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 Are there any people anymore who actually are attracted to quiet guys? I like introverted guys. I won't date extroverted guys, in fact, for several reasons that I won't derail this thread with. Introverted guys have a depth that appeals to me, and they are more likely to be interested in the same things I am. I do like to see that a guy is interested, so if by the 3rd date, we're not moving forward physically (think kiss, not sex), I'd start to question whether there was a connection. An interested introverted guy is very sexy, imo. 2
alphamale Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 how would two introverted people even hook up?
introverted1 Posted October 23, 2019 Posted October 23, 2019 how would two introverted people even hook up? Trust me, they do! 2
Gretchen12 Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 how would two introverted people even hook up? I think you mean how would two shy people get together? I think that's difficult. Neither one wants to make the first move. Introverted people can be very sociable, even in a big crowd. They just can't last long. 2
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted October 24, 2019 Posted October 24, 2019 Seems like a lot of people on this thread don't even understand what introversion is. Introversion and shyness are not the same thing. I'm an introvert but I am not shy. I can be very outgoing and make conversation quite easily with just about anyone. I think a lot of people here are thinking introverts are shy wall flowers. This is a good TED Talk about introversion: 4
Interstellar Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 what if he's creepy/weird and you don't want to see him again? Hahah...oh, no
robaday Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 To answer your question directly as a fellow introverted male yes they do. But I used to be shy and introverted. Now I am not shy and introverted and there is a big difference. I used to be too shy to go up to someone and ask for directions, or as a kid, if the phone rang while my folks were out I would be too shy to answer it. I had to work on myself to develop interests, develop confidence in myself and use it to my advantage. By using it to my advantage I mean - By not doing what every other guy does - not wanting to engage in chit chat, not trying to impress other people, not caring about being the extroverted one in the pack, you set yourself apart. If you are like me, you need down time. That means you may know yourself pretty good, and your time on your own means you are highly independent - not dependent on being around people all the time. This is a strength. Rather than being semi friends with two thousand people, you may have twenty close friends. These friendships are strong and those people will be there through thick and thin with you. The women I have dated have all been different. Im definitely not the most successful guy with women but I do ok and no different to my extroverted friends. But I had to be confident in myself to get any success first
Ruby Slippers Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 what if he's creepy/weird and you don't want to see him again? I screen very carefully before I even go on a first date. I can honestly say I've never found myself on a first date with a creepy/weird guy. By that point, I'm already 99% sure I'm going to be interested, based on compatibility, conversation, communication, and so on. It seems to me all that assumes you are attracted to the guy in the first place. I don’t do those things because 1. I’m just getting to know the woman who is a stranger and 2. I don’t know what her level of attraction is. As I see it, it's unlikely she'd be on a date with you at all if there weren't some attraction. Then it's up to you to drive things forward to build the attraction into something with a future. I think if you're not doing anything to build that attraction on the first date, you're not going to get many if any second dates.
chillii Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 I like introverted guys. I won't date extroverted guys, in fact, for several reasons that I won't derail this thread with. Introverted guys have a depth that appeals to me, and they are more likely to be interested in the same things I am. Yeah l find the same thing in women. Most every day types could not even fathom the depth and soul of my woman or things between us. Matter of fact l find all these out going all laughy and non stop sociable types very effg boring and predictable for me. Andddd, we also like to live the same ways and feel the same ways about many things in life. For me like mindedness is where it all starts in any real relationship . 1
chillii Posted October 25, 2019 Posted October 25, 2019 My best advice is to be yourself. Exactly , know yourself, we all have a lid.
Tagalz Posted October 26, 2019 Posted October 26, 2019 I am an introvert myself and we tend to like to be home most of the time and enjoy the silence. For dating purposes introvert guys aren’t attractive to many girl mostly because they are not good with conversations and it’s always quit. You do still have the chance with girls but you would need to push yourself. Meaning you need to ask questions to know the girl but don’t ask too much to the point that it becomes an interview. Also for a first date going for a coffee would be the perfect setting to ask questions. Other than the first date you would be on your own. If you have the same interest then both of you could talk for hours as introverted people like to talk about their interest alot Don’t change you’re personality, be who you are and be proud of it.
rjc149 Posted October 28, 2019 Posted October 28, 2019 (edited) I must respectfully, and emphatically, disagree with the 1st date being a coffee date. Coffee dates are boring, tame, and awkward for an introvert. It's difficult to create any sexual tension over coffee, and it's a really effective way to put yourself in the friend zone. The 1st date should be over drinks in a dark, intimate setting like a quiet bar or lounge, where you can converse, escalate touch, let the alcohol lower inhibitions and lubricate conversation, and should always end with a kiss. If the date doesn't end with a kiss, you didn't create enough sexual tension or convey that you are an assertive, sexual man who is attracted to her. If you didn't go for the kiss at the end of date 1, or she didn't give you an opportunity to go for it, you're in the friends zone. Being an introvert *does not* mean you are a shy, meek, socially intimidated quiet guy who sits by the sidelines of life and can't assert himself. Being an introvert simply means you find comfort and take solace in solitude. That's all it is. It *does not* mean you must live your life in solitude. It just means you recharge in solitude rather than in company. You can be a confident, extroverted introvert who can be comfortable socializing and asserting himself. You can be an introvert who lights up a room and engages everyone in a confident, charming manner. I do it all the time. It just takes a bit of practice to get there. Edited October 28, 2019 by rjc149 1
boymommy Posted October 29, 2019 Posted October 29, 2019 I ALWAYS end up in relationships with introverts. I am ambivert (combination introvert/extrovert) but probably more towards the extrovert side as I can be super chatty. I just get burned out quicker and need more relaxation time then the average introvert, which is why I probably go more towards the introvert then the extrovert in relationships. The two things that I dislike about introverts are the beginning of the relationship it takes FOREVER to get them to open up, but once they do its like a flip gets switched! But until then it's like pulling teeth and I do all the talking, which is exhausting. The other thing is commitment (as in marriage), having them commit to a relationship is no sweat, but trying to talk to a male introvert about marriage, it's like someone he has a new excuse every time why he needs more time to think about it! Slow moving is the name of the game! But honestly those are the only things that are tough, everything else is fabulous! I love that my boyfriend focuses on me and we can just both veg out and relax together. I love that if I don't want to talk we can just sit there together and watch tv. I love that when we do fight (which isn't often) it's never a screaming match, never an emotionally violent fight (where mean things are said, or hateful words are exchanged). We compliment each other so well! I love my boyfriend more than anything in this world and if he were any different I wouldn't like it. Even though the marriage delay is annoying, I am sure he will come around. So please don't try to be something you are not. That never works! The right girl will come along and it will just click..like me she will be willing to accept the aspects of being a male introvert and work with it and compromise. While I may have found it weird that my boyfriend barely talked on our first date, I knew there was something special about him and that is why I chose to go out with him again. It took time for him to be comfortable, but like I said..once he was it was like a whole different person!
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